[Brentus]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I don’t feel good again. I was doing ok for a couple days. But I just feel strange and achy again. The colace has been working. So I don’t think it’s that. My mom and I switched beds and I got her memory foam mattress. I wanted to get my own from matress firm because of their Labor Day sales. But she thought that was a bad idea. So maybe I hurt myself moving the bed.

But I just feel nauseated and in pain. Mostly in my lower right side again. I also have loss of appetite. I’ve had about 1,130 calories today. It was decent stuff though that I ate. There’s only one thing that helps me feel better so I’m guessing it could be a hysterectomy issue. I don’t do it anymore for my mental health I do it for my physical health. Honestly I’m pretty tired of it. But it’s the only thing that can calm my ovaries. My therapist doesn’t get it. But then what does she get.

My moms bed is nice although I’m just sinking into it. I read for a couple hours this afternoon. I’m reading an early book by Stephen King. It’s short stories. Some are pretty scary. Others aren’t. Some seem more like Twilight Zone episodes or episodes of Beyond Belief Fact Or Fiction. It’s ok. I’m hoping to finish it by the end of the weekend but I’m hoping to get most of it done tomorrow. I started it a few years ago and then I stopped at about page 200 something. But I remembered what story I was on. So I just picked back up on it and I’m more then halfway through now. It’s 640 pages but the print is big.

Man I just don’t know what to do about my lower stomach except wait it out until my ultrasound on the 9th. But it seems any kind of lifting or pulling or attempts at skateboarding makes it worse. But I don’t feel S. I don’t feel the need to take an extra Valium so if it’s just mental health it isn’t bad.

Auto correct wanted to change health to Hewlett-Packard. Who the **** is that and why did auto correct do that.

As Moose and unlived have mentioned -- they are a brand of electronics, maybe better known today as simply HP and still very common in the US. My computer is an HP by the way :P

[Nammu]

Yay! I’m so proud of myself. I got up when the alarm went off and cleaned the cat box, took the. Garbage out AND went to aqua fitness instead of back to bed. The weather is dismal, chilly and rainy. Such a grey day I was really tempted to not go. But I did! When I got back I brought the garbage can back in and now have a long free day to do,…whatever.

[Mountaindewed]

I’m doing ok today. I feel better. I got some shopping done this morning. I got 5 cases of diet and zero sugar Mountain Dew. I had been going to the gas station every couple of days to buy a few 20oz bottles. But I came to my senses and decided to buy cases instead. I spent less on the 5 cases then I do in a week on single bottles. But I also plan on getting a couple 6 pack 16oz bottles too later this afternoon. Then I went to Walmart to get some black Fruit Of The Loom t shirts since they are the only men’s shirts that will fit me. Everything else is too big. I also got 3 cauliflower crust pizzas. Walmart has their own brand now but I also got a caulipower crust one. I saw the Pepsi guys were just about to start stocking the shelf’s. So I’m thinking of going back there later today since I’m pretty sure the new Mountain Dew will be there. Just a hunch since the last new flavor came out on a Friday. The Pepsi people are pretty rude when you ask if they have new stuff. So I’ll just go back later to check. Then I went to the Asian market to get udon noodles, Asian flavors of cup a noodle and Asian flavors of Lays Chips. One of the kinds of Lays was guacamole. I dropped some books off at the library. Then I came home and I think I’ll head back to Walmart around noon. I wish I had a link to see if they did actually get it. But no one has given out the link yet. Walmart’s website doesn’t update itself very well.

But today I’m doing ok. I lost almost a pound since yesterday. Because I wasn’t feeling good so I wasn’t eating a lot. That put me at one of my short term goal weights. I didn’t reward myself on purpose but I did get a thin and slim pumpkin smoothie from Smoothie King. It tasted more banana. Maybe because it was a light version. but it was good.

[Soupe du jour]

It's already the end of the day where I am. Hubby went to bed very early. I'm sure he'll get up in the middle of the night.

