Bipolar Check-In #49

bpcyclist · Sep 07, 2020, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

Well our TV is fried. We had a power outage and when the power came back on I tried turning the TV on and I saw smoke and smelled plastic and yeah its fried. Only a line going through it. And the cable box in my room is fried too. I have a TV at my sisters that we'll get. But I don't know when. So no TV for now...

I don't really get along with the sister where my other TV is and when I called her and told her, shes like I got to go. But she has told me my problems overwhelm her. She lives in la la land. Cant have anything disrupt her little world. A lot of ppl dont like her, shes really fakey too. My other sister is at the lake so I sent her a text. Idk, what we're going to do without TV. My son isnt well enough to play board games. We'll figure something out.

Hope everyone is having a good day! If not big hugs!

How about relying on the less jerky sis?

bpcyclist · Sep 07, 2020, 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Level of anxiety so high it's edging into panic. Something happened yesterday that set off the ptsd I initially went into therapy for. It's a serious problem and it's got a hold of me.

I was working with CBT skills and not getting very far. A tiny bit, which I guess is better than nothing, but disappointingly little. I took an extra K-pin, but it probably won't do much, if anything. I'd take several, but all I'll do is feel depressed from the rebound.

I'm damned near going crazy. I'm at 300mg Lamictal, but have been unsteady lately. Maybe I need to raise it again - at the risk of feeling flat. But....? Oh, yeah, right...I have a mental illness and post traumatic stress for which I've been awarded disability. There's that. There's the craziness.

I really believe that the people around here (including me) are being exposed to toxins from breathing smoke for weeks. Another effing 110 degree day with yellow, smoky air and ash falling. I heard it's 1 degree in Montana? WTSF.

It's times like this when I think I probably don't have much life left, and that really makes me sad. And angry. Plus, I'm feeling terrorized because the days are getting shorter already. Crazy, because I like the night - but my brain refuses to cooperate.

I wish I was tired so I could just sleep, but I'm not. For once. What a joke.

My attitude needs improvement. Working on it. Still. (What a strange and intriguing word: still. Meaning both quiet and motionless, meaning persisting.)

Maybe make a short list of things you are grateful for. Gratitude triggers an off-ramp from neative neural pathways.

Seroquel, Buspar, gabapentin all can work. Consider them. Meditation, prayer, and deep breathing are all I can use. They do work.

Hugs and relief.

bpcyclist · Sep 07, 2020, 05:49 PM

Getting ready for my first mass in years. Stoked!

If you have resistant negative symptoms, depression, energy and motivation trouble, anhedonia, might wanna read about sarcosine. Been on it a week now. Seems to really be working for me. I wld say a 35 percent improvement or so. Maybe 40. Small miracle for me. I have been dealing w regular depression for 25 months. Since starting it, I have not had a single second of sadness or hopelessness. Not a picosecond. If you are like me, think about it.

Hugs.

Hugs if you are struggling.

*Beth* · Sep 07, 2020, 06:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Getting ready for my first mass in years. Stoked!

If you have resistant negative symptoms, depression, energy and motivation trouble, anhedonia, might wanna read about sarcosine. Been on it a week now. Seems to really be working for me. I wld say a 35 percent improvement or so. Maybe 40. Small miracle for me. I have been dealing w regular depression for 25 months. Since starting it, I have not had a single second of sadness or hopelessness. Not a picosecond. If you are like me, think about it.

Hugs.

Hugs if you are struggling.

I hope mass was wonderful!

Hey, this sarcosine stuff...I've been doing a fair amount of research on it and it is a highly intriguing treatment possibility.

Now, I have a question for you, cyc. I cannot find any info on whether sarcosine is a stimulant? Any word on that?

Fuzzybear · Sep 07, 2020, 06:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Getting ready for my first mass in years. Stoked!

If you have resistant negative symptoms, depression, energy and motivation trouble, anhedonia, might wanna read about sarcosine. Been on it a week now. Seems to really be working for me. I wld say a 35 percent improvement or so. Maybe 40. Small miracle for me. I have been dealing w regular depression for 25 months. Since starting it, I have not had a single second of sadness or hopelessness. Not a picosecond. If you are like me, think about it.

