[Moose72]

Got my new permanent crowns this morning! My face is still somewhat numb but its getting better. They tried to take the temp crowns out with some sort of pliers! It hurt so they numbed me. I'm glad they did because they took an extra long time fitting the new crowns. They even said they did. Right now, I'm at the mall. N3 and gf are here too but they stranded me at the bathrooms! Did even text me to say they were going to take off alone. I had to call N3 to find out where they were! Grr!

[Mountaindewed]

Sonics kitchen wasn’t working this morning. They could only do drinks. Then there was that issue at Walmart. Then the place I got food from for lunch was only accepting cash because their machine was down.

Dude Y2K was supposed to happen in 1999-2000 not 2021.

My mom says it’s more of a labor issue. They can’t get people to work so things can’t get fixed I guess.

I’m kind of dizzy right now. I’ve just taken my Valium, my lamictal, and propalanol. I’ve eaten today too. I think it’s just my usual nighttime anxiety. Chipotles has buy one get one free tonight but you can’t order online and I’m sure it will be a mad house. I had planned on just having a bowl of oatmeal.

My therapist didn’t ask at all about what my eating habits are like. I’m not sure if I want to bring them up to her or not. She didn’t comment on my appearance unlike the last one. She didn’t say anything at all about anything. Professional people are trained to observe without their clients noticing.

I’m not sick though and I don’t want to go to a doctor. I know what’s wrong. I’m having issues with my meds, either being dependent on them or addicted or whatever, and I’m craving meds instead of food. My meds are either weight neutral or they make me not hungry. So yeah it does seem this is starting to get out of hand.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

...I just wish I was a part of my son’s life. I talk to my therapist at 3:00 today. I want to get her advice on moving past my guilt and regret from all the ways my illness (depression, in particular) kept me from being there for my kids sometimes. Has anyone else learned how to do that? Wisdom is welcome.

Unfortunately, I don't have any wisdom to share, but I empathize with you because I'm having the same issue with my daughter. I fully believe I was always "there" for my kids, but my daughter says I wasn't. So she has refused to communicate with me for 2 1/2 years. Her memory and mine are as if we lived in different homes.

I don't know what to do with the remorse, except to sincerely apologize to your son, even if you don't believe he's correct. I'm writing a letter to my daughter to apologize for whatever it is she believes I did that was so insulting to her.

[Mountaindewed]

Originally Posted by Moose72

Got my new permanent crowns this morning! My face is still somewhat numb but its getting better. They tried to take the temp crowns out with some sort of pliers! It hurt so they numbed me. I'm glad they did because they took an extra long time fitting the new crowns. They even said they did. Right now, I'm at the mall. N3 and gf are here too but they stranded me at the bathrooms! Did even text me to say they were going to take off alone. I had to call N3 to find out where they were! Grr!

I’m scared to go to the dentist. I neglected my teeth during Covid because of depression and laziness and now I just am scared to go because I feel like I have a lot wrong. I don’t have any pain but that can sometimes mean nothing. I got some sensodyne enamel repair toothpaste and also some Crest gum repair toothpaste. I don’t know if undoing damage is possible but at least things won’t get worse.

I have dental insurance but it’s probably not very good. I’m probably better off doing a payment plan or using my care card.

And yeah I’m aware cutting out soda would majorly help.

[Scooter9]

I went on a mini vacation with my family. We visited Quebec city which is about 500 miles by road. I drove most of the way there and my son drove on the way back.

There was lots of food, walking around, some swimming, and being treated well. I slept very little but it was only a few days, I'll catch up with sleep this week.

It was a nice trip and I noticed lots of times when I didn't feel as depressed as I usually feel. Took lots of pics too.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I went on a mini vacation with my family. We visited Quebec city which is about 500 miles by road. I drove most of the way there and my son drove on the way back.

There was lots of food, walking around, some swimming, and being treated well. I slept very little but it was only a few days, I'll catch up with sleep this week.

It was a nice trip and I noticed lots of times when I didn't feel as depressed as I usually feel. Took lots of pics too.

That sounds wonderful, Scooter! Noticing that you sometimes didn't feel as depressed...maybe more frequent self-care (especially fun stuff) would be beneficial for you.

[Lizzie1813]

Originally Posted by BethRags

Unfortunately, I don't have any wisdom to share, but I empathize with you because I'm having the same issue with my daughter. I fully believe I was always "there" for my kids, but my daughter says I wasn't. So she has refused to communicate with me for 2 1/2 years. Her memory and mine are as if we lived in different homes.

