[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Honestly some members do leave because of other people. It may not happen all the time, but some do.

I agree, it can happen sometimes.

[Mountaindewed]

Today I’m trying to deal with my anxiety. At this moment it’s not bad. My therapist emailed me around 8:30 and said she has an opening for tomorrow at 11 and asked if I wanted it. So I said “heck yeah” now I just hope she doesn’t give me a hard time about the med or food situation when I spill my guts to her. Last time I was talking and she was being silent for most of the time after she asked questions. She didn’t try to contradict me or say anything judgmental. She just let me ramble. I think it’s a therapy technique. Same sort of one where the therapist stares so intensely into your eyes you either freak out or get aroused. But it’s just some type of mirroring thing they do to get you to open up. I’m not sure what she’ll say, since I don’t know her yet, when I tell her these things. But they need to be said. I need to talk to an actual mental health care worker.

I mean, can she send me IP for the way I’ve been misusing my meds and restricting food? This is a legit question.

On a related note I want Jimmy Johns for lunch but my mom is going someplace that hasn’t opened yet. So it will be at least another hour before I can place my order online. I guess I’ll go eat my go to Goldfish crackers.

I’m wearing my weighted vest and I’ve been wearing it for awhile and it’s starting to bug me. But my anxiety is better after using it. It’s only 4 pounds but that is about all that my frame can handle.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Good morning, all.

I'm likely quitting my job this week. I've already dropped off my CV at a grocer's and had a brief interview but I need to let my boss know I'm leaving. This will not be easy as they have nobody to replace me. It's just so much pressure I can't handle it.

It's really nice to see you here again, Daonnachd. I, like others, missed you.

Sometimes jobs are just too unhealthy for us. My husband recently left his job for similar reasons as you. My old job was so much for me that it disabled me. That's good that you have an application for another job underway. I hope you get that job. I imagine the grocer needs good staff, like you.

[Soupe du jour]

I'm feeling slightly better today, but definitely still not 100%. I'm cautiously eating the most stomach friendly food I can manage. Last night I finally got a good nights sleep. I'm sure that helped. Beyond that, I just did light household chores, and helped Hubby clean out the fridge. Something had been stinking in there. It's much better now.

Add on: My s-i-l told my husband that the Prime Minister of Czech Republic said that many people might be able to get second covid-19 boosters sooner than usual. So Hubby inquired, and he got both of our 2nd boosters moved from August 4 to July 27. Yay! The old date was sort of the latest recommended for the 2nd ones, anyway. Plus, the sooner we get them the sooner we'll feel a bit more free. Obviously we'll wait a short while after the final shots, but I'm already licking my chops about finally going to Vienna. Once the second shots are given, we get a certificate with a scan code, as well as receive it electronically. Again, freedom!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm feeling slightly better today, but definitely still not 100%. I'm cautiously eating the most stomach friendly food I can manage. Last night I finally got a good nights sleep. I'm sure that helped. Beyond that, I just did light household chores, and helped Hubby clean out the fridge. Something had been stinking in there. It's much better now.

I hope you feel better soon Soupe du jour!

[Mountaindewed]

I got a gynecologist. At the same practice that has the immediate care I went to on Friday. The lady on the phone says he’s very funny, very easy going, and does tons of hysterectomies. I’ve been wary of male gynecologists before but when I had an issue in immediate care the doctor was male and the doctor in the ER who did my emergency procedure the next night was also male. My main thing is getting a doctor who’s comfortable working with a trans man who still have women parts. It doesn’t matter if it’s a male or female.

But I am super happy I’m getting this process started. My appointment is on Wednesday.

I just now got a new primary doctor too. My first appointment is on Thursday. Now I feel like I have an actual team of people who can help me instead of being on my own for things. I thought this new insurance would be crappy but it seems to be working out so far and my meds and copays are way less too.

I didn’t realize how much that increase in lamictal was ****ing with me and the increase in Geodon. This is the most mild my PMDD has been all year.

I should probably take my meds now. It’s been about 24 hours and I’m starting to feel the effects physically. Hopefully I can get to sleep soon after. I have some laundry in the dryer though. My mom made zucchini for dinner and I said I’d have some around 7 but I’m hoping to be asleep by then. She also put spaghetti sauce and cheese on it and I thought she was just going to boil it plain with oregano.

