feel quite frustrated

so the peer support line on bipolar UK is fully booked, and I can't get anyone to call me from their until august

tried to call my mental health team as I'm really struggling today, told me sure, we'll call you back at lunch time

15:34 in the afternoon, and absolutely nothing. not even a message.

sometimes I wonder why I bother calling them if they just don't want to know..

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

feel quite frustrated

so the peer support line on bipolar UK is fully booked, and I can't get anyone to call me from their until august

tried to call my mental health team as I'm really struggling today, told me sure, we'll call you back at lunch time

15:34 in the afternoon, and absolutely nothing. not even a message.

sometimes I wonder why I bother calling them if they just don't want to know..

I’m sorry things are rough right now. I hope you hear from your team soon. Message me if you need to talk. Hugs.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I’m feeling pretty good today. Except for some weird dreams, I slept well which always helps my mood. I usually cook and clean at my cousin’s house on Wednesday, but there is a big storm coming and driving in the rain terrifies me. I always have a horrible panic attack. I’m glad to be staying home. I ordered some polymer clay and sculpting supplies. I want to learn how to make miniature baby dolls. I’ll try to post an example of someone else’s work so y’all will have an idea. I need something besides tv to occupy my mind, plus I really enjoy arts and crafts. I hope everyone has a good day! Hugs!

What a cool craft project! Enjoy!

[*Beth*]

I'm working hard to practice healthy breathing and to use some meditation techniques I work with in therapy. I'm proud of myself because I was calmer at the vet yesterday than I usually am (I'm usually a wreck...upset stomach, terrible anxiety, and so on. But I'd say I was 50% better able to function yesterday).

Turns out my dear kitty has diabetes. With insulin treatment, her prognosis is very good. My fear is the expense involved, but somehow I have to make it work. Sid is one awesome cat, very gentle and with a terrific personality.

I have almost everything in place following the move to my new apartment. Just a small box of jewelry an a few hand-made "voodoo" dolls to unpack and hang up somewhere.

Taking it half-day by half-day.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

I'm working hard to practice healthy breathing and to use some meditation techniques I work with in therapy. I'm proud of myself because I was calmer at the vet yesterday than I usually am (I'm usually a wreck...upset stomach, terrible anxiety, and so on. But I'd say I was 50% better able to function yesterday).

Turns out my dear kitty has diabetes. With insulin treatment, her prognosis is very good. My fear is the expense involved, but somehow I have to make it work. Sid is one awesome cat, very gentle and with a terrific personality.

I have almost everything in place following the move to my new apartment. Just a small box of jewelry an a few hand-made "voodoo" dolls to unpack and hang up somewhere.

Taking it half-day by half-day.

I’m so proud of you for using your coping skills, and I’m super glad they helped you feel better. I’m sorry about Sid, but I’m glad he’s going to be okay. Awesome job getting everything settled in your new place. Hugs!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

I’m feeling pretty good today. Except for some weird dreams, I slept well which always helps my mood. I usually cook and clean at my cousin’s house on Wednesday, but there is a big storm coming and driving in the rain terrifies me. I always have a horrible panic attack. I’m glad to be staying home. I ordered some polymer clay and sculpting supplies. I want to learn how to make miniature baby dolls. I’ll try to post an example of someone else’s work so y’all will have an idea. I need something besides tv to occupy my mind, plus I really enjoy arts and crafts. I hope everyone has a good day! Hugs!

Cool craft project, thanks for sharing

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Good morning, all.

I'm likely quitting my job this week. I've already dropped off my CV at a grocer's and had a brief interview but I need to let my boss know I'm leaving. This will not be easy as they have nobody to replace me. It's just so much pressure I can't handle it.

Doannachd! Its so great to see you!

