Bipolar check-in #62

*Beth* · Feb 04, 2022, 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

Today was a wonderful day because the two troublemaking, drama-loving girls were not there. It was the OG crew plus another who has slid in quite nicely.

My only trouble is that my stomach pain has been increasing. Pain in stomach that radiates to my back. I realize this sounds like a gallbladder attack, but I’ve gotten an ultrasound three times and they can’t find anything wrong. I even had one at the ER once and the PA was absolutely convinced it was my gallbladder until the ultrasound didn’t show any stones. I don’t want to go to the ER because of Covid and because again, they haven’t found anything every other time. So I would pay however much just to be told to go to a gastroenterologist. I looked up when it is considered an emergency and all I have is the pain, which is uncomfortable but only moderate. The only problem is that the gastroenterologist usually books 2-3 months out. And I refuse to see the main guy based on how he treated me the first time. Basically said I was too fat and dx’ed me with GERD even though I had no symptoms indicating that.

I have been gaining weight and I hate it. I thought it was vraylar making me extra hungry but I’ve been off it for three weeks, which is generally the half-life. I don’t know. I haven’t been straight up bingeing anymore but still, I’m not eating as well as I could. But much better than When the stomach pain first appeared 5 years ago. Then I was binge eating and binge drinking every weekend. Eating crappy high fat, high sugar food. I don’t do that anymore. I hardly ever have fried food. I air fry everything. I don’t binge on sugar because it makes me sick.

I know I need to exercise but I feel so awkward doing it when RS is home, which I know is dumb but I guess I feel like I’m doing something just for me and it makes me feel guilty. I have a very hard time just relaxing when he’s home because I feel like I should be doing something useful. He NEVER intentionally makes me feel like that, it’s all nonsense from the baggage I carry in my head. Maybe tomorrow I’ll just do it anyway. Fight my dumb brain.

I guess tomorrow I’ll call both drs i should see. It’s hard because they are only open during the time I work and there’s nowhere private for me to make calls except my car, which I haven’t been wanting to walk out to because of the cold. Tomorrow it will be warm-ish, at least for a bit, but it will be pouring. I guess I have to just stop being deterred by weather and do it on my break.

Please be kinder to your wonderful self

*Beth* · Feb 04, 2022, 03:22 PM

~*~Happy Birthday Md!~*~

*Beth* · Feb 04, 2022, 03:32 PM

Well, our high temperature today will be 62 degrees. Sometimes we have spring-like weather until Valentine's Day, then we have cooler temperatures and (please God) some rain. Hopefully, that will be the case this year.

So I haven't seen my therapist for 2 weeks because I've cancelled. Prior to that, I had never cancelled an appointment. I received an email from her yesterday that said, "I missed you today. I guess I'll see you next week." Then she told me she's happy because she's been approved to work a 4 day week (she's 71).

I was a little hurt - and confused - by her "I guess I'll see you next week." It would have been more professional, I think, to say, "I hope to see you next week." Or "Can we discuss your reasons for cancelling two times in a row at our next session?"

I suppose I'm being passive-aggressive. Maybe I'm testing her. I suppose I am, and was disappointed with her email.

On an entirely different subject, today my diabetic kitty and I are doing a glucose curve. That means for 12 hours, every 2 hours, I take a blood sample from the tip of her ear(s) and test her glucose level in a little machine. The glucose curve is to determine the amount of insulin she requires. Sidney is so gentle and cooperative. She seems to know just what we're doing, and why. It breaks my heart to have to keep poking her with needles, but it has to be done. I give her loads of love for her sweet cooperation.

Hugs all around

Blue_Bird · Feb 04, 2022, 03:41 PM

Happy birthday @Mountaindewed hope you have a great day!

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Blue_Bird · 03:59 PM

It's cold out, 17 degrees so Stash (Miss Mustachio) is under the blankets on my lap purring. We got over 8 inches of snow.

I woke up with really bad headache earlier but it went away after I took an ibuprofen. I think it's because I slept too much. Sometimes when I sleep too much I wake up with a headache for some reason.

My sister might be coming over this weekend. Will be nice to see her.

I'm almost off my trileptal, I only have about one more week of tapering then I'm completely off. I honestly don't know if that's a good thing though. My mood has been pretty stable the past 5 or so years I've been on it so maybe it shouldn't be messed with. I don't know what I'll be like without it.

Oh yeah, Stash is getting big!

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*Beth* · Feb 04, 2022, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

It's cold out, 17 degrees so Stash (Miss Mustachio) is under the blankets on my lap purring. We got over 8 inches of snow.

I woke up with really bad headache earlier but it went away after I took an ibuprofen. I think it's because I slept too much. Sometimes when I sleep too much I wake up with a headache for some reason.