[wildflowerchild25]

I am out of my mind with anxiety today, so much so I’ve become physically ill. I am trying to stave off a migraine and I am very nauseous. I’m trying to regulate my breathing and remain grounded in the present as much I can.

It was kicked off by a dream I had that brought memories rushing back to me of a particular psychiatric treatment I never want to do again. Not because it didn’t work but because it was terrifying every time because it involves general anesthesia which freaks me out. I always felt like I was never going to wake up. The farther away from the last time I had it I get the more I never want to do it again no matter how bad of shape I’m in. I’d really prefer to never have general anesthesia again unless I have to have surgery. My back surgery was also terrifying mostly because of the anesthesia involved.

I’m looking in to creating a psychiatric advance directive that will explicitly state that I do NOT give my consent to this treatment even if I am deemed incompetent to make my own decisions. I’m going to talk to RS when he gets home about being my named health care advocate so he knows what my wishes are should I ever become incapacitated. I just have to find out how to make it a legal document in my state.

I also don’t want to be reminded of my most recent IP stay which I felt was forced upon me. Technically I went in voluntarily but only because I felt backed into a corner and felt if I did not agree I would be committed against my will anyway and then I would have even less power. It was one of the worst IP stays I have ever had because the feeling of being trapped was suffocating. The facility was nice enough but I was so anxious and tense I felt like I needed to just run for miles and miles and I could do nothing more than pace my room.

I finally gave in and took Xanax and then an hour later took a little more because it wasn’t working at all. I think I can feel my heart rate slowing a bit now.

[Scooter9]

I'm going on a trip next week to the Atlantic provinces (next to and north of Maine). The trip is 9 days.

I'll be traveling in a big group in an RV. It is a really beautiful part of the country.

Lots of covid restrictions but we're working with them.

I'm concerned that I won't get enough sleep during the trip: late nights and early starts. That's the only thing I'm worried about since my sleep has been stable for about 18 months.

[Victoria'smom]

I moved all my appointments back now to get a phone number for while I'm gone. I'm so exhausted and the house is trashed and inspection is in 2 days. I just don't have the energy. I'm halfling my sleep med tonight to see if that helps.

[Sunflower123]

I didn’t make that movie with my daughter. The night before I threw up in my sleep and aspirated it into my lungs. I’m keeping an eye out for pneumonia. My rib cage aches from coughing. We’ll plan something for next weekend.

I might have mentioned that they found a compression fracture in mom’s back. That is complicating things. She’s going to see the best in town Thursday. I hope she gets some relief.

We had a good meal at Olive Garden and ran errands…she stayed in the car. It was a nice day. I’m settling down now with a good mystery story.

It’s rained 14 out of 19 days in July here. Not good for my mood or my floating. Enough already!

I wish everybody well.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Good morning, all.

I'm likely quitting my job this week. I've already dropped off my CV at a grocer's and had a brief interview but I need to let my boss know I'm leaving. This will not be easy as they have nobody to replace me. It's just so much pressure I can't handle it.

Hi! It sounds like you've made a smart move. Too much pressure is not a good thing - as we all know.

[*Beth*]

I am finally, at long last, completely moved in to my new apartment, including being hooked up tech-wise (which was a huge pain in the azz, but it's finally done).

I'm a nervous wreck because I have to take one of my cats to the vet tomorrow. She's 11 and has some symptoms that concern me.

Wildfires up north. God help us.

As a result of the exhaustion, extreme anxiety, and all sorts of fears I'm feeling rather depressed. Here I am, in a new, nice apartment and I feel like my nerves are shot to hell, I feel like I'm coming apart, and all I want to do is sleep. It's just oh, SO much fun having a brain that is improperly wired.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I am finally, at long last, completely moved in to my new apartment, including being hooked up tech-wise (which was a huge pain in the azz, but it's finally done).

I'm a nervous wreck because I have to take one of my cats to the vet tomorrow. She's 11 and has some symptoms that concern me.

Wildfires up north. God help us.

As a result of the exhaustion, extreme anxiety, and all sorts of fears I'm feeling rather depressed. Here I am, in a new, nice apartment and I feel like my nerves are shot to hell, I feel like I'm coming apart, and all I want to do is sleep. It's just oh, SO much fun having a brain that is improperly wired.

Thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon.

[wildflowerchild25]

@BethRags
I have found that for me at least even “good” stress has the tendency to throw me for a loop. I’ve mentioned I’m planning our wedding and even though I’m sure the end result will be beautiful it’s really making me anxious just doing simple things like talking with the officiant and photographer! I think maybe treating yourself with extra care for the next few days may help.

