[Victoria'smom]

Is it the thorazine that's helping?

It must be. I've never been without a ton of anxiety. I'm in upswing but it's not an angry, agitated, I want to destroy my world one. It's I love and want to love everything. Pdoc said I'd feel drugged for a little but that never happened. H told pdoc being drugged for a little may be good for me. I'm only taking my prn when I get agitated. Like when it feels like my blood boiling inside. My wrist feels tight but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as usual. I can't SH because I have an appointment with new T Tuesday and then I have a PCP appointment the Friday after next and I don't want them not to trust me and hospitalize me but I don't even mind. the thorazine is making me thirsty as hell though. Always having dry mouth sucks.

[Moose72]

I just had a thought- what if N3 doesn't wake up for work from the vaccine????

[Victoria'smom]

I just had a thought- what if N3 doesn't wake up for work from the vaccine????

Can you call N3 when they have to wake up?

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Can you call N3 when they have to wake up?

I'm pretty sure it's soon as he has to be at work at 10. I texted him and asked him to message me when he gets the text.

ETA: He just texted me that he got my text. He says he's feeling fine but he was sleepy earlier.

I asked him if he was all better now and he saw my message but didn't reply. Kids!

[buddha1too]

It's going on midnight EST. Another strange day, with a dissatisfied partner on my hands. I did get a text reminding me that I have a pdoc appointment on Tuesday rather than Thursday.

I hope you all kept sailing along.

[Moose72]

I guess N3 is okay. He's probably sleeping now.

My friend Karen is mad at me, I guess. I sent her a TikTok that I thought was cute and she wrote back, "Please, no random TikToks". So I wait a couple days and just tried to invite her over and she says "I need a day to myself". Well at least she figured this out BEFORE she agreed to getting together, including picking a TIME and place! Difficulty getting along with friends- one of the things I'm supposed to rate in the questionairs that I guess as part of being in that big bipolar study. I just wrote her back and said "Ok. Another time then. Hope you have a good day!" I have this sneaking suspicion that she is mad at me for some reason. God knows what for! She is like that. She likes to get back at people and play mind tricks on them. For example, once, at a laundromat, she says, someone took her laundry out of the washer and threw them on the floor. So she took a Snickers bar and put it in their dryer! All those peanuts and other sticky, stain-y things. Now after I said, "Have a good day" she doesn't say anything back.

I woke up really hungry and all I've had to eat today is combos. Not a good diet nor very filling. Better go hunt down something to eat!

[Victoria'smom]

I'm sorry Karen is mad. Hopefully she writes back and you can figure it out.

[Victoria'smom]

Being responsible sucks. I wish I didn't call pdoc, I wish to stop meds, I want to go up. H says this is up enough that any higher would go bad.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Being responsible sucks. I wish I didn't call pdoc, I wish to stop meds, I want to go up. H says this is up enough that any higher would go bad.

I'm not with you, but that sounds right if your husband is saying so. He knows you best!

[Moose72]

I went out to a restaurant that I've been to many times before for take out, but its been since before covid that I last was there, until today. I got a hamburger with all the fixin's and boy did that hit the spot! I'm ready for a nap. I've been watching Tim Tracker's latest video. Videos - The Tim Tracker They're usually about 1/2 an hour each, a new one every day. Sometimes they go to the Disney parks, but lots of their newest stuff is going to local places, not Disney and/or a "home vlog" where they talk about how their day is going with their baby that will be 2 in November.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

It must be. I've never been without a ton of anxiety. I'm in upswing but it's not an angry, agitated, I want to destroy my world one. It's I love and want to love everything. Pdoc said I'd feel drugged for a little but that never happened. H told pdoc being drugged for a little may be good for me. I'm only taking my prn when I get agitated. Like when it feels like my blood boiling inside. My wrist feels tight but it doesn't bother me nearly as much as usual. I can't SH because I have an appointment with new T Tuesday and then I have a PCP appointment the Friday after next and I don't want them not to trust me and hospitalize me but I don't even mind. the thorazine is making me thirsty as hell though. Always having dry mouth sucks.

I'm so excited for you!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

So glad you got your car back!

I'd be in shock if my friend died and then her mother died not long after, too. A good friend from high school's father died when we were seniors and then her mother died a few months later. They left her the house and some money. I remember shopping for houses with her right out of high school.

Huge relief, having my car again. I feel like I'm out of jail.

Yes...the deaths...sad, sad, sad. I had a friend I went through school with; his son was 28 and died suddenly of a heart attack. My friend was 56 and 3 months after his son, my friend had a heart attack and died. That bond between parent and child is mind, body, and soul.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by buddha1too

It's going on midnight EST. Another strange day, with a dissatisfied partner on my hands. I did get a text reminding me that I have a pdoc appointment on Tuesday rather than Thursday.

