Bipolar check-in #62

HALLIEBETH87 · Feb 02, 2022, 11:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I had a good therapy session. It was remote. I told her about my birthday last year and how I spent it in bed feeling like a mess because I was unable to join the 27 club and my therapist didn't acknowledge it was my birthday and I had my Facebook settings to private, which I didn't know, so no one on Facebook knew but I thought they just didn't care. After asking a few awkward questions about the current state of my mental health and me reassuring her it was fine, we had a good session. Her face was funny when I told her about the 24 hour urine collection. She wants me to apply to work this week and she says shes thankful that I admitted to her that I am procrastinating because I am scared to go back to work because of my transtion. We talked about reframing and fact checking. But yeah it went good today. At the end she wished me happy birthday and she said she hoped I had a good time and she also said she was glad I got my Facebook settings fixed. I feel like I can try harder with this therapist because I don't have the emotional attachtment or transference issues that I had before so I can think more clearly during sessions.

We are getting pummled with snow but we still have power at least. My therapist said she was going to go play in the snow and I told her I was going to eat soup and binge watch TV.

I ate basically just Mcdonalds yesterday and I lost weight. Yet no one believes me when I tell them this. They say the weight loss is from the other 3 days I ate healthy. But I swear I just have a wonky body that runs on unhealthy foods. Also why I can drink 4 cans of soda a day and have zero issues with my teeth.

My old next door neighbor just called and said his wife died in August of cancer. I guess he couldnt get ahold of us since we switched numbers and its still hard for him to talk about it. They were nightmare neighbors to everyone else. Always calling the cops on people and stuff. But they really liked my family for some reason and called us the "good" neighbors. I would play with their grandaughter when I was little. The wife took a liking to me but was for sure what you'd call a "Karen" to most people. She even drove me to a dentist appointment when my mom was not able to drive. We have no idea why they liked us so much when they hated everyone else. Even their own kids they stopped talking to after awhile.

I told you about reframing and fact checking, too. It works, huh?

~Christina · Feb 02, 2022, 11:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I've been very anxious (for good reason) for the last 6 weeks and it has flipped to depression. I'm just so tired. All I want to do is sleep.

I have been going through a breast cancer scare. Last year something showed up on the left side of my right breast. So I've had ultrasounds every 6 months and then had my normal mammogram in December. I wasn't worried because the June ultrasound was normal but I was called to come in for a ultrasound guided biopsy of the right side of my breast in early January. They couldn't biopsy everything so I had a mammogram guided biopsy last week. The results were benign but there's a bunch of stuff in there that needs to come out because it is precancerous so I'm waiting for a surgeon appointment in 2 weeks.

I've been so very anxious and unable to sleep or eat. Now I just want to do nothing but sleep. My therapist did an assessment and I'm moderately depressed. I have a telehealth visit with my pdoc Monday so hopefully she can help

This is the longest process. I will be so glad to at least have my surgery scheduled. I image that will be another month or 2 from my surgery appointment. This is a breast surgeon so anyone needing breast surgery sees her and since I'm not believed to have cancer I'll be lower priority (thank God!).

I just need to be able to talk about it sometimes here. This is really hard and it has dragged on so long. I know I'll be fine no matter what but I just need a yes or no and to know what the surgery will involve.

Thanks for listening.

I’m glad your feeling up to talking about it. Very happy you got wonderful news ! That’s a great thing.

You know my prayers continue

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~Christina · Feb 02, 2022, 11:33 PM

Aggravating day !

Saw Richard today which Helped me ground on some things I have been struggling with. So that was the upside of my day.

Downside. I got my bloody car stuck coming up our drive way it started raining last night and will continue until Friday where it might switch to ice garbage. So it was pouring rain and I had to walk to the house with out an umbrella because I think mine is in the truck in Florida lol but

Cindy is about the same. Staples come out tomorrow so they will do another CT scan and see how things are going.

Hope anyone in the path of this storm stays warm and safe.

Ooooh forgot I wanted to add that my Fitbit has been a real help. I got 6 months of premium for free. It offers much deeper analysis of exercise , sleep , blood sugar etc. well it has dozens of mindfulness meditations of all kinds .. for sleep, stress, motivations etc. I struggled to sleep last night and put on one and I fell asleep quickly. Not that it will work all the time but I think it will really help me if I need to ground and also with stress issues. If it continues to really help I will keep the service it 7-8.00 a month is all.