My sister might be coming over this weekend. Will be nice to see her.

I'm almost off my trileptal, I only have about one more week of tapering then I'm completely off. I honestly don't know if that's a good thing though. My mood has been pretty stable the past 5 or so years I've been on it so maybe it shouldn't be messed with. I don't know what I'll be like without it.

Oh yeah, Stash is getting big!

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Gaaah, Stash is so cute! And growing!!

I sometimes get terrible headaches if I sleep too much...or too little.

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 04, 2022, 04:25 PM

Stash is getting so big! How old is she now? I remember when my kittens were about that size they got very ornery for a while. It seemed like I always was finding them in some kind of trouble, usually funny.

She's so pretty!

Nammu · Feb 04, 2022, 04:28 PM

Great picture of Ms stash. She is getting big, my gosh.

Mountaindewed · Feb 04, 2022, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

~*~Happy Birthday Md!~*~

Thank you!

Mountaindewed · Feb 04, 2022, 04:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Happy birthday @Mountaindewed hope you have a great day!

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Thank you!

Blue_Bird · Feb 04, 2022, 04:43 PM

Thanks everyone

@BeyondtheRainbow I got her the week before Thanksgiving, I'm not entirely sure how old she was then, maybe a month or so? So she's probably about 4 months old. I could be off by a month or two. I will have to ask the lady I got her from how old she was when she gave her to me. She was very little then. She's definitely always getting into stuff, she's super playful and mischievous lol

Below are attached pics of how small she was the day I got her

FB_IMG_1637269312443.jpg FB_IMG_1637269309147.jpg

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scatterbrained04 · Feb 04, 2022, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien

This weather bites! There's like 3 inches of just solid ice in our driveway. Chop chop chop chop chop chop chop chop shovel shovel shovel chop chop chop chop repeat

Ugh that sounds awful. We got rain, then freezing rain, followed by a whole day's worth of sleet, then 4-5" of snow. My county was on the highest level snow emergency. Everything is finally calming down.

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~Christina · Feb 04, 2022, 07:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

Christina, yesterday was a sad day in terms of our little vacation. Yes, we went to the ski mountain, but Hubby had an awful time. Since I don't ski, I just waited for him, partly in a cafe at the lodge and partly in the car. A lot of time passed so I called him. He was so miserable that he was on the verge of tears. The snow was so deep that he could barely ski. Plus, he got royally lost. Apparently the signage was so bad. He asked others for directions, but no one around spoke any English. Austrians seem to speak far less than Germans, or are unwilling to. He ended up taking the lifts down. Plus, we were running late for my online Czech class.

Hubby then cried how the vacation has offered little for me. This is sadly the truth, but I fought him on that notion. Then late last night I awoke to the sound of him hacking in the bathroom. I initially thought he maybe accidentally ate garlic (he's allergic to it), but apparently he had something feel like it was stuck in his throat. He says he feels a little better this morning, but I think he's weary about it all. He wants to try skiing again, but at a resort about 1 to 1 1/2 hours further to the west. Wish us luck! I fear something similar will happen no matter where we go. He gets so tired and sweaty so easily. He's in awful physical shape. If it were up to me I'd leave Austria and head to a beautiful city due north in Southern Bohemia (back in Czech Republic) and enjoy being there. He would refuse and be upset by the suggestion, so I won't make it.

My class went OK. Kinda. I was nervous and hated having the first from a hotel room. One student was participating from South Africa, the other from the US. Me only from Austria this time. Normally I'm local Czech Republic. One more student may join us from who knows where.

Oh hun

I’m sorry this trip has been pretty awful. Maybe you guys can make a trip to a warmer spot where you both could enjoy things more.

Hey !! Just saw your other post !! So glad things are looking up ! Fantastic

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~Christina · Feb 04, 2022, 07:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

It's cold out, 17 degrees so Stash (Miss Mustachio) is under the blankets on my lap purring. We got over 8 inches of snow.

I woke up with really bad headache earlier but it went away after I took an ibuprofen. I think it's because I slept too much. Sometimes when I sleep too much I wake up with a headache for some reason.

My sister might be coming over this weekend. Will be nice to see her.

I'm almost off my trileptal, I only have about one more week of tapering then I'm completely off. I honestly don't know if that's a good thing though. My mood has been pretty stable the past 5 or so years I've been on it so maybe it shouldn't be messed with. I don't know what I'll be like without it.

Oh yeah, Stash is getting big!

Sent from my M8L using Tapatalk

Have a great time with your Sister !

Your baby is sooooo cute

Stay warm.

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~Christina · Feb 04, 2022, 07:30 PM

I am in “ I hate the world and myself too “ kind of mood.

There’s a long list of reasons I’m feeling this way but no reason to share them.