I hope you all kept sailing along.

Oh, good - I'm glad it's Tuesday.

[*Beth*]

I'm so angry at Amazon! I ordered a much-needed broom because my old one is just worn down and pretty useless. The broom was supposed to come 2 days ago. Amazon notified me that it's running late and might not show up until Tuesday - if at all. Grrr. I want my broom!

[Sunflower123]

I have a friend I went to school with who lives 4 doors down. He was a healthy 55 year old. He died of COVID Friday. Vaccinations are critical. My daughter is choosing not to get vaccinated at this time. I told her about my friend and that it’s real, it’s out there and it can kill you. I don’t know how much of that got through.

I’ve been taking advantage of this beautiful weather to sit in the sun and read and to cut blooms from our snowball bush, azalea bushes and rose bush to make a lovely vase of flowers. Fresh air and sunshine does a body good.

Tomorrow starts another busy week. I have one or more appointments every day for me, mom and my brother next week plus driving mom around to conduct her business and errands to run. One step at a time. I’ll take next weekend completely off to rest up for graduation. My mood is good and I am calm.

Hugs to all.

[Victoria'smom]

today's not as good of a day. I'm overwhelmed. skins tight, fidgety, wanta SH, I took the anxiety meds, whatever it is and that's doing nothing. I'm so frustrated.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

today's not as good of a day. I'm overwhelmed. skins tight, fidgety, wanta SH, I took the anxiety meds, whatever it is and that's doing nothing. I'm so frustrated.

I hate when the anti-anxiety drugs do zip! I haven't had any in over a year, but I still remember when I'd be so anxious and the Ativan would do nothing! Fidgety and frustrated is a bad combo. I've never SH'd but I imagine the "calling" to do that is very strong sometimes. Try to distract yourself with something- music, a movie, something fun on YouTube, call a friend?...

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I have a friend I went to school with who lives 4 doors down. He was a healthy 55 year old. He died of COVID Friday. Vaccinations are critical. My daughter is choosing not to get vaccinated at this time. I told her about my friend and that it’s real, it’s out there and it can kill you. I don’t know how much of that got through.

I’ve been taking advantage of this beautiful weather to sit in the sun and read and to cut blooms from our snowball bush, azalea bushes and rose bush to make a lovely vase of flowers. Fresh air and sunshine does a body good.

Tomorrow starts another busy week. I have one or more appointments every day for me, mom and my brother next week plus driving mom around to conduct her business and errands to run. One step at a time. I’ll take next weekend completely off to rest up for graduation. My mood is good and I am calm.

Hugs to all.

I am so sorry to hear about your friend, Jennifer. So very sad. My husband has chosen not to get vaccinated at this time. I'm angry about his choice, but I refuse to argue with him. We are blessed to have the vax, for pete's sake, use it!

The flowers sounds just gorgeous! I can imagine them in your vase

[Moose72]

I bought another book for my bullet journal. This one has a grid on each page and should be better for the purpose. Feeling like a need a shower- two days ago at bedtime is the last time I took one- but I just don't feel like turning on the water and getting all wet, etc. Then again, I won't have to do it in the morning if I shower tonight.... Then I can call Caleb a bit earlier!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I hate when the anti-anxiety drugs do zip! I haven't had any in over a year, but I still remember when I'd be so anxious and the Ativan would do nothing! Fidgety and frustrated is a bad combo. I've never SH'd but I imagine the "calling" to do that is very strong sometimes. Try to distract yourself with something- music, a movie, something fun on YouTube, call a friend?...

I've never had an anti-anxiety med truly remove all of my anxiety. Most of them are useless. A few help, but even if I've been very medicated I can still feel a degree of anxiety.

I'm so happy that it's 8:00pm and despite eating very lightly today i am not hungry! Milk is a miracle! Well, it is nature's almost-perfect food! Today was the first day i got up and did not feel hopeless. It wasn't just the sedation it was the hopelessness too. Now i feel some hope that i can lose weight and it's made all the difference!

I got up early and will go to bed early. That's the best schedule for me for losing weight because i don't feel hungry in the morning and i avoid the night-time munchies. It'll be my first night at 9mg of Valium so wish me luck!

@Jennifer 1967: Your flowers sound lovely! Sorry for your loss tho.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I bought another book for my bullet journal. This one has a grid on each page and should be better for the purpose. Feeling like a need a shower- two days ago at bedtime is the last time I took one- but I just don't feel like turning on the water and getting all wet, etc. Then again, I won't have to do it in the morning if I shower tonight.... Then I can call Caleb a bit earlier!