I was super busy doing house chores today. I also created a packing list for our upcoming trip to Slovakia and Poland. Our suitcases will be packed since we need a selection of "regular day" clothes, dressy outfits, and hiking clothes. The weather may also fluctuate between comfortable to quite chilly autumn temperatures. The chilly, especially in the mountains! Looking at the 14 day forecast, the mountain temps in two weeks are 9 C (49 F) as highs and 4 C (39 F) as lows. Umm, cold! The dressy clothes are needed because dinners are also included, and the hotel indicates that they have a more formal dress code. I know that I do have at least four different appropriate dresses that are nice and still fit. As for hiking pants, I need to pull the two I have out of the attic and see. I might need to buy new. Actually, I sort of doubt they fit...and maybe even some moths might have gotten to them. At least I recently bought a new pair of hiking shoes. Hubby did, too. We've been trying to break them in beforehand.

Well, klutz that I am, I fell down 7 concrete steps last night, landing with my neck against the (also concrete) wall at the landing, quickly followed by the back of my head. Ow. I cried so much. Laid down and iced the area. Called the doctor this morning, and she wanted me to go to the ER for imaging, so here I am. It was not long ago I just finished paying my last ER bill. (American system sucks so bad!) Ugh.

[Mountaindewed]

I went back to Walmart. They didn’t have it or if they did it sold out quickly. So I went to the other store I was at this morning and found 3 cases. So I took 2 and left one for someone else. I have no idea how many they got in but I was there around 9:30 this morning. So the Pepsi guys stocked the shelf’s sometime between 9:30 and 2:30 and I got 2 of the 3 that were there. I also got 3 20oz bottles. They had a few more of those then they did of the cases but not many. The stores where I live now don’t get the volume that my last state got.

But at least I finally found it and it’s pretty good. I didn’t have any calories for it but I really wanted to try it as soon as I found it. But I’ll fix udon noodles for dinner or have a turkey burger and be a bit over my personal calorie goal. But still under my Noom goal that they calculated and set up for me.

I cancelled my therapy session on the 9th. I didn’t feel like dealing with her and the anticipatory anxiety about my ultrasound that’s a few hours later. I didn’t feel like she would be of any help. I actually felt like she would make things worse. If the ultrasound had been before the appointment then I would have gladly gone to the session. But before with her wacko views on things is just too much for me to handle.

Someone told me one time that it’s good that I know what I can and can’t handle.

I think I actually need to be in therapy in order for insurance to keep covering my hormones. I know I need to be in therapy to get surgeries covered and I think to get my gender changed. I’m not sure if all that is true but I know my primary doctor wanted to be sure I had a therapist. And I guess I probably should be. But with the right one. Who has yet to come along.

I guess I miss my transference T just because of the support she’d give me. The unprofessional therapist and the current one don’t really do that. But she’s starting to get out of my mind because now it’s not her that I miss, it’s the support and the somewhat understanding and super accepting of me that I’m just not getting now.

I’m hoping 3rd times the charm with the one I’m being switched to.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

a friend of mine is turning 28 today

I saw him yesterday and he's like oh me and a group of friends are getting chinese. not you, your having mcdonalds- didn't even asked me, chinese would have been nice too

oh well: I'm being the bigger person, and I actually wished him a happy birthday this morning. he's looking forward to the day and I don't waqnt to spoil it for him

Gosh. I'm sorry. You really are the bigger person.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, klutz that I am, I fell down 7 concrete steps last night, landing with my neck against the (also concrete) wall at the landing, quickly followed by the back of my head. Ow. I cried so much. Laid down and iced the area. Called the doctor this morning, and she wanted me to go to the ER for imaging, so here I am. It was not long ago I just finished paying my last ER bill. (American system sucks so bad!) Ugh.

Oh, no! That's very frightening and painful. I'm so sorry you went through it. I hope you're not seriously injured. You must be awfully sore.

