Bipolar check-in #63

😮 sending vibes Steve’s way. What a hairy trip that will be. Sending good sandman dreams his way too, he needs a good sleep.

Oh wow, we don’t have enough IP beds here but I think IOPs are much better for most people than IP stays in the U.K.
You can’t check yourself in or choose to go IP in the U.K. only if a pdoc decides that you’re unwell enough.
It sounds awful to have to travel for hours just to get an IP bed, I’m so sorry that people have to experience that.
Mental health is chronically underfunded in the U.K., it’s such a shame. But with more awareness and less stigma it is beginning to become better understood how serious it is.

It’s very interesting to learn about other countries/states/areas that all work so differently. Thank you to those who have shared

@~Christina I hope Steve gets home safely. I’m so sorry to hear about your car trouble, what a nightmare!!!

@BethRags im so thankful for my dog otherwise I’d just sleep all day (and all night) too! Pets are so great!
How is Sids blood glucose?

@whatever2013 I’m glad you got out with your dog and I’m glad they aren’t acting like they have diabetes!

@tentoedsloth I hope things keep going better for you!! I hope to see you around but please don’t feel bad if you don’t have time- life is for living!

Well it’s 5am and I’m awake…. Could this be the beginning of the end of this depressive episode?
I have terrible hypersomnia when I have depressive episodes but when I’m well I wake up early and go to bed early.
I’m ever hopeful.
I think I have done everything I can to help myself except go IP which is what my pdoc wanted. But I think we both knew I was not going to go IP.
I have a terrible fear of being an IP and I don’t want it to happen ever again.

Plus I have my dog who really helps me- what would the poor little lump do without me! he’s such a sweetheart but he’s so scared of everything!

Well I had more night sweats and more bad dreams about Ukraine. It just must be awful to be there or trying to get out of there.

I really appreciate everyone’s support and kindness on this forum, you’re so very lovely and I can’t thank you enough for being there for me!

@~Christina

I am sorry to hear of your september attempt.
Was it just 6 months ago?
or another year?
hugs and love to you.
bizi

I've been so bored, lately, and have voiced that to Hubby, yet he's OK just idling about. He's mildly depressed, while I'm not. I'm more action oriented than him. I can try to put a fire under his butt but it doesn't often work. He's always so slow. Throughout our marriage I've often daydreamed of pulling him or carrying him in order to move faster. When I've tried to rush him he's protested.

Last night I didn't fall asleep until 3 am, waking up at 8 am. Hubby put on breakfast for a change. I definitely took my evening meds. I'm wondering if the season changes are a factor. There is already blooming forsythia here and snowdrops. This is not normal, but hey, nothing seems normal anymore.

My reduced pregabalin (Lyrica) has lowered my appetite, but my left foot pain has also returned to a degree. I guess the latter is the lesser evil. Really, it's no biggie.

I was thinking a lot about my old psychiatrist yesterday. It is/was a transference love case. I miss him more than I miss my own father. Sad but true. He and I have exchanged a few emails since I stopped "seeing him" last May (video sessions during covid). It's hard not to see them as sorts of love letters. It's my doing, as I initiate. I simply have to stop. I assume he likes them enough to not tell me to stop, or simply stop responding. In that sense, he's also quite to blame. Surely more so. It's been since before Christmas that we last wrote. There's never been proper closure in the relationship. I twice tried to say goodbye, but he refused it. Another abnormal thing. It prevents the grieving process from being adequately completed.

Well I’m not interested in going but go I will. There’s a very nice IP facility about 2 miles away or I could have gone to a very nice facility 30 miles away. I chose the one 2 miles away. In addition there’s a nice day program but the intake team wanted me there yesterday and IP. How I dread this.

My big regret is that my daughter is so worried. My positive thing to come out of it is that the deep freeze between my sister and I has thawed. Maybe we can come to common ground when I get out.

I hope everyone has a peaceful few days and I’ll see you when I return.

Your husband sounds a little like my sister. She has no fast pace! Sometimes I can get frustrated with her, but she is who she is!

Im sorry to hear that about your old pdoc, it sounds like he maybe doesnt want to let you go? I wonder if its not just one sided.... Just be careful @Soupe du jour it sounds like there is more to his side of things!!

Im sorry to hear of your foot pain coming back on the lower dose. My appetite was HUGE when I was on pregabalin. It was crazy! It was such a helpful medication though, it really fixed my anxiety... until i got used to it and had to up the dose!

