[*Beth*]

I'm getting awfully jumpy about the election, too. Trying to keep it level, take a 1/2 day at a time, and remember to breathe well, not hyperventilate.

Something happened, I can't recall what it was, and my therapist said I'm just a touch manic. Actually, I feel good mentally/emotionally, but my physical self is being a bit weird in that my mind is racing, a lot of tumbling thoughts, some sounds. And of course, the usual music. Yesterday I was talking with my husband and I felt like I was babbling on, couldn't seem to stop talking. I so dislike when that happens. I think I sound unhinged. Normally, I'm a good listener and that's how I feel most comfortable.

The weather is gorgeous, mid-70's. 2 major wildfires in SoCal, though. If we have anyone down south, check in & let us know how you are (LaLaLand...are you out there)?

[wildflowerchild25]

Definitely way behind on thus thread. Nothing much to say on my end, except I am fed up to HERE (imagine my hand at my forehead) with my son. He just DOESN’T LISTEN. I truly think he has adhd. So much so that I have set up an evaluation with his pediatrician. I know it will go nowhere, though, because he is not having problems in school. However, this year is like no other. He’s remote three days a week. During remote learning he is usually online for maybe half an hour, then sets off to finish his work on his own until the next class starts. Because he is so smart he finishes quickly, so he ends up having plenty of downtime. The absolute ideal situation for a child with ADHD not being required to sit and be concentrating for long periods of time. His in person days are the same because it has to remain consistent with the remote learning schedule. So in school he gets plenty of time to relax, chat with his friends, etc.

But at home...I mean it’s constant. Forgetting, losing things, distracted constantly unless I’m on top of him directing him, forgetting things we’ve said a million times. I can look directly at him and speak making eye contact and he can’t tell me what I just said. It’s not an attitude problem (though he has plenty of that too). It’s like he just functions differently from other kids. His brain is different.

Like when he doesn’t listen, which expresses itself as me telling him not to do something, him saying ok, and then doing it again a few minutes later...I know he’s not doing it to be a jerk. He literally forgot that fast.

So, I’m starting at the pediatrician, but because I’m not considering medication until/if it starts affecting him at school, I’m really just looking for a family therapist who specializes in adhd who can help us with his behaviors at home. I found a lot of good ideas on the internet but I myself am overwhelmed at the prospect of implementing them.

So the first thing I am going to do is set up a routine/schedule chart. I’m going to figure out what morning, afternoon, and evening routine should look like. I am going to give him a couple of essential chores that need to be done every day, such as putting his clothes in the laundry bin and picking up his toys from the floor. I think this will be a good start. Ease into it. I will also implement a reward system of some sort. I think a $10 apple gift card will be good, because I never let him buy games or add ons but he can if he has a gift card.

I’m going to try.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Moose, great news about the gas/electric bill! I hope that in the new place you can save enough to treat yourself to more things. We all need to!

I am hoping that having to pay for sewer and trash in addition to water won't be MORE than what I'm saving on gas an electric. I've never had a sewer and trash bill before.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Definitely way behind on thus thread. Nothing much to say on my end, except I am fed up to HERE (imagine my hand at my forehead) with my son. He just DOESN’T LISTEN. I truly think he has adhd. So much so that I have set up an evaluation with his pediatrician. I know it will go nowhere, though, because he is not having problems in school. However, this year is like no other. He’s remote three days a week. During remote learning he is usually online for maybe half an hour, then sets off to finish his work on his own until the next class starts. Because he is so smart he finishes quickly, so he ends up having plenty of downtime. The absolute ideal situation for a child with ADHD not being required to sit and be concentrating for long periods of time. His in person days are the same because it has to remain consistent with the remote learning schedule. So in school he gets plenty of time to relax, chat with his friends, etc.

But at home...I mean it’s constant. Forgetting, losing things, distracted constantly unless I’m on top of him directing him, forgetting things we’ve said a million times. I can look directly at him and speak making eye contact and he can’t tell me what I just said. It’s not an attitude problem (though he has plenty of that too). It’s like he just functions differently from other kids. His brain is different.

Like when he doesn’t listen, which expresses itself as me telling him not to do something, him saying ok, and then doing it again a few minutes later...I know he’s not doing it to be a jerk. He literally forgot that fast.

So, I’m starting at the pediatrician, but because I’m not considering medication until/if it starts affecting him at school, I’m really just looking for a family therapist who specializes in adhd who can help us with his behaviors at home. I found a lot of good ideas on the internet but I myself am overwhelmed at the prospect of implementing them.