[Brokenheartedmom]

I’m new here. I have a 22 year old daughter with bipolar. She has so many of our family members who no longer have anything to do with her because of her illness. My son visited me and basically acted as if she doesn’t exist. I am furious with him and broken hearted for her. I had an argument with him because of the way he acted towards her and now I am so disappointed in him that I don’t want to talk to him. I feel like I need to protect her and I am doing al I can for her. Has anyone experienced anything similar?

[bizi]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I didn’t make that movie with my daughter. The night before I threw up in my sleep and aspirated it into my lungs. I’m keeping an eye out for pneumonia. My rib cage aches from coughing. We’ll plan something for next weekend.

I might have mentioned that they found a compression fracture in mom’s back. That is complicating things. She’s going to see the best in town Thursday. I hope she gets some relief.

We had a good meal at Olive Garden and ran errands…she stayed in the car. It was a nice day. I’m settling down now with a good mystery story.

It’s rained 14 out of 19 days in July here. Not good for my mood or my floating. Enough already!

I wish everybody well.

I am so sorry for your aspirating...coughing hard like that can causecracked ribs.
Did you cough it all up?
A friend of ours inhaled a large vitamin pill and it took him 2 hours to finally cough it up.
Pain and scary!
It has been rainy here too. wish we could funnel it to the west coast!
((((((HUGS)))))
bizi

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I cried during church today as I have every Sunday for the past two months. It’s so embarrassing to lose control like that. As I mentioned on the “sensitivity” thread, every message has triggered me because they seem to hit me in my pain about my son’s estrangement. Today’s message was, “Does God give us too much to handle?” For me, the answer is, “Yes!” I’m sinking in spite of meds, my pdoc trying to help, and weekly therapy. Not sure what I can do. I’m sorry if this post is triggering for people. It’s not intentional. I just need to get this out.

Lizzie my heart breaks for you

My T told me over 10 years ago when my life literally imploded .. which is why I was seeing him weekly.. I cried and cried for numerous sessions and one day he reached over and put his hand on my arm and said its time to " Float" " Just float don't try to over analyze and obsess about things that right now you have zero control over"

Honestly I thought he was out of his mind, I'm a mess and he is not telling me how to manage things??? any kind of coping skill???? He didn't tell me that things would eventually work out???

That night I had been thinking hard about him telling me to float all damn day.. The only entry in my journal that night was " Float"

Sometimes we are fighting so hard to swim upstream against the current that nothing we are doing is helping, We are mentally and physically exhausted. So maybe throw your hands up and know that things are going to change. Maybe not when you want them too ( like right now) but things will.

You have been beating yourself up for long enough. Try and float give your mind a break, Just breath

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

I'm feeling slightly better today, but definitely still not 100%. I'm cautiously eating the most stomach friendly food I can manage. Last night I finally got a good nights sleep. I'm sure that helped. Beyond that, I just did light household chores, and helped Hubby clean out the fridge. Something had been stinking in there. It's much better now.

Add on: My s-i-l told my husband that the Prime Minister of Czech Republic said that many people might be able to get second covid-19 boosters sooner than usual. So Hubby inquired, and he got both of our 2nd boosters moved from August 4 to July 27. Yay! The old date was sort of the latest recommended for the 2nd ones, anyway. Plus, the sooner we get them the sooner we'll feel a bit more free. Obviously we'll wait a short while after the final shots, but I'm already licking my chops about finally going to Vienna. Once the second shots are given, we get a certificate with a scan code, as well as receive it electronically. Again, freedom!

SO happy that you are finally feeling better

Fantastic news on 2nd shot being moved up.. Yes Freedom

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I am finally, at long last, completely moved in to my new apartment, including being hooked up tech-wise (which was a huge pain in the azz, but it's finally done).

I'm a nervous wreck because I have to take one of my cats to the vet tomorrow. She's 11 and has some symptoms that concern me.

Wildfires up north. God help us.

As a result of the exhaustion, extreme anxiety, and all sorts of fears I'm feeling rather depressed. Here I am, in a new, nice apartment and I feel like my nerves are shot to hell, I feel like I'm coming apart, and all I want to do is sleep. It's just oh, SO much fun having a brain that is improperly wired.

Beth honestly I was expecting you to feel this way. Even when we make a move that we want to. It takes a physical toll and mentally also. Go easy on yourself and hope your baby is fine.. Maybe she has the move blues too ??

