Bipolar check-in #56

Sapien, did you give your meds to your mom? You're far from alone in having to do so. Many years back my husband kept mine in our safe. I still don't know the combination. I think his friend does, but my meds have long since been out of it. I hope your art progress is helping you.

I have some fun things lined up for this week: a movie Tuesday, a patriotic concert Thursday with fireworks, my daughter coming in on Friday, tubing down a river Saturday and trying a new Thai restaurant. I’m also looking forward to floating every day, buying more flowers and a lovely picture frame for my daughter’s graduation picture. Focus on the good.

I have a med provider appointment today and two meetings so today will be hopping. I’m going to talk to my NP about my meds in light of the situation. Something might help.

Wishing everyone a peaceful Monday.

I have some fun things lined up for this week: a movie Tuesday, a patriotic concert Thursday with fireworks, my daughter coming in on Friday, tubing down a river Saturday and trying a new Thai restaurant. I’m also looking forward to floating every day, buying more flowers and a lovely picture frame for my daughter’s graduation picture. Focus on the good.

I have a med provider appointment today and two meetings so today will be hopping. I’m going to talk to my NP about my meds in light of the situation. Something might help.

Wishing everyone a peaceful Monday.

Yup, finished the outline now I just have to color stuff in which is my least favorite part. I'm glad your anxiety is better, hopefully you'll get to move to the upgraded apartment.

Was a nice party. Just 5 girls. My daughter had two inflatable pools and a unicorn that sprays water out of his horn. The girls all had swim suits on for the time outside with the mermaid. They ran though the water and listened to the mermaids stories and got crowns to wear. Then they changed back into their dresses and came indoors for cake and the opening of gifts 🎁. My granddaughter hugged my mum out of all the people there for her gift. That was so cute, totally adorable and spontaneous. I think it made mum’s day. For the finish there was a mermaid piñata, for that my grandson joined! 😃

My ex boyfriend said I seemed blunted or subdued the last two days and he blames the Wellbutrin. I said first of all I’m intense so if I’m subdued , good! Second of all I doubt it’s the antidepressant , I think it’s the seroquel or lamictal , however he did notice it the first and second days I took the Wellbutrin. He’s against antidepressants because he had a bad experience with Prozac.
Also last night I didn’t take seroquel to sleep and I did have racing thoughts around 4 in the morning so I’m definitely taking it tonight .

I can relate. I’ve experienced blunting, too, and it’s unpleasant to say the least to go from feeling everything to feeling nothing. I’m sorry your sleep was interrupted. I hope you sleep better tonight.

Getting ready to take a trip to see my family in Indiana.
Am a bit anxious about this. For three days I will be

staying at my folks house in northern IN.
I asked mom what she wanted me to do to help with

the yard. She wants me to weed the area in front

of the bay window in the living room and the bricks

in the front of the house, it is actually the back of
the house. It is an old farm house. Mom has many
garden beds to tend to and she loves working in
the yard and cooking, she is a great cook.
My sisters live in the state and help out going up
monthly to help with chores. They are a big help.
I feel bad that I can't help out living 1000 miles a way.
I have extra klonipin to take if I need it.
We have 7 nights booked into a hotel. Everything

is so expensive, renting a car, air flight, hotels.
This will be the last time that we will fly because

of my e-credit from a canceled trip due to covid.
That is until we take a big trip overseas to
celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary.
anyway,I have not seen my folks in a year
because they canceled christmas last year,
due to covid fears. They are in their 80's so I get that.
It will be good to see my sisters and Brother-in-law too.
I will be traveling with jeff so that is good. I hate traveling alone.

Thanks for the support.
bizi

Soon, I think Hubby and I should start adding some new activities into our lives. I feel the pandemic heading towards the end, mostly because our 2nd vaccination is on the calendar. We are sufficiently moved in, and relaxed. Most all administrative stuff (relating to the move) is done. We are just waiting for our Subaru to finally reach us from the US.

