Bipolar Check-In #49

Wfc, hospice was awesome for my mama when she was dying of lung cancer. Just fabulous. So loving.

Hugs.

My grandma had a good experience with hospice. We knew she was well taken care of and we had a comfortable place to be while we supported her.

Wfc, I'm so sorry about your grandfather. I know how difficult it can be. You're in my thoughts.

My uncle used to live in California and my Grandma always spoke about the state breaking off to be an island. Now I know where she got the idea.

I am looking for a couch. I looked on my mom's neighborhood fb page forever and then saw that they had a search function! So I searched for "couch" and somebody was giving theirs away! She had just posted it 17 minutes ago but dang it- someone had already snatched it up!

I slept about 7 hours last night. So definitely doing better. Not much SI. Feeling better all around. Nothing has been on TV though. Just watching CNN all weekend. Haven't had a panic attack in about a week.

Hope everyone is well! If not big hugs!

When I was looking for a couch I found a really nice one at a high end used furniture store here. Maybe look there.

I am obviously behind reading here. Wishing all well.

Dealing with jet lag, unfortunately. I got all my evening meds in so far, but the morning dose was left untaken yesterday because of the traveling chaos. That is OK as long as it is only once. I took my morning dose today, though.

We went out to find a nice pâtisserie. It was a little difficult between meandering roads, traffic (oddly many bikes, scooters, and pedestrians) and foggy glasses because of my mask. I thought the mask requirement would have eased in France, but it hasn't. 90% of people wear them even outdoors on the streets. 100% required indoors. I'm half blind (just nearsightedness) without my glasses and the same with them on all steamed up. I will wear contact lenses when we go to the Louvre.

The pâtisserie we went to is Stohrer – The oldest patisserie in Paris, since 1730. I enjoyed a wonderful pain au chocolat (chocolate croissant).

I hope everyone has a nice labor day

no sleep again (it's a given), I am also very hungry. yesterday I had roast chicken, it was dry and not filling.

good apart from that (or the best I can be, given my agony)

The croissant sounds decadent and wonderful. I am happy to hear you are enjoying the perks of international travel.

Enjoy the Louvre. I've always wanted to go.

I was at the Louvre back in 1989. Saw Michelangelo's David. BOY! Is that sculpture ever big!

I feel better then I did last night. I think my stomach was so queasy yesterday because of the 2 extra strength Tylenol on an empty stomach that I took on Saturday night. I’m sure I’m also nauseated because I’m a complete nervous wreck because of my surgery. Which is totally understandable. Last night I took my meds and ate a big dinner and I felt a lot better. I haven’t been eating a ton lately.

We'ree gonna require some photo documentation of the next patisserie situation, just to verify.

[QUOTE=Mountaindewed;6928235]I feel better then I did last night. I think my stomach was so queasy yesterday because of the 2 extra strength Tylenol on an empty stomach that I took on Saturday night. I’m sure I’m also nauseated because I’m a complete nervous wreck because of my surgery. Which is totally understandable. Last night I took my meds and ate a big dinner and I felt a lot better. I haven’t been eating a ton lately.[

You are doing great, MD.

I didn't see Michelangelo's statue of David. I did see da Vinci's Mona Lisa painting. It is actually smaller than expected and heavily guarded and behind glass (attached). My husband asked why the wooden ledge was there. The guard said it had to do with temperature control. It's not nearly as impressive as one would think. I'm sure David was amazing. I saw something of that scope in Rome many years back. I also saw Michelangelo's sistine chapel painting in the Vatican in Rome (my honeymoon... a loooong time ago). Have you ever been to Italy?

Though not Michelangelo's, I saw Venus de Milo and Winged Victory today. The latter was especially impressive.

Our experience at the museum was quite unique in that there were comparatively few people there. It's sad that it takes a pandemic to lessen the crowds.

I apologize that my photos are not good quality. Photography is not a strength of mine.

Was overcome by anxiety last night. I took 25mg seroquel and couldn’t sleep because I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I took another 25mg and fell asleep but thought I would be immobile today because of it, but nope up at 9:30 consumed by anxiety again. We just got home from a nice walk in a park. I thought it would be a good idea and make me feel better. It did for awhile but now I’m feeling anxious again. I believe I have a pdoc appt next week so I’m going to ask for a klonopin prescription just to get me through right now.

My grandma is going to my mom’s today to help weed to take her mind off things. I’ve gotta go over to print my son’s schedule for remote learning because it’s confusing as hell.