[Mountaindewed]

This morning I woke up at 12:40AM. I didn’t even go to bed on an empty stomach. I figured just based on how I woke up that I wouldn’t be getting back to sleep. I don’t know why I didn’t take a melatonin when I woke up. But I took one at 5 which didn’t do anything. But I had been in a good sleep routine for awhile. I just listened to music all night. Then when I got up and after I took a shower I decided to check out a Speedway which is getting an exclusive Mountain Dew. I didn’t find it but I got a bottle of Gatorade pedialyte. I don’t know what I was expecting it to do. I thought it would help with some symptom I have been having. It didn’t help or not help with anything. I think when adults drink them they use them for hangovers.

But then I went to the doctor and I felt a lot better afterwards and I got an unwich from Jimmy Johns. I’m trying just to ignore the therapy situation today. I had asked last week for a sooner session and she had a cancellation and that’s how I saw her yesterday. But then I’m still seeing her on Monday which was already scheduled. She said “you’ll come on Monday right?” And I could tell she really wants to see me on Monday. So yeah I’m still bummed about having to switch because I know she does care and I liked her.

But I’m just trying to focus on not taking a nap or lying in bed all day. I see my new primary tomorrow but I don’t think she or he, not sure which, will do much since she doesn’t need to. I just have to make sure she’s able to prescribe my injections. That’s the main thing I need a primary for and not every primary doctor can prescribe it for some reason. But the office said she can. So we’ll see.

I got the name of my primary and looked him up and he looks decent. Kinda looks like my Pdoc and looks to be about the same age. So it will hopefully go ok tomorrow. Then I can hopefully be able to be calmer for the next few days.

Do you ever have a million things going right for you and that one small thing just bugs you? I got great news today but I’m still pissed about that Mountain Dew I missed out on. I think what I’m feeling is a cognitive distortion but I’m not sure which one it is. But every time I see stuff online about it I get annoyed.

I just looked up the cognitive distortions and it looks like I’m having the magnification one. I’m blowing the whole missing the Mountain Dew thing out of proportion. So I’m trying to challenge myself and say who cares. You tried and it wouldn’t ship to your zip code anyways. It wasn’t automatically out of stock when you tried. You probably would only drink one can and give the rest to your brother. Look forward to the other new flavors coming out this year that look better. etc etc etc.

[wildflowerchild25]

I’m feeling better today. Yesterday I was super depressed, probably as a “hangover” from Monday’s extreme anxiety. I didn’t do a damn thing all day. Somehow there are 1000 dishes in the sink. There are three real plates, we’re more of a paper plate family for quick things like sandwiches and breakfast. Somehow my son used three real ones in the span of one hour for breakfast. He must have just kept eating different things and using a new plate every time. Typical preteen!

I’m still attempting to eat Whole Foods but I’m not doing well. Especially right now, this is not a good time of month for me. I did make a dinner plan for next week which I never got around to doing this week. I feel so much more in control when I have a dinner plan because my son’s first question when I pick him up is inevitably “what’s for dinner” and I can’t stand it! No one ever knows what they want and I’m sick of it! So I pick what we’re having now and my boys can like it or lump it. Mostly they like it, thankfully. I also chose recipes that use things I already have so it won’t be too expensive to grocery shop this week.

[*Beth*]

So my cat has been diagnosed with diabetes. Tomorrow I'm to take her to the vet and learn how to give her injections twice a day. She is a great cat, very trusting, sweet, and loyal. And funny. I'm so nervous about giving the injections. The monthly cost for insulin is cruel. As usual, my husband flipped out on me when I explained the situation to him. There's never a word of support or empathy that comes out of his mouth. It's just yelling at me. I was feeling pretty strong about all of this - until he tore me down. Now I just want to crawl into bed.

My therapist is pressuring me to get a job. I don't know where she's coming up with that one. For one thing, my husband and I have had an online business for 12 years and I work at that. We actually get along best when we're working together. I was at my last job for 13 years. I'm exhausted from working since I was 14 years old. Plus, I'm on disability and don't want to lose it.

I'm by myself now (with my 5 cats); I'm going to work on regaining the optimism I felt this morning. I resent being stomped on by people who should be supportive.

Popsicles all around - in your favorite flavor!