I tracked and pre-planned my meals these past seven days, staying within weight loss ranges every day. I weighed myself this morning and was treated to my usual excellent Week 1 big loss of 4.2 lbs (1.9 kg). Again, some is water weight loss. That gets me down to the weight I was before my recent gain. I'm going to keep going. I might start writing posts in my blog again, as an encouragement for myself. That's helped me before. Many of my blog followers are ones who write about such topics. The last time I started such a series was July 24, 2020 and it lasted seven weeks. The time before started April 13, 2018 and lasted 30 weeks (with brief breaks and setbacks due to vacations). My dedication/determination to this task obviously varies. Those past two times I reached the same low and started at about the same weight. I'd like to beat them.

I'm beat! It's heading towards 7 pm. I barbecued chicken and veggies for dinner, and that was as much as I could manage after eating.The kitchen is a bit of a mess from all of my other cooking projects, but it will wait.

Hubby put up our new ceramic outdoor sculpture. A photo is attached. We love it! It's sort of like a bird bath (I'm sure one will go there and poop on it), but its value as a grounds sculpture is the main appeal to us. We choose it because it is like a broken eggshell within a broken eggshell. The whole piece has a textural design that is sort of like tree bark, but also like bird's feathers. It is placed next to our house's side entrance in a little garden area. We drove to Bohemia last weekend to pick it up. The ceramic artist made it just for us. She's wonderful! We also bought a bowl she made for my husband's sister, as well as a small sculpture I put in my kitchen. By chance, that artist made a lovely piece that my sister-in-law gave us some years back. She confirmed it was her work.

Tomorrow I will weigh myself again. I did so last Sunday and saw that I had gained a lot of weight. I'm hoping I shed a good amount. I've been tracking and pre-planning all of my meals these last seven days. I stayed within weight loss ranges every day. Obviously any loss will likely include some water weight loss, but some will be fat. I feel less bloated.

For me to participate in a forum for people with bipolar keeps it real. I recently found out what happens when I don’t take my bipolar seriously . I’ve tried posting about it here and there but nobody has responded . I don’t know why people aren’t offering me support but that doesn’t change the fact that I still have to deal with bipolar.

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My brother has reached out to me again, this time insisting we have a 'series of heart to hearts this summer' about emails LAST YEAR that were hurtful to him. E-mails he already had the opportunity to respond to, and with a great deal of anger, at the time.

I told him last year. I told him again recently, I will NOT meet with him in person. He flies into rages and gets very scary. My father is scared of him, my stepmother is, and my mother accused him of being abusive to her about 6 months before she passed away. his ex-wife accuses him of being abusive.

But the texts keep coming... It's awful. His behavior, his pattern of behavior, is a very long story, but it is harrowing.

I, of course, talk to my T about him, but also my pdoc. I'm fortunate in that my pdoc doesn't just refill meds, we really talk, for some 30-40 mins each time. I have talked about my brother extensively to her.

She had brought this up before, but this time was absolutely sure, that he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He needs and tries to get total control over me, through different means. This is true. My pdoc tells me I need to be strong with my boundaries and disengage when he barrages me with texts. When I spoke to her on Thursday, not for the first time, she said she was proud of me in how steadfast I am being with my boundaries with him.

I could not have done so without the consistent support of her, my T, and my best friend. He can be very hard to resist: he's my brother and I want to love him, he's very charismatic and can appear loving at times...

It's heartwrenching. I feel like I'm in an abusive relationship, though he is my brother.

He abused me as a child... I'm not ready to talk about it at any length with my T, so we did a guided imagery thing where I buried it in a chest with a lock at the bottom of the Monterey Bay, near where I used to live. One of these days, when I feel I finally can, I'll bring it up to the surface and open it. But for now, Pandora's box remains in the ocean.

He has been controlling me since I was a child. He crushes my soul. But my pdoc is right: I've gotten better and better at establishing and maintaining boundaries with him. Let's hope I will be able to hold fast.

I definitely relate and agree that it can be good to calm down intensity, a bit. Most all of my life I was high octane. Though it had its advantages, it also had major detriments.

Sorry to hear you're not really getting much of any support. Bipolar just sucks, in *so many ways.*

Where do you live now that you’re no longer in the U.S.? I’m glad you and your hubby are looking forward to some new activities. I thinking writing on your blog is a terrific idea. I had a blog years ago and really enjoyed it. It’s a great substitute for journaling. Have a good day!