[Mountaindewed]

Does anyone else get anxious about all the threads in the coffee house that are way past 50 pages? I don’t want to make a whole bunch of new threads for them. I feel like it is not my place to do that. I am trying to tell myself it’s not my problem but I don’t know. I often feel like this site is going down the drain and I feel like it’s being badly kept up unlike the way it was a couple years ago.

[Mountaindewed]

Lol. I’m listening to a conversation my mom is having about some lady who had a baby with a much older man and her parents didn’t know until she was in labor. And something about Hebrew

I don’t get why my mom talks on speakerphone with everyone.

[Moose72]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Lol. I’m listening to a conversation my mom is having about some lady who had a baby with a much older man and her parents didn’t know until she was in labor. And something about Hebrew

I don’t get why my mom talks on speakerphone with everyone.

My mom does that too! Speaker phone or video chat- every single time. I can hear both sides of the conversation! Now, me, I prefer that nobody can hear the person on the other side of the phone OR me! Not that we are talking through a bunch of secrets- its just that I like to be private about my conversations. Sometimes, I worry that people can hear me talking, even if I don't have it on speakerphone.

Originally Posted by BethRags

Oh, no! That's very frightening and painful. I'm so sorry you went through it. I hope you're not seriously injured. You must be awfully sore.

Thanks, Beth. You are correct on the soreness. Yikes. Not just my neck, but my whole torso (my front ribs? Why? I never impacted them). It was pretty traumatizing last night. It all happened so fast and hurt so bad. Today it is mainly the soreness and lack of range of motion. I am now over 4 hours in the waiting room, and my whole spine feels compacted (sure it's not, just feels that way) from all the **** sitting. I'm having to stand periodically, but it doesn't help much.

Ugh. I just want to go home and lay down with ice packs.

[Mountaindewed]

I am super anxious and I don’t even know what else I’m feeling. I’m nauseated too but I also want to eat pizza as well. I don’t know what I’m feeling or why I’m feeling it. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy. Like my body shape is getting wider despite my weight loss and like I’m living in a parallel universe. I don’t know if I need to just stop with all the Stephen King or if I really am not eating enough and it’s starting to affect me.

But right now I just majorly feel like freaking out despite my 4th Valium 45 minutes ago. But I don’t want people to think I’m too unstable mentally for surgery. So I’m just trying to hang on as best as I can.

My mom said we can go to my old state to visit with people and shop in a couple weeks. I don’t think they are advising against traveling. At least not yet. There’s a lot of stuff I want to do. Some stores I don’t have here so I haven’t had some stuff in a few months. I don’t know if it’s risky or not. Since a hotel and restaurants will be involved. But it would be during the day when school is in session. So places shouldn’t be particularly crowded. If I don’t go in a couple weeks I probably wouldn’t be able to go until next year because of the other stuff and then the holidays and bad weather.

Sorry for rambling so much today. Maybe my cheat day just needs to be tonight. I didn’t eat anything after taking my 160mil Geodon or my 4th Valium.

Edit: I had some instant udon noodles. I don’t use the flavoring packet. I don’t even soak them in it. I just throw it out and cook the noodles in water in the microwave. It was bland food but the blander the food the better I like it. I’m just weird like that. So I had to up my calories for my mental health sakes but I’m still below maintenance. I got out of my all or nothing thinking regarding food awhile ago.

I know I really overdid it with the caffeine and other stuff. I’m trying to avoid a full blown S meltdown like the one I had the other night. Which was also food and caffeine related.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I went back to Walmart. They didn’t have it or if they did it sold out quickly. So I went to the other store I was at this morning and found 3 cases. So I took 2 and left one for someone else. I have no idea how many they got in but I was there around 9:30 this morning. So the Pepsi guys stocked the shelf’s sometime between 9:30 and 2:30 and I got 2 of the 3 that were there. I also got 3 20oz bottles. They had a few more of those then they did of the cases but not many. The stores where I live now don’t get the volume that my last state got.