So the first thing I am going to do is set up a routine/schedule chart. I’m going to figure out what morning, afternoon, and evening routine should look like. I am going to give him a couple of essential chores that need to be done every day, such as putting his clothes in the laundry bin and picking up his toys from the floor. I think this will be a good start. Ease into it. I will also implement a reward system of some sort. I think a $10 apple gift card will be good, because I never let him buy games or add ons but he can if he has a gift card.

I’m going to try.

Wildflowerchild, I hope your son doesn't have ADHD or ADD. My husband has ADD and it is problematic for him. Was in his school years and is at his job. But I confess that some of what you described sounded a lot like normal kid. Or at least what I viewed as normal kid behavior for me. I am not a mother, so you can fault me about that in not knowing "kids of today" (or a mother's perspective), but I used to be a kid, so I have a little experience, albeit in the 1970s and 1980s. I realize 2020 is a whole other animal.

Please do be careful to be certain about any psych diagnoses for your child. Adderall or Ritalin, or the like, should be used only under extreme circumstances, in my book. Please also don't let your own stress incorrectly color your perception of your child's behavior. I also don't think there is any one "normal" behavior. What is your son's personality like?

How are the wedding plans going?

I checked in with my doctor and he still has not done my form. Reception said they will let him know i asked again. He doesn't work Fridays so he's only got two days to get to it. Tomorrow is payday so i'll know something has gone wrong already if i am not paid. Feeling anxiety but there's nothing i can do. I tried to play Scrabble but i am so upset i made a huge mistake. I'll listen to music.

@wildflowerchild25: It must be so hard to be a parent! It sounds like you are doing all the right things tho. You're being conscientious and responsible. You are doing your best and that's all you can do.

@Soupe du jour: Sorry to hear your therapist was so disappointing. At least you'll get to leave her behind. Glad you're feeling a bit better and that you've handed business with the stager over to your husband. Probably for the best. Hope you continue to improve.

@Moose72: Glad to hear about your savings on your bill and hope it covers the new bill. I foresee a day when we will all have to pay for our garbage by weight, due to the environmental crisis.

Hugs to all who suffer!

[Wander]

Hi everyone! I haven’t been on here for a while. Mostly because I’ve had nothing to say. The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia have been bad so my capacity to do things is limited. It has been bad all year, but I’m starting to see some improvement. Last week I even made it to a big shopping centre for half an hour without going into a crash after.

Mostly, I read books, research stuff online, rest, meditate, play guitar if possible, socialise, and watch TV. All done in two hour blocks with rests in between. Some days I can do more. Some days I can barely leave bed. On top of this I am tapering slowly off benzodiazepines. I started in February when I was taking up to 8 mg of Clonazepam a day (160 mg diazepam equivalent). Now I am down to 45 mg of diazepam a day. As I get to lower doses the withdrawals are tougher so I go slower in smaller increments. The withdrawals have been very bad twice in this time and I’ve had to up dose or hold until it eases. The withdrawals can be dangerous. I was psychotic at one point after tapering too fast. Thankfully, increasing the dose got rid of the psychosis.

Anyway, although it’s been tough going I am happy and mostly peaceful. I think all the meditation helps. Also, my moods have been stable for twenty months, and PTSD for over three months. That has been wonderful. Finally, I have a new psychiatrist after a three month gap since my last one retired. She seems wonderful. I’ve only seen her once, but I feel confident she is the right fit for me. At the moment I only need her for meds. Hopefully, it will stay that way.

Hope everyone is ok. I haven’t read any posts yet, but hope to get back into it next.

Hi @Wander! Welcome back! Nice to hear from you. It was good for me to hear you describe your lifestyle because mine is similar and i often feel self-conscious about it. I've never been diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Fibromyalgia but i feel very fragile when depressed. I do usually enjoy a trip to the mall tho. We're in semi-lockdown again, so it's not an option at the moment.

Way to go on tapering off benzos! It's something i'm always meaning to get to. I'm just on 1mg of Clonazepam tho. What dose of Diazepam did you start at? Glad that you like your new psychiatrist and that you're getting a reprieve from the mood swings and PTSD symptoms.

I look forward to seeing you around!

I GOT PAID!!! I couldn't sleep. I've been checking every few moments since midnight. Finally ===> It's there! WOOHOO!!! So they haven't kicked me off benefits yet. The agent i spoke to who gave me my extension was honorable. Now just to get that darn form done so they continue paying me...