I don't know what to do with the remorse, except to sincerely apologize to your son, even if you don't believe he's correct. I'm writing a letter to my daughter to apologize for whatever it is she believes I did that was so insulting to her.

Thank you for your reply. I hope your daughter comes around. I’ve apologized to both of my kids. I don’t know what else to do. Thank you for sharing about your situation. Hugs to you during this difficult time. I hope things work out.

[Moose72]

News Article about my old apartment complex!

This was in the news recently. Its about my old apartment complex trying to evict the tenants because of flooding in their apartments 10 days ago after a very heavy rain storm. This is the same place that would ignore my maintenance requests for a month until they were MADE to do it by the section 8 people. They told a bunch of section 8 people that they had to move by this past January . No reason why except I guessed that they'd lost their section 8 deal. And remember when I had a huge crack in my bedroom ceiling that water flowed out of? They only fixed THAT after being threatened by the section 8 people, too. Plus, there was a shooting over there within the last week or 2!

Anyway, I could go on but the fact remains that N2 and N3 and I got out just in time! (Well, last October...) The management was always sending around mean and scary letters and they'd attach them to your front door.

Anyway, read the short article and watch the news clip inside the article. Wow!

[wildflowerchild25]

Talked to my program therapist about the food issues today. I think it’s because I still feel out of control of my life and my brain, very overwhelmed. I’ve sworn off self harm so my brain has switched to a new maladaptive behavior and thought process.

I am depressed and anxious again today. I have a high urge to self harm and am only comforted by the fact that I ate ok today and went to the gym. I went to Trader Joe’s to get some of my staples and my favorite seasonal items. There were two new items that drew me there, balsamic fig vinaigrette and dill pickle mustard. My god, they are both so good! I eat pretzel thins with mustard for snacks a lot so I think the dill pickle mustard will be excellent. I also had a salad with dinner and used the vinaigrette and it is also a win.

I ordered a piece of canvas wall art. I’m going to put it right next to my bed where I often stare into space when I am upset. It will brighten up the wall and has lots of colors and shapes to count as a grounding exercise.

I think I need to make a list of each thing I must accomplish in order of importance and make a promise to myself to do one thing on the list each day. All I have to do is one, then I can do whatever else I want for the rest of the day. I think that will help reduce this crazy overwhelmed feeling and help me regain some control.

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Moose72

News Article about my old apartment complex!

This was in the news recently. Its about my old apartment complex trying to evict the tenants because of flooding in their apartments 10 days ago after a very heavy rain storm. This is the same place that would ignore my maintenance requests for a month until they were MADE to do it by the section 8 people. They told a bunch of section 8 people that they had to move by this past January . No reason why except I guessed that they'd lost their section 8 deal. And remember when I had a huge crack in my bedroom ceiling that water flowed out of? They only fixed THAT after being threatened by the section 8 people, too. Plus, there was a shooting over there within the last week or 2!

Anyway, I could go on but the fact remains that N2 and N3 and I got out just in time! (Well, last October...) The management was always sending around mean and scary letters and they'd attach them to your front door.

Anyway, read the short article and watch the news clip inside the article. Wow!

Wow that’s awful!

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Thank you for your reply. I hope your daughter comes around. I’ve apologized to both of my kids. I don’t know what else to do. Thank you for sharing about your situation. Hugs to you during this difficult time. I hope things work out.

I know I wasn’t often there for my daughter but she chooses to remember the good times. It probably also helps that she’s also bipolar and a mother. I know I’m lucky that we have a good relationship. I’m sorry your daughter is having a hard time reconciling real life with the idolized fantasy that social media often portrays. Maybe when she gets a bit older or has children of her own.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Moose72

News Article about my old apartment complex!

This was in the news recently. Its about my old apartment complex trying to evict the tenants because of flooding in their apartments 10 days ago after a very heavy rain storm. This is the same place that would ignore my maintenance requests for a month until they were MADE to do it by the section 8 people. They told a bunch of section 8 people that they had to move by this past January . No reason why except I guessed that they'd lost their section 8 deal. And remember when I had a huge crack in my bedroom ceiling that water flowed out of? They only fixed THAT after being threatened by the section 8 people, too. Plus, there was a shooting over there within the last week or 2!