But at least I finally found it and it’s pretty good. I didn’t have any calories for it but I really wanted to try it as soon as I found it. But I’ll fix udon noodles for dinner or have a turkey burger and be a bit over my personal calorie goal. But still under my Noom goal that they calculated and set up for me.

I cancelled my therapy session on the 9th. I didn’t feel like dealing with her and the anticipatory anxiety about my ultrasound that’s a few hours later. I didn’t feel like she would be of any help. I actually felt like she would make things worse. If the ultrasound had been before the appointment then I would have gladly gone to the session. But before with her wacko views on things is just too much for me to handle.

Someone told me one time that it’s good that I know what I can and can’t handle.

I think I actually need to be in therapy in order for insurance to keep covering my hormones. I know I need to be in therapy to get surgeries covered and I think to get my gender changed. I’m not sure if all that is true but I know my primary doctor wanted to be sure I had a therapist. And I guess I probably should be. But with the right one. Who has yet to come along.

I guess I miss my transference T just because of the support she’d give me. The unprofessional therapist and the current one don’t really do that. But she’s starting to get out of my mind because now it’s not her that I miss, it’s the support and the somewhat understanding and super accepting of me that I’m just not getting now.

I’m hoping 3rd times the charm with the one I’m being switched to.

It is good to know what you can and cannot handle, I think.


It's too bad you're not out here...there are so many T's that work specifically with trans and LBTQ, etc. people.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Thanks, Beth. You are correct on the soreness. Yikes. Not just my neck, but my whole torso (my front ribs? Why? I never impacted them). It was pretty traumatizing last night. It all happened so fast and hurt so bad. Today it is mainly the soreness and lack of range of motion. I am now over 4 hours in the waiting room, and my whole spine feels compacted (sure it's not, just feels that way) from all the **** sitting. I'm having to stand periodically, but it doesn't help much.

Ugh. I just want to go home and lay down with ice packs.

4 hours! That's terrible. I hope by now you've been taken in. Ice packs are good, so's a heating pad.

[*Beth*]

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

Does anyone else get anxious about all the threads in the coffee house that are way past 50 pages? I don’t want to make a whole bunch of new threads for them. I feel like it is not my place to do that. I am trying to tell myself it’s not my problem but I don’t know. I often feel like this site is going down the drain and I feel like it’s being badly kept up unlike the way it was a couple years ago.

You've started so many really cool threads; I think it is fine if you have the 50 - page ones closed and start new threads.

[Scooter9]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Thanks, Beth. You are correct on the soreness. Yikes. Not just my neck, but my whole torso (my front ribs? Why? I never impacted them). It was pretty traumatizing last night. It all happened so fast and hurt so bad. Today it is mainly the soreness and lack of range of motion. I am now over 4 hours in the waiting room, and my whole spine feels compacted (sure it's not, just feels that way) from all the **** sitting. I'm having to stand periodically, but it doesn't help much.


Ugh. I just want to go home and lay down with ice packs.

Terrible that happened to you! I hope your injuries aren't bad!

I'm hoping for a speedy recovery @Innerzone

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Nammu

Yay! I’m so proud of myself. I got up when the alarm went off and cleaned the cat box, took the. Garbage out AND went to aqua fitness instead of back to bed. The weather is dismal, chilly and rainy. Such a grey day I was really tempted to not go. But I did! When I got back I brought the garbage can back in and now have a long free day to do,…whatever.

Good for you ! Oooo is Fall coming soon ?? Or just a rainy chilly day?

How did you fill the rest of your day??

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

It's already the end of the day where I am. Hubby went to bed very early. I'm sure he'll get up in the middle of the night.

