Bipolar check-in #63

Well today was a bit of a struggle, I was so tired because I met my friend for lunch and a dog walk yesterday, then 4 of us went out for dinner. I was so tired by the end of the night that I just crashed and burned.
Then I slept extra this morning after feeding and walking the dog, then I slept extra this afternoon.

I was going to cancel yesterday but I’m glad I didn’t. My anxiety levels are still very high but worse than that is the tiredness/hypersomnia. Like I can never seem to have enough sleep.

I did however play for my sports team this evening which I really wanted to cancel but I’m so pleased I went. My body is in pieces as I played the whole game and it was very intense, but we won! Yay!

I guess it just shows when I have a full day and don’t sleep extra the following day I struggle

I’m planning on taking the dog for a long walk tomorrow then making some of my wedding invitations. We booked our date which is exciting but a bit nerve wracking as I hate being centre of attention it’s just a small wedding with about 40 of our friends and family there.

I’m still awaiting my bloods appointment.
It’s so helpful to come on here and catch up with everyone! even though it’s frustrating I can only use my phone after my laptop broke!
I hope everyone is doing as well as possible! Sending lots of hugs

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pinny Aww I’m so sorry to hear about your lack of hot water @BethRags . That must be so frustrating! And I can’t believe how long you’ve had to wait for Sidney’s food and insulin. What a shame! I hope you manage some more sleep so you feel a bit more refreshed! And you’re not crabby at all, you’re so lovely! I hope the rest of your day goes well! Lots of hugs

Thank you, sweetie. You made me feel much better
You are the lovely one!

I have hot water!!!!!!!!

So THAT was a fun ride home. Snowstorm, mom *****ing at me for breaking my hip in ManchVegas the whole two (2) hour ride home that normally takes 1+1/2. At least I don't have to wear that brace anymore. I saw a different doctor who said it was overkill to have it. I do have to go for another set of xrays soon though.

I am so angry at this government right now! What the heck is NATO for, anyway?!

Yay!!!! Hot water!!

My sin and I used to get along pretty decently and him and my wife got a long really good. Well after my wife passed he came down and was here like 2 days then he went back home. We have talked like 3 times since November and the lady time it was his birthday and u called him. I was talking to my buddy about this and he said maybe the death of his step mom hit him harder then I realized I don't really know. I live my kids and u am upset that him and I don't talk. I have kind of I just don't care attitude after my wife died I have kind of been distant in that aspect as in if you don't want to communicate with me I don't care I love him but I refuse to let his attitude towards me effect me in a negative way. I have enough pain in my life from my wife dying that I can't pile on any other crap. Maybe after your kid gets done with her school she might come back around. I know when my wife was working on her doctorate she did not have much of a life. I wish you the best.

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Sooo I’m definitely manic. Spent about $200 on stuff I really didn’t need today. I mean the weighted manatee will help, I felt better earlier with my weighted unicorn on my chest and my one manatee holding down my left wrist, so I figure one for the right wrist will complete the trifecta. The rest of it was cool stuff but not needs.

This happened another time I went in for a severe mixed episode. I left safe, but manic. So I decided to join an IOP after all to help get this under control. I fully believe that if I can just sleep a full 8 hours for a few nights I’ll be ok. Unfortunately I do not see that happening.

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo My sin and I used to get along pretty decently and him and my wife got a long really good. Well after my wife passed he came down and was here like 2 days then he went back home. We have talked like 3 times since November and the lady time it was his birthday and u called him. I was talking to my buddy about this and he said maybe the death of his step mom hit him harder then I realized I don't really know. I live my kids and u am upset that him and I don't talk. I have kind of I just don't care attitude after my wife died I have kind of been distant in that aspect as in if you don't want to communicate with me I don't care I love him but I refuse to let his attitude towards me effect me in a negative way. I have enough pain in my life from my wife dying that I can't pile on any other crap. Maybe after your kid gets done with her school she might come back around. I know when my wife was working on her doctorate she did not have much of a life. I wish you the best. Sent from my SM-N970U using Tapatalk

Thank you, you are so kind. I'm sorry about your son, but your attitude is a good one. It's terribly painful and hard, but what our kids do cannot determine how we feel about life. And yes, you have more than enough to cope with since your wife died

I just got a call back from my doctors office and she approved of the two meds that I asked her for. The only thing I s it might not get filled until tomorrow and I am ok with that.

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I had a good time at bible study and eating out with friends. Today was a good day.

My therapist laid out the facts for me. I had a predator-victim relationship and I fell into that trap because I don’t have enough love or respect for myself. Very sobering stuff. I argued until the end but finally realized that this person could not, in fact, feel emotion (he told me himself) and that this was a sick game. That’s okay. I’ll work on my self respect and self love and move on to a healthy relationship. I won’t let it warp me. I’m very grateful to have a therapist who was brutally honest with me. Hahaha! I received many positive things and much needed lessons out of the union. I didn’t walk away empty handed. Stronger and wiser am I. Free of it now.

Hugs to all.

Thanks. So far so good on the no more bleeding. And I took my first dose of the progesterone today.

That's great!

WAH HOOOO!

I went to the neighborhood mall i so like that i haven't been to since COVID restrictions have been lifted. It was heartwarming to see the large food court back to normal and the hours too. I had a nice time.

Beth, Green M&Ms are my favorite too! They just taste better.

I’m so glad you got out! It must be nice to be able to get back into things! Here’s to hoping no new restrictions must be put on again…

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Originally Posted by Moose72 Beth, Green M&Ms are my favorite too! They just taste better.