I have therapy tomorrow so I’ll be able to unload all this ********. I talked with my SIL for about three hours yesterday and it was nice. I dont know if I mentioned already but we talked about doing Christmas at my house possibly to take the pressure off my grandma and stop my uncle from ruining it. Because in MY house, you best believe we are eating when I say we are. I’m not waiting around three hours for him to show up. He can heat up his food in the microwave for all I care. I’m also going to piss him off by not making prime rib. I don’t like beef so I don’t see why I should make it. No nasty *** German green beans either. I’m really gonna piss him off lol. And I’m gonna love every second of it

Hubby took a photo in a different pâtisserie today. Will send later or tomorrow. When he photographs things, it requires an arm twisting or patience for him to share. Yesterday I bought a tarte de pomme, pain au chocolat, and a slice of babka aux noisettes. Today I bought a tarte aux framboises. I accidentally said "un tarte" instead of "une tarte" and was corrected. I need it. I was too busy ordering and drooling to photograph them, myself.

Note: We haven't eaten all of the above yet. We're indulgent, but not exceedingly so. The baguette has been great, too. Not a good place for low carb dieting!

Wildflowerchild, you go girl! Definitely do it your way. My mother was always pressured to do things other people's way and forced to invite her brother, who NEVER reciprocated. Please don't let anyone pressure you into anything you don't want, when you host.

I'm sorry to read about your grandpa. If this is of any consolation, my grandmother had several mini strokes over the last 10 years of her life, and recovered well from all of them. I hope your grandpa recovers well and quickly.

Awesome!!

My anxiety sucks right now because I’ve been taking my Geodon and topamax at 1 in the morning to help me fall back asleep. Then I need my evening meds at 3. Which is still more then 12 hours. And then I fall asleep at 4PM. Then I wake up at 9:30. And it repeats itself every night. So I’m dealing with a lot of sucky anxiety right now. I think if I can just hold off for another few hours then I can take my meds at 6 and then fall asleep at a decent hour and if I have to take a Geodon 60 tomorrow instead of an 80, so I’m not tired in order to have a decent therapy appointment then I’ll do that. But I’m in this bad cycle right now. But hey at least it doesn’t involve melatonin this time!

I just need to get on a schedule. I know that’s a lot of BS advice for a lot people with MI but I do respond well to schedules.

Yeah unfortunately this was a pretty substantial stroke and he is already in late stage dementia. He’s refusing to eat/drink/take meds. My grandma is arranging hospice care through the nursing home tomorrow. My mom said grandma talked to his dr today and she was very upset by what they said, but my mom didn’t go into detail. It’s not feasible to bring him home so unfortunately I will not be able to visit him before he goes.

My mom actually asked me if I was sure I wanted her to call me if it happens during the day. I dint get where she’s coming from. If something happened to me during the day and I didn’t tell her, she’d be very upset.

I am sorry I didn't fully realize the severity of your grandfather's situation. It's hard to see such loved ones grow increasingly ill.

I took 5 temazepam last night for sleep (allergic to seroquel). not good I think rebound depression is kicking my butt. And my appointment is on Thursday (''just'' a check up for my fangs )

Well our TV is fried. We had a power outage and when the power came back on I tried turning the TV on and I saw smoke and smelled plastic and yeah its fried. Only a line going through it. And the cable box in my room is fried too. I have a TV at my sisters that we'll get. But I don't know when. So no TV for now...

I don't really get along with the sister where my other TV is and when I called her and told her, shes like I got to go. But she has told me my problems overwhelm her. She lives in la la land. Cant have anything disrupt her little world. A lot of ppl dont like her, shes really fakey too. My other sister is at the lake so I sent her a text. Idk, what we're going to do without TV. My son isnt well enough to play board games. We'll figure something out.

Hope everyone is having a good day! If not big hugs!

Level of anxiety so high it's edging into panic. Something happened yesterday that set off the ptsd I initially went into therapy for. It's a serious problem and it's got a hold of me.

I was working with CBT skills and not getting very far. A tiny bit, which I guess is better than nothing, but disappointingly little. I took an extra K-pin, but it probably won't do much, if anything. I'd take several, but all I'll do is feel depressed from the rebound.

I'm damned near going crazy. I'm at 300mg Lamictal, but have been unsteady lately. Maybe I need to raise it again - at the risk of feeling flat. But....? Oh, yeah, right...I have a mental illness and post traumatic stress for which I've been awarded disability. There's that. There's the craziness.

I really believe that the people around here (including me) are being exposed to toxins from breathing smoke for weeks. Another effing 110 degree day with yellow, smoky air and ash falling. I heard it's 1 degree in Montana? WTSF.

It's times like this when I think I probably don't have much life left, and that really makes me sad. And angry. Plus, I'm feeling terrorized because the days are getting shorter already. Crazy, because I like the night - but my brain refuses to cooperate.

I wish I was tired so I could just sleep, but I'm not. For once. What a joke.

My attitude needs improvement. Working on it. Still. (What a strange and intriguing word: still. Meaning both quiet and motionless, meaning persisting.)

Sorry, Fuzzer. That is why no benzos for cyclist.