[wildflowerchild25]

Oh Beth, I am sorry for your husband’s reaction! My first husband was also very unsupportive of me. Every time I got depressed I heard variations of “you’re doing this to yourself, just pull yourself out of it”. There’s more but it’s irrelevant to your post.

I do understand having an expensive cat! I spent $7000 on my male cat because he had bladder stones and needed surgery. That was a one time (rather exorbitant) expense but I felt like I had to, my boy was only five years old! He’s perfectly fine now although I do need to buy special (also expensive) food for him. My female cat was just diagnosed with asthma a couple of months ago. I am unable to afford monthly treatments. She too is only five. I hate it when she has a full on asthma attack because I know she’s afraid and I have no rescue meds. I just pet her quietly until it passes but I’m afraid one day it won’t pass. If I was getting disability payments from my job I could at least get the rescue inhaler but they’re dragging their feet. I haven’t gotten any money from anywhere since April 28th.

I hope your cat feels better. She may not appreciate the injection but hopefully she’ll get over it! When I do have the money for a kitty inhaler I think I’m going to have to wear falcon gloves to wrestle it on her face

[Victoria'smom]

Beth I'm sorry about what your husband did.

I've had several T's try to get me back to work. A lot of what they say is there's a lot of people with BP that work. Now with my "new" Dx and team they want me to focus on hobbies and taking walks. I didn't change but my only guess is my prognosis became worse even though I'm more stable then I've ever been. You know yourself best maybe take a class regularly to get out of the house and meet people. Maybe ask your T what she wants you to get out of working.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

So my cat has been diagnosed with diabetes. Tomorrow I'm to take her to the vet and learn how to give her injections twice a day. She is a great cat, very trusting, sweet, and loyal. And funny. I'm so nervous about giving the injections. The monthly cost for insulin is cruel. As usual, my husband flipped out on me when I explained the situation to him. There's never a word of support or empathy that comes out of his mouth. It's just yelling at me. I was feeling pretty strong about all of this - until he tore me down. Now I just want to crawl into bed.

My therapist is pressuring me to get a job. I don't know where she's coming up with that one. For one thing, my husband and I have had an online business for 12 years and I work at that. We actually get along best when we're working together. I was at my last job for 13 years. I'm exhausted from working since I was 14 years old. Plus, I'm on disability and don't want to lose it.

I'm by myself now (with my 5 cats); I'm going to work on regaining the optimism I felt this morning. I resent being stomped on by people who should be supportive.

Popsicles all around - in your favorite flavor!

Beth, I’m so sorry for everything that’s happening to you right now. I wish your husband was being supportive. I hope you’ll be able to get the medicine that Sid needs. Please know that you’re not alone. We’re here for you. Sending hugs.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Oh Beth, I am sorry for your husband’s reaction! My first husband was also very unsupportive of me. Every time I got depressed I heard variations of “you’re doing this to yourself, just pull yourself out of it”. There’s more but it’s irrelevant to your post.

I do understand having an expensive cat! I spent $7000 on my male cat because he had bladder stones and needed surgery. That was a one time (rather exorbitant) expense but I felt like I had to, my boy was only five years old! He’s perfectly fine now although I do need to buy special (also expensive) food for him. My female cat was just diagnosed with asthma a couple of months ago. I am unable to afford monthly treatments. She too is only five. I hate it when she has a full on asthma attack because I know she’s afraid and I have no rescue meds. I just pet her quietly until it passes but I’m afraid one day it won’t pass. If I was getting disability payments from my job I could at least get the rescue inhaler but they’re dragging their feet. I haven’t gotten any money from anywhere since April 28th.

I hope your cat feels better. She may not appreciate the injection but hopefully she’ll get over it! When I do have the money for a kitty inhaler I think I’m going to have to wear falcon gloves to wrestle it on her face

Wfc, thank you so much for your kindness and support. I believe that animal medicine needs to be taken as seriously as human medicine is. No pet should have to go without full needed treatment.

The husband thing...it hurts. It really hurts. But you know that, unfortunately.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

Beth I'm sorry about what your husband did.

