Bipolar check-in #60

That’s a bit of good news Christina! I was under the impression that if one family member got it the whole family would get it.

Similar to Christina's post, my brother-in-law was vaccinated & got covid, but my sister dodged the bullet. I'd say there's a good chance RS & your son will have similar outcomes, @wildflowerchild25. I hope you feel better soon.

I’ve been away from the forums for a few days but I’ve been doing well. I’m going to a drum circle tonight and the thought of that is a big mood booster.

I’ve still got much to do before Christmas gets here and we just found out my brother will be home Friday. I’ll go get him when he is discharged. That is just not good news. It’s been so nice having this break and just caring for mom. I can’t go back to caring for him. It’s too much. I have moments of anxiety. I’ve started to see and believe that I deserve a life as well and I don’t want to lose my momentum. I will pray and look into solutions.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

@wildflowerchild25 I hope you feel better soon.

I hope this time they arrange a care team to look after him. He really does need specialized people looking after him. CNA’s nurses and a therapist.

I've been up since 9:30 last night. I was just trying to control my hunger and I ended up falling asleep too early at 5 and waking up at 9:30. Then I had a good amount of caffeine. I'm not moody from lack of sleep or anxious from all the caffeine. But I am sad for some reason. I had another good therapy session. I'm glad someone is finally getting my transference T out of my head. Today was the first time I did not bring her up. I did make a stupid comment about christmas at this time last year which I think confused my therapist. But I am just very tired and kinda sad but just not sure why on that last part. Its not therapy related so I assume I'm just sleep deprived and its making me a bit emotional in general.

I think this tornado situation has me a bit worn down. That picture of the 3 girls right before the tornado hit and killed one of them is just heartbreaking. I am very nervous since a tornado could decimate my area very easily and things are just getting worse with global warming.

Today would be a vistril type day if I had it. Even if it caused me to eat an entire thing of baked brie or something. I'd take that chance for some relief. But at least therapy helped.

I'm trying to decide what to eat but I cant get the energy to grab a snack let alone make a meal. I'm smelling something again and I cant tell if its legit or phantom but my right nostril hurts where the smell is the strongest. I'm not nauseated at the moment.

Beth, I do know theres no magic pill for anxiety but a valium and zofran combo comes pretty darn close. Does your pdoc not do benzos either?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I’ve been away from the forums for a few days but I’ve been doing well. I’m going to a drum circle tonight and the thought of that is a big mood booster. I’ve still got much to do before Christmas gets here and we just found out my brother will be home Friday. I’ll go get him when he is discharged. That is just not good news. It’s been so nice having this break and just caring for mom. I can’t go back to caring for him. It’s too much. I have moments of anxiety. I’ve started to see and believe that I deserve a life as well and I don’t want to lose my momentum. I will pray and look into solutions. I hope everyone has a peaceful day.

Enjoy the drum circle. That sounds like just the thing!

Hubby and I had a decent talk today about things we've avoided saying. I'm glad.

I made Linzer tart cookies, but only a half batch. The other day I made two batches of vanilla crescents. Tomorrow I plan to make rum balls.The day after, Moroccan cookies. After that, maybe one other cookie that I'm still deciding on. I was happy that Hubby helped me assemble the Linzer tarts. It made it go much faster and he did a great job. It'll be hard having them around without eating any (before Christmas time). They're my favorite, and since I made fewer than usual, I've got to keep my mitts off of them to save for Hubby's sister and nephews.

Tomorrow I get my hair dealt with. It'll take a good 2 hours. Not looking forward to that, but at least I'll look better afterwards.

The pdoc appointment yesterday was moderately successful. She kept repeating that I'm "looking for a magic pill" to stop the anxiety/panic. I hate when they say that; I'm not so stupid. I am able to intuit the difference between physical panic and "thought" anxiety. I believe they say we can control our symptoms because they don't have a good answer. She's a CBT/DBT fanatic. So is my therapist. Thus far, I find CBT only moderately helpful...it is not magic for me.

Anyway, the pdoc raised my Zoloft dose to 150mg and added hydroxizine (Visterol). We'll see...

Oh- she absolutely refuses to prescribe a low dose of a typical (older) antipsychotic. She insists they inevitably cause tardive dyskenesia. Like the others, she likes the typical (newer) AP's - they don't seem to care in the least about the weight gain that causes dangerous physical illnesses.

I’m glad she at least ordered the Vistrual at least. Have you tried propranolol for the physical anxiety?

Yeah my newest AP is so called weight neutral but sooo not for me. I didn’t change anything but started gaining immediately after taking it. So of course that causes metabolism problems.