Hugs.

Hugs if you are struggling.

I had not heard of that before, thanks for sharing .

fern46 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

Level of anxiety so high it's edging into panic. Something happened yesterday that set off the ptsd I initially went into therapy for. It's a serious problem and it's got a hold of me.

I was working with CBT skills and not getting very far. A tiny bit, which I guess is better than nothing, but disappointingly little. I took an extra K-pin, but it probably won't do much, if anything. I'd take several, but all I'll do is feel depressed from the rebound.

I'm damned near going crazy. I'm at 300mg Lamictal, but have been unsteady lately. Maybe I need to raise it again - at the risk of feeling flat. But....? Oh, yeah, right...I have a mental illness and post traumatic stress for which I've been awarded disability. There's that. There's the craziness.

I really believe that the people around here (including me) are being exposed to toxins from breathing smoke for weeks. Another effing 110 degree day with yellow, smoky air and ash falling. I heard it's 1 degree in Montana? WTSF.

It's times like this when I think I probably don't have much life left, and that really makes me sad. And angry. Plus, I'm feeling terrorized because the days are getting shorter already. Crazy, because I like the night - but my brain refuses to cooperate.

I wish I was tired so I could just sleep, but I'm not. For once. What a joke.

My attitude needs improvement. Working on it. Still. (What a strange and intriguing word: still. Meaning both quiet and motionless, meaning persisting.)

Do what you need to do to stay healthy. An increase can always be lowered when you're feeling stable again for a while.

PTSD fires off so many auto responses in the body. It can be awful, but for me it helps me to remember it is just that. A file in my brain on replay and the unfortunate chemical and electric responses that go with it. It feels easier to swallow when I take the show quality away from it and look at it for what it is. It is like lifting the curtain in front of Oz.

Then I redirect. I imagine myself in a healthier and stronger place. I remind myself of times when I felt safe and what's really true for me.

I feared fall last year because I was scared I would relapse. It took a lot of the fun out of the season for me. I know the weather is a hot mess on all fronts at the moment, but I am hopeful there will be aspects of the season you can enjoy despite your previous patterns.

Hugs Beth. You're a bright and strong woman and you've got this.

fern46 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

Getting ready for my first mass in years. Stoked!

If you have resistant negative symptoms, depression, energy and motivation trouble, anhedonia, might wanna read about sarcosine. Been on it a week now. Seems to really be working for me. I wld say a 35 percent improvement or so. Maybe 40. Small miracle for me. I have been dealing w regular depression for 25 months. Since starting it, I have not had a single second of sadness or hopelessness. Not a picosecond. If you are like me, think about it.

Hugs.

Hugs if you are struggling.

Enjoy mass. I think it is great you're going.

I love how you keep all your drugs next to the peanut butter.

Fuzzybear · Sep 07, 2020, 06:24 PM

[QUOTE=fern46;6928492]

PTSD fires off so many auto responses in the body. It can be awful, but for me it helps me to remember it is just that. A file in my brain on replay and the unfortunate chemical and electric responses that go with it. It feels easier to swallow when I take the show quality away from it and look at it for what it is. It is like lifting the curtain in front of Oz.

Then I redirect. I imagine myself in a healthier and stronger place. I remind myself of times when I felt safe and what's really true for me.

Thanks for sharing this.

falcon09 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:33 PM

Going to the psych ward tomorrow, im scared

Soupe du jour · Sep 07, 2020, 06:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Enjoy mass. I think it is great you're going.

I love how you keep all your drugs next to the peanut butter.

Looks like two jars of peanut butter hidden. I guess we know our peanut butter jars!

Coolbreeze74 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:48 PM

I should have the TV from my sisters later today. I'm totally stressed bc my son just harasses me. The power went out at my other sisters cabin so she is coming back into town to take the food from the cabin home. Everyone in my family is stressed today.

And Beth, we are having a fire not far from my place. Ppl have been asked to evacuate. Its further up north than where I am but I got an emergency response thing on my phone. I think bc I'm not far from there. Lots of strong wind here today.

What a stressful day...

fern46 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Looks like two jars of peanut butter hidden. I guess we know our peanut butter jars!

