Bipolar check-in #63

Got my teeth cleaned, examined and got X-rays. They said I need one tooth to be extracted, several fillings, and one root canal with a crown (that’s if my insurance approves the root canal/crown). I feel so insecure about my teeth already. This is what an eating disorder/ years of purging does.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

The price of our upcoming trip to the US is pretty steep. I can't imagine making such a trip every year. I'm mostly doing so because of my dad's big birthday. The trip was my idea, but I had a much simpler and shorter trip in mind. My husband inevitably inflates it all. He does the same thing going to a grocery store. I used to try to shop without him, when I could, but he would often manage to tag along. He'd even go so far as to get his own cart.

I have decided to get really serious about dropping some pounds before my visit to the US. My husband's nephew shared some photos he took of us and boy did I look different (in a concerning way) than I thought. I tend to see myself in the mirror with overly generous eyes. When I see the photos, reality reigns more. I also plan to quit a particular blouse that doesn't do me any favors, in that respect.

I did a good amount of housework today, and some laundry. Tonight is my usual Thursday online Czech class. After tonight, I only have three more classes to go to finish the first section. I'll likely not sign up for the next, either for a while or possibly ever, depending on decisions we make in the near future.

Today is my 7th year anniversary of being out of IP. Although I had a number of close calls in summer 2020 and a few times where I probably should have gone in. Plus there was the incident in December 2020 that led up to the whole IOP thing. Theres this part of a song I like that reminds me of my old therapist that goes "do you ever rewind to the summer you knew me?" we went through a lot together that summer.

Anyways, today is also the 2 year anniversary of when I began my medical transtion that is now on hiatius. I took a picture and nothing looks out of place. I guess maybe I should try trusting my doctor when he says nothing will happen. I am 2 pounds away from a weight loss goal I had in both October 2020 and October 2021. Better late then never I guess.

Aww I’m sorry to hear you need work done, but it’s good you know the problems and what needs to be done! I hope your insurance approve the work!
And I really hope it all goes well!

Aww thanks, unfortunately I suffer from hypersomnia (excessive sleep) when I have a depressive episode. It’s pretty usual for me, but I am getting my bloods done just to check. I expect they’ll be normal as usual!
This has been a pretty bad episode but I think I’ve handled it well. It’s just frustrating sleeping so much!

Happy anniversary to you, I’m glad that it’s been another year down the line since you’ve been an inpatient and since your medical transition: I’m sorry that it’s on a hiatus, but hopefully everything will work out and be resolved quickly for you!
Congratulations on the weight loss goal too! That’s excellent!

I hope your Czech class went well @Soupe du jour
That’s really good about the housework too, I wish I had your motivation!
I can only imagine how expensive it is to fly to the US just now, that’s really good you’re going for your dads birthday though, it’s a lovely thing to do! And I hope you enjoy it!
And I hope the weight loss goes well! I like doing it in a way that will stick by making healthier but manageable choices! I hope you find a good way too!

I went to sleep last night and only slept for about a hour. I was so depressed I ended up going to the ER to see if they would give me a prn. After being there for a hour or so they told me they would not give me a prn and if I wanted relief to take more seraquil. I did call my regular doctor this morning asking for holdol so we will see if that happens for me or the girl I talked to was like it could take 3 business days to process it.

Sent from my LM-T600 using Tapatalk

I have an interview Monday for medicaid and I am very overwhelmed by all the paperwork I have to find/fill out for it. My living situation isn't exactly easy to put in paperwork either.

I'm on medicare not medicaid and I've had a few therapists be kind of sarcastic about it when they talk about it and I honestly don't understand what their issue is with it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sapien I have an interview Monday for medicaid and I am very overwhelmed by all the paperwork I have to find/fill out for it. My living situation isn't exactly easy to put in paperwork either.

Ugh, yeah...that mega-ton of paperwork is an ***-pain.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird I'm here I just have been reading a lot today (books) and have been immersed in/enjoying a videogame for awhile too My apartment building gave everyone corned beef and cabbage takeout meals today, it was really good. I'm going to the dentist tomorrow to hopefully get a cleaning/exam, they do them on a walk in basis so hopefully I can get seen, I'm gonna go early like I did last time so I'm the first person in line again My kitty is getting into everything,, she just knocked my bedroom curtains down lol (they're on tension rods) I hope you're doing well

I so hope you can get into the dentist.

Yum, corned beef and cabbage sounds delicious.