Anyway, I could go on but the fact remains that N2 and N3 and I got out just in time! (Well, last October...) The management was always sending around mean and scary letters and they'd attach them to your front door.

Anyway, read the short article and watch the news clip inside the article. Wow!

That is crazy! Sure is a good thing that you're OUT of there!

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Talked to my program therapist about the food issues today. I think it’s because I still feel out of control of my life and my brain, very overwhelmed. I’ve sworn off self harm so my brain has switched to a new maladaptive behavior and thought process.

I am depressed and anxious again today. I have a high urge to self harm and am only comforted by the fact that I ate ok today and went to the gym. I went to Trader Joe’s to get some of my staples and my favorite seasonal items. There were two new items that drew me there, balsamic fig vinaigrette and dill pickle mustard. My god, they are both so good! I eat pretzel thins with mustard for snacks a lot so I think the dill pickle mustard will be excellent. I also had a salad with dinner and used the vinaigrette and it is also a win.

I ordered a piece of canvas wall art. I’m going to put it right next to my bed where I often stare into space when I am upset. It will brighten up the wall and has lots of colors and shapes to count as a grounding exercise.

I think I need to make a list of each thing I must accomplish in order of importance and make a promise to myself to do one thing on the list each day. All I have to do is one, then I can do whatever else I want for the rest of the day. I think that will help reduce this crazy overwhelmed feeling and help me regain some control.

In spite of your depression and anxiety you've done some really effective things. I LOVE the idea of the wall art! Also, the doing 1 thing every day is excellent self-care.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Nammu

I know I wasn’t often there for my daughter but she chooses to remember the good times. It probably also helps that she’s also bipolar and a mother. I know I’m lucky that we have a good relationship. I’m sorry your daughter is having a hard time reconciling real life with the idolized fantasy that social media often portrays. Maybe when she gets a bit older or has children of her own.

Thank you, Nammu. Fortunately, my son is a super-positive, sunny man. My daughter does tend to look at the dark side...she has a lot of anxiety to cope with. She's 36 and won't be having any children...her marriage is not the strongest. She's actually starting university to go for her Ph.D. That'll be in late August. I just wish she'd sit down with me and communicate.

[Nammu]

Be nice if she would. I don’t think communicating ever hurt anyone.

[MuddyBoots]

I'm going to quit temazepam. I flushed all of it. I took my max dose last night after my attempt at a tolerance break and slept less than two hours and now, like every time I take it, I'm going to feel like crap until noon. I just met my new love on my walk. Thank God I actually got dressed today. I usually just go out in PJs haha, but no, I'm rocking it today. I got scared because I got a text message saying my vraylar would be $1330 for a month's worth, but when I called them it was free. I think my doc got me on some sort of assistance program. That's one thing I can say good about our mental health center, they're good at helping out with getting your meds covered. My injections were supposed to be $120 per shot (every two weeks) but the nurse signed me up for patient assistance and now it's $10.

I wish I had my keys. I want to dye my hair purple, get some tea, and buy some bear spray. My neighbors have a bird feeder out and I bet if I watch, by the end of the week, I'll see bears. Also I want to go hiking. A FED BEAR IS A DEAD BEAR! Maybe I can convince the hot guy I met today to go hiking with me.

[Soupe du jour]

Hubby and I went to a sort of shopping mall today. It was an odd experience, because now all stores are open again for business after months of only mandatory stores open. We browsed through an electronics shop and sporting goods shop. It was fun! We also bought Japanese sushi rolls to go from a sushi stand, something that isn't so ubiquitous here as it is in New Jersey.

Of course masks are still required in stores in Czech Republic. When the mask mandate ends, that will bring another level of freedom back. I don't want the mask mandated ended until it truly is safe. In early August, Hubby and I will have our second covid-19 boosters. Unfortunately, like in many other countries, the vaccination rates are not nearly as high as they should be by now.

What Hubby and I did today was sort of good. Lately we've felt unmotivated and in a bit of a slump, doing little since our visitors were here. We need jump starts to take the next steps. Otherwise, we have accomplished all of the main things we needed done after our move.

[Soupe du jour]

Originally Posted by Sapien

I'm going to quit temazepam. I flushed all of it. I took my max dose last night after my attempt at a tolerance break and slept less than two hours and now, like every time I take it, I'm going to feel like crap until noon. I just met my new love on my walk. Thank God I actually got dressed today. I usually just go out in PJs haha, but no, I'm rocking it today. I got scared because I got a text message saying my vraylar would be $1330 for a month's worth, but when I called them it was free. I think my doc got me on some sort of assistance program. That's one thing I can say good about our mental health center, they're good at helping out with getting your meds covered. My injections were supposed to be $120 per shot (every two weeks) but the nurse signed me up for patient assistance and now it's $10.