But for the moment: VICTORY!!!!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I saw my Pdoc today. First in person session in 8 months. Man did I spill my guts. About going off and then on my Wellbutrin. The melatonin. The SI. How scared shitless I am about the election. How I don’t think the US can survive another 4 years of Trump. How ****ing scared I am it’s the end of the world. The scary stuff I read about herd immunity. How messed up emotionally and physically my surgery made me. How I feel that at times my chest still looks feminine. I don’t think I’ve been that honest or talked with him like that before. I haven’t even been honest like that with my therapist lately.

So he’s taking me off my topamax and the Wellbutrin. Putting me on something that starts with an M that helps with moods and sleep. Forget the name. And extended release Xanax. I thought it went very well though.

Yay! Great job!!

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I don't like arguing with my husband, and especially not in front of others. [His friend is here.] But he is a jerk sometimes. I sent a text to the stager saying one thing, then a few minutes ago he says "She's not going to use my art!" Well, in my text to her, I implied that she could. Now I'm in a position where I've misled her because Hubby suddenly vetoed the idea. This is far far from the first time. He can get so stubborn and unaccommodating! Almost like a big baby!

It was nice that Hubby went to the grocery store earlier. I wasn't up to it with my ankle, plus it was nice to be alone for a bit. I know that in Czech Republic I will need to find "alone time". He'll likely still be home most of the time, plus I realize I will depend on him a lot in the beginning, because of the language issue.

A couple weeks back, my psychiatrist basically ordered me to talk to my therapist about having a "family meeting". Well, I talked to her and specifically mentioned pdoc's order. In the end, predictably, she pretty much agreed with my thoughts on the situation. That there's nothing much more to say. She asked me a few questions, the answers of which were things I've mentioned several times. I'm not saying that she doesn't listen, but I think she's at a loss for how to guide me through this stressful period. I mentioned that my mood had been elevated enough for some notable med changes by pdoc. Her response, which is common from her, is "The last time we talked [meaning 6 weeks ago] you seemed pretty stable to me." Umm, so what was I supposed to say to that? Everything has actually been peachy keen and I'm lying to you about it all? This is a major reason why I do not seek her when having psych issues. I instead contact my psychiatrist. He knows me. She really doesn't, and there's no sense working on her getting to know me given my forthcoming departure. She doesn't "get it"! Plus, when I have sought her in between sessions, she always says she doesn't have time to fit me in. My psychiatrist always does.

The stager just responded to my text. I asked that my husband now be the main contact, that I am stepping back a bit. By the way, I am doing much better today than I had been. I guess the med changes have helped.

So happy you feel better. I will relax a little.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm getting awfully jumpy about the election, too. Trying to keep it level, take a 1/2 day at a time, and remember to breathe well, not hyperventilate.

Something happened, I can't recall what it was, and my therapist said I'm just a touch manic. Actually, I feel good mentally/emotionally, but my physical self is being a bit weird in that my mind is racing, a lot of tumbling thoughts, some sounds. And of course, the usual music. Yesterday I was talking with my husband and I felt like I was babbling on, couldn't seem to stop talking. I so dislike when that happens. I think I sound unhinged. Normally, I'm a good listener and that's how I feel most comfortable.

The weather is gorgeous, mid-70's. 2 major wildfires in SoCal, though. If we have anyone down south, check in & let us know how you are (LaLaLand...are you out there)?

What about an extra dose of something appropriate to bring this thing down today a bit. Maybe prevent a disaster.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Wander

Hi everyone! I haven’t been on here for a while. Mostly because I’ve had nothing to say. The Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia have been bad so my capacity to do things is limited. It has been bad all year, but I’m starting to see some improvement. Last week I even made it to a big shopping centre for half an hour without going into a crash after.

Mostly, I read books, research stuff online, rest, meditate, play guitar if possible, socialise, and watch TV. All done in two hour blocks with rests in between. Some days I can do more. Some days I can barely leave bed. On top of this I am tapering slowly off benzodiazepines. I started in February when I was taking up to 8 mg of Clonazepam a day (160 mg diazepam equivalent). Now I am down to 45 mg of diazepam a day. As I get to lower doses the withdrawals are tougher so I go slower in smaller increments. The withdrawals have been very bad twice in this time and I’ve had to up dose or hold until it eases. The withdrawals can be dangerous. I was psychotic at one point after tapering too fast. Thankfully, increasing the dose got rid of the psychosis.

