Bipolar check-in #56

As is generally the case, our weather is about a day behind yours. We're supposed to have four consecutive days of 90 degree heat ahead. My sleep situation is already getting critical, so I hope the heat doesn't further mess with my metabolism/sleep hygiene.

I'll be in that heat too - though the AC is the only way I can sleep because of the sound... and I love the heat so I'm hoping it will boost me up a day - get some time outdoors

Heat always messes with me. Can’t stand heat. Today isn’t too bad cause there’s a strong wind blowing. But starting tomorrow 90’s and muggy. Ugh a disaster for sleep. My daughter just sent a picture of my granddaughter sitting in a pool on top of her unicorn, ahh for the carefree days of preschool when summer was fun! 😃

Nice! At our age, we can afford to dispense with worries about what others think of us, though. Get yourself one of those little plastic pools, an inflatable unicorn & stay cool!

Have you heard of mixed episoides? Mixed episoides kind of combine the worst of mania and depression. So high energy, impulsive etc along with feeling sad or down....idk? Just a thought to research. Hope things turn around soon for you.

As someone who was born and raised, and still lives in, the scorching summer heat of California's Central Valley, I strongly suggest fans. Especially while sleeping. Fans are how I get through the months from May through October. A/C is a must, of course (although I grew up without it - yikes), but fans are the thing at night.

Yep. I have a fan every night. When I lived in Texas I had an ceiling fan plus a tall swivel fan plus the AC. Fans are great 👍

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Yep. I have a fan every night. When I lived in Texas I had an ceiling fan plus a tall swivel fan plus the AC. Fans are great 👍

The ceiling fans in Texas and in the south are so nice. I don't know why I almost never see them here.

I went grocery shopping today. Got watermelon, they had some pre sliced packages.m so I got that. A whole watermelon is too much for me to carry and bring back on the bus.

I actually went to the deli counter and asked for a 1/2lb of London broil and a 1/2lb of Lacey Swiss. May not sound like much but it was a big accomplishment for me because I had never used this grocery store’s deli and I get anxiety over any kind of change and interacting with people even if only briefly.

Tomorrow’s my 27th birthday so I’m having cannolis and chicken parmigiana from a good local Italian bakery. After that I’ve got to cut back on the treats lol

I had a lot of agitation today but I think it’s from PMS and not exercising the past few days.

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Happy Birthday Bluebird!

Congratulations blue bird on both your birthday and the shopping

I wish I had fans...adoring ones even! Alas, I'm too old, fat & ugly for that!

@Blue_Bird...Happy birthday, you youngster, you!

Im so glad that things are improving and I hope it continues

We left the house around 9 because we wanted to go to a few stores. I did not get my grocery shopping done though. We stopped at Dunkin Donuts and I got their new berry lemonade and berry powdered donut. Then we drove and I had my music on so it was ok. But then once we got to one of our stops I really had to use the bathroom. But the bathrooms at one place were closed. So I went to Walgreens because I also needed Pepcid. I went into their men’s bathroom and there was one stall and then a urinal and luckily no one was in there at all. I hurried up and went on my way. I got my Pepcid and I took that and a Xanax. My dinner plans went fine. The restaurant wasn’t crowded and we were in a booth in the corner. It’s nice to go out to eat again.

I was really unnerved in my old town when I was shopping. I don’t know why. I thought I’d miss it. But I was uncomfortable and I had the creeps and I was on guard. These are stores I’ve been to a good chunk of my life. But I feel so much more safer in my new town.

My surgery is at 11:30 tomorrow and I have to be at the hospital at 9:30. I’ll report back here hopefully Tomorrow night if not then Saturday.

Ahhh I hope your able to get more sleep

Happy early Birthday

I have my annual physical the 10th and I'm not looking forward to it Since being diagnosed Diabetic Type II I have to really watch what I eat but my weight loss has stalled. Why is it so easy to gain weight but losing it takes twice as long??? Thats just stupid !! Im sure you will drop it right off again..

Ahhhh the Lithium and Neuropathy connection.. Yep its a real thing. I hope you can find some relief and answers.

Hope your sleeping its midnight in my world LOL

Take care

I'm sorry your Brother's health is so poor Hopefully he will be able to improve and things under better control.