Hope everyone is staying warm.

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*Beth* · Feb 04, 2022, 07:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I am in “ I hate the world and myself too “ kind of mood.

There’s a long list of reasons I’m feeling this way but no reason to share them.

Hope everyone is staying warm.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I'm sending you love, Christina.

*Beth* · Feb 04, 2022, 07:48 PM

I have finally finished watching The Tudors, all 40 episodes. It was very sad, all in all. The only redemption was that the child least favored by her father (Henry VIII) ended up becoming the very great and honorable Queen Elizabeth I. Life sure can hold surprises, call it fate, or whatever.

There's an orange tree just outside my window, full of oranges. I wish I had one, but they're up too high to pick.

Feb 04, 2022, 09:17 PM

My depression really bothered me today. I couldn't tolerate any of my usual activities and spent most of the day laying or sitting on the sofa in silence. I wasn't even tempted by my ZOOM support group. I *did* get my dog out today. My neighbors came into the dog-park full of chatter about a crisis we are having in the city. I tried to participate and made a few tame remarks but i just wasn't into it. I hate when i get like this because my opportunities for socializing are few and far between so it would be best to max each one out. But when my dog started crying i beat a hasty retreat. Sigh!

*Beth* · Feb 04, 2022, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by whatever2013

My depression really bothered me today. I couldn't tolerate any of my usual activities and spent most of the day laying or sitting on the sofa in silence. I wasn't even tempted by my ZOOM support group. I *did* get my dog out today. My neighbors came into the dog-park full of chatter about a crisis we are having in the city. I tried to participate and made a few tame remarks but i just wasn't into it. I hate when i get like this because my opportunities for socializing are few and far between so it would be best to max each one out. But when my dog started crying i beat a hasty retreat. Sigh!

I'm sorry you've been having a rough go lately, Jane. What's happening with medication?

Victoria'smom · Feb 04, 2022, 10:20 PM

I'm around. Lost my words. Miss interacting here. Love you guys.

*Beth* · Feb 05, 2022, 01:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I'm around. Lost my words. Miss interacting here. Love you guys.

I'm sending love to you, too, Mm.

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 05, 2022, 01:50 AM

I'm having a lot of breast cancer anxiety tonight. I am a person who does best when I know as much as I can. And since I had 3 weeks to wait for my surgeon's appointment I've had time to read a lot and learn a lot. (And I still have 2 weeks and 3 days to go).

I kind of assumed when the biopsy report indicated 4 diagnoses that it wasn't great. But you can't just enter the 4 diagnoses and get an answer; I think some of this is on the more unusual side.

I already learned that the major diagnosis has a 7-10% false negative result. But now I learned that when it is combined with another diagnosis my risk of a false negative is 25%.

I'm fine. I took my PRN a few minutes ago and I'm going to read for a bit and hopefuly sleep. I'm mostly just wishing that my surgeon appointment is sooner than 2 weeks was sooner than 2 weeks and that I'll get good answers. One thing I read said that one diagnosis means a higher risk for both breasts. I want to know a lot more about that. Etc ad nasuseum.

Thanks for listening. I hate complaining. But right now I need to need to complain.

Soupe du jour · Feb 05, 2022, 03:19 AM

@BeyondtheRainbow, I hope the results are negative or at least only show something comparitively minor. I get very worried about such things, too. Since my new GP encouraged me to get a nephrologist again, that has been causing me anxiety. Part of me wanted to just feel like it wasn't that necessary. Aging sucks! Hugs

Soupe du jour · Feb 05, 2022, 03:27 AM

We're checking out of our hotel this morning. We'll go to yet another ski resort. I'll be happy when that is over with! I re-emphasized to Hubby that I am not the best ski vacation partner. He's always making excuses why he doesn't want to ski with so-and-so, or his sister, or nephews, or any one of yada yada. He also wouldn't go alone.

Luckily, we are heading north to Salzburg, afterwards. There are no ski resorts there. Then tomorrow afternoon we head home. We have various appointments next week. For all I need to join Hubby, or him join me. Oh how I wish I could get rid of him for a little while! I am the type that likes alone time. I've had almost none since this blasted pandemic started.

Sunflower123 · Feb 05, 2022, 06:00 AM

Feeling better today but yesterday was rough. I did get to the doctor’s office, got some raspberry tea and got a lovely spa pedicure but the weather really impacted my mood, I had been up working since midnight and my back was throbbing. I really needed to get to Verizon. Phone is going out in a variety of ways.

I’m meeting M halfway tomorrow. Leery about eating at Cracker Barrel with Covid so high here but I’m going to do it anyway. I’m so over it.

A patch of a rough spot with my love but we worked through it. Stronger than ever. Still very happy.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day

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Bipolar check-in #62

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