[Victoria'smom]

I hate when the anti-anxiety drugs do zip! I haven't had any in over a year, but I still remember when I'd be so anxious and the Ativan would do nothing! Fidgety and frustrated is a bad combo. I've never SH'd but I imagine the "calling" to do that is very strong sometimes. Try to distract yourself with something- music, a movie, something fun on YouTube, call a friend?...

I'm watching a show with h. on here. trying to ignore my feelings. My inlaws come Tuesday and I talk to my new T then too. I don't have time for this BS. Sleeping 8-10 hours doesn't help either.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I hope your eye doc appointment goes really smoothly. It'll be so nice to be able to wear your new contact lenses!

Let me know how your bullet journal goes. The concept sounds intriguing.

I found this video about bullet journaling.

And an article about making a bullet journal.

Bullet Journaling 101: Everything you need to know to get started!

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Hubby and I took another road trip today. We headed south again to the city of Mikulov in southern Moravia, only minutes from the Austrian border and named after Saint Nicholas (Mikulas). There were oodles of flowers, making it quite lovely. It is located in the heart of Czech Republic's wine country, with many vineyards in the area. Attached are a few photos I took today. The cemetery is actually a Jewish cemetery, one of the largest in Czech Republic. Horribly, the Jewish population from there disappeared during WWII. There are graves there likely dating back to the 1400s. It appeared that there were some new ones, from after the war.

Hubby has wanted to get away as a form of escape. He deserves it, and I'm enjoying it, too. However, we do have some important things to do next week. Then next weekend my sister-in-law is visits from near Prague. I'll look forward to that, as well. On May 3rd, there is finally some relaxing of covid restrictions in Czech Republic. I hope it's not premature, but I look forward to it, and hope it helps both Hubby's and my mood.

I'm glad your taking some trips its nice to get out, Lovely flowers ? I always enjoy seeing them..

I hope that lifting some Covid restrictions is a good thing.

Those pictures are so nice, thank you for sharing

I hope you have a wonderful time with your SIL.

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I just had a thought- what if N3 doesn't wake up for work from the vaccine????

Just saw that you heard from him.. Us Moms will always worry about our kids

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm so angry at Amazon! I ordered a much-needed broom because my old one is just worn down and pretty useless. The broom was supposed to come 2 days ago. Amazon notified me that it's running late and might not show up until Tuesday - if at all. Grrr. I want my broom!

Im sorry that there is a delay, that stuff grates my nerves !

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I have a friend I went to school with who lives 4 doors down. He was a healthy 55 year old. He died of COVID Friday. Vaccinations are critical. My daughter is choosing not to get vaccinated at this time. I told her about my friend and that it’s real, it’s out there and it can kill you. I don’t know how much of that got through.

I’ve been taking advantage of this beautiful weather to sit in the sun and read and to cut blooms from our snowball bush, azalea bushes and rose bush to make a lovely vase of flowers. Fresh air and sunshine does a body good.

Tomorrow starts another busy week. I have one or more appointments every day for me, mom and my brother next week plus driving mom around to conduct her business and errands to run. One step at a time. I’ll take next weekend completely off to rest up for graduation. My mood is good and I am calm.

Hugs to all.

I'm so sorry for your loss

My husbands middle son and wife are not getting the vaccine. They worry if it will cause them difficuty having a child or what possible defects it could cause. I understand there concern.

I love this weather too ! Not happy about the pollen lol

Please try to find some time for self care this week

[~Christina]

Had a good day, But Im having a wonky night, I have no idea why. My pain is ramping up so that is probably the reason.. Chronic pain just plain sucks.

Hugs and cupcakes for all

[Soupe du jour]

I'm sorry I'm so behind here. I've tried to get back to people who sent me emails and PMs, but having a tough time going beyond right now.

I went to a neurologist today. She thinks I might have carpal tunnel syndrome, which can cause tingling/numbness. For the time being, I'm to wear wrist braces when I sleep. She also suggested I take B-Complex supplements. Once I have insurance, if the issue persists, I'll perhaps get additional testing done (i.e. EMG) and if necessary, some kind of physical therapy involving magnets. We'll see. In any case, I think I might rethink my laptop typing position, as well as excessive use of my smart phone for typing/googling.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

I found this video about bullet journaling.

And an article about making a bullet journal.

Bullet Journaling 101: Everything you need to know to get started!

Thanks, Moose. I understand the concept now. I like it! Looks like a fun, very creative way to organize thoughts. I might just try it. Meds have caused me to be so forgetful, a bullet journal would really help.

[Nammu]

Well! Haven’t I been foolish! Last night I drank. Most of a bottle of green tea. I got these huge bottles at the dollar store and thought, yes, instead of water I’ll drink green tea. After another sleepless night I find out that green tea has caffeine plus an L thing that boosts your alertness! Not to mention the bottles are about 3 servings.! Back to water it is. No more green tea at night for me. I am careful about my caffeine consumption. Usually just have my morning glass of chai and an occasional Pepsi, but early in the day. I had no idea green tea had caffeine! I’m always reading about how healthy it is. But moderation, not 3 servings!