Anyway.. The Fitbit was a very good purchase for me.

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Soupe du jour · Feb 03, 2022, 03:33 AM

@~Christina, I'm at least glad that Cindy's condition hasn't worsened. Hopefully with Steve's added support you'll see more progress with her recovery soon. Hugs

Hubby said that in the middle of the night he heard me gasp for air in my sleep as if it was sleep apnea. He never saw that from me before. Yes, a bit of weight loss would be good, but I wonder if my accidental doubling of Seroquel XR played a part. I took it the second time in the evening, as usual, to sleep, yet only got 6 1/2 hours. Another factor could have been a bit too much alcohol. I recall not even finishing a small beer at lunch, yet commenting how strongly the buzz hit me. I also had two small glasses of wine at dinner. No notice of issue then, but the Seroquel level would have lessened in my system by then. But, taking it again only an hour later was likely a no-no, but I still didn't know of my mistake until after dinner. I'll skip any alcoholic beverages for at least two days. Really, I need to cut it down permanently.

Finally some visibility on the mountain! We'll head out soon. We must be back in the room before 5 pm for my first online Czech class. It's not ideal having it from Austria. It will add to any anxiety I would have already had. Plus, Hubby will be in the room with me unless he goes to the hotel spa. I'd rather he not in case the internet here goes wonky, which it had yesterday.

Pinny · Feb 03, 2022, 05:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Ooooh forgot I wanted to add that my Fitbit has been a real help. I got 6 months of premium for free. It offers much deeper analysis of exercise , sleep , blood sugar etc. well it has dozens of mindfulness meditations of all kinds .. for sleep, stress, motivations etc. I struggled to sleep last night and put on one and I fell asleep quickly. Not that it will work all the time but I think it will really help me if I need to ground and also with stress issues. If it continues to really help I will keep the service it 7-8.00 a month is all.

Anyway.. The Fitbit was a very good purchase for me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Oh thats really interesting, I might see if I can get one. The first thing to go off for me is my sleep so tracking that with a device is a great idea!

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 03, 2022, 05:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

I took an extra 20 geodon last night thinking I'd sleep in late and I don't think it made me feel very good. I woke up at 11:30 last night covered in drool and I don't know if that was a reaction or not. It has never happened before. But my pillow, my shirt, and my face was covered in it. But I've just been feeling kind of crummy all day but yesterday I was fine. So I'm wondering if maybe that extra 20 was bad. I do have to call my pdoc in the morning and tell the office I need my valium refilled. I am not that short now after going those few days with just 2 day. I'm more like 3 or 4 days short now instead of 10. I'm just hoping theres no problems.

I would say you took too much. Drooling is a very common side effect of clozapine and I honestly had never read about it before even though it's something I live with every day.. It seems that drooling on it (and I assume on other APs since clozapine is so strong) is due to being too sedated and not swallowing so the drool just runs out of your mouth. It's expected with Clozapine but I don't think it is with Geodon so I'd say you took too much and over-sedated yourself.

BeyondtheRainbow · Feb 03, 2022, 05:14 AM

I am so mad. The weather warning alert went off on my phone at 3:15. I've now been up for 1.75 hours and took my PRN to hopefully get some more sleep. Which means I'll sleep late into the day. The warning was issued yesterday multiple times so I have no idea why they needed to scare people with an alarm at 3:15 AM.

OK, I'm sure there is a reason. I'm just too tired and grouchy to find it. Good thing my only plans were to go to my mom's (across the driveway) and pick up a few things I forgot today and probably have dinner there. Even that may be hard if we get as much ice as predicted.

Deep breaths........

Mountaindewed · 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87

I told you about reframing and fact checking, too. It works, huh?

Yes you did tell me about that and I was thinking about you when me and her were discussing things yesterday. I actually asked her if what she was talking about was fact checking and reframing because I remember you talking about it and she said yes it was and then we discussed it more.

Mountaindewed · 12:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I would say you took too much. Drooling is a very common side effect of clozapine and I honestly had never read about it before even though it's something I live with every day.. It seems that drooling on it (and I assume on other APs since clozapine is so strong) is due to being too sedated and not swallowing so the drool just runs out of your mouth. It's expected with Clozapine but I don't think it is with Geodon so I'd say you took too much and over-sedated yourself.

I feel better today and I didn't take an extra one last night. So yeah I probably felt crappy all day yesterday because of the extra dose since I was fine the day before that too.

