Bipolar check-in #63

Yeah, sometimes all we can do is get through it one day at a time. Doing anything that's reasonably safe helps.
I go to thrift stores sometimes too. For one thing, I don't usually like the currently popular clothes at the regular department stores. I'd rather pay $5 for something I like that's slightly used than pay $50 for something I would only wear in an emergency.

Also, I can get a nice jigsaw puzzle, a really good brand for $2 0r $3 that would cost $15 or more new. Most of the time ALL the pieces are there, which says a lot about the donors--they bothered to keep up with 500 or a thousand tiny pieces of cardboard. They often put them in a giant plastic bag too, so the pieces won't spill out if the box pops open. Maybe they were thinking about the people who would buy the puzzles at the thrift store. If so, it makes me feel better about the human race.

Hmm, maybe you could try a jigsaw puzzle? They can occupy hours of time, if you like that sort of thing. You have to just sit there and stare at the pieces and the picture, though.

That's funny. Did the game add the question mark - like maybe it didn't know what that word is? Or is it telling you that maybe you should consider taking Haldol?

The hair coloring sounds nice and it's great that you're getting the inheritance! That's really cool too that you're finishing your tattoo! That must feel great! Yes, you'll be out of the house while you get your tattoo- a change in scenery is always good.

I have been real emotional the last couple of days I am crying all the time it seams like. I wrote this today and I feel a little better.

I miss my wife.
I miss our conversations
I miss her touch
I miss her smile
I miss her positive outlook on life
I miss our goal setting talks we had
We had plans nothing big or fancy but we made plans
I miss her speeding in our Mustangs and our trucks
I miss her guidance
I am lost without her in my life but I still believe she is still guiding me
I miss how she talked to people
I miss how compassionate she was
I miss her smile after got off the phone with our daughter or even her parents
I miss her love of music
I miss her I really do when she died it destroyed me

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Why do you think your ovaries got left in?

I realized that it is not just the last couple of days that I have been crying but I have been crying since November 18th the day she died. I just wish I go and hour heck even 30 minutes without crying. I will say though I do feel a little better

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I also wrote this today.


This is Hugo he is about 10. Of all the animals I have had in my life he has the most human emotions of any dog I have ever seen. He pouts if you raise your voice at him cause he is barking, he is a total food snob like he will only eat hamburger meat if it was something we cooked he won't eat any fast-food burgers if you offer it to him. If I eat a microwave meal the only way he will eat any of it is if I spoon feed him. He gets jealous of his sister all the time. The other day I took her to get a haircut and when I got home he would not look at me and would not come to me he was mad at me. I mean we have a pet bed in the living room with a blanket on it that he went under right after I got home and he hid away. I had to go pick him up and take him out to the truck and take him for a ride. Now he is not much for cuddles but he loves his scratches. He did not care to sleep in our bed at all. Well after Crystal passed away he came up to the side of the bed and barked at me till I picked him up and put him on the bed and I gave him scratches. To this day if I don't pick him up and put him on the bed he will bark at me until I do lol. He is kind of becoming a lap dog but as soon as I stop scratching him he will get off my lap and go lay on the blanket on the middle of the couch. Animals are amazing they can tell when you are mad they can tell when you are sad and they know when you are happy. again.

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** THANK YOU** for all the comments about weighted blankets. I ordered mine; it was something like $16.99 for one that will just cover the top of my bed, Amazon's 2nd most popular brand.
It's nice to know that people actually read my posts.

I slept last night! It was probably at least 6 hours, which is all I need to feel fantastic. I'm not even worrying about tonight.

A neighbor I talked to yesterday said he just doesn't go to bed until he's very sleepy. I've done a lot of research on sleep and some experts say go to bed at the same time every night and some say don't do it until you're sleepy, so I guess we have to try both if one doesn't work. The same time every night thing doesn't work for me but it's so tempting... but if I can't get anywhere with all the latest attempts I'll try the other. @Pinny thank you for the suggestions. I think you were the person who suggested yoga before and I've tried it; it's some help sometimes but this insomnia is a bear.

I am having some stomach pain I am worried is period cramps. But my mom told me she said the doctor told her himself after the surgery that my ovaries were out. Plus my doctor who does my trans stuff says they are out too. But I don't know where this stomach pain is coming from. See this is one of the reasons I didn't want to go off the hormones for 3 months. I am already freaking out about my body reversing back and its only been a couple days. But if my ovaries are in then I will get the female features again.

I am using my weighted blanket right now. Its a 10 pound throw one but I use it as an actual blanket. I've been getting too hot though at night to use it much. Possibly why my sleep has gotten bad. I hope yours works out. I do also have a weighted face mask which is one pound. I always ended up taking it off in the middle of the night.

Feeling better. All Winter i've been feeling miserable in the morning and telling myself not to panic, it will pass as the day progresses. And it does! At 5:00pm magically i feel better! Don't know what it is. Such a relief!