Gentle hugs

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I didn’t make that movie with my daughter. The night before I threw up in my sleep and aspirated it into my lungs. I’m keeping an eye out for pneumonia. My rib cage aches from coughing. We’ll plan something for next weekend.

I might have mentioned that they found a compression fracture in mom’s back. That is complicating things. She’s going to see the best in town Thursday. I hope she gets some relief.

We had a good meal at Olive Garden and ran errands…she stayed in the car. It was a nice day. I’m settling down now with a good mystery story.

It’s rained 14 out of 19 days in July here. Not good for my mood or my floating. Enough already!

I wish everybody well.

Oh Jennifer I am sorry your missed M and your movie.. I hope that there is no long term problems with worries of Aspiration pneumonia.. That happens often to my husband.

I hope your Mom's appt goes well and she can get some help.

Oooooooo Olive Garden.. Miss that place.

I vote for some sunny weather.

Take care of you

[~Christina]

2:30 am here. No sleep, on purpose. Steve has his Ophthalmology Diabetic baseline appt at 730 am it's 1.5 hours North. I need it done also but I am holding off for now.

My Fibromyalgia pain has been bloody awful the last 2 weeks. It's just relentless.

My Daughters Birthday is on the 21st ! She is turning 30 ! Like how in the hell has this happened Seems like yesterday she was a baby. She is thrilled to be done with her 20's..

Steve middle son Chaise and his wife are coming up and will be here the 26th or 27th. Out of his 3 boys I think he is the only one that might be sad if I died or maybe not.

Every few months or so I sit down and write letters to Steve and Amanda.. I need to update them and put in our lock box for when something happens to me.

Hugs to anyone in need

I have one of my famous stomach aches

not enough food, again

and the little I had didn't agree with me.

it's like I said before: digestive system is ****ed

weather forcast calls for storms today, but so far, so good. no clouds in the sky and not really any sign of a storm

maybe later..

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I'm going on a trip next week to the Atlantic provinces (next to and north of Maine). The trip is 9 days.

I'll be traveling in a big group in an RV. It is a really beautiful part of the country.

Lots of covid restrictions but we're working with them.

I'm concerned that I won't get enough sleep during the trip: late nights and early starts. That's the only thing I'm worried about since my sleep has been stable for about 18 months.

Have a wonderful tour! I hope it will be pleasant weather there. We guess it should be. Of the Atlantic provinces, I've only been to Nova Scotia, which I loved. I've been to Maine and other northeastern US states, but never up to New Brunswick or other Atlantic Canadian gems.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Lizzie my heart breaks for you

My T told me over 10 years ago when my life literally imploded .. which is why I was seeing him weekly.. I cried and cried for numerous sessions and one day he reached over and put his hand on my arm and said its time to " Float" " Just float don't try to over analyze and obsess about things that right now you have zero control over"

Honestly I thought he was out of his mind, I'm a mess and he is not telling me how to manage things??? any kind of coping skill???? He didn't tell me that things would eventually work out???

That night I had been thinking hard about him telling me to float all damn day.. The only entry in my journal that night was " Float"

Sometimes we are fighting so hard to swim upstream against the current that nothing we are doing is helping, We are mentally and physically exhausted. So maybe throw your hands up and know that things are going to change. Maybe not when you want them too ( like right now) but things will.

You have been beating yourself up for long enough. Try and float give your mind a break, Just breath

Christina,

I don’t know how to thank you for your words. I think this is exactly what I needed to hear. I AM exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally. My days are spent binge watching Netflix because I can’t bear to think about my son and how he and his sister have been hurt by the consequences of my illness. I will try to let go and float. I don’t know if it will be easy, but I will keep trying. Thank you for saying that I’ve beaten myself up enough. I couldn’t see that for myself.

Thank you again.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I'm going on a trip next week to the Atlantic provinces (next to and north of Maine). The trip is 9 days.

I'll be traveling in a big group in an RV. It is a really beautiful part of the country.

Lots of covid restrictions but we're working with them.

I'm concerned that I won't get enough sleep during the trip: late nights and early starts. That's the only thing I'm worried about since my sleep has been stable for about 18 months.

I’m happy for you that you’re able to go on a great trip. I hope it’s fabulous. It’s good that you’re aware that sleep might be difficult. I hope you are able to keep getting good sleep. Have a wonderful time!