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Well! Haven’t I been foolish! Last night I drank...

I was thinking, she's finally broken into the Jack Daniel's but...

...Most of a bottle of green tea. I got these huge bottles at the dollar store and thought, yes, instead of water I’ll drink green tea. After another sleepless night I find!

The Jack Daniel's version was a little too wild for your style, I guess! Me, too...

[*Beth*]

buddha1too - how are you doing? Your appointment is tomorrow, right?

True to plan, i got up at 6:30am this morning! There was dawn sunshine in here! So beautiful but just for a little while. Then the sun moved around the side of the building. It was breath-taking tho! My curtains are white eye-let fabric so it made an exquisite pattern on the white wall.

I got up because i was having yet another bad Seroquel dream. I got up just to get away from the dream and also because early rising is good for my dieting. I just had a 90 calorie yogurt for breakfast with calorie-free flavored water and was fine.

I went grocery shopping! I haven't been grocery shopping in-person in over a year. There are many advantages to going in-person. For one thing, it's least expensive, even tho i have to go to a proper grocery store that has delivery and can't go to Walmart. But with Walmart there's no delivery so i order from an online delivery service so that wipes out the savings right there as they are 5% to 10% more expensive than in-store.

Also, i was able to chose a wonderful variety of foods that i don't get when i order online because i'm not aware they're available; the choices are not there in front of my face.

I bought mostly frozen foods because i don't want to feel pressured to eat fresh food in a hurry with being on a diet. I got some nice things! They will really cheer up my diet. I had faux King Crab for lunch today (flexitarian). It was great!

So many pleasures! I got my bagged regular milk and calculated that it's 33 cents a serving! Yay! Savings, here i come!

Oh, i'm so excited! My mood may be rising but since i was practically inert all Winter that just means i'm starting to function at the tasks of daily living a bit better. I have a loooooooooong way to go before this rise in mood becomes a concern.

My first night in "one-derland" (in the single-digits in my benzo taper [9mg]) went fine! I even went to bed early and i still got to sleep. Woohoo!

So all-in-all, things are peachy!!!

@Nammu: I had a similar experience with green tea. My neighbor and i were having trouble sleeping. I invited her over for green tea, which we both thought was so calming. We had a great time swilling it down. I slept fine but the next morning i got curious and went online to investigate the caffeine-content of green tea and found that it was high! The brand i served (called "Gun Powder Green Tea" because the leaves are all rolled into little balls that expand upon steeping so you don't get any sediment) has an even higher caffeine-content than other green tea brands -- so high athletes use it as a performance-enhancing substance! I frantically called my neighbor and asked her how she had slept with my heart in my mouth and she said she'd slept fine! So we both managed to overcome any wakefulness and we had a good laugh and i never served green tea again!

[Nammu]

To top it off I read the small print and found that ginseng is added in!

Ha ha Buddha. Nope no raids on the jack Daniels. Although I have two small bottles. Both years old, just haven’t felt the mood to drink. I did get a White Russian tho about 6 months ago. But only one. The bartenders remember me cause I like cherries in my White Russian and not the usual.

[buddha1too]

Originally Posted by BethRags

buddha1too - how are you doing? Your appointment is tomorrow, right?

Been doing pretty much the same, unfortunately. I see my pdoc tomorrow.

I hope everyone else is hanging in there.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am doing quite poorly. I just keep going up and down. The agitation mellowed last week and I was fine thurs fri sat, if a little talkative. But on Saturday by 7pm I knew I had to go into my room and get away from the incessant noise (which was really just my son and RS). My son is very chatty and sometimes it’s too much. Sunday I was just so awfully depressed. The grocery store freaked me out a lot. I felt like I had to get out ASAP.

Today I am feeling so upset and...disconnected. Like my mind is shutting down almost. Like I’m not really alive anymore, or maybe my brain doesn’t want me alive? Work was excruciating. Everyone’s voice was hurting me so terribly. I sat very still and quiet all day, but I did participate with the remote students as per my job. I really felt I could t talk to anyone else “real” though. I felt suffocated. I took a lot of bathroom breaks just to try to reset. I pressed a pair of safety scissors into my fingertips under my desk surreptitiously to try to keep myself under control.

Now that I am home I am in bed listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack the tightness in my chest has relaxed a bit. But I don’t want RS to come home. I feel his voice will hurt me too.

I think after I rest a bit I am going to take a very hot shower and just stand/sit in it for awhile. To kind of distract me or bring me back to reality or something, I’m not even sure what I want right now.

I have my therapist tomorrow after work and I am going in late on Wednesday so I can get my depakote level checked in the AM and then quickly meet with my pdoc again.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

I am doing quite poorly. I just keep going up and down. The agitation mellowed last week and I was fine thurs fri sat, if a little talkative. But on Saturday by 7pm I knew I had to go into my room and get away from the incessant noise (which was really just my son and RS). My son is very chatty and sometimes it’s too much. Sunday I was just so awfully depressed. The grocery store freaked me out a lot. I felt like I had to get out ASAP.