That's terrific, doing the bullet journal! I admire how you jump right into new projects. I've read about bullet journals, but can't seem to understand what is meant by "bullet journal."

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I've never had an anti-anxiety med truly remove all of my anxiety. Most of them are useless. A few help, but even if I've been very medicated I can still feel a degree of anxiety.

I dunno if it was a panic attack one time or what it was but I had no Ativan- not that it would've TOUCHED that! As far as I'm concerned, Ativan is just good for bad withdrawals and that's it. It doesn't actually help at all!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

That's terrific, doing the bullet journal! I admire how you jump right into new projects. I've read about bullet journals, but can't seem to understand what is meant by "bullet journal."

I think the name stems from the dots you put next to each item are called "bullets". And it's a journal in the sense that you're collecting information to refer back to. I'm brand new to this, so I don't know what I'm doing yet. I haven't written anything in either journal! I'm too afraid of messing up even though an article I read said not to be- but it also said to use a regular notebook to practice in. Jumping into new projects: I'm not so sure the jumping isn't an unwell-thought-out action for my brain, you know? I'm too impulsive. I just thought if I could organize all my notes everywhere that would be a good thing! Right now, I've got a dry-erase calendar on the fridge, a note-taking app in my phone, and my little 5 1/2 x 3 1/2 spiral notebook that I use to just jot down whatever it is in my brain that I don't want to forget. That could be appointments, names of movies to watch, lists of photographs that I want to print, old quotes by the kids... just not sure how to translate that to a bullet journal. I get that I can transfer appointments, but at the moment I don't have a calendar! Not in my phone- which really irks me that my phone didn't come with a calendar!- but I have the dry-erase one that is only good for the current month and then I have the entire year on the side of the fridge, but it's just the months and the numbers, no room to write anything.

Just listening to Rene Jacobs sing French songs from the 16th century. (Or maybe it's the 17th?) I took an hour nap today so I hope I can sleep tonight and get up at a reasonable hour.

Tomorrow afternoon, I'm going back to the eye doctor so she can check my eyes again. The drops she gave me are antibiotic drops! The nurse I talked to at my regular doctor's office said that it was "viral" and not bacterial, even though my eyes have cleared immensely in the last week of taking the drops. However, I thought I had an allergic reaction to them as I had an asthma attack pretty much right after taking them. I had to use my inhaler. All was fine and it didn't happen this morning when I used them, so it may have been a coincidence. The script didn't say how long to use them- just 3x a day. So I figure that means until I see her again.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I think the name stems from the dots you put next to each item are called "bullets". And it's a journal in the sense that you're collecting information to refer back to. I'm brand new to this, so I don't know what I'm doing yet. I haven't written anything in either journal! I'm too afraid of messing up even though an article I read said not to be- but it also said to use a regular notebook to practice in. Jumping into new projects: I'm not so sure the jumping isn't an unwell-thought-out action for my brain, you know? I'm too impulsive. I just thought if I could organize all my notes everywhere that would be a good thing! Right now, I've got a dry-erase calendar on the fridge, a note-taking app in my phone, and my little 5 1/2 x 3 1/2 spiral notebook that I use to just jot down whatever it is in my brain that I don't want to forget. That could be appointments, names of movies to watch, lists of photographs that I want to print, old quotes by the kids... just not sure how to translate that to a bullet journal. I get that I can transfer appointments, but at the moment I don't have a calendar! Not in my phone- which really irks me that my phone didn't come with a calendar!- but I have the dry-erase one that is only good for the current month and then I have the entire year on the side of the fridge, but it's just the months and the numbers, no room to write anything.

Just listening to Rene Jacobs sing French songs from the 16th century. (Or maybe it's the 17th?) I took an hour nap today so I hope I can sleep tonight and get up at a reasonable hour.

Tomorrow afternoon, I'm going back to the eye doctor so she can check my eyes again. The drops she gave me are antibiotic drops! The nurse I talked to at my regular doctor's office said that it was "viral" and not bacterial, even though my eyes have cleared immensely in the last week of taking the drops. However, I thought I had an allergic reaction to them as I had an asthma attack pretty much right after taking them. I had to use my inhaler. All was fine and it didn't happen this morning when I used them, so it may have been a coincidence. The script didn't say how long to use them- just 3x a day. So I figure that means until I see her again.

I hope your eye doc appointment goes really smoothly. It'll be so nice to be able to wear your new contact lenses!

Let me know how your bullet journal goes. The concept sounds intriguing.