Bipolar check-in #59

I was up for a few hours around midnight. I fell asleep again for an hour or 2 at 4:30. I had this dream where I got bladder prolapse because right before I fell asleep I choked on my soda and I got this weird warm feeling in my bladder like something had pushed itself out. And instead of checking on it I went to sleep and had a dream about it. My lower stomach looked like clear jello in my dream and I could see all my organs. I still haven’t checked it out yet because I’m still drowsy. I took a zzquil gummy and a Valium. My pain is still like a one or 2. I was thinking of getting up to sit in the recliner and watch the news. I can stretch my stomach now in bed without any pain. I was thinking of getting a haircut today actually. If my mom thinks it’s a good idea. My mom and I are so close when I woke up from surgery and I was still out of it I said to the nurse “can I have my mom?” The nurse must have thought I was a baby but all she said was “yes”

Edit: I have the news on now and it’s the same stuff that was on last week. Covid cases down, 5-11 age group almost approved for the vaccine. No fiancée yet. Football. I didn’t miss anything.

I took a shower and it was ok. I didn’t see any damage but I still feel a bit of pain. It just felt like this weird popping feeling followed by a warm feeling. I’m not sure if I’ll get a haircut now. But I may go get a coffee.

Edit again: I am pretty tired now. All I did was sit up for 2.5 hours in the recliner instead of bed. But I’m making progress. I think I can take more Tylenol. I for sure don’t need the pain meds anymore.

I'm surviving. Last night was a little scary but everyone made it out alive. Had some pumpkin spice cheerios this morning with almond milk, soooo good. We're getting pizza from the best place in the state tonight too.

We're getting our first forensic psych hospital. How exciting

I finally washed my hair after neglecting that task so long that I don't remember the last time. Yesterday when we met up with my s-i-l, I noticed a lot of dandruff, which is not usual when my self-care is sufficient. We're going away for a week again, so I do need to spruce myself up. It is always a bit overwhelming to do, given my neglect. I'll do a little at a time.

Today (and tomorrow) are election days in my new country. I'm not able to vote here, since I'm not a citizen. But Hubby can since he's both a Czech and US citizen. His sister was pressuring him not to vote for the party he's most aligned with. I told him to vote as HE feels best. After all, a year ago and for decades before, he didn't even vote here. He and his sister are not at opposite ends of the spectrum, politically. More a slight difference. Her argument was no different than one that's been made in the US, that voting for one party (that's only a little different) can be at the expense of another. I "get" the argument, but still think it's not good for democracy, in the end. Plus, political tides change, over time. A "minority" party can someday gain ground, for better or for worse. Never voting for them, when you most agree with them, is not a solution I completely agree with. Not that I haven't done so, in some cases, but at least I definitely vote exactly as I like during primary elections. As I've written before, I hope that someday there will be more than two major political parties in the US. Though if so, I hope that the whole election system is modified a bit. Right now it is ONLY really designed for the two parties in the US. Some countries have "ranked choice" voting, where you can pick a first choice and second choice, or more. This is a good way, in my view, to allow the true will of the majority to be done. Anyone interested in ranked voting can read more about it at Ranked voting - Wikipedia Note: Sadly, Czech Republic does not have ranked choice voting. That's why my s-i-l was pressuring Hubby.

Hubby and I will not vote in the US elections this year, but definitely will in 2024. US citizens living abroad can still vote in presidential elections. I'm not sure if I can in 2022. I sort of doubt it.

Pure fact

When I try to snack Gus is so Goofy Dorky looking LOL



Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Feeling pretty dang fantastic despite little sleep. Gastric reflux kept me up and left me so uncomfortable. I decided to go for a walk this morning and it really put a boost in my energy. I've neglected walking for awhile now. I have been reading nutrition and biochemistry textbooks for fun this morning and really enjoy stuff like that. I'll go food shopping tomorrow and try to buy a bit healthier but have my comfort foods on hand too. I'll spend the day learning a little language I think, and study a bit more nutrition stuff and maybe even do some more calculus. I just feel good (Even if this is like a hypomania, which I think would be dubious to believe-- I have no means to overspend, or to engage is risky behaviors that would excessively cause harm, or by any means do anything but feel good. Yes, flight of ideas. Yes, starting multiple tasks I won't finish. Yes, elated mood. But again, what problem does it have if not a mixed state or unmedicated? I think I'm fine. I've never hit mania to my knowledge. For all I know, this may be part of the poor sleep elation you get early on in sleep deprivation. You, where you feel great before you crash? Kinda like a sugar high? haha)

I also feel like dancing. I secretly dance and karaoke in my room when I am alone. LOL

I am not in much pain anymore. My doctor said I’d only be on pain pills for a week and he was right. I’ve just been taking Tylenol today. I’m very worn out even though I didn’t do anything. I took a shower and I watched The Today Show on the recliner in the family room. So I actually moved around besides just sitting in bed all day. But I haven’t been too hungry. I had a lot of caffeine because I didn’t want to take a nap. So I had a Mountain Dew from Sams Club and then an americano from Starbucks. I’m still tired but I’m mainly just worn out but I don’t feel like taking a nap anymore.