Today I am feeling so upset and...disconnected. Like my mind is shutting down almost. Like I’m not really alive anymore, or maybe my brain doesn’t want me alive? Work was excruciating. Everyone’s voice was hurting me so terribly. I sat very still and quiet all day, but I did participate with the remote students as per my job. I really felt I could t talk to anyone else “real” though. I felt suffocated. I took a lot of bathroom breaks just to try to reset. I pressed a pair of safety scissors into my fingertips under my desk surreptitiously to try to keep myself under control.

Now that I am home I am in bed listening to the Harry Potter soundtrack the tightness in my chest has relaxed a bit. But I don’t want RS to come home. I feel his voice will hurt me too.

I think after I rest a bit I am going to take a very hot shower and just stand/sit in it for awhile. To kind of distract me or bring me back to reality or something, I’m not even sure what I want right now.

I have my therapist tomorrow after work and I am going in late on Wednesday so I can get my depakote level checked in the AM and then quickly meet with my pdoc again.

I'm so sorry, wfc. It sounds like you're in a really rough spot right now. I want to say that I doubt your brain wants you dead...that's the old trick of depression working on you.

Excellent that you have appointments with your mental health support team tomorrow and Wednesday.

[Victoria'smom]

wildflowerchild25 hope you feel better soon.

[wildflowerchild25]

Um ok I do think I’ve short circuited. I went out for a walk with the fam, right, like sunshine fresh air should be good. My mind went SNAP and I panicked at all the open space. I could not wait to get home and get back under my weighted blanket. There was no one around but us but I felt like I was about to die.

I really feel unsafe and afraid that I am going to get killed. I’m not sure I can ever leave this bed. I can’t even be sure of RS at this point though I’m trying to convince myself he’s safe. I took a hot shower and tried to calm the panic.

I am hoping that a good night sleep will reset me. I’m taking an extra 25mg seroquel and some Xanax. Otherwise there’s absolutely no way in hell I can even leave the house tomorrow

[Victoria'smom]

Wfc please be safe.

[Moose72]

@wildflowerchild25 You sound like you don't feel well at all. I hope a good night's sleep will reboot you a bit.

I saw my eye doctor today again. I'm to taper my drops- twice a day today and tomorrow, then wed and thurs once a day then I can wear my contacts again as long as I wait 10 minutes after I use the drops. Plus, I had my glasses adjusted so they fit great now! Soooo mych better than the ones I got last January (2020). Those would not stay on because they were just flat too big for my head!

Watching a recorded youtube video of a 4 1/2 hour live stream from this morning. I have it on in the background listening. It's kind of boring as he's just waiting in line for the jungle cruise and talking about why celebrities shouldn't be added to attractions because you don't know what will go on in their life post induction into the attraction.

I haven't been brave enough to start my bullet journal! If I don't, it will be a waste.

I'm really enjoying this (recorded) live stream!

I'm going to go to bed relatively early. I want to get up earlier if I can. For one thing, I have to get my prescriptions tomorrow. Should've gone today.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Um ok I do think I’ve short circuited. I went out for a walk with the fam, right, like sunshine fresh air should be good. My mind went SNAP and I panicked at all the open space. I could not wait to get home and get back under my weighted blanket. There was no one around but us but I felt like I was about to die.

I really feel unsafe and afraid that I am going to get killed. I’m not sure I can ever leave this bed. I can’t even be sure of RS at this point though I’m trying to convince myself he’s safe. I took a hot shower and tried to calm the panic.

I am hoping that a good night sleep will reset me. I’m taking an extra 25mg seroquel and some Xanax. Otherwise there’s absolutely no way in hell I can even leave the house tomorrow

If I were you I'd be taking the little bit of extra meds, too. Sleep can only help.

[VerMOZZica]

I am feeling devastated right now. Last night my dog and I were sitting on the couch and then I left the room for a bit. When I got back my dog was on the floor having seizures. We tried calling vets to see if there was an emergency vet on call. We couldn`t find one. My dogs seizures never stopped. He passed away last night and I miss him already. He was my baby and buddy for 12 years. I am hurting really badly right now. This morning we took him to get cremated and I will have his ashes in 4 to 6 weeks. I am feeling beyond sad right now.

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by VerMOZZica

I am feeling devastated right now. Last night my dog and I were sitting on the couch and then I left the room for a bit. When I got back my dog was on the floor having seizures. We tried calling vets to see if there was an emergency vet on call. We couldn`t find one. My dogs seizures never stopped. He passed away last night and I miss him already. He was my baby and buddy for 12 years. I am hurting really badly right now. This morning we took him to get cremated and I will have his ashes in 4 to 6 weeks. I am feeling beyond sad right now.

(sitting with you)

[BeyondtheRainbow]

So sorry VerMOZZica. Pet loss is so hard.