Bipolar check-in #56

I am sorry you are in a tough spot. I know with me I am prescribed 2mg of xanax a day but only take 1mg for fear of letting my tolerance sky rocket. You are taking a high dosage of xanax now. I would be honest with my pdoc even if he decides to pull you off of it. He can at least do a taper with you and get you down to a safer dosage so you can come off of it safely. best of luck.

Rs is your husband ?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So it’s been one week on 25mg of lamictal.
Today was my day off so I didn’t have an energy drink, I noticed I’m going to sleep at the right time so I think no more energy drinks .
I know I’m in the wrong job and I have a job I want to apply for , the deadline is Tuesday . Well I do and don’t want to apply for It.
I have a caffeine headache and I may take some ibuprofen for it.
As I’ve been sharing on the relationship thread I have come to realize I can not date an alcoholic . I have been for a year. I gave up my sobriety for him and it’s been destroying my soul.
I’m not sure that lamictal is the right drug for me at this point although I do work in an overwhelming environment so it could help me there.
Since going back to work after being on disability while raising my daughter I’ve yet to find the right fit.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I haven't been around much lately. It seems I go in spells as far as forum participation goes. There's a lot going on in real life this month, so I haven't had a lot of time to spend on the computer. I'm heartened, however, to see that there are new or returning folks who have been posting lately. Much good advice & support is being shared. I'm glad.

Well, I've been getting more sleep lately, but it's in shifts. My pdoc told me to take a Klonopin when I wake up in the middle of the night. After an hour, or so, I'm able to get an additional 2-4 hours of sleep. I'm not sure the AP is doing any good, so I'm thinking about discontinuing its use. Having read the threads, it seems like sleep issues are a common theme these days. The summer solstice is sneaking up on us in a week; I'm not sure that has anything to do with sleep, but it's an interesting correlation.

Be well, those of you who are struggling. Sweet dreams, for those of you who can't sleep. Party on, for those of you who currently have sunbeams shooting out of your arses!

I’m so sorry you are struggling. You are not alone. I’m manic right now myself. Focusing enough to do coping skills is a challenge right now as I’m having insomnia. I’ve been trying to limit my screen time and TV watching in the hopes that that will help. I hope your mind slows down soon so you can feel better.

Today I’m depressed but not as bad as I was yesterday. I woke up at 8:52. Which is really late for me. My mom is coming home today so maybe that’s why I am feeling better. I haven’t taken any Xanax yet. I’m going to try the one a day and if I can’t do it I’ll call my Pdoc. I also need to call my surgeon to see what’s up and if he’ll do a FaceTime with me. My chest hurts a bit and it’s still bruised and swollen.

I’ve lost some weight this past weekend due to depression and also motivation at the same time. My mom made a lot of food for me for the weekend and I didn’t touch some of it and I barely ate the other things. She’s going to ask what I ate and I don’t even know what I ate to be honest. I know I had some Goldfish crackers and a bag of corn yesterday.

I’m thinking of buying some Beats wireless headphones. They are on sale now at Target and Best Buy.

Edit: I ordered the head phones. Best Buy was out of stock but I got them from Target. I got a pretty good deal on them too.

I took the one Xanax I could take. I’m hoping it will work and be enough. I wish I had cut it up though.

Edit again: I for sure need another Xanax right now. My face is breaking out into a sweat and I’m just so anxious. Maybe I’ll try a cut up one. I don’t even know how to explain things to my doctor.

I'm tired and I over ate today. Been doing that a lot, with much of it less than healthful food. My mood has played a part. I'm not taking any more medication than I've taken for a while, when I wasn't having the overeating.

Hubby and I had to run some special errands, including transferring the car registration from one city to another. Before we left, I stubbed my toe quite badly. At first it seemed no big deal, but then walking became very uncomfortable. I took off my sock and found it swollen and black and blue. I'm certain it's not broken, though. I've had worse injuries when no breaks were found.