Guilty. Kids... We go through a lot of it

Coolbreeze74 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Going to the psych ward tomorrow, im scared

I really hope it helps falcon. You'll be in my thoughts.

fern46 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Going to the psych ward tomorrow, im scared

Thinking of you. Try to get something out of it while you're there. Hugs.

bpcyclist · Sep 07, 2020, 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Enjoy mass. I think it is great you're going.

I love how you keep all your drugs next to the peanut butter.

The important stuff...

Coolbreeze74 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

How about relying on the less jerky sis?

Yeah my other sister that I get along with is coming home from the lake and we're going to get my TV that's at the other sisters house.

bpcyclist · Sep 07, 2020, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Going to the psych ward tomorrow, im scared

Glad you are doing this. You will ne fine.

BeyondtheRainbow · Sep 07, 2020, 06:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by falcon09

Going to the psych ward tomorrow, im scared

Take care of yourself. Hoping you'll get the help you need.

bpcyclist · Sep 07, 2020, 06:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

I should have the TV from my sisters later today. I'm totally stressed bc my son just harasses me. The power went out at my other sisters cabin so she is coming back into town to take the food from the cabin home. Everyone in my family is stressed today.

And Beth, we are having a fire not far from my place. Ppl have been asked to evacuate. Its further up north than where I am but I got an emergency response thing on my phone. I think bc I'm not far from there. Lots of strong wind here today.

What a stressful day...

Prayers, Breeze.

Coolbreeze74 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:56 PM

I noticed the peanut butter too, lol.

fern46 · Sep 07, 2020, 06:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bpcyclist

The important stuff...

Its like a survival cabinet of sorts. I laughed so hard.

*Beth* · Sep 07, 2020, 07:10 PM

For cyc (that's "psych", not "sick"):

"I got some groceries, some peanut butter,
To last a couple of days..."

-Life During Wartime

(Talking Heads)

*Beth* · Sep 07, 2020, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fern46

Do what you need to do to stay healthy. An increase can always be lowered when you're feeling stable again for a while.

Excellent point, easily forgotten.

PTSD fires off so many auto responses in the body. It can be awful, but for me it helps me to remember it is just that. A file in my brain on replay and the unfortunate chemical and electric responses that go with it. It feels easier to swallow when I take the show quality away from it and look at it for what it is. It is like lifting the curtain in front of Oz.

Yes, that's what I understand until the damned thing hits and I find myself 2 steps forward / 10 steps back. That said, I'm working on things. If nothing else, breathing well and forcing myself to stand up and do something, anything to change my mind set.

Then I redirect. I imagine myself in a healthier and stronger place. I remind myself of times when I felt safe and what's really true for me.

Yes. That's the goal to meet the objective.

I feared fall last year because I was scared I would relapse. It took a lot of the fun out of the season for me. I know the weather is a hot mess on all fronts at the moment, but I am hopeful there will be aspects of the season you can enjoy despite your previous patterns.

It makes me so angry! I absolutely love Halloween; it used to be a fun, but also a spiritual, time for me. A time to self-reflect and assess. But for the past 8 years it's been sheer hell. Than to, October 28th will be the anniv of 3 years since my precious sister died after a hard fight with cancer. So I'm facing that, too. And covid meaning basically no holiday anything in the winter. Well, there's always the music

Hugs Beth. You're a bright and strong woman and you've got this.

Thank you, sweets. I appreciate that

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

fern46 · Sep 07, 2020, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just keep taking those two steps forward every time. Eventually, you'll get somewhere

Sorry for the loss of your sister.

*Beth* · Sep 07, 2020, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Coolbreeze74

...

And Beth, we are having a fire not far from my place. Ppl have been asked to evacuate. Its further up north than where I am but I got an emergency response thing on my phone. I think bc I'm not far from there. Lots of strong wind here today.

What a stressful day...

xx Fingers crossed for an easy time obtaining your new TV.

I'm so sorry to hear about the fire! I hope and pray it is brought under control soon, before it ignites more fires. The wind certainly doesn't help as far as putting out the fire, but hopefully it'll blow the smoke away from you, not towards you.

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Bipolar Check-In #49

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