That sucks Florida is out for now.. Please keep in mind that you need to take care of yourself while taking care of others.. Its the whole Oxygen masks drop on a plane you have to put your mask on first before you can help anyone else.. Keep up on good Self care

Ohhhh a movie !! I want to go now !!!

Take care hun

YAY ! so glad you got out and yeah I agree on the dark winter Boo hiss !

That's so funny about Sir LOL

Happy Birthday Sounds like a wonderful meal !

Well 5-6 days ago I decided i needed to rein my Xanax in a bit. I am on 1mg 3 a day. Well I had worked up to 4-5 mg a day mostly at night to help me sleep. Well it really wasnt helping for sleep and its not touching my Rage-y Manic nonsense that started in November..

So I dropped to 1mg at bedtime.. Well it dawned on me a couple days ago I was going through hella withdrawls.. Dripping sweat and feel like I was going to burst into flames, brain zaps , muscles cramping so bad I'd be in tears.. Well why didn't I realize ????? Well because my rage-yness just kind of shadows over everything in an odd way..

Well common sense would have me take 2 to stop feeling like garbage .. but Nope I have decided to just keep on the one. I know I have to take at least one, I dont want seizures. So yeah ( DOH ) lol

Hope everyone is doing well

Happy Birthday, Blue_Bird! The late 20s...Oh how I wish I could spend a week at that age again. That's great you were able to go out and buy those goodies. They all sound yummy! I love cannoli, too. Enjoy.

@Blue_Bird and all:

H@pPy BiRtHd@Y!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Grats on the deli shopping triumph! I also find simple but new interactions intimidating. Sounds like you put together a wonderful meal. I know what you mean about being limited because of the bus, in terms of carrying home things.

Luckily, my neighborhood has a delivery service, carry them right into the kitchen for me!!! I've been shopping there for twenty-two years and the familiarity is very comforting. Takes a lot of the anxiety out of the ordeal.

I'm on a first name basis with the delivery guy, we talk about our dogs, he's a super nice guy. I get big orders infrequently, so i only shop every month, after payday, so the cost of the $10 delivery fee is defrayed.

I've also started tipping the guy $2 since i do such enormous orders, i figure it's more than $10 worth of work. Also, i am just so darn grateful for the delivery service -- so nice to buy a couple hundred dollars of groceries and walk away from the cashier without a thing to carry!!!

Have a beautiful day! Sounds like you have some nice treats planned -- i LOVE pastries! Hope you have a great day, you deserve it Blue_Bird!!!

Warmest Regards,

Jane.

@Blue_Bird Happy Birthday!

I've been pretty anxious since last night. It was so hard to focus and I've had to work alternately between my reports and my lessons that I've made a huge mistake. I haven't received any email from the company about it yet. It takes 2-5 days for that email about penalties to come, but they've sent me a message last night about what I did wrong. Now, I won't be able to sleep until I get that.

I'm not saying it's a good thing, but because of this thing, I couldn't even take a nap and I did my workout for an hour to try and take my mind off of it. Work starts soon and I'm going to be super careful about doing things correctly.

It's evening here, but most of you guys are just starting you day, so I hope you're all in a better mood today.

Hey all. I ended going inpatient again at the behest of my program clinician. I went to the ER very reluctantly which showed when they interviewed me. Man I was yelling, cursing, crying...I’ve NEVER done that. Not surprised at all they put my *** back in.

It was absolutely torturous this time. I felt so panicked and trapped. I considered signing a 48 hour notice to leave AMA but convinced myself not to. I was overcome by rage at my abuser and really my whole life. But there’s been a fundamental shift. Whereas before I’ve taken it out on myself, I was so enraged that I just decided right there that none of the **** that happened to me was my fault so I’m not the one who deserves to be hurt here. No, I deserve to build up my life and be happy. The best revenge is living well, right?

I don’t have much of a plan at this point except joining the gym again and pouring all my rage into the machines. I feel that if I can get stronger physically I can get stronger mentally. I will feel safer in the world if I’m stronger and able to fight back if anyone ever comes at me again. I was weak and helpless before but I’m not going to be that way anymore. Once I’m a bit more fit I’m going to take a self defense class as well.

Anyway I am now taking lithium even though I didn’t want to. It hasn’t helped my mood in the slightest but it has tamped down on the self destructive urges so that’s a relief.

I hope everyone is doing ok.

Best of luck with the surgery! I'll keep you in my thoughts