And I spoke too soon.

Mountaindewed · 03:26 PM

My anxiety is rough today. I've had 2 valium and they didn't really work. I also made a package of Trader Joes cheese blintzes and I tried eating 5 of them but I could only eat 4. My stomach feels all queasy. I had to contact my doctor today about the valium and the pharamcy isn't open and she was asking how many days I had left and I hope I didn't raise a bunch of red flags. She didn't say anything though she just said she'd call them tommorow. Its tough to know if what I'm feeling is anxiety or physical. Since loss of appetite and my valium not working is involved I'm guessing its physical. Although it may be anxiety causing it. I get my weekly shot tommorow and I may just get that today to see if that helps with anything. I finally got my Amazon gift card refunded. It was actually pretty easy. After a week of the company not doing it I chatted with Amazon and they refunded it immediatly. So hopefully the stuff I ordered today doesn't have any issues.

I got my shot and I took a pepcid for my stomach and I ate some pretzel Goldfish. I also took both Topamax since I forgot to take the first one this morning. I'm just waiting for everything to kick in. I found a box of Trader Joes macaroons and a pacakge of Trader Joes chile hatch macaroni and cheese in the freezer that I plan on eating today along with some broccoli from last night. I am down more then a pound from yesterday and my mom doesn't really understand how its happening. But I mean I'm not fat and my clothes are getting looser so it is actually happening regardless of how. My mom mentioned the book Elevation by Stephen King where a guy loses weight for no reason. That book was just super sad.

I paid back my mom the $40 I owed her for helping me out last month and I got about half of one credit card bill paid. The small one. The big one is a nightmare. That is the one that has my therapy and dental bills and doctor copays on it.

My mom and I decided that I would just pay the bill out of my savings. A lot of people blow through their savings anways to pay medical bills when they are unemployeed. We also decided to make the trip so I can see my pdoc next month in person and then I'll go back to work in mid March. My mom said this all sounded like a good idea. But my therapist is really pushing me to go back now and I feel really impulsive when she pushes me in that sort of way when deep down I know its not the right thing.

Edit: I took all my meds except my geodon. So I think my anxiety is now under control. But the nausea and my stomach pains are still there and they are bad and my primary doctor must be on vacation or something because I asked the pharamacy a few days ago to contact him about refilling my zofran. I could really use that right now.

Nammu · Feb 03, 2022, 01:28 PM

For some fun stuff! My state has a contest to name snowplows. Scotland does too, they were first. Last year the number one name was plowymcplowface. They named one for each of the eight districts. I don’t remember the rest. This year Betty Whiteout won. And my district got Edward Blizzardhands for our plow. Plowasuras Rex, cntl salt delete, no more mr ice guy and Scoop Dogg were some of the other fun names. I think they are going to have the contest every year until the hundreds of plows all have names. It’s a fun lighthearted thing in a missable season.

Brentus · 01:49 PM

Hi All,
My day has been going well – had my psychiatrist appointment today that went well. Poor woman though, she is going through so much. Last time she talked to me from a pediatric ward because of one of her children being really sick, and this time she coughed her head off and has COVID. My therapist also has residual effects from getting COVID. Luckily I do all my appointments remotely, so I don’t have that aspect to worry about but man, everyone is coming down with it, it seems!

Kentucky has already declared a state of emergency for us as of yesterday, anticipating this storm coming in. It’s probably gonna cause a lot of power outages, I’m just praying we keep ours. Here’s to that! I picked up my medicines and went to the store so I’m all stocked in case I can’t get out for a while. I’m hoping for the best. Right now it’s just rain but the temp is dropping fast and it’s a lot of rain. I expect a lot of ice to accumulate.

I’m doing well though, I have my therapy tomorrow and I’m kinda all set for the new month. My birthday is this month so we will see how excited I get about that ahaha. Everyone have a wonderful day—you deserve it.

Brentus · Feb 03, 2022, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

For some fun stuff! My state has a contest to name snowplows. Scotland does too, they were first. Last year the number one name was plowymcplowface. They named one for each of the eight districts. I don’t remember the rest. This year Betty Whiteout won. And my district got Edward Blizzardhands for our plow. Plowasuras Rex, cntl salt delete, no more mr ice guy and Scoop Dogg were some of the other fun names. I think they are going to have the contest every year until the hundreds of plows all have names. It’s a fun lighthearted thing in a missable season.

