Bipolar check-in #56

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Originally Posted by buddha1too I wish I had fans...adoring ones even! Alas, I'm too old, fat & ugly for that!

Aww...

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed We left the house around 9 because we wanted to go to a few stores. I did not get my grocery shopping done though. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts and I got their new berry lemonade and berry powdered donut. Then we drove and I had my music on so it was ok. But then once we got to one of our stops I really had to use the bathroom. But the bathrooms at one place were closed. So I went to Walgreens because I also needed Pepcid. I went into their men’s bathroom and there was one stall and then a urinal and luckily no one was in there at all. I hurried up and went on my way. I got my Pepcid and I took that and a Xanax. My dinner plans went fine. The restaurant wasn’t crowded and we were in a booth in the corner. It’s nice to go out to eat again. I was really unnerved in my old town when I was shopping. I don’t know why. I thought I’d miss it. But I was uncomfortable and I had the creeps and I was on guard. These are stores I’ve been to a good chunk of my life. But I feel so much more safer in my new town. My surgery is at 11:30 tomorrow and I have to be at the hospital at 9:30. I’ll report back here hopefully Tomorrow night if not then Saturday.

I hope your surgery goes well and smoothly, Md

Happy Birthday Blue_Bird!

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Hey all. I ended going inpatient again at the behest of my program clinician. I went to the ER very reluctantly which showed when they interviewed me. Man I was yelling, cursing, crying...I’ve NEVER done that. Not surprised at all they put my *** back in. It was absolutely torturous this time. I felt so panicked and trapped. I considered signing a 48 hour notice to leave AMA but convinced myself not to. I was overcome by rage at my abuser and really my whole life. But there’s been a fundamental shift. Whereas before I’ve taken it out on myself, I was so enraged that I just decided right there that none of the **** that happened to me was my fault so I’m not the one who deserves to be hurt here. No, I deserve to build up my life and be happy. The best revenge is living well, right? I don’t have much of a plan at this point except joining the gym again and pouring all my rage into the machines. I feel that if I can get stronger physically I can get stronger mentally. I will feel safer in the world if I’m stronger and able to fight back if anyone ever comes at me again. I was weak and helpless before but I’m not going to be that way anymore. Once I’m a bit more fit I’m going to take a self defense class as well. Anyway I am now taking lithium even though I didn’t want to. It hasn’t helped my mood in the slightest but it has tamped down on the self destructive urges so that’s a relief. I hope everyone is doing ok.

I think joining the gym again is a GREAT plan.

Happy Birthday @Blue_Bird! I hope you have a great birthday!

Thanks for the birthday wishes everyone, I hope you all are doing well

Happy Birthday Blue_Bird!!!

Happy Friday, everyone!

My sleep was terrible last night, more so than usual. I was exhausted all day and I thought I'd sleep so well! I wonder if this is because I just upped my Lamictal... Still exhausted today and I hope that with the weekend I can shut my brain off enough to get some good sleep!

I've been debating trying to make plans with friends but I've honestly been too anxious too since being diagnosed. Not that these friends know, which I dont know if that contributes more to the anxiety or not. I can't seem to gather up enough energy to make plans. What if I'm having an "off" day? Isnt it worse to cancel than not make the plans at all? Even my best friend (who is pretty much the only person that knows outside of my family) I can't bring myself to want to make any plans... I guess I just need time.

Anyway, I hope that everyone has a good Friday and happy National Donut Day!

National Donut Day? Well, then, I guess it's my patriotic duty to go buy several ultra-glazed donuts & scarf them all down in one sitting! I'm sure the scale will cut me some slack the next time I weigh in!

My sleep was terrible last night, too, @peachiee23. I went to bed at midnight & was wide awake at 1:30...been awake ever since. Add that to 3 hours yesterday night & about 4 hours a night the previous week, or so. Ya start to feel it physically after a while. I don't feel any excessive energy or euphoria, so I don't think it's an episode (yet, anyways). I would give my left testicle for an 8 hour sleeping beauty gig at this point!

Tomorrow we drive down to my sister's house to watch my niece participate in a graduation car parade (in 90 degree heat). It will be nice to see everyone, as we've only seen each other a few times since the pandemic hit (& those times were to clear out my aunt's house after she passed in January). So, family celebrations are truly a gift -- in many families, at least. Sometimes we don't truly appreciate such things until we lose them due to unforseen circumstances.

I hope everyone has a good Friday. I hope everyone experiencing the heat manages to stay comfortable.

Happy birthday!

On National Donut Day, donuts have no calories

You know, my sister sent me a picture of my nephew (he's 2 and half) knocked out at his desk in daycare - slumped over on the desk, probably drooling, totally asleep. I'm thinking, boy, if I could even get a few hours of that kind of deep sleep I'd be so grateful!