Thank you @Jennifer 1967 I hope you have a peaceful few days too and are able to rest up and recuperate.
Im sorry to hear of your daughter's worry, but I guess that is to be expected. Thats really positive about your sister though! Hopefully things will continue to improve when youre out of hospital!

Sending lots of hugs

Well I ended up going back to bed this morning but not really sleeping as there was too much going on (phone ringing, doorbell going, dog jumping on me).
I just felt overwhelmingly tired again. Hopefully though Ill get my healthy sleeping pattern back over the next few days. Im feeling optimistic I think.

Im going to see a friend this eve, just for dinner so that should be good. I havent cancelled on them. And I might see another friend tomorrow... we'll see!!

I cant wait for this weekend, its my fiance's birthday and Im taking him away for the weekend into the countryside. It should be lovely!

And one of my closest friends is arriving from abroad with her family so I might get to see them all next week. I havent seen her since before covid!!

Being off work is still a stress but I think it has helped to know that I dont have to worry about it until the 15th and even then, Im going back slowly. I just want to do a good job!

I hope everyone is having as good a day as possible! Sending so many positive thoughts and hugs your way

I'm in a lot of pain right now. They gave me a script for vicodin but I haven't filled it yet. I don't know if I should. On one hand, pain sucks, on the other, there is a good chance I won't take it as prescribed.

Edit: I had my intake evaluation at this region's CMHC this morning, it went well. They still want me on medicaid to get access to more intense treatment, but they'll see if I can get ACT without having medicaid. Same dx: schizoaffective disorder and PTSD although BPD was brought up. I see the psychiatrist in a couple weeks before they place me with an NP and my new therapist I see next week. I'm surprised it's not a super long waiting list.

Yeah that's what I think I will do. I need to get out of this house more often.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu That’s how it is here too. There’s no ip in my town, they have to drive you hours away and often out of state. When I first moved here 4-5 years ago there was an ongoing investigation reported in the newspaper about the lack of mental health care. As a result 5 counties got together and built a facility but it’s mostly outpatient and mostly for the one city that it’s located in. I would not want to go ip here. They do have a geriatric unit about 50 minutes away that I probably qualify for now, but that’s usually full too.

The system is worse than archaic.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Oh wow, we don’t have enough IP beds here but I think IOPs are much better for most people than IP stays in the U.K. You can’t check yourself in or choose to go IP in the U.K. only if a pdoc decides that you’re unwell enough. It sounds awful to have to travel for hours just to get an IP bed, I’m so sorry that people have to experience that. Mental health is chronically underfunded in the U.K., it’s such a shame. But with more awareness and less stigma it is beginning to become better understood how serious it is. It’s very interesting to learn about other countries/states/areas that all work so differently. Thank you to those who have shared

Do you think that Prince Harry speaking out about mental illness is helping the UK? I so admire him for opening up about mental health problems.

Yes it is, especially in small towns. Here about 4 months ago a guy holed up in his apartment threatening suicide. The response was to send swat teams, for two days they surrounded him, in the end he was shot by the cops.

Right now on the news is the closing of ten group homes. More disabled people displaced.

I want to say- Christina, I'm sending prayers and love.

I've more to reply to some of you, but I'm going to try to get more sleep than the 5 hours I've had. The Seroquel is helping me fall asleep at night though, praise be.

I have a sore throat. Not covid, just worn down from sleep loss and from worrying about Sidney. She's well worth worrying about though, that's for sure. Still working on stabilizing her glucose levels. For some cats it takes months. They're funny little beings.

Hugs all around. See you later.

I thought 'vicar' was the English/American word for somebody placed in somebody's job while the one who "owns" the job is on sick leave. What is the correct word?

Aww i hope you feel a bit better after a good sleep! Im so glad the seroquel is helping!

Yes of course, I think almost any celebrity or person in the public eye helps others if they speak out or discuss their mental health

I cancelled my plans tonight because Im too tired. Im in bed already and its not even 8pm.
I was hoping things were beginning to be over but I think I got to desperate to believe I could just wake up and my episode would be over.
Well back to the hard work, sleeping, yoga, mindfulness and exercise.

I got some new bed sheets today from Tkmaxx and I ordered a pillow spray to help me sleep better so I feel more refreshed when I wake up. We'll see if that helps.

I hope everyone has a lovely sleep!