Bipolar check-in #56

@Sapien...I'm so happy to read that you were able to get some solid sleep. I'm sure you'll feel better physically & emotionally. May it contuinue!

@Nammu...Thanks for your thoughts on my partner's retirement. We got along very well during the pandemic lockdown, so I don't anticipate any issues. I'm g;ad Sir's health checked out at the vet. My dog (Big Papi) isn't afraid of ANYTHING, despite the fact he only weighs 6 pounds. It's hard to believe that Sir is almost twice the size of my dog! Our last two dogs were German shepherds, so a small dog was a big change for us.

@wildflowerchild25...I'm so sorry that the migraines have returned. I"ve never had one, so I have nothing to compare it to, but it sounds miserable. I hope you feel better soon.

@jmariah001...It's good feeling stable, isn't it! Rock on!

@BethRags...I hope today is cooler than it's been out there lately. My parents live in Phoenix, & it was 118 there yesterday! BTW...I checked the MLB standings, & the Giants now have the best record in baseball. I was never a big Giants fan (they beat my TIgers in the World Series in 2006, I believe), but now that I know a huge Giants fan (you) I've started to follow them.

@Soupe du jour...Two things that were very rare when I was living in Europe: air conditioning & automatic transmissions on cars. I think the reason for both was the high energy costs. I'm not sure whether both are rarities now, though.

Speaking of Europe, I was strolling down memory lane the other day. My partner was teasing me because I like the sound of bagpipes (I'm Scottish), so I was making fun of her because the Poles like Polka. Here's some comedy from the 1980s, if you need a laugh:

That was a cute video. Nice to see John Candy, too. And did you know that the polka is actually originally a Czech dance (Bohemia to be specific)? Though very popular in Poland and German-speaking countries, it's incorrect that Polish came up with it. Every Czech teenager learns to polka. Dance is a mandatory class in at least one year at school. Right now I am in Bohemia. We had lunch in the beautiful UNESCO center of the town of Telč.

Hubby said there are two theories about the etymology of the word "polka". The first is that it comes from půlka, meaning "half of something", relating to the dance rhythm/speed, with ů pronounced like the oo in English "pool". The second is actually "Pretty Polish girl" (spelled "polka") based on a popular feminist movement back then, that may have inspired the creation of the dance. Nowadays, it is spelled "polka", in Czech, pronounced about the same as in English.

Air-conditioning is still uncommon in Czech houses, but manual transmission still reigns, except that most rental cars are automatic. Luckily I've been driving manual for the last 35 years. But our one car that's currently being sent to us from the US is automatic.

This Xanax withdrawal sucks. My Valium is just going right through me and I can’t eat anything without getting super anxious. So I just haven’t been eating. At least I think it’s just a Xanax withdrawal. I know I’m dealing with PMS and still recovering from my surgery even though I think I’m pretty healed. Also dealing with that therapy **** as well which is stressful. My Pdoc said I should be under this amount of stress with everything that’s going on with the move and my surgery and the unprofessionalism of my therapist. But this anxiety is just the worst. I barely ate anything yesterday. I’m at my lowest weight since last summer. My therapist asked on Wednesday if I was restricting. That was the first time I’ve been asked that by her. My mom doesn’t seem to really care that I haven’t been eating much. Just like with my brothers massive weight gain she’s not saying anything. But I don’t know if I’m not eating because of a possible ED or if it’s just the withdrawal and anxiety and Noom. I got my weekly shot early today and it doesn’t seem to be making much of a difference either way.

Buddha, soupe I grew up with polka. My parents belonged to a club, I think it was a Norwegian based club. Their clubhouse had a stage and there were many fun productions. I remember one year all the men dressed up as ladies. Both my older sisters played the accordion. The oldest also played the flute and my middle sister the saxophone. Both were in band. But at this club they played polka too. I think it was disbanded when I was around 8-9. Just not enough people anymore. Was the mid 60’s so people were moving on. They had square dances too. Fun memories

Buddha; Big Papi and Sir might get along. Sir likes dogs but he likes to sit on them. The bigger they are the more likely he is to sit on them! My daughter had a Rottweiler and a Lab and Sir dominated both of them. Of course back then he was younger and weighed more. But it was funny watching him with those big dogs.

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Originally Posted by buddha1too ... @BethRags...I hope today is cooler than it's been out there lately. My parents live in Phoenix, & it was 118 there yesterday! BTW...I checked the MLB standings, & the Giants now have the best record in baseball. I was never a big Giants fan (they beat my TIgers in the World Series in 2006, I believe), but now that I know a huge Giants fan (you) I've started to follow them. ...