I wish I had my keys. I want to dye my hair purple, get some tea, and buy some bear spray. My neighbors have a bird feeder out and I bet if I watch, by the end of the week, I'll see bears. Also I want to go hiking. A FED BEAR IS A DEAD BEAR! Maybe I can convince the hot guy I met today to go hiking with me.

I hope you get to go on that hike with the hot guy! Be sure to talk loudly in case there are bears out there!

That's great news that your health center helps out so much with your med prices. The prices really shouldn't be what they are, though, in the US. There is no good reason for it. None! People just need to know that they shouldn't be at the mercy of a system that is not always on peoples' sides. I know what I'm talking about. The difference in health coverage in my new country proves this.

[Nammu]

My insurance company will no longer let me get 3 months of my latuda at a time. It was one copay for 3 months. Now I have to go in every month and it’s a $9 copay each time! They love flexing their muscles! What I don’t understand is that it was also cheaper for them to get it three months at a time too! Stupid insurance companies! .

[Lizzie1813]

Feeling super anxious. My cousin let me borrow her car so I could buy groceries. I had to drop her off at work. It’s raining heavily here. On my way home, I came across three places where the road was washed out. Scared me to death. I’m terrified of driving on any given day, but driving in a storm is so much worse. I have to pick her up from work later. I’m praying the rain will have stopped by then. I started reading a book just now. It’s called Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. It’s about mind-management. I’m hoping it will help me as I live with the pain of my 19-year old son’s estrangement. I hope everyone is having a good day.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Scooter9

I went on a mini vacation with my family. We visited Quebec city which is about 500 miles by road. I drove most of the way there and my son drove on the way back.

There was lots of food, walking around, some swimming, and being treated well. I slept very little but it was only a few days, I'll catch up with sleep this week.

It was a nice trip and I noticed lots of times when I didn't feel as depressed as I usually feel. Took lots of pics too.

That sounds great Scooter!

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Be nice if she would. I don’t think communicating ever hurt anyone.

Good post. I also have a very uncommunicative ''family'' of origin. It hurts.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by Lizzie1813

Feeling super anxious. My cousin let me borrow her car so I could buy groceries. I had to drop her off at work. It’s raining heavily here. On my way home, I came across three places where the road was washed out. Scared me to death. I’m terrified of driving on any given day, but driving in a storm is so much worse. I have to pick her up from work later. I’m praying the rain will have stopped by then. I started reading a book just now. It’s called Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess. It’s about mind-management. I’m hoping it will help me as I live with the pain of my 19-year old son’s estrangement. I hope everyone is having a good day.

I hope this book is helpful. I can relate to the pain of having estranged family members Not a son in my case but just as ''close'' a blood relative (or it is supposed to be...)

[Mountaindewed]

I went out to breakfast this morning. I got cream cheese, ricotta, and raspberry stuffed French toast and a side of potato’s. It was good but a lot of food. I only ate 2 pieces of the French toast. I think there were 6 pieces total. I came home and I took a 40 minute walk to a shady little gas station. They had bottles of orange Vanilla Coke which I haven’t been able to find anywhere. Then I got my haircut and I got a pretty manly cut. I think I could go without a hat now. So far today has been good. I haven’t taken any Valium yet and my issues seem to come up when I take one. But not taking one doesn’t really seem to be an option either. It’s kinda frustrating. My strange bleeding came back last night and I will be dealing with PMS again in 9 days. I’m worried about returning to work while dealing with complete hell for 10 straights out of every month Like how am I supposed to function?

But at this exact moment I’m doing well and that’s what I should be focusing on. I’m thinking of taking another walk although I don’t really know my way around the neighborhood yet. My mom came with me this morning. I guess I could just try. I’ll have my phone with me.

I just took a half mile walk and I didn’t really know where I was at one point. But I had sort of an idea. So I just kept following my instincts. Then I realized I was being followed. So I hurried on and I passed a landmark that I know means my house is right by. Then the guy got closer and I was just feet from my front lawn and I just let him pass and he said “pardon me” and walked on. I think? he was harmless. It was pretty freaky regardless.

[Fuzzybear]

I did not go out today.