I do feel slightly concerned about bladder prolapse. My mom told me not to worry about it. I do need to be careful when coughing or laughing since both those things really can cause it.

I got some chicken and beef cube stock. They are good for when you don’t feel the greatest and they only have 5 calories each, but they have a lot of sodium. It’s less money then buying 50 individual cans of broth though. I put my scale away for a bit. I don’t feel like dealing with that. I’ll just deal with the food tracking for right now.

My mom is doing my laundry right now and she cleaned up my room a bit this morning but I’ve been doing everything else for myself today. Like making meals and getting stuff from the fridge.

I can tell I’m making a lot of progress in my recovery and by next Friday I should be feeling pretty ok I guess. I have therapy on Monday with a new therapist. I’m trying not to focus on that right now though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina When I try to snack Gus is so Goofy Dorky looking LOL Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I love his big pink nose!

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow Feeling pretty dang fantastic despite little sleep. Gastric reflux kept me up and left me so uncomfortable. I decided to go for a walk this morning and it really put a boost in my energy. I've neglected walking for awhile now. I have been reading nutrition and biochemistry textbooks for fun this morning and really enjoy stuff like that. I'll go food shopping tomorrow and try to buy a bit healthier but have my comfort foods on hand too. I'll spend the day learning a little language I think, and study a bit more nutrition stuff and maybe even do some more calculus. I just feel good (Even if this is like a hypomania, which I think would be dubious to believe-- I have no means to overspend, or to engage is risky behaviors that would excessively cause harm, or by any means do anything but feel good. Yes, flight of ideas. Yes, starting multiple tasks I won't finish. Yes, elated mood. But again, what problem does it have if not a mixed state or unmedicated? I think I'm fine. I've never hit mania to my knowledge. For all I know, this may be part of the poor sleep elation you get early on in sleep deprivation. You, where you feel great before you crash? Kinda like a sugar high? haha) I also feel like dancing. I secretly dance and karaoke in my room when I am alone. LOL

Dancing is a great way to exercise!

I went to bed at 5:30! Late nap but now it's almost 9:00 and I'm wide awake. I really hope that I can make it back to sleep. Waiting for my friend to call first though.

I thought he had a cold compress on his head. Then I realized that it was the TV!

I went out with friends for the evening. We came home at 2am.

Does anyone have mornings where they stand there and talk to themselves a million miles and hour in their room or kitchen?

Today I'll be packing for a trip again. Part of me wants to go, and another wishes it was canceled so we could head rather to France, money wise. I do know this trip is more for self-care than the others. Probably we need this to even be able to do a more stressful one. The good thing is that our health insurance pays a little towards this upcoming trip. The insurance company we had in the US would scoff at such a thing, while kissing their ever increasing piles of moolah.

Wishing everyone well.

Today is moving day into my new apartment. I'm so excited to be moving out of my dad's house and into my own place. I'll probably cry when they hand me the keys. Time to move on from abusive ex-husband.......

Congratulations polibeth!

I made the switch from opiates to Tylenol easily. But the Tylenol is messing with my stomach really badly. But I can’t take iburophen and I’m still in pain from the surgery. Not opiates type pain but just the achy kinda stuff that Tylenol takes care of. I’ve been sipping on ginger ale since midnight and I just had some saltine crackers now. So I feel kinda ok now. We are now for sure going to my home state for thanksgiving. I guess I’m ok with it. There’s just this one cousin I don’t want to see but I’m not sure she’ll be there. There’s a few grocery stores I like to go to that I can go to on Black Friday. Grocery stores are empty that day. But I don’t really have a choice about going or not. My mom won’t leave me alone during Thanksgiving and I don’t want to be difficult just because I’m worried about one person.

I went to Walgreens this morning to get some more Tylenol and some flavored waters. I also got witches brew Kit Kat’s which are marshmallow flavored. The trip was kinda difficult for me physically. So maybe my recovery isn’t going exactly as fast as I was thinking it was going.

Does anyone use Spotify? Do you like it?

Edit: after the saltine crackers my stomach is better. My pain is still there but it’s not as bad. I’m still just concerned about the whole bladder prolapse thing. But I’m not having any pain from the incisions and I’ve been wearing cargo shorts that button all day. My stomach isn’t big and I like lifting up my shirt to see my top surgery scars and how everything is gone and I like looking at my hysterectomy incisions and feeling so good about myself. And feeling like who I really am. So there hasn’t been a lot of post op depression today.

I’ve been focused on eating healthy lately. I think maybe my hysterectomy boosted my self esteem. My issue lately has been watching my sodium. Yeah something may be 120 calories but it can often have 900 milligrams of sodium. But I’m trying to get out of the “I can eat whatever I want and be skinny just long as I don’t eat a lot of it.” mindset and focus more on foods that are actually good for me.

My 5 year old nephew is having a meltdown because he dropped his ice cream cone that he can easily get another one from the freezer. Yeah this is why I didn’t hesitate signing off that I never wanted to have kids.

I am old school and use Pandora, but it is essentially the same thing. Internet radio is very nice. They select songs based on preferences and music styles. A lot of people love Spotify. I hear it's got better algorithms and better refining factors for music. I think it may even have a specific -- play this song, feature. It's usually how i listen to music.