That sounds really fun! hhaha -- they are all quite good but ctrl+salt+delete is quite creative! haha

If I had the chance, I would have nominated "Road McSaltOrSand" (Rue McClanahan -- fun fact, I think Rue actually is French for street), "Estelle Grate-y" (Estelle Getty-- for the sound of the plow grating the street) and "Bea Arthur" (just cause she was tough as steel and could get the job done. lol).

Ok, so mine aren't the best but I wanted to use all the Golden Girls. hahaha

Nammu · Feb 03, 2022, 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindsThatBlow

That sounds really fun! hhaha -- they are all quite good but ctrl+salt+delete is quite creative! haha

If I had the chance, I would have nominated "Road McSaltOrSand" (Rue McClanahan -- fun fact, I think Rue actually is French for street), "Estelle Grate-y" (Estelle Getty-- for the sound of the plow grating the street) and "Bea Arthur" (just cause she was tough as steel and could get the job done. lol).

Ok, so mine aren't the best but I wanted to use all the Golden Girls. hahaha

Oh I think those are quite good. Pretty sure they are going to have another contest next year. You could nominate them then. We have hundred of snow plows in the state Dot.

*Beth* · Feb 03, 2022, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

@BethRags I hope your therapy goes well!

I spent the day feeling anxious about work. Im in the middle of a depressive episode and Im really struggling. I just got started on another medication to see if that picks me up a little. I really hope it does but its giving me pretty bad insomnia.

I walked my dog today and I went to the pharmacy but that was all.

I hope everyone is having a good day/night

Thank you so much, Pinny. If you don't mind, would you share the name of your antidepressant? Mine is fairly new to me, it's helping immensely, but I'm having such insomnia. I'm wondering if the AD is causing it.

I truly hope the new medication helps to pick you up.

*Beth* · Feb 03, 2022, 04:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Aggravating day !

Saw Richard today which Helped me ground on some things I have been struggling with. So that was the upside of my day.

Downside. I got my bloody car stuck coming up our drive way it started raining last night and will continue until Friday where it might switch to ice garbage. So it was pouring rain and I had to walk to the house with out an umbrella because I think mine is in the truck in Florida lol but

Cindy is about the same. Staples come out tomorrow so they will do another CT scan and see how things are going.

Hope anyone in the path of this storm stays warm and safe.

Ooooh forgot I wanted to add that my Fitbit has been a real help. I got 6 months of premium for free. It offers much deeper analysis of exercise , sleep , blood sugar etc. well it has dozens of mindfulness meditations of all kinds .. for sleep, stress, motivations etc. I struggled to sleep last night and put on one and I fell asleep quickly. Not that it will work all the time but I think it will really help me if I need to ground and also with stress issues. If it continues to really help I will keep the service it 7-8.00 a month is all.

Anyway.. The Fitbit was a very good purchase for me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

How wonderful that the Fitbit is helping you so much! It sounds excellent, very beneficial.

I'm so sorry about your stuck car. That sounds aggravating, to say the least.

*Beth* · Feb 03, 2022, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

For some fun stuff! My state has a contest to name snowplows. Scotland does too, they were first. Last year the number one name was plowymcplowface. They named one for each of the eight districts. I don’t remember the rest. This year Betty Whiteout won. And my district got Edward Blizzardhands for our plow. Plowasuras Rex, cntl salt delete, no more mr ice guy and Scoop Dogg were some of the other fun names. I think they are going to have the contest every year until the hundreds of plows all have names. It’s a fun lighthearted thing in a missable season.

Those are such clever and fun names!

*Beth* · Feb 03, 2022, 04:53 PM

Well, I cancelled my therapy appointment today. The feeling and thought of going out there to the clinic is...I don't know...it seems pointless. I miss my therapist very much, yet I really don't have anything to talk with her about. Certainly nothing pressing or unusual. I feel guilty for cancelling.

I've been living in my imagination a lot lately. I've always done so; it feels nice. Imagining myself living in a different land and era, like a time machine.