Happy Wednesday!

I got the drug screening fiasco finally resolved. It took a little bit, but the clinic has my results and have uploaded them into my file. I feel a sigh of relief that is finally taken care of. I know it's silly to worry about a drug screening when I know it will be completely negative, but it wasn't about the contents of it, it was so that they had on file the baseline before starting these medicines. I was told that was very important and I just couldn't rest until it was taken care of. It is now, and I feel much better. Now I will probably have to go through that mess again in three months, but that's in three months. Leave it for then. haha


My day is going relatively well. I cleaned a little bit, I studied a little bit, I shopped a little bit. I'm doing OK. It's relatively warm out (64 F) and I may go walking if I feel up to it, I've not quite decided. I haven't had lunch yet but I may just make a quick sandwich and some chips, or I do have minestrone soup I could heat up.


Nothing new to report. My mood is OK, my anxiety/stress seems better managed, I got through a stressful situation without aggravation on my part or others -- I call today a success.

Thanks everyone for the well wishes. I slept until about 12:30, then I ate a little bit. I’m alternating Tylenol and ibuprofen to keep the headache at bay. I really don’t feel much worse than a bad cold, except I am more exhausted and weak than I’ve ever been with a cold. I really can’t be out of bed for more than a few minutes. Enough time to shuffle to the kitchen (with a mask on) to refill my drink or grab a snack. Then it’s back to bed.

I think I’m pretty lucky though so far.

I’m apprehensive, mum has the president on going on and on about weather which is bad timing as they just issued a tornado watch and strong wind warnings for here. Really if I had my way I’d have music on and be ignoring the news. This weather is very odd for Minnesota. All most all of the 7 inches of snow melted today as temperatures were up to 64F. It was sunny, but that just turned 30 minutes ago. I put the potted pines in the garage with the wreath as they are predicting strong winds. It doesn’t help that they are showing footage from the Kentucky storms.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ... Beth, I do know theres no magic pill for anxiety but a valium and zofran combo comes pretty darn close. Does your pdoc not do benzos either?

Thanks Md

I've been on Klonopin for more than 20 years. Every time I try to decrease the dose it's a disaster, so I'm kind of accepting that I'll probably be on it all my life unless some magical way to stop taking it is invented.

So because of the K-pin the pdoc doesn't want to prescribe more benzo.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I’m glad she at least ordered the Vistrual at least. Have you tried propranolol for the physical anxiety? Yeah my newest AP is so called weight neutral but sooo not for me. I didn’t change anything but started gaining immediately after taking it. So of course that causes metabolism problems.

Oh, I think the "weight neutral" stuff is bunk.

Yes, I tried propanolol a few months ago. It didn't do anything one way or the other.

I'm pretty sure it was just the lack of sleep and then the massive caffeine I had trying to control it so I wouldnt get tired and crabby. I dont think there is anything actually wrong with my mental health. My visible moods were fine all day. I think my pysical health is ok too. Or at least decent. Although I was borderline shaking waiting for my therapist because I was so cold and I asked her if she had a blanket. Some do actually have them. She didnt laugh or make a joke. She made a face that was a combination of confused and concerned. Then said no she didnt. My hair is still falling out and I forgot to ask my doctor last week about it but I'll ask my primary when I see him in January. Its weird for me to get that cold in public but I feel perfectly fine physically. So idk. I never got what my mom had.

The weather gave me the creeps all day but I think its ok now. I shut my blinds after awhile because it looked like it was getting dark at 1PM. My therapist said I wasnt stressing about covid today. I didnt mention it at all. I am just concerned about other things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Possible trigger: I went a bit overboard on the valium today. I think I had 5 I'm pretty sure it was just the lack of sleep and then the massive caffeine I had trying to control it so I wouldnt get tired and crabby. I dont think there is anything actually wrong with my mental health. My visible moods were fine all day. I think my pysical health is ok too. Or at least decent. Although I was borderline shaking waiting for my therapist because I was so cold and I asked her if she had a blanket. Some do actually have them. She didnt laugh or make a joke. She made a face that was a combination of confused and concerned. Then said no she didnt. My hair is still falling out and I forgot to ask my doctor last week about it but I'll ask my primary when I see him in January. Its weird for me to get that cold in public but I feel perfectly fine physically. So idk. I never got what my mom had. The weather gave me the creeps all day but I think its ok now. I shut my blinds after awhile because it looked like it was getting dark at 1PM. My therapist said I wasnt stressing about covid today. I didnt mention it at all. I am just concerned about other things.

