Bipolar check-in #56

My brother has some. I’ve asked my mom to be in control of my meds a few times, and she says she will, and I’ve given them to her before but then she always gives them back to me.

I’m doing better today. My pain is gone and that’s what was really setting off my mental health issues these last few days. The level of that pain plus the side effects from the muscle relaxers was just too much to deal with. I took a hot shower for the second day in a row. Plus I haven’t used my weighted blankets for a few days. I think on Sunday I didn’t take enough benzos which may have impacted how I felt on Monday about therapy and other things. Today they are working. Things seem to be a combination of mental health and physical stuff but the pain for sure made everything else 10 times worse.

I haven’t heard back from anyone regarding therapy. So I’m not sure what my next step will be. But things don’t seem as intense as they did these last few days. So I guess I can just wait and think it out.

This morning I ordered a new hat from Hot Topic that was 50% off and I also ordered a 40 count variety snack box from Amazon. The snack box was only $14 and it has a ton of different varieties in it. I don’t usually buy anything during prime day but I’ve been getting notices on Facebook about good deals.

Today, hopefully, yielded some very good things for my husband and me. We went to the Ministry of the Interior and the woman we saw (Window 1) listened to our predicament and seemed to feel it was no big deal. She simply wrote the equivalent of an "aka Jane Doe Novakova" and then slammed the typical stamp next to it. Afterwards, I encouraged Hubby to head straight to the insurance office. When we got there, we found a most pleasant lady more than willing to help. She seemed to even take an instant liking to my husband. Apparently she grew up in a town very nearby where my sister-in-law lives, which is where my husband's parents had their summer cottage. According to her, we should be expecting our insurance cards in a few days by mail. I'm sure Hubby will have no problem. I'm cautiously optimistic about me getting mine...or at least right. What was even nicer was that the lady made Hubby's insurance coverage retroactive to May. She said mine would be retroactive to June 2nd. We still have two other government offices to go to.

I saw my Czech psychiatrist again today. Unlike the other times, there was a major wait. The office was hot as hell since there is no air conditioning. Hubby still joined me. I was encouraging the doc to get rid of my morning Seroquel XR, which he did. I complained about increased appetite and how doses below 600 mg are mostly weight neutral for me. To that he commented how weight unfriendly it can be, but then said "Well, you aren't overweight, so that's good." I immediately thought "What!?!?!"

I confess I loudly stated "I am overweight! I may not be obese, but I'm sure overweight." I didn't want to announce how much, but the truth is that I'm 20 lbs above the highest weight in my normal BMI range, for my height and age. And believe me, I see and feel the weight.

Tomorrow we get our 1st covid shot. I think it will likely be the Pfizer one. I researched them and the long time between 1 and 2 is consistent with that version.

I think I'm going to pay for ketamine treatment myself, my depression and anxiety are getting out of hand.

It's 1,250 per treatment but I guess I could just try 2 or 3 and see how it goes.

I'm so tired of feeling so low all the time and my anxiety is slowly getting worse.

I was up at 4:30 this morning and by 11 I couldn't stand it! I needed a nap. I didn't set an alarm and I slept from 11 to 3!

Woo I’m jelly!

Thinking of you and sending gentle hugs and supportive vibes.

Just got back from going to the kidney doctor. My brother’s kidney function is 36% and he is at Stage 3 of Chronic Kidney Disease. You can’t get it back but you can try and maintain what you have. There are five stages. Dialysis starts at 15%. He has already stated that is not an option. I was calm and jovial with mom and my brother through the longest lunch and longest drive ever then called my daughter. She’s been warning me for years to prepare myself and hasn’t pulled any punches. I appreciate that. The 10-20 years I envision just isn’t realistic.

All cried out for right now. Going to the pool early tomorrow to float it out.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening.

Had to skip a bunch of pages. Way far behind. Things are going alright, except the weather. Too freaking hot. High 90's yesterday. This weekend? Triple digits, including what will likely be the highest recorded temperature here EVER. Anyone who denies climate change has their head in the sand. We in the west are LIVING IT. I dread the wildfires. They have become surreal. Last summer we had the worst air quality IN THE WORLD. Trust me, that level is VERY, VERY bad.

When the air is cool, I literally savor it.

Shout out to Beth. You have my complete empathy. Here's to making it through alright.

*********
Mr. Robot

Makes me sick to the heart, Oh I feel so tired. And the way the rain comes down hard, that's how I feel inside.

--The Cure

I’m so sorry.

It's a realfeel of 63 right now and getting down to 50 tonight! I am definitely sleeping with my bedroom window open again!

Yes none here. Likely the closest is 110 miles away. Thank you for the idea tho.

Oh Nammu I am so sorry that sleep has packed its bags and left, I think the provider was very cruel doing this.

Yes I do see Richard tomorrow in person. I hope that it helps some how.

Just got under my weighted blanket for the first time in forever. Its 20 pounds! I will sleep like this under my open window with the cool air. Aaahhh!

Oh Jennifer such bad news to hear Hopefully your brother will truly realize that he must take care of himself..... much better.

As much as it hurt to hear I am Glad that M was honest about how things are going..

Take good care of yourself

I sleep under it every night. I can not sleep without it.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am really struggling between the lamictal to stabilize my mood the seroquel for sleep and the caffeine to be able to do my job. I’m meeting with my doctor tomorrow to get a note for reasonable accommodations so that I don’t ever have to worry about having an irregular schedule. I’m about ready to take a leave of absence or go back on disability .

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 Just got back from going to the kidney doctor. My brother’s kidney function is 36% and he is at Stage 3 of Chronic Kidney Disease. You can’t get it back but you can try and maintain what you have. There are five stages. Dialysis starts at 15%. He has already stated that is not an option. I was calm and jovial with mom and my brother through the longest lunch and longest drive ever then called my daughter. She’s been warning me for years to prepare myself and hasn’t pulled any punches. I appreciate that. The 10-20 years I envision just isn’t realistic. All cried out for right now. Going to the pool early tomorrow to float it out. I hope everyone has a peaceful evening.

Hugs

What about a regular hospital?
I am sorry you are suffering.
bizi

So, got desperate, figured out hat=bed, but it didn't work and have a migraine now. Gonna go split into a reality where you can divide by zero and everything equals nothing. I'm winning.