Yikes, I've been in Phoenix when it was 113 degrees...couldn't think thoughts, it was so scorching hot. I read that Needles, Calif (town way down in the desert) was 123 yesterday

Aw, thanks about the Giants. Their past few years stunk up the place, but finally this year they've graduated from being a Little League team to being an MLB team.

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Originally Posted by jmariah001 Feeling okay right now. Just listening to rock music and relaxing. Been stable for a while now. The weather has been really nice lately. One thing I have a been struggling with is having my days and nights switched. I am up all night and sleep all day. I have the majority of my energy at night. I am my happiest at night to. During the day if am awake I feel like a zombie. I think some of my meds make me tired. They are wore off at night. Funny because I've been on the same stuff for a long time now. Same combo for a while now. I have a phone appointment with my meds doc in a week. I will tell her about the sleep situation then. Well that's about it. Have a good night everyone. Back to my music.

Which rock bands do you like?

I’m not even sure at this point if I’m having a withdrawal or gallbladder issues or something. But I ate something, took some Tylenol, and I took a zofran and yeah I took one Xanax and I’m still getting zero relief from anything.

You can’t build up a tolerance from Valium after 5 pills in 2 days.

I think I figured things out. I haven’t had caffeine in 2 days. Things have been really bad for about 24 hours. I was drinking a ton of caffeine before. I was drinking a large coffee then a couple cans of Pepsi zero a day. Then I suddenly stopped all of it once my anxiety and appetite got bad. But I have all 8 symptoms of caffeine withdrawal so I’m wondering if I just need a large coffee and then a Valium after to feel better and back to normal.

It is complete hell though to have both a benzo and a caffeine addiction. And to try to go off both of them at the same time will not work. I’ve been in bed with a migraine all day. I mostly just drink caffeine free diet Mountain Dew and water these days but I often get coffee in the mornings.

My Pdoc is kind of an idiot. I even told him I was running out of my Xanax early and he didn’t seem to think there was any type of issue going on even though I told him “I am completely out of control with my Xanax.”

What doctor does this kind of stuff?

I’m listening to “I still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking for” by U2. This one reminds me of my “current” T. “With Or Without You” also by U2 from the same album reminds me of old T.

I missed a dose of my Lamictal a couple of days ago, then took my 2 as I always do, then missed one again yesterday. I take 200mg in AM and 200 in PM. In the morning, I sometimes get distracted, so that is what happened. I plan on getting back into a better habit again. I think this is why I am more emotional today, along with some situational stuff going on. But I feel like crying at random moments, and that's not usual for me, so maybe it is due to the inconsistent Lamictal levels.

Folks, it is HOT. Whew. 110 yesterday and only slightly less today. At least the temperature is supposed to drop starting on Monday. I remember when I was in Israel, in the Negev desert, the heat was so intense that it was hard to follow a thought in my mind. But there are caves in the desert, ancient caves with writing and pictures still visible inside of them. Stepping into those caves, it was so cool. A complete contrast to the desert heat outside. I wish I had a cave to hang out in today!

Now I seriously think I need to go to the ER for this massive anxiety. I honestly don’t think my anxiety has ever been this bad before. I’m not sure what they can help me with. But this is really really bad. I’m not having any S or SH thoughts. But I don’t know why this is happening.

Edit: my mom and I went for a ride until I got tired. I stopped at Wendy’s for a summer strawberry salad. I tried stopping at McDonald’s for an ice cream cone but their machine was broken. That’s the first time that’s happened to me. So I went to Sonic and got a cone. I put the salad in the fridge for later. I cut up a 10mil melatonin and I’m in bed now under my weighted blankets. I still don’t feel that great but I am not in a crisis anymore and I’m pretty tired now. I will go out tomorrow in the morning to Target and 5 Below. My mom says getting out of the house will help and stores shouldn’t be too bad since it’s Fathers Day.

I'm so frustrated at walmart+ I ordered last night it was suppose to be here at noon. It's still not here and the store isn't answering there phone.

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Originally Posted by Miguel'smom I'm so frustrated at walmart+ I ordered last night it was suppose to be here at noon. It's still not here and the store isn't answering there phone.

Ugh, that is so frustrating! When I don't receive a package I'm waiting for I can be furious.

Spent 4 hours with N3 today. Let him drive. I'm more relaxed now when he drives. However, he signed up for a road test for a month from now! I think I'll have to take him out fairly often before his test.

Moose I didn’t know you were a woman, for some reason I thought you were a man!