~Christina · Feb 03, 2022, 05:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour

@~Christina, I'm at least glad that Cindy's condition hasn't worsened. Hopefully with Steve's added support you'll see more progress with her recovery soon. Hugs

Hubby said that in the middle of the night he heard me gasp for air in my sleep as if it was sleep apnea. He never saw that from me before. Yes, a bit of weight loss would be good, but I wonder if my accidental doubling of Seroquel XR played a part. I took it the second time in the evening, as usual, to sleep, yet only got 6 1/2 hours. Another factor could have been a bit too much alcohol. I recall not even finishing a small beer at lunch, yet commenting how strongly the buzz hit me. I also had two small glasses of wine at dinner. No notice of issue then, but the Seroquel level would have lessened in my system by then. But, taking it again only an hour later was likely a no-no, but I still didn't know of my mistake until after dinner. I'll skip any alcoholic beverages for at least two days. Really, I need to cut it down permanently.

Finally some visibility on the mountain! We'll head out soon. We must be back in the room before 5 pm for my first online Czech class. It's not ideal having it from Austria. It will add to any anxiety I would have already had. Plus, Hubby will be in the room with me unless he goes to the hotel spa. I'd rather he not in case the internet here goes wonky, which it had yesterday.

Hey ! I’d say likely it the increased Seroquel effected the breathing that way.

I think it is probably wise to omit any alcoholic drinks for a few days. Has your husband actually gone out on the slopes yet??

Many hugs !

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~Christina · Feb 03, 2022, 05:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny

Oh thats really interesting, I might see if I can get one. The first thing to go off for me is my sleep so tracking that with a device is a great idea!

I truly think it’s going to help me more as time goes on ..you can track by a graph and then I can also track my stress level and it appears to be spot on.

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~Christina · Feb 03, 2022, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow

I am so mad. The weather warning alert went off on my phone at 3:15. I've now been up for 1.75 hours and took my PRN to hopefully get some more sleep. Which means I'll sleep late into the day. The warning was issued yesterday multiple times so I have no idea why they needed to scare people with an alarm at 3:15 AM.

OK, I'm sure there is a reason. I'm just too tired and grouchy to find it. Good thing my only plans were to go to my mom's (across the driveway) and pick up a few things I forgot today and probably have dinner there. Even that may be hard if we get as much ice as predicted.

Deep breaths........

Oh middle of the night weather alerts on something that really could have waited. Oooaf !

Hope you were able to find sleep again!

Stay warm

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~Christina · Feb 03, 2022, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu

For some fun stuff! My state has a contest to name snowplows. Scotland does too, they were first. Last year the number one name was plowymcplowface. They named one for each of the eight districts. I don’t remember the rest. This year Betty Whiteout won. And my district got Edward Blizzardhands for our plow. Plowasuras Rex, cntl salt delete, no more mr ice guy and Scoop Dogg were some of the other fun names. I think they are going to have the contest every year until the hundreds of plows all have names. It’s a fun lighthearted thing in a missable season.

That is hilarious! What fun

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~Christina · Feb 03, 2022, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BethRags

How wonderful that the Fitbit is helping you so much! It sounds excellent, very beneficial.

I'm so sorry about your stuck car. That sounds aggravating, to say the least.

Thanks Beth !!

Are you getting sleep ? Still a big issue? I swear if we could all get 8 hours every single day our Bipolar would be probably very easy to deal with..

How did your appt go at the different place? OOOOPS . I just saw you cancelled your appt. I don’t think you need to feel bad about it

Sometimes just having to go to an appt is more destabilizing than not going. Remember to be kind to yourself

Many hugs

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~Christina · Feb 03, 2022, 05:46 PM

I just woke up aggravated at the world. This non stop rain is on my last bloody frazzled nerve

Didn’t even try to get my car moved today. Didn’t feel like trudging down there.

My dogs are idiots and don’t understand that’s MY damn car and are barking there foolish heads off which it driving me mad.

I think I might break down and take a Ambein tonight early so I can just turn my brain off and hope tomorrow is a better day.

Hope everyone is having a decent day

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*Beth* · Feb 03, 2022, 06:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Thanks Beth !!

Are you getting sleep ? Still a big issue? I swear if we could all get 8 hours every single day our Bipolar would be probably very easy to deal with..

How did your appt go at the different place? OOOOPS . I just saw you cancelled your appt. I don’t think you need to feel bad about it Sometimes just having to go to an appt is more destabilizing than not going. Remember to be kind to yourself

Many hugs

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Thank you, dear Christina. Yes: "destabilizing" is the perfect word.

Oooh, that we could all sleep for 8 hours straight - even for 1 week! I wonder if someday the connection between sleep and mental illness will be fully explainable.

I encourage you to take the early Ambien. I hope your sleep tonight is better with it.

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Bipolar check-in #62

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