I've had several T's try to get me back to work. A lot of what they say is there's a lot of people with BP that work. Now with my "new" Dx and team they want me to focus on hobbies and taking walks. I didn't change but my only guess is my prognosis became worse even though I'm more stable then I've ever been. You know yourself best maybe take a class regularly to get out of the house and meet people. Maybe ask your T what she wants you to get out of working.

Thanks, Mm! I will ask her what she wants me to get out of working. That's an excellent question. I would definitely rather take a class. I suspect my T has an idea that I'll be less dependent on my husband if I work. But minimum wage isn't going to make my life any easier than disability is and I'm really concerned about being under the kind of stress work requires.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Beth, I’m so sorry for everything that’s happening to you right now. I wish your husband was being supportive. I hope you’ll be able to get the medicine that Sid needs. Please know that you’re not alone. We’re here for you. Sending hugs.

Lizzie, thank you so much. The support I receive from our group here is life-saving.

[Moose72]

Beth many 🤗 hugs to you!

[Moose72]

I got a book that N1 suggested to me called "How to Be Here" by Rob Bell. She really likes his writing and this is the one she suggested getting first even though it's not his first book.

I also finally got to do my laundry 🧺. Whoever had used up all the washers and two of the dryers at once for 24 hours straight finally came and got their stuff! That's just rude!

Pdoc called for a check in appointment this morning. I told her about whatever is going on with me- like forgetting my meds a lot. She said they all have long half lives so I should be good. She said she'd refill my prescriptions.

I have this feeling that I've cracked one of my teeth- the one with the metal filling but the filling is still in so maybe it's just a small crack. A week or two ago I was eating chocolate almonds and they were in the fridge because they'd melted. Anyway, I bit down and felt my two teeth move! Sort of opening up a space between them but not for long. I really don't want to find out as I have no more crown money!

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Thanks, Mm! I will ask her what she wants me to get out of working. That's an excellent question. I would definitely rather take a class. I suspect my T has an idea that I'll be less dependent on my husband if I work. But minimum wage isn't going to make my life any easier than disability is and I'm really concerned about being under the kind of stress work requires.

I worry about the same thing. I'd have to get a job like N3 just got to make more than disability. My last several jobs were terrible. I couldn't follow directions very well because I couldn't track all the steps it needed. From the outside working seems so easy but then when I actually have to do it my brain basically goes numb!

[Daonnachd]

Beth, I wish you the best.

I had ECT last week and it seems to have especially impacted my memory this month. I continue to feel lost and confused at work. I think it's because of that I'm a fair bit depressed. Then I wonder if my desire to quit work is coming from the depression. ... Where are the answers in life? I don't need life to be easy, but I'd like to know why things are the way they are. ... and how to deal with everything.

[HALLIEBETH87]

I missed yoga because of interstate traffic accident. I’m tired of school work. It’s getting old haha and I’m not close to done!

it is getting harder and harder to recover from these stomach issues

and each time they seem to hurt a tiny bit more

[Sunflower123]

They took my brother to the ER via ambulance with lights and sirens yesterday. They can’t get his oxygen levels or temperature stabilized. They were no intensive care beds available so he spent the night in the ER where we were not permitted to stay all night.

I’m taking mom to the back doctor today for the compressed fracture in her back. When it rains it pours. I’m about to go float to restore some sanity and I’m definitely meeting my daughter Sunday to see F9. After I’ll have to miss therapy today, I need things that help with my equilibrium.

I hope everything turns out okay. It’s all getting to be too much.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Beth many 🤗 hugs to you!

And right back at you!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Daonnachd

Beth, I wish you the best.

I had ECT last week and it seems to have especially impacted my memory this month. I continue to feel lost and confused at work. I think it's because of that I'm a fair bit depressed. Then I wonder if my desire to quit work is coming from the depression. ... Where are the answers in life? I don't need life to be easy, but I'd like to know why things are the way they are. ... and how to deal with everything.

Thank you

It can be so hard to know which voice is speaking...your own or your depression's. I think the questions you ask are fair ones.