Bipolar check-in #56

Yes it would be wonderful if masks are a thing of the past by March!

At least the traffic delay didn't last long. But like I said, they had my lane for the way home blocked so who knows. I just took the other way home.

My doctor's office called and told me that all my blood levels are normal including thyroid and A1C. She said I am NOT in menopause! So the hot flashes are a mystery. Maybe its my huge breasts heating me up! I know I'd feel better if I could take them OFF!

I watered my new plants today. I think they'll need daily watering.

I also ordered a book on Sunday that is scheduled to arrive anywhere between 4:15 and 6:15 today.

It's supposed to be hot later in the week- 90 I think on Friday!

Well I'm off to find something to eat. More later!

The drive to the veterans admin was tiring, but very smooth. A lot of traffic, but amazingly not all backed up. To my great relief, my husband doesn't seem to have a truly dangerous eye illness. The 2 optometrists he saw are trying to figure out what's going on; they have some speculation that it's a something-something (can't recall the name), which is fairly easily treated with laser. We go back next week so they can check him out some more. So, a tiring day, but a good one.

Doggie gets lucky !!!

20+ ish years ago I was on Halcion which is notorious for sleep walking etc. I woke up one morning and walked in the kitchen and I had baked 4-5 cakes and frosted them pretty! had zero memory. Another time I woke up and swore it was time to go to work. I got up and did my whole morning routine shower hair makeup, packed lunch and got my daughter up and all ready for school.. she was about 9... Got in the car and went to turn on the radio and the clock said 1.35 am !!! Ahhhhh I went into hysterics..

Were you able to go back to sleep ????

The only thing I did today besides dinner is clean the bathrooms No running the Vac, steam cleaning the floors,laundry, dusting etc etc etc things I do every single day !

I know that my Bipolar just being so jacked up is the cause, well my pain is high but that has seldom ever gotten between me and my cleaning..

At this point I am going to have to just figure out life on Lamictal, Doxepin and Xanax which I suspect the NP I will be seeing is going to take me off it. I try not to go down the rabbit hole, but it happens.

I have 147+ coping skills but nothing thus far is sticking I'll keep throwing things at it. Maybe I'll get lucky?

Oh ok I have something that is rather shocking to me. My husband is just not a reader, even in school he hated to read a book. He just can't stay focused. Anyway we have watched the movie " The Shack" a zillion times and I always say the movie is okay but oh the book is of course much better ! He said he wanted to read it I got on Ebay a nano second later. Found one for I think 5 bucks. Anyway he's really reading it !!! He even said he is enjoying it alot.

I read all the time and always have, its my escape! well lately I have trouble focusing. But my favorite Author has released another book in the series.. 19 so far and he had no plans to stop Thankfully..

So anyone have a Magic wand and can help a girl out?

@~Christina I am not in a purely DBT program as I refused to do that. I am in a general adult psych PHP. However I am trying to keep an open mind because they do have some DBT courses as a part of the general curriculum.

I see met with my therapist and made a safety plan today. I meet the pdoc tomorrow and seriously not a moment too soon. I was a complete wreck today. I was depressed this morning BUT I woke up at 6:30am which is way earlier than I usually get up if I don’t have to be up for work. I was a little agitated by the noise, had to mute the group a couple of times but there’s no way to turn on captions so I have to turn it back on to make sure no ones talking to me.

So I was a bit agitated during DBT but I was able to be honest during process group about the fact that I self harmed yesterday. But when I realized the final group of the day was art???? Oh my god I can’t even explain what happened. I FLIPPED MY *****. I got completely consumed by rage. I mean I wanted to slash my computer screen. I have no idea why! I mean just because it was art therapy and I don’t like art therapy? That deserves rage?

And then during my safety plan meeting I was crying at every answer. And then, AND THEN, it just...went away??? Like now I’m totally happy and fine with life. I’m feeling very sped up but in a “good” way, not a stabby way. I took extra seroquel to hopefully fall asleep at some point tonight. I took 100mg which is the max recommended by another pdoc last summer when I wasn’t sleeping.