When my husband got home last night, he told me about his visit with his friend. People were saying he is "better". "Better", maybe, as a comparison. But doing well? No. Apparently the friend still has unreasonable paranoia and some delusional thinking. The friend thinks the government is tapping his phones and monitoring his emails. He thinks this because of some frighteningly large payment he made during the worst of his illness. It was akin to extreme manic hyperspending. But he wasn't manic. Just psychotic as a rare post-covid effect. The payment just made it into the six-figure range, and he was only able to get back 50%. Sounds tragic, but really other stuff trumps it, in his case.

As written yesterday, I get my first covid vaccine next week. I was surprised to find that the 2nd won't be given until August 4. I thought they scheduled them only a few weeks apart? August 4 is far more. Maybe scheduling backup?

My second shot was about 3 1/2 weeks later, mum’s was about 2 weeks I’ve heard of them being 2 months later. There doesn’t seem to be any consistency.

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddha1too I haven't been around much lately. It seems I go in spells as far as forum participation goes. There's a lot going on in real life this month, so I haven't had a lot of time to spend on the computer. I'm heartened, however, to see that there are new or returning folks who have been posting lately. Much good advice & support is being shared. I'm glad. Well, I've been getting more sleep lately, but it's in shifts. My pdoc told me to take a Klonopin when I wake up in the middle of the night. After an hour, or so, I'm able to get an additional 2-4 hours of sleep. I'm not sure the AP is doing any good, so I'm thinking about discontinuing its use. Having read the threads, it seems like sleep issues are a common theme these days. The summer solstice is sneaking up on us in a week; I'm not sure that has anything to do with sleep, but it's an interesting correlation. Be well, those of you who are struggling. Sweet dreams, for those of you who can't sleep. Party on, for those of you who currently have sunbeams shooting out of your arses!

It's good to see you, buddha! I've been wondering where you were. Your observation about the impending summer solstice is wise.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I'm tired and I over ate today. Been doing that a lot, with much of it less than healthful food. My mood has played a part. I'm not taking any more medication than I've taken for a while, when I wasn't having the overeating. Hubby and I had to run some special errands, including transferring the car registration from one city to another. Before we left, I stubbed my toe quite badly. At first it seemed no big deal, but then walking became very uncomfortable. I took off my sock and found it swollen and black and blue. I'm certain it's not broken, though. I've had worse injuries when no breaks were found. When my husband got home last night, he told me about his visit with his friend. People were saying he is "better". "Better", maybe, as a comparison. But doing well? No. Apparently the friend still has unreasonable paranoia and some delusional thinking. The friend thinks the government is tapping his phones and monitoring his emails. He thinks this because of some frighteningly large payment he made during the worst of his illness. It was akin to extreme manic hyperspending. But he wasn't manic. Just psychotic as a rare post-covid effect. The payment just made it into the six-figure range, and he was only able to get back 50%. Sounds tragic, but really other stuff trumps it, in his case. As written yesterday, I get my first covid vaccine next week. I was surprised to find that the 2nd won't be given until August 4. I thought they scheduled them only a few weeks apart? August 4 is far more. Maybe scheduling backup?

What a very sad situation about your husband's friend. I wonder if he'll ever be "normal" again?

As I understand it, the vaccines are supposed to be about 3 weeks apart. August 4th is a long time to wait!

My mom came home. She brought me a bunch of bottles of Faygo soda including cotton candy. And she brought me a new flavor of Mountain Dew. She called my surgeon and they say I for sure need a post op appointment and that the nurse practitioner will FaceTime me. Then I found out that my Pdoc appointment is next Monday. Not the 29th like I thought. So I only have to get through another week of feeling this way. I plan on asking him to raise my lamictal a bit, I think it will help. And then hopefully he’ll be able to fill my Xanax then since he just refills everything at one time. So if it works out then I’ll have just enough to get me by. But I am now switching to 2 a day just in case it takes a couple days for the pharmacy to get it filled after he calls it in. But I feel a lot better with my mom back.