Thanks guys ! Gus is a Dork but a cute one LOL

I'm getting annoyed with my weather. It's October and I want Fall weather !!! But no far to warm and this morning it was hella muggy! Cool weather needs to hurry up I only love my Fall Winter clothing :P

I had a horrible nightmare last night all PTSD and woke up in a panic attack. Steve was up while it was still dark and he came walking into the bedroom and I went off on a bunch of serious screaming. Was Terrified.. UGH

I hope everyone has something fun or nice this week end

@Polibeth, big congrats from me, too. It feels good to be the queen or king of your own realm!

We are packed for our trip and I did a boatload of self-care stuff in preparation. It's amazing how much work it can be!

The political party that my s-i-l and nephews voted for won, here in CZ. They are quite happy. So are Hubby and I because this winning party is still much better than what was. Perhaps some here may have seen in the news the Pandora Papers world leaders and celebrities discovered cheating the system by hiding wealth for tax savings purposes. One is the former Czech prime minister Andrej Babis. I say "former" because his party was voted out today. Yay! Perhaps no one here ever heard of the Czech prime minister, but I bet most have heard of the model Claudia Schiffer, singers Shakira, Elton John, Ringo Starr, Bono, and more, who were named. It's pretty sad since one would have assumed some of these folks wouldn't do such things. [But Babis, yes, it was expected.] I'm particularly surprised about and disappointed in Bono, of all people! It goes to show how greedy people are in this world! My husband and I pay all of the taxes we should be paying. How about you?

I’m getting physically unwell from the amount of stress I’m under. We got the license (have to pick it up on Wednesday) but a couple of things have happened.

One, my son got exposed to covid at school and cannot return until October 18. If I can produce a negative test result, he can return on Wednesday. I had him tested today. I don’t believe he has it, he was exposed Monday and still doesn’t have any symptoms, but I know that they can take up to 14 days to appear and also that you can be asymptomatic. If he is positive I have some decisions to make regarding the wedding but I cannot think about that now. I’m just hoping it’s not going to be necessary.

However, the truth is I have to take a few days off work with time I do NOT have. At least Friday and Tuesday.

And another thing. RS went to the ER Wednesday in extreme pain which he believed to be a kidney stone. He is indeed correct. It is a 5mm kidney stone. The dr is hopeful that he will pass it on his own and gave him a pain med to help the pain when it moves. It’s a NSAID so not addictive. Not that RS would get addicted but after my experience I would probably be even more stressed. If it doesn’t pass he has a procedure scheduled for Wednesday to remove it. Which means I’ll only be able to go into work for Thursday and Friday. I’m tempted to call the whole week a wash because I was going to take a half day on Friday anyway since it’s the day before the wedding. But I don’t want to be reprimanded.

There have been three cases of covid in my son’s school in three days and I’m fearful more will be on the way once kids (and adults) in my son’s class get tested. He told me the teacher is lax about masks. They wear them but she doesn’t care how they’re worn; they can have them down beneath their noses and stuff. Very irresponsible.

I’m not eating well and my stomach is in distress. Thankfully I am sleeping.

I’m really trying hard to just concentrate on the present, take it one day at a time. I can’t worry if my son’s school will close for two weeks. If I have to postpone the wedding or change the amount of guests or anything. If I’ll get in trouble for being absent too much. I just can’t. I’ll collapse.

Everything will work out, someway, somehow.

I had 3 cans of zero sugar sodas today plus the sips from the 2 liter bottle of ginger ale and now my stomach feels super big and bloated. I put on my sweatpants so I’m hoping to get some relief. I can take some more Tylenol now actually. Although I don’t really need it. My stomach just feels really full.

My mom and my sister are talking about thanksgiving day plans. That’s probably all my family will be talking about until thanksgiving day. I can’t remember how many times I’ve stayed at a hotel this year. It’s been a lot and only 2 of those times were non essential trips. I had my move trips in April and May and then my surgery trip in June and then my lake vacation trip in July and then my second mini trip last month. Plus I have my 3rd mini trip a week before thanksgiving and I really wish those theatre tickets were refundable. But at the same time I do want to see the musical. Basically I was hoping my sister would just want to stay here this year. The news said it’s going to be more crowded and more expensive then ever to travel this holiday.

But maybe I just really don’t want to see my family

At least Christmas I know I’ll be at my house. Ever since my first nephew was born in 2013 I’ve had Christmas just with my sister and her family. Sometimes we’d do a big family thing the next day.

But I’m at the point where I just want quite holidays. Not the huge full blown out ones I had when I was a kid.

I don’t get why my sister never responds to me anymore. I just spent $20 on stupid scout popcorn trying to make them happy and she barely even acknowledged me let alone asked how I was feeling.

Went shopping today, got all my groceries for the month (most likely) or at least most stuff. Just ate some chicken and sausage gumbo soup and will take my sister home from work a little later. Will probably pick up a Mike's hard lemonade and wrap up my night with that. I need one after the excruciating frustration of shopping with my mother. lol.

Hope everyone is doing well.