Damn I just hope tomorrow is at least one mood, whatever mood it lands on.

Hey! Yeah sorry about thinking it was just DBT, I do understand your frustration about that.

I am so sorry that you are going through such torment Your in a god awful mixed episode and that is just hell on earth.

I'm hoping that the Pdoc can find a medication that can help break this episode up. You so need a break sooner rather than later. I'm sorry you self harmed

I'm here. I'm just quiet. I don't know how my appointments will go on Thursday. We're going fully vegetarian when our meat runs out. I hate this, I'm going to bed hopefully tomorrow will be better.

I am livid about something my husband did. I won't go into it, but I wish I could shake the heck out of him. What's so uncomfortable is that my husband's action really hurts the feelings of the handyman friend we have over now. I'm so embarrassed that I hardly want to look at this handyman friend because of my husband's (and to a small degree even my) actions. If I were the handyman, I'd want to immediately leave. We don't want him to, though.

What is so awkward about the above is that I wish I could apologize to the handyman friend. But I can't, because of the language barrier. I wrote my sister-in-law asking if she thinks it would be appropriate to apologize to him, on my behalf. If she thinks it is, then I asked for her to do so, for me.

I managed to push some homemade bean and beef chili on our handyman friend. I'm unsure if he liked it or not, and I don't think he's ever had it before. I think it rocks, but it is spicy, obviously. For some reason I have grown to love spicy stuff more and more as I've aged. More so than my husband. I might even add some Tabasco sauce to my own, as a drizzle on the top.

Oh, ugh. Didn’t sleep last night. Tossed and turned so much I had to get up and remake the bed. After that I settled down and was able to just lay and zen. Today I meet the new doctor. I’m nervous now because here the general GP does everything. And I never know how GPS feel about mental illnesses. My arms are very scared up thanks to ADs that threw me into mixed states. My thrush looks better with the home remedies but it’s still there I hope he doesn’t desmiss it. Oh gees I hate taking a shower after a night of being awake the water feels like pins and needles.

I just came back from getting my second shot. The pharmacist was really confused by my name and then how I looked. Which I guess is good but I really need to start the process of changing my name and gender. But he was all like “oh, ok.” When I told him I was trans. But I wouldn’t get on a flight right now. TSA can be assholes I’ve heard to anybody. I wouldn’t try to cross the border either right now. But so far I feel ok. I’m getting tired but I was also in the process of having an anxiety attack for 30 minutes before we got to the store. My old therapist says you can get pretty exhausted just from extreme stress alone. I’m still getting adjusted to my town and while it’s safe I can still get a bit spooked. Also the Walmart where I go to now is the type of Walmart where half the people shopping are in their pajamas or in some other goofy type of outfit.

But yeah just the tiredness for right now. I could use some Tylenol. It’s not as bad as my first was. I’m not sure how bad it will get.

Edit: can’t tell if I have massive hunger pangs or nausea. I have some slight pain in my lower left side. I have chills. My headache is still there. I’m going to take Tylenol now. My temp is exact normal. My tiredness isn’t bad. It’s the kind of tired I get when I don’t go back to bed after taking my Geodon. First one was still worse in my opinion.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Oh, ugh. Didn’t sleep last night. Tossed and turned so much I had to get up and remake the bed. After that I settled down and was able to just lay and zen. Today I meet the new doctor. I’m nervous now because here the general GP does everything. And I never know how GPS feel about mental illnesses. My arms are very scared up thanks to ADs that threw me into mixed states. My thrush looks better with the home remedies but it’s still there I hope he doesn’t desmiss it. Oh gees I hate taking a shower after a night of being awake the water feels like pins and needles.