Check out my profile- in the photos section is a picture I took of me this morning. click on it so it won't be sideways any more.

Is there any chance it was delivered to the wrong address? When our packages don't arrive it is always at the neighbors' down the hill from us.

Yea that’s what I mean

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Check out my profile- in the photos section is a picture I took of me this morning. click on it so it won't be sideways any more.

What a pretty picture, I love your cute freckles!

This is a site with pics of Telc; the city where Soupe is spending the night:

Visiting Telc in the Czech Republic

The town square is beautiful! I hope you and your husband are having a great time, @Soupe du jour.

I didn't realize polkas were so ubiquitous in Central Europe. @Nammu...Did you ever polka, or did you just watch your parents dance? When I was growing up, my parents were really into square dancing. I spent many a night watching my parents "dosie-do." As far as Sir is concerned, I'm not sure Big Papi & your cat would get along. Although he only weighs six pounds, he went after a German shepherd tonight when I had him out for his evening walk! He'd either very brave, very stupid, or both!

@BethRags...I'm glad it will cool off in the near future. I'd imagine you don't really leave the house with the temps being what they are now. I read that psych meds make one more suseptible to heat stroke. I'm not sure if that's true, or not, though. How long did you spend in Israel? That must have been very interesting.

Yesterday night I slept a successful 6 hours. I never know what the Sandmand will deliver from night to night though. I hope everyone gets at least a few hours...

That sounds absolutely brutal, BethRags. Please stay cool. Yesterday I was reading that birds were falling from the sky with heat stroke, in Arizona. Just terrible!

I went to the ER last night. I thought I was having chest pains as a result of my surgery. Like I felt I was having a heart attack or a blood clot because of complications. I also felt like I was having bad withdrawals from Xanax. I figured that even if everything was ok with my heart and chest they’d tell me if I was having withdrawals or not.

So I went and they did an EKG and a cat scan. They said I’m not having a blood clot or heart attack or withdrawals. but they said I have some muscle aches and also these like pockets of fluid build up from my surgery. Which sounds kind of scary. He couldn’t get a plastic surgeon in last night but he wants me to follow up with one. So I’m thinking I may have to head back to my surgeon to see what’s up. 3 people told me I am not having any withdrawals though from the Xanax.

But I was sharing a room with a cis women I think in her 40’s. They had curtains separating us but I’m not sure how she felt. Especially when they were throwing around words like “top surgery” “plastic surgeon.” and my mom had to tell the nurse I was trans. The lady never said anything so I guess she’s either accepting or was in too much pain to care.

The nurse started an IV because I needed a special kind of cat scan with some kinda liquid. Plus I was getting pain meds. The IV hurt really badly. The cat scan freaked me out too because the technician put something in my IV that instantly made me feel very hot and I tasted and smelled something weird. It was kind of scary.

I am at home and I managed some sleep. I’m not dizzy like I was before and my anxiety is under control but my chest still aches. So I will probably have to go back to my surgeon to see what’s up. The ER doctor gave me a script for a muscle relaxer.

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Originally Posted by buddha1too ... @BethRags...I'm glad it will cool off in the near future. I'd imagine you don't really leave the house with the temps being what they are now. I read that psych meds make one more suseptible to heat stroke. I'm not sure if that's true, or not, though. How long did you spend in Israel? That must have been very interesting. ...

Thanks for the link to the town Soupe is staying in. It looks charming.

As far as I know psych meds ( especially AP's) do cause us to be easily overheated. Some psych meds can cause us to sunburn easily, too. If I have to run errands I do so before 1p.m. It's plenty hot, but would be much hotter in the afternoon and evening. During those times I do stay inside with a/c and fans.

"Interesting" is a good way to described Israel. I was there for a month, stayed on a kibbutz just 5 miles from the Gaza Strip. We had black-out shutters that had to be closed at night because of the threat of bombs. Something positive I'll say about Israel is that the food is wonderful. Very fresh and flavorful vegetables, fruit...everything.

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Originally Posted by Soupe du jour That sounds absolutely brutal, BethRags. Please stay cool. Yesterday I was reading that birds were falling from the sky with heat stroke, in Arizona. Just terrible!

So sad about the birds

Didn't get up very early this morning so my run sucked due to heat (nothing like BethRags' heat though!! Hope it cools off a bit for ya soon). I was up late partying (drug and alcohol free) at the beach. I like it better in winter when no one's there, but last night was fun. Kinda got sensory overload at one point, but to be expected and I know to take space when it starts. I really need to clean my bedroom. Still tired.