I was super busy doing house chores today. I also created a packing list for our upcoming trip to Slovakia and Poland. Our suitcases will be packed since we need a selection of "regular day" clothes, dressy outfits, and hiking clothes. The weather may also fluctuate between comfortable to quite chilly autumn temperatures. The chilly, especially in the mountains! Looking at the 14 day forecast, the mountain temps in two weeks are 9 C (49 F) as highs and 4 C (39 F) as lows. Umm, cold! The dressy clothes are needed because dinners are also included, and the hotel indicates that they have a more formal dress code. I know that I do have at least four different appropriate dresses that are nice and still fit. As for hiking pants, I need to pull the two I have out of the attic and see. I might need to buy new. Actually, I sort of doubt they fit...and maybe even some moths might have gotten to them. At least I recently bought a new pair of hiking shoes. Hubby did, too. We've been trying to break them in beforehand.

This sounds like a wonderful trip How long will your trip be???

[Nammu]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Good for you ! Oooo is Fall coming soon ?? Or just a rainy chilly day?

How did you fill the rest of your day??

I fiddled with my iPad. Read. Ran to Walmart for mum Tylenol and my chai. I tell you now that I hope I don’t need anything else for the rest of the weekend, man they’re driving crazy out there. I know it’s a holiday weekend but man! They are driving crazy, traffic accidents are way up. Watched the games channel. We love trivia shows. Common knowledge is our favorite.

How are you doing? The new meds helpful?

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by Innerzone

Well, klutz that I am, I fell down 7 concrete steps last night, landing with my neck against the (also concrete) wall at the landing, quickly followed by the back of my head. Ow. I cried so much. Laid down and iced the area. Called the doctor this morning, and she wanted me to go to the ER for imaging, so here I am. It was not long ago I just finished paying my last ER bill. (American system sucks so bad!) Ugh.

Oh Nooooooo I am hoping by the time you read this you are back home surrounded with icepacks and no serious injury was found. That's a horrible time to have to wait.. Yes Er's are busy but any kind of head trauma I feel needs to be taken back much faster.

You need to really try to go easy while you recover from such a hard fall

I'm going to get you a bubble wrap suit

[~Christina]

No notification that the Rexulti being ready at the pharmacy, probably needs a pre cert and that is fine, The hallucinations are ongoing but I can still fact check them away. It's still exhausting though.

I need to find something new to look forward too..

[*Beth*]

I'm tired of being in psychological pain. Losing my pdoc has been a blow. She was amazing, in that she saw fit to see me once/week. Then suddenly nothing. In a way my pdoc was more stabilizing than my therapist is.

I "met" someone interesting in my IRL support group's ZOOM session. He's got a lot of problems tho. He said he's looking for a partner. I don't know what to do. I just got out of that thing with that co-dependent guy. Should i wait until i am well enough again to attend my senior's center and look for a healthier man?

Originally Posted by BethRags

4 hours! That's terrible. I hope by now you've been taken in. Ice packs are good, so's a heating pad.

Yes, out now, TG. Altogether I was there 6 hours(!) Love my ice bags. Love my rice bags -- so comforting.

Originally Posted by Scooter9

Terrible that happened to you! I hope your injuries aren't bad!
I'm hoping for a speedy recovery @Innerzone

Thanks, Scooter! They deemed it muscular, and didn't think there was anything broken, nor a concussion. I feel very lucky. It could have been much worse. Not that it's not unpleasant...

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Oh Nooooooo I am hoping by the time you read this you are back home surrounded with icepacks and no serious injury was found. That's a horrible time to have to wait.. Yes Er's are busy but any kind of head trauma I feel needs to be taken back much faster.

You need to really try to go easy while you recover from such a hard fall

I'm going to get you a bubble wrap suit

Thanks, Christina! I'll be home momentarily. Had to pick up some meds. I will try to take it easy, though I'm not very good at that. Ice packs and rice bags here I come!! I DO need a bubblewrap suit!

I hope that you can get your new med soon and that it knocks down your hallucinations pronto!