WHen I was in high school there was a "rumor" that green M&M's make people horny.

When you're in high school, *all* M&Ms do that. Also the absence of M&Ms.

After another sleepless night last night--I tried a few things then just gave up, grumping in disappointment that the mirtazapine isn't working--I ordered a weighted blanket from Amazon. Has anybody tried that? I'm also recording some sleep meditations from Youtube to play in bed.

@BethRags

I'm glad your things came in the mail and otherwise things are going pretty well for you. And thanks for the laugh about the M&Ms.

Looks like things have gone right for several people and not so well for others... I can't even remember who. I'm so tired I wouldn't be surprised if I couldn't remember my own name. I'll probably sleep tonight, and it's just a few more days until I can go up to 100 mg of lamotrigine, which is where it starts to work for me. If it doesn't, and the weighted blanket doesn't, and the sleep meditations don't, I'm going to try to get some additional medication. I'm already researching it. I'll have to get it from a regular doctor; it takes months to get in to see a psychiatrist here. I'm hoping to find a doctor (my old one moved away last year) who will respect my ability and let me suggest the medicine most likely to work. I'm thinking over a tactful way to say it: "With all the things you treat I figure you don't have time to get into all these details, and anyway, I've tried a bunch of them in the past" or something like that.

When it rains it pours. I finally got some good news and that the pending status on my wife's autopsy has changed to finished it can take up to two weeks to get the death certificate and it has almost taken 4 months to get this far.
I called my mother inlaw to tell her the news. Like none of us actually agree with the reason they gave us that she passed away from but I am at the point that it does not matter anymore I just want some closure. Well my mother in law went in the corners office a couple of months ago and said some things. When she told me about it I nicely asked her and told her to stop I am done. Well like last month she went in after they gave us the reason they think she died from and once again confronted them she told me about it and this time I was very upset with her and I straight up told her to stop.
Well after I called her and told her the news she called me like a hour later and told me she called a guy that her and her husband knew that years ago used to be the head corner Well he told her if she got a copy of the entire autopsy report he would go over it and if he did not agree with the decision he has enough pull to get the death certificate canceled and re do the autopsy. Now she goes on to say that even if the reason we think she died from is true that she know we can't sue but it would be good to get the truth out there. She said some other stuff and she wanted me to sign a release for the autopsy report I told her and that I was done with the entire thing then she goes on to say she would go get the paper for me to sign and I just kind of blew her off I was numb.
Well after thinking about it I wrote her a letter and emailed it to her and I told her how I felt I to her how much I loved her and her husband but that I was done with them and that I did not want anything to do with them and I was done. I told I don't know how long I would be this way but I told her I was done. I also told her that ever since I met them that I always treated them with nothing but love and respect but that she disrespected me and I won't take that from anyone. I then told her that they were a major part of my life and that they had been in my life for over half my life. I have known them right around 25 years and I am 48.

I am really hurt by her actions and I am glad I got my medications filled tonight. I was a good boy and only took the amount prescribed. It really hurt me to write that to her but respect is a major part of my life I may of not been a good father actually i realized I was a horrible father but the one thing my kids learned from me was to respect people and both my children have always been respectful to others.
I know she was my wife's mother but like i told her I was her husband. I actually regret giving the corners permission to give her information but my wife had just died and I did not think she would behave the way she did. It actually really hurt me because when I visited them it brought back happy thoughts of the times we all spent together but I told her several times to stop and she kept going on.

The one thing is not to sound like a jerk but I kind of need the life insurance. It is not because it would make me rich and it won't but it is enough to pay off my debts. I also really want to go back to work cause I think it would do me good to get out of this house but I can't do that yet cause I am on social security disability and if I were to get a job I would lose my insurance and I would not be able to afford my doctors or my medications. All our possessions were in my wife's name except for 1 car and our trailer home. if I wanted to stay on social security I would lose all my possessions and they would take my life insurance claim and put it into an account and my monthly payments would come out of that until the money runs out. I actually want that money to pay off my debts and actually have money to be able to afford to retire in 10 or 15 years and not be in a financial bind depending on the state to take care of me the rest of my life. I don't think I am being selfish and the only way I have been able to afford my bills now is cause my parents are helping me.
I am not saying I am done cause I want the life insurance. I really am done I love and loved my wife more that everything I mean she stuck though with me through thick and thin she was always there for me. When she died it honestly destroyed me like I said before if my dad would of not forced me to into the hospital I actually think I would been dead right now. I wish he would of not made me go in but just so you all know I am not suicidal.
My mother inlaw really hurt me the pain I feel is just horrible I know my wife would be mad at me but I honestly think she would agree with me. Why can't people just listen to what others tell them and respect there wishes. I am really hurt

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I have been through the same thing! I had a worker's comp claim for as minor as can be dog bite on my right foot in 2010. I had surgery on my left ankle in 2014 related to an injury in high school cross country topped by a fall at my therapist's office. Medicare didn't want to pay for my surgery because of the right foot thing. I battled for months. My hospital eventually gave up trying on their part and wrote off a big amount. It was horrible.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You'd think they would have learned left and right in kindergarten!

So we keep having long talks. We'll get through it I hope but the level of not empathetic when things are rough with another person gets to me. Plus I know I'm in a bad head space.

ACT is good stuff. At least it used to be. I did one of my clinicals in OT school in an ACT program a long time ago. They were really effective at keeping people out of the hospital.

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Originally Posted by tentoedsloth When you're in high school, *all* M&Ms do that. Also the absence of M&Ms.

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