@Moose72:

In online Scrabble the question mark is pictured for the blanks. There are two blanks in Scrabble. They are the most valuable tiles because they can be anything and it's possible to make big plays with them. It was kind of serendipity that it appeared with the HALDOL rack. I'm not seriously considering Haldol, it's not suitable for me. It was just a fun joke. Thanks for your curiosity!

I would believe the people who say your ovaries are out. Why wouldn't they take them along with your uterus? I know that happens for some women, but you are trans and don't need the ovaries anymore.

I have a weighted blanket, too. It's 20 pounds. It feels great when I'm under it. I have it on my couch right now and often talk on the phone under it or watch tv with it over me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I am having some stomach pain I am worried is period cramps. But my mom told me she said the doctor told her himself after the surgery that my ovaries were out. Plus my doctor who does my trans stuff says they are out too. But I don't know where this stomach pain is coming from. See this is one of the reasons I didn't want to go off the hormones for 3 months. I am already freaking out about my body reversing back and its only been a couple days. But if my ovaries are in then I will get the female features again.

Sweetie...if they told you they removed your ovaries, I'm sure they did

A very windy day. The windows rattle, it wears on my nerves.

I'm exhausted. I don't know how many hours I slept, but it never seems to be enough. Aching all over and I've had a low-level headache for weeks. I would gladly sleep for several hours during the day, but it's not worth the bother of lying down, because I most likely won't fall asleep. All I can think of doing is taking an extra bit of Seroquel tonight and getting into bed by 10:30.

I was listening to Buddhist meditation music, but it was making me sleepier. So I turned on the news and was glad they commented that gas prices in Calif are above $5 (or $6 in some places). Oftentimes the national news ignores the west coast. Poor Washington and Oregon seldom get a mention.

Now it's time for some Baroque music and a search through PBS to find out what I'll watch this evening.

Well, that's my update, haha.

Loving vibes to all

I didn't do my homework for therapy this week. I made a bunch of mistakes this week that are coming back to bite me. It's not been great.

RS asked if he had to reign in my spending. It’s impossible though, all my cards are saved in my virtual wallet in my phone. I’d have to erase them all and then hand over my cards to him and just use cash. I mean if I really can’t control myself of course I’ll do that but I gotta be able to do it myself!!!

I feel so wired I feel like I’m about to lose it. I just took my night meds and took 200mg seroquel, I hope that takes me down for the night. It did last night.

I did buy two adult coloring books. Like adult in the sense of they’re cursing coloring books haha. I have a sailor mouth so I don’t care. One is swear word motivational sayings and the other is cute little characters with foul mouths. I do have two normal coloring books too though. I colored a peacock in IP that I just love. You know what else? I actually like art therapy now. I always, always hated it.

If I can’t calm down in a half hour I’m gonna go out and color. I think the seroquel will work though.

I hope the seroquel works for you, @wildflowerchild25
I’ve seen those colouring books before and I think they’re great for relaxing an “unquiet” mind plus motivational sayings are always good!
I hope you get a good nights sleep!

I hope the extra seroquel works for you too @BethRags
I’m so sorry you’re still not getting enough sleep, that I’d just awful- everything seems so much worse when you’re tired!

Our fuel price is absolutely unbelievable too!

I hope you manage to get some sleep! Lots of hugs

I’m sorry to hear that your week has not been great
I hope it gets better for you!

Could it be the cokes? Artificial sweeteners can make a tummy hurt

I went to dog training class this eve and I think I gave the dog too many treats because it’s 5:30am and he had to get up to pee and poo then he stood in his poo which of course I had to clean up- the glamorous life I lead….

So now I’m wide awake but I have to be up in 2 hours to get packed and get the train for an overnight trip with one of my friends. It’s her sort of hen party (bachelorette), even though there’s just 4 of us (one of them being her mum).

I’m just going to take a backpack with my things so I can go round some shops tomorrow while I’m waiting for her to finish work. I booked an earlier train because I like going to the city we’re going to because there are better shops than the city I live close to!
I hope my anxiety levels are ok! I feel quite anxious about it just now because I’ve got about 6 hours by myself. And I hope I don’t fall asleep ridiculously early! but hopefully I’ll just get coffee, read and shop!!

I hope you all have a lovely Friday sending lots of wishes, especially to those who are struggling with their sleep!

I broke down in tears today. I can't handle all this ****. I made it very clear to h that Miguel will be looked at for his successes and his daily struggles won't be recognized. So his health will suffer until there's a proper exam. When the lightbulb actually went off in his head he wanted to send miguel IP. But there's requirements and Miguel doesn't meet them.

I'm ok with Coke but it could be the Pepsi zeros. Those have a lot of herbs and stuff like ginger root and ginseng I don't know totally mix well with meds. I plan on throwing out the remanining 4 cans. Mountain Dew also causes issues. It causes worse anxiety then iced coffee. I don't have much of that either but I plan on giving it to my brother.

I woke up with what felt like the start of a slight cold. My nephews were over sick on Monday. I don't know if it will turn into anything though.

Have u tried eating pasta? I used to eat it and then the next day my mood would be better.