Edit: the PA called back and she set up a FaceTime for 9:15 tomorrow morning. I’m not sure if it will be with her and the doctor or just her. But she’s really nice and was the one who took the drains out of me and took out all the excess blood from my first surgery. She said me currently still being in pain is normal. I’m not sure using my weighted blankets this past weekend was a good idea. But I slept so good with them.

Lately I've been having a rough time with being as alone as I am. I feel I've reached my limit on covid isolation. I'm long ago done with teletherapy, the talking head bit just isn't doing it for me anymore. My therapist (who clearly has health anxiety issues) has been out for 2 weeks and it sounds like she'll be out this week, too. We were scheduled to meet in person for the first time since covid on June 25th, but I'm betting she'll say she needs more time before in-person sessions because she's been sick these weeks. I feel like telling her to forget seeing each other until it's back to in person sessions. The anxiety of dealing with her isn't helpful to me. Therapy causes me to need therapy...

The increase in perphenazine (AP) is helping to calm my anxiety to quite a degree, although I'm still having occasional waves of panic throughout the day and wish I could obliterate those waves.

I was pleased to see that the Bidens met Queen Elizabeth yesterday. It's nice to have confidence in one's leaders.

Well my fiancé. We’re getting married in October. We might as well already be married though!

I had a wild morning. My clinician had a seizure right on camera in the middle of group! It was awful to watch even though I’ve seen quite a few when I was working in the special services school. We were all like wtf do we do? Numerous members called the other clinicians and the director of the program. I calmed down immediately when her mom came in and didn’t seem freaked out. That made me think that she’s had them before. Her mom said she had one that morning so I’m thinking she’s epileptic and was having a bad day. It was crazy though. Like it’s virtual so we were completely powerless. I’m so glad her mom was home and heard her fall out of her chair. The director came on in the next group and assured us that she was awake and alert and was being cared for.

In other news the switch has flipped again and I feel motivated and energized again. No urges to self harm. I didn’t have to force myself out to the gym and I even did a strength training workout when I got home. I messed up though and did moves that involved bending. I knew it would aggravate my back and I was right. I found a new video on YouTube though specifically designed to not put pressure on the lower back so I’ll try that next.

I’m getting another freaking migraine right now. I had one yesterday! I took the imitrex but for some reason it tensed up my shoulder and neck muscles and just switched the headache to the back of my head because of the tension! My pdoc said topomax is used for migraine prevention and I could try that. I might just do that. I can’t take this awful pain!

I'm just a little off. Kind of worried about getting to know this place. I hope it will be nice.

Thank you I took klonopin to try to take the edge off a bit, but it just made me loopy. I hope you feel better soon too.

Well I picked up from seroquel from the pharmacy.
I need a good nights sleep as I have work tomorrow . I’m about ready to resign from this job but I have nothing else lined up. I wanted to apply for a new job but I couldn’t focus to apply and the deadline is tomorrow plus my college age kid has been demanding all my time and attention today. Like I’m fighting my own disorders , dealing with her, I’m too drained to apply for a new job.
I think I’m going to talk to my doctor about going back on disability to give my brain a rest while I figure out what to do next.

Welcome!!!!!!!!

Welcome xllewbowski! I hope you'll find this a kind and welcoming place.

Welcome, xllewbowski! Does your name come from the classic film "The Big Lewbowski," dude? If so, I like it! All is well here. Post away!

Welcome xllewbowski! This is a great place!

I broke down finally. I'm getting a crown on my broken tooth tomorrow at 9:15 a.m. costing me an arm and a leg!

Welcome xllewboski, nice to have you here.

Ouch on both accounts!

I've been busy being depressed. Miguel wants to move out ASAP. He's looking for a job now. I worry about his schooling and things. I want to find a nice but cheap place. He can't afford a lot and school needs to be his #1. He wants everything now. He wants to work and save. He likes having money but he won't have any if he moves out but whatever. His plans change minute to minute. We shall see.