I hope you have a great time tomorrow - beautiful weather, such a great reason to get together and celebrate!

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Originally Posted by peachiee23 Happy Friday, everyone! My sleep was terrible last night, more so than usual. I was exhausted all day and I thought I'd sleep so well! I wonder if this is because I just upped my Lamictal... Still exhausted today and I hope that with the weekend I can shut my brain off enough to get some good sleep! I've been debating trying to make plans with friends but I've honestly been too anxious too since being diagnosed. Not that these friends know, which I dont know if that contributes more to the anxiety or not. I can't seem to gather up enough energy to make plans. What if I'm having an "off" day? Isnt it worse to cancel than not make the plans at all? Even my best friend (who is pretty much the only person that knows outside of my family) I can't bring myself to want to make any plans... I guess I just need time. Anyway, I hope that everyone has a good Friday and happy National Donut Day!

I understand so well about the making plans, and what if you have an "off" day. I'm facing that very dilemma today. I canceled, and feel so rotten about it. But my anxiety has been awful lately and that's preventing me from socializing. I love having a mental illness...NOT.

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Originally Posted by buddha1too National Donut Day? Well, then, I guess it's my patriotic duty to go buy several ultra-glazed donuts & scarf them all down in one sitting! I'm sure the scale will cut me some slack the next time I weigh in! My sleep was terrible last night, too, @peachiee23. I went to bed at midnight & was wide awake at 1:30...been awake ever since. Add that to 3 hours yesterday night & about 4 hours a night the previous week, or so. Ya start to feel it physically after a while. I don't feel any excessive energy or euphoria, so I don't think it's an episode (yet, anyways). I would give my left testicle for an 8 hour sleeping beauty gig at this point! Tomorrow we drive down to my sister's house to watch my niece participate in a graduation car parade (in 90 degree heat). It will be nice to see everyone, as we've only seen each other a few times since the pandemic hit (& those times were to clear out my aunt's house after she passed in January). So, family celebrations are truly a gift -- in many families, at least. Sometimes we don't truly appreciate such things until we lose them due to unforseen circumstances. I hope everyone has a good Friday. I hope everyone experiencing the heat manages to stay comfortable.

Why left and not right

Enjoy your day tomorrow! Besides the heat (yuck) it sounds like a promising excursion.

Hey,
I'm from the south in USA. Try getting a fan with metal blades. They cool better because as the air is moved and cooks, the metal conducts the cold air ( like touch a metal pot when hot, except cold conducted to make cold). So the cold blades cool the air, which cools.the blades more...etc. etc. I got my current fan from amazon so you can get good fans from anywhere. A good fan can be a little pricey though. Hope that helps!

Was busy most all day, mostly doing stuff relating to flowers/gardening. We had been mighty delinquent about it until today We found a most outstanding gardening center that had pretty much anything one would hope for. We accomplished all of what we wanted there, spending oodles of money. When we got home we dug right in to the planting. I literally planted between two and three flowers in each of 10 flower boxes, plus worked in the herb garden and planted herbs in two long flower boxes. Hubby planted some beautiful flowers and a fern in some individual pots. At the end, we were beat.


Of course I had to get dinner on the table, but then went straight to the bathtub and took a long soak in a lavender salt bath. It felt mighty good, especially since I used a fancy new bath pillow for the first time. It's 8:25 pm as I write this. I'm clean, in clean pajamas, typing this while laying in bed. Hubby is already asleep next to me. I look forward to waking up tomorrow to totally finish the gardening projects.

Despite the rosy sounding activities above, I have been particularly irritable, getting in little arguments with Hubby. I know I've been loud, too. I can't help but think something is brewing, as I have more energy than usual, and have had trouble falling asleep these past nights. I have slept, actually waking later than usual in the morning. I'll just monitor things.

The weather had been most pleasant where I am in CZ. Mostly highs in the upper 70s F (~25 C), but tomorrow will reach 27 C. It doesn't seem to rain that much here. Maybe that's why Moravia is such a nice wine region.

Wish I had half the energy and strength you do soupe! I fed my flowers today. It’s easy, just putting two scoops of food into the watering can and fill it up. But it’s hard on my back and I have to sit down many times. I’m sure they neighbors are amused by how long it takes me to do this simple task. I have to carry one can to the back to get the two plants there and that about does me in. I’m looking forward to PT to see if they can help me strengthen my back to do tasks like vacuuming and cooking. Things that kill me now. I’d wear the brace they gave me when I had my surgery but I’ve gained too much weight.