Md, how do you take extra benzos and still your pdoc will refill the prescription? My pdocs always count the pills down to the very day.

I'm feeling sick, I must have a flu or something. I was feeling nauseous all night then just threw up a bunch of times. I feel like crap. I'm afraid to sleep because I'm afraid I'll throw up in my sleep. I rarely ever get the throwing up type of sick, like the last time I had anything like this was many many years ago. I just don't get sick often in general. The last time I even had a cold was over two years ago.

I went for a walk yesterday. Today I did laundry. I also saw pdoc and my case manager. CM and I had some forms to fill in and there'll be more next month. I wasn't very into it- I came unprepared- if you can even prepare for this type of thing. I kept saying "uuuhhhhh..."after each question. My blood pressure was 117/73. My BP has been great since going off Seroquel. Go figure. Pdoc and I just talked about various things. No med changes. However when they weighed me I've gained more weight. I eat a
normal amount of food! Plus I've been walking. I've gained back 15 of the 20 pounds I lost last year!

I'm not sure but my doctor did refill it early once before. I've asked my mom. to count how many I have left and each time shes come up with a ton of extra days. Like 20. So I dont know if the pharamicist miscounted. I got it filled at the start of October and its a 3 month supply and the bottle is still more then halfway full.

I only slept a couple hours of light sleep. But I ended up waking up feeling quite a bit better. I haven’t felt nauseous so far since being up and I’m not super pale like I was last night. I think it may have been due to one of my medications that has continually caused me nausea. It just normally doesn’t make me as sick to the point of throwing up that I got last night.

I’m hoping it doesn’t come back.

I slept with the air conditioning on even though it was like 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside and with an ice pack on my forehead. My cat helped comfort me.

Right now I'm feeling ''ok'' which was unexpected (particularly today)... something today I have not been looking forward to. My h and I had a misunderstanding last night .... it's hard to talk to him after 8.00 pm He watches TV and doesn't like being interrupted It's not his fault, he's a lovely man. I think he may have high functioning ASD. I have read about it and I recognise him in many of the symptoms (the more I read, the more I recognise him in many of the symptoms).

One example is that a, to me, very distant relationship that he has with his siblings does not bother him at all.

Maybe this bothers me so much as I do not have siblings. I had 2 half ''siblings'' who cut me out of their life with no explanation Given their parents (my step maternal unit was very abusive to me and later on to my father at times too.... he is extremely Narcissistic but her abuse seemed to silence him at times...) ... anyway given who their parents were I guess I can put their total neglect down to ''consider the source''.... I had thought we got on quite well when they were younger They cut me out at a particularly bad time (mother had cancer)

Someone on another board had suggested ''can't you JUST send them a Christmas card''.... NO. (the caps in ''just'' are mine.......) I had already sent them several (many?) Christmas cards, with no response. I do not know their address now anyway. Although they know our address since we have not moved for a long time (15 plus years) We like it here, the neighbours are ok and our house is surrounded by trees.

The neighbours in our last house were neighbours from hell....

This is how my uncle is. He was fine to my dad but never paid attention to my mom or my siblings and I. My grandma tried fixing things but the only thing that would go on would be birthday gift exchanges. My uncle and my dad became close after my grandma died and then my dad got sick. My uncle stayed in contact with us for about a week after my dad died but then cut off all contact for no reason despite living closer then any other relative. That was 7 years ago and we didnt even bother telling him we were moving. I am facebook friends with one of 2 cousins on that side but he never posts anything so I dont know what he does and doesnt know.

I try not to let it bug me since my moms side is the complete opposite. But at the same time its just confusing to us why he doesnt want anything to do with us when we havent done anything except get my dad to stop drinking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I only slept a couple hours of light sleep. But I ended up waking up feeling quite a bit better. I haven’t felt nauseous so far since being up and I’m not super pale like I was last night. I think it may have been due to one of my medications that has continually caused me nausea. It just normally doesn’t make me as sick to the point of throwing up that I got last night. I’m hoping it doesn’t come back. I slept with the air conditioning on even though it was like 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside and with an ice pack on my forehead. My cat helped comfort me.

I hope you continue to feel better. Miss M has grown!

Well last night was exciting. We had severe thunderstorms and tornadoes in December and at night. From 7:20 to 10 pm we sat in the dark wondering what was happening. As we had no batteries for the radio. Mum’s landline no longer works without power. So we had my phone. That was it. Oh, and two candles. North and west of us got it bad and to the south and east of us. There’s trees down. In our area but that was the worse of it. This morning some areas are still without power and temperatures have gone back to normal for this time of year, 27F