Anyway, although it’s been tough going I am happy and mostly peaceful. I think all the meditation helps. Also, my moods have been stable for twenty months, and PTSD for over three months. That has been wonderful. Finally, I have a new psychiatrist after a three month gap since my last one retired. She seems wonderful. I’ve only seen her once, but I feel confident she is the right fit for me. At the moment I only need her for meds. Hopefully, it will stay that way.

Hope everyone is ok. I haven’t read any posts yet, but hope to get back into it next.

So nice to hear from you, Wander. Be happy and well!!

[almondbutter]

good morning! i'm new here (i signed up a couple years ago but never did anything) and am just trying to figure out how to post something, so please forgive me if i do it wrong.

i've been intensely up/down lately and pretty wildly emotional out of nowhere, or so it feels, and i feel i've been relying on the support of friends too much and am starting to drain some of them- which i truly don't want to do- so i'm looking to spread my needs for expression out more so as not to be as overwhelming...with the additional hope that maybe i'll be less overwhelming to myself too!

today has started ok tho- i fixed up my acct here, which is a start, and i feel lonely and quiet, but ok. and loneliness is normal these days- so many are lonely w coronavirus around changing things. still hard tho.

i've been having trouble with depression/anxiety/paranoia the most recently. i find i want to go back to bed halfway through the afternoon bc it just feels like more than i can manage to do to keep myself up, active and ok for any longer than that. i literally hide under the covers. but i'm trying to approach it from a place of "it's ok. as long as you're keeping up minimal housework and self care stuff, and doing at least a couple things beyond that (like creative work or attempts at it), you can hide in the covers if you need to."

after all, we can't be our best all the time and the world is not an easy place to live in right now. just trying to build as many non overwhelming pleasant things into each day as possible- which means small things mostly, but that's still ok.

[daladico]

Yesterday I was pretty agitated/irritable. Then last night I realized I forgot to take my morning meds 🤦*♀️
Took morning + evening meds to hopefully catch up 🤷*♀️
Feeling better so far this morning.
Energy and productivity have still been a lot better since my med adjustment. Feeling really grateful.

[Daonnachd]

We have power back! The windstorm didn't cause any limbs to fall on hot wires so no fires either.

Good to be back.

[Mountaindewed]

I feel alright today but I’m super groggy from the remeron. I slept decently with it but I kept waking up after very vivid dreams. But I slept pretty good. I feel pretty calm just because of how sedated I am. I went to Dollar General and I was kind of like a zombie. I found the grape chap stick I went in for though. Doctor wanted me to stop my topamax and Wellbutrin and as for my hunger it seems even worse then before. I couldn’t even finish my iced coffee and I’m always chugging them. That’s why I told the doc I’m honestly not sure if I’m purposely restricting or if something got messed up from my surgery so I’m legit not hungry anymore. I’m lying down now.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by almondbutter

.....

Good Morning, almondbutter! Welcome to PC It sounds to me like you have an excellent perspective on the reality of life in these times. I can't make it through the day without taking a nap. I don't even think it's depression, I think it's fatigue from all the stress going on.

[Soupe du jour]

Wander, I'm glad to see you back here at PC! Glad to read that you are feeling peaceful, despite your other maladies.

almondbutter, Welcome! It's always nice to see new people join us here at PC or return after a long time away. This is a great place to get support. I agree that a place like PC is a helpful way to find some support in various ways/places.

daladico, I'm glad that remembering your morning meds today has restored some mental wellness. I'll be wondering if/when my recent reduction of a medication will cause noticeable fluctuations.

Daonnachd, hooray to low winds and reduced fires! You and your neighbors need a break, as do the other living folk in your part of the state.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm pretty much done for the day. I have a 2:30 pm video session with my psychiatrist and have fairly good results to report. I've been doing some work to prepare for a deep cleaning cleaning crew that comes this afternoon at 4 pm. I told Hubby to ask them if they usually include cleaning in cabinets. If they do, I'm hoping that we could ask them not to (for now) but rather do the grout cleaning I wanted to do, but couldn't. Hubby said he'd do it, but never got to it. As for the cabinets and drawers, they were cleaned (by me) not that long ago. Actually, most have new Con-Tact paper. The photographer on Friday will not photograph the insides of the cabinets. I did try to straighten up the inside of the laundry room, but didn't bust my buns. When we finally move out, after the house is sold, we'll then spring clean the cabinets and drawers. Much easier that way.