Ahhh I'm writing poems but I don't know if they suck I think they're great but I'm afraid it's because I'm looking at it through hypomania tinted glasses. I'm going to edit the ones I have and start a blog. I'm also working on getting published in a journal and working on a book at the same time. I took the max dose of temazepam last night and sleept and I'm working on a lot of things, but I can't figure out where the stars belong. Do they look on us like kittens that can do no wrong? I need to hydrate because of lithium I picked up this morning and didn't listen to my therapist because I'm not supposed to drive but gotta get the lithium I could've gotten a ride or ran there. I'm losing my main insurance in a year, but I'll be on medicare by then.

I don't know what to tell my APRN when I talk to her (probably in a week or two). I was depressed as **** and wrote (and just edited) a sui note and had a plan and everything but now sometimes I feel awesome and sometimes I feel agitated and fighty and sometimes I want to rip my skin off and sometimes I want to take all the temazepam and sleep until it's better. Sometimes I hear fireworks instead of thoughts.

But mostly I think I'm just flying through space in a dimension where instead of matter there is emotion. My appointments with APRN are very rushed, usually 5 minutes if I say "good" after "how are you?" even if it's instinct. If I'm doing poorly I get 10 minutes and it's usually conflictual ("I want you to increase this med." "No, that'll make it worse from my previous experience with it!" "Well what about this med?" "I'm allergic to that med" "well if you don't want my help I don't see why you set up this appointment." Usually the gist of how it goes when meds need tinkering).

On Monday I have to call my doctor's office. My "poison ivy" isn't looking so much like poison ivy anymore and it stings and the skin is falling off like snow in an avalanche.

**** this was long, sorry. Hugs to all

I hope life calms down, sounds very stressful right now. Wonder if you can tell your APRN that 10 minutes is not enough right now?

Thanks Nammu ! I think I'm going to do that, hopefully she won't come up with some lame excuse as to why the phone calls are so short.

Hoping maybe I just need some more time. But my anxiety hasn't been receding either lately.

:Hug:

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Originally Posted by Sapien Ahhh I'm writing poems but I don't know if they suck I think they're great but I'm afraid it's because I'm looking at it through hypomania tinted glasses. I'm going to edit the ones I have and start a blog. I'm also working on getting published in a journal and working on a book at the same time. I took the max dose of temazepam last night and sleept and I'm working on a lot of things, but I can't figure out where the stars belong. Do they look on us like kittens that can do no wrong? I need to hydrate because of lithium I picked up this morning and didn't listen to my therapist because I'm not supposed to drive but gotta get the lithium I could've gotten a ride or ran there. I'm losing my main insurance in a year, but I'll be on medicare by then. I don't know what to tell my APRN when I talk to her (probably in a week or two). I was depressed as **** and wrote (and just edited) a sui note and had a plan and everything but now sometimes I feel awesome and sometimes I feel agitated and fighty and sometimes I want to rip my skin off and sometimes I want to take all the temazepam and sleep until it's better. Sometimes I hear fireworks instead of thoughts. But mostly I think I'm just flying through space in a dimension where instead of matter there is emotion. My appointments with APRN are very rushed, usually 5 minutes if I say "good" after "how are you?" even if it's instinct. If I'm doing poorly I get 10 minutes and it's usually conflictual ("I want you to increase this med." "No, that'll make it worse from my previous experience with it!" "Well what about this med?" "I'm allergic to that med" "well if you don't want my help I don't see why you set up this appointment." Usually the gist of how it goes when meds need tinkering). On Monday I have to call my doctor's office. My "poison ivy" isn't looking so much like poison ivy anymore and it stings and the skin is falling off like snow in an avalanche. **** this was long, sorry. Hugs to all

10 mins - that's ridiculous. I get 1/2 an hour and that's barely enough.

I hope you getting some good time with her and you can start getting some relief soon

I have/had some beautiful flowers on the back porch and was doing everything right…food, water, etc. They are doing poorly and I just discovered why….rabbits. I opened the blinds and there sat a little bunny happily chewing up the flowers. I now have them in big terra cotta planters.

I hope PT helps your back. I believe it helped mine. It might have been the combination of PT and chiropractor but something worked to alleviate a good amount of pain. I wish you well.

We used to have a lot of rabbits around but last year some eagles moved in near by suddenly the rabbits all left! I saw them earlier in the spring but not recently I hope the eagle s are still around. But the squirrels are very busy. One was sleeping in the flower so we put it up higher.

Thanks for the well wishes. I hope PT helps

A long time ago I had several plants in pots on my porch. I kept finding walnuts buried in the pots. I gently admonished my son, who was 4, not to bury walnuts in the pots anymore. He gave me a weird look, but didn't say anything. Well, I kept finding walnuts in the pots. Finally one day I went outside and there was a squirrel, furiously digging in the dirt to bury a walnut! I felt terrible for my little boy, and explained to him that I'd made a mistake and was sorry.