I hear you on GP's. It's shocking how many are ignorant regarding mental illness. I hope yours isn't. Let us know how your appointment goes today, Nammu

My appointment went fine, he was more flustered by my hearing impairments than mental illness. I told him I’m very stable on my meds and my lifestyle routine. And he was fine with that. He was very happy with my new exercise program. Encouraged me to keep it up. Referred me to acupuncture. Did say my mouth looked good to keep up the apple cider, salt water gargle and did a swab to test for fungus. He’s ok. I miss my old doc though cause he had a deaf son and that made it easier.

He was awkward with the interpreter. I don’t think he ever had an interpreter for any language before.

Yesterday was easy and flowing. I went to the dentist then stopped at this cafe I parked in front of that I’d been wanting to try. I don’t do things like that! If it’s not on the list….I had the best omelette and coffee. The day continued on and ended with me seeing a movie. I even got free popcorn and coke for my birthday gift.

Today is the total opposite. Stressful and difficult. I’m working on changing my mindset to something that will help me thrive.

I got some audiobooks from Chirp today. A bright spot since I am losing my ability to read books with the legal blindness. I fear for my senior years. I already can’t drive at dusk and beyond. Scary stuff.

Hugs to all!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu My appointment went fine, he was more flustered by my hearing impairments than mental illness. I told him I’m very stable on my meds and my lifestyle routine. And he was fine with that. He was very happy with my new exercise program. Encouraged me to keep it up. Referred me to acupuncture. Did say my mouth looked good to keep up the apple cider, salt water gargle and did a swab to test for fungus. He’s ok. I miss my old doc though cause he had a deaf son and that made it easier. He was awkward with the interpreter. I don’t think he ever had an interpreter for any language before.

Overall, he sounds like a decent GP. Odd about the interpreter, though. Well, next time he'll probably be more comfortable with it!

Anxious today because I'm worrying about one of my cats. He had some intolerance to the brand of food I was feeding him and had minor (very) diarrhea. I took him to the vet, she prescribed an antibiotic. The diarrhea is gone, but he seems very sleepy. He's eating, though not as voraciously as he usually does. He's just sleepy. Then he threw up a bit of bile this morning. I freaked out and called the vet. She said it sounds like his tummy is still somewhat upset and if he's still sleepy or throws up anymore to bring him in tomorrow.

Ugh. I don't even agree with her...I know him, London, and I really think he's reacting to the medication. I know antibiotics can cause sleepiness and upset stomach. I'm having miserable anticipatory anxiety because I am so phobic about going to the vet...I've lost a number of beloved pets. I truly don't think London is sick, I think he had some food intolerance and now some med side-effects. Plus, I have therapy and psych appointments tomorrow that I really don't want to miss. And, there's the money issue, especially at this time of the month. Vets are so darn expensive.

I'm sorry for the rant, I hate myself when I get anxious like this. Especially when, deep inside, I don't believe there's a major reason for the anxiety. UGGGGHHHH

Oh Beth, that’s so hard cause pets can’t tell us anything. But I agree with you that’s it’s probably the meds.

My blood work came back already. I’ve no idea what it means. The results are all over the place. Some things are high some low. The one I understood was iron, I’m low. But when I tried to google the results there was alarming illnesses so I stopped that. I know I’m not bleeding cause my last doctor looked for that. And my googled gas led to scary stuff. I hope they call soon.

I hope they get back with you and everything can be addressed. I just had a full blood panel because of the lithium and I was really low in iron, D3 and B12. Really odd.

I hope London starts feeling better soon.

I hope you had a better day today. Hopefully, your appointments will go well tomorrow.

London started throwing up all over the place so I ran him to the vet. They called it an emergency visit and are charging me a fortune, plus I had to leave him there until they can look at him. I'm so worried. I still think he's having a bad reaction to the medication, but I'm so scared. I will ask them to please hold a check from me for 1 week until my husband receives his social security check. I'm just waiting for the vet to call, every minute feels like an hour. I need to eat, but cannot when I'm so anxious.

Hugs all around and thanks for the good thoughts.