There's still stuff for Hubby to clear up, but I won't, or even can't, do that work. He wouldn't like where I'd put some of it.

[*Beth*]

A beautiful autumn day. I've been sleeping for 10 hours/night for weeks. I awaken after about 6 hours, but after an hour I'm falling asleep and cannot do anything but lie down and sleep.

I need to figure out which morning med is causing me to have to sleep so much. I suspect it's Trilafon. Might have to take it all at night, rather than split the dose.

My precious sister died 3 years ago on this date. She was 15 years older than me. She fought cancer for seventeen years. I miss her bright mind, her wit, and the joy she had about life. She worked for several decades as a roadie and was always filled with stories about the musicians and bands she met.

Well, time to do some chores and work on a weaving project that is almost finished.

Welcome @almondbutter! It sounds like you are being sensitive to your friends and responsible to yourself by seeking out support here at PsychCentral. I love to take rests during the day too. You're right, it is hard to be in this COVID world. Keep posting, the more you get involved, the more meaningful your time here will be.

[wildflowerchild25]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Wildflowerchild, I hope your son doesn't have ADHD or ADD. My husband has ADD and it is problematic for him. Was in his school years and is at his job. But I confess that some of what you described sounded a lot like normal kid. Or at least what I viewed as normal kid behavior for me. I am not a mother, so you can fault me about that in not knowing "kids of today" (or a mother's perspective), but I used to be a kid, so I have a little experience, albeit in the 1970s and 1980s. I realize 2020 is a whole other animal.

Please do be careful to be certain about any psych diagnoses for your child. Adderall or Ritalin, or the like, should be used only under extreme circumstances, in my book. Please also don't let your own stress incorrectly color your perception of your child's behavior. I also don't think there is any one "normal" behavior. What is your son's personality like?

How are the wedding plans going?

I would never put him on a medication unless it was affecting him poorly in school to the point that he couldn’t get anything done. As for normal kid behavior that could absolutely be so, obviously I only have this one child and I’ve never been around kids this age, I’m used to teaching high school. That’s why I want to get him evaluated, to see if it’s all just expected at this age or something more. And also why id like to maybe find some family counseling, so we can both get on the same level and I can implement things at home to help him out so we’re not getting so upset with each other all the time.

As for the wedding we are still not engaged lol!!! But I did get some info from him saying he’s on board with a very small wedding, so when we DO get engaged and the pandemic is more contained (whenever THAT might be) we can look into the wedding venue I really want.

[bpcyclist]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Wander, I'm glad to see you back here at PC! Glad to read that you are feeling peaceful, despite your other maladies.

almondbutter, Welcome! It's always nice to see new people join us here at PC or return after a long time away. This is a great place to get support. I agree that a place like PC is a helpful way to find some support in various ways/places.

daladico, I'm glad that remembering your morning meds today has restored some mental wellness. I'll be wondering if/when my recent reduction of a medication will cause noticeable fluctuations.

Daonnachd, hooray to low winds and reduced fires! You and your neighbors need a break, as do the other living folk in your part of the state.

Hope it settles down soon.

[Blue_Bird]

I had a good day today. Went to the Halloween movie day downstairs in the apartment complex's community room. There was only one other person beside myself and the supportive housing case manager that came to the first showing. We watched Fright Night 2: New Blood. Was a good movie, crazy but good. Had hot dogs, popcorn and capri sun.

Have a busy day tomorrow, grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy, then walking to the library to return something and pick up my requests. My mood has been really good. I feel great, happy and motivated. Less anxiety thankfully.

I'm getting excited about all the holidays coming up, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years. I get hyper during this time of year because my mood skyrockets and I come up with tons and tons of plans and listen to Christmas music constantly. But I love it.

[~Christina]

Had my phone sessions with Richard my T today.

The company is now requiring video session. My internet at home will not support that as I basically have dial up speed. I cant just drive to get a full signal on my phone, I do not have enough data on my phone as I have a data limit, We just cant add it to our budget.

Richard is sad that The company is doing this, But it really boils down to money.. Phone sessions can not be charged a full session charge where as Tele health is still ok " right now" And we know everything revolves around money..

The office has a comuter set up for Zoom, But that is going to put me in an office that at least 2 workers will be there, and who knows how who was there before me....

So annoyed about all of this came home and took 2mg of Xanax and considering another..

/end rant