Naughty Miss M.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Well the cat woke me up at 1am with an asthma attack so naturally I’ve been up since then. My first thought was “oh hell no” so I took another 50mg seroquel, bringing my total up to 200mg and maxing myself out. But no, my body and brain flipped it off so here I am awake at 3:38am. I’m coloring again. Listening to Friends. Not sleeping. It’s fun. Except it isn’t. I told RS about my habit of driving my knuckles into my head now and told him to tap me if he sees me doing it. I did not tell him about the head hitting though. I have knuckle shaped lumps on the side of my head right now. I wasn’t honest in group yesterday and didn’t bring it up. I wanted to tell RS first bc my therapist in php tells him everything so I figured I better get there first. I’ll be honest today. I should probably be honest about not being completely med compliant either. But I’m not sure that I’ll do that. I should really take the correct amount of vraylar today even though I don’t think it’s working. It does curb the paranoia.

Ugh, poor kitty and poor you

I think I understand about the knuckle pressing. I tear at my cuticles, and have since I was a child. Most of the time they are raw and so sore. I use loads of hand cream, but it doesn't really stop the compulsion. I have never told any provider about it. I don't know why. Shame, I guess.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I'm not trying to be funny but I keep smelling burnt toast and I heard on a TV show thats a sign of a stroke. Should I be concerned? This TV show was a reality TV show and they were not being serious so I don't know how true the burnt toast thing is.

People can smell odd things when they're having a stroke, but if you've had one you'd know by now. I actually have worried about the same thing when I smell something odd.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour The price of our upcoming trip to the US is pretty steep. I can't imagine making such a trip every year. I'm mostly doing so because of my dad's big birthday. The trip was my idea, but I had a much simpler and shorter trip in mind. My husband inevitably inflates it all. He does the same thing going to a grocery store. I used to try to shop without him, when I could, but he would often manage to tag along. He'd even go so far as to get his own cart. I have decided to get really serious about dropping some pounds before my visit to the US. My husband's nephew shared some photos he took of us and boy did I look different (in a concerning way) than I thought. I tend to see myself in the mirror with overly generous eyes. When I see the photos, reality reigns more. I also plan to quit a particular blouse that doesn't do me any favors, in that respect. I did a good amount of housework today, and some laundry. Tonight is my usual Thursday online Czech class. After tonight, I only have three more classes to go to finish the first section. I'll likely not sign up for the next, either for a while or possibly ever, depending on decisions we make in the near future.

Our husbands sound not entirely unalike

Isnt there something called mini strokes where your not even aware they are happening? I told my mom yesterday she looked blurry when I looked at her sideways. I don't smell anything currently so maybe it was the tuna. Although earlier I smelled quesadillas. Go figure.

Hi Pinny! I think I've missed your most recent post somehow.

I actually slept a bit extra. What a joy. Yet I am still so tired. The weather today is again just beautiful. I absolutely must make myself take a walk. Walks are always so lonely, that's the thing about them.

Last night I watched 2 videos of Aleksandr Dugin, Putin's "hero." A madman. I came away shaking with fear and fury. I won't post all about it here, but what I will say is that Putin desperately wants a world war.

The huge, old tree outside of my bedroom window is bursting out with leaves. Pretty soon my very warm, sunny bedroom will be nicely shaded. Some sun will still shine in, but the shade is so nice during the hot summer.

My thought to tell you is to listen to your favorite music today

So T seems nice. She's agreed to see me weekly! She's vegan so I don't have to worry about her Stressing my lack of meat. So doesn't like that I have no friends, and I'm not social. We talked the whole session. She said she plans on staying a while because I told her I've been bounced around a lot and didn't want to restart but had to because I'm having conflicts with everyone in my house. I told her I feel whatever I say will be used against me to hospitalize me. She gave me clear examples of when she will alert someone. She wants to know about my experience with SzA. Which feels weird to me. My heads spinning I want to SH or/and vomit, maybe cry. I don't get it, it went well.

MM, maybe you’re worried it will all go to hell with this therapist because it’s happened so often for you and that’s why you’re uncomfortable. I hope it doesn’t because she sounds amazing for you and you so deserve a good therapeutic experience!

VERY difficult day today. I fell back asleep around 4:30am and slept until 7:45am when I had to get up. I’m exhausted right now.

I was extremely depressed this morning which morphed into irritation and agitation. Over sensitive to sound. Every voice in group stabbed me in the head. Very high SH and SI. I only hit my head twice today so far though. Dug my knuckles quite a few times but at least less hitting. And I used my squeezy animal a lot to stop from hitting which helped, and I took breaks and walked around the lunch room.

I’m afraid RS is mad at me but that’s probably just my bad mood. I’m afraid he’ll be upset if my clinician calls and reports what I said during check in about high SI and SH urges. I mean he will be for sure but maybe he won’t like refuse to talk to me or anything. I think I’m mixing him up with my first husband and everyone else.

The dr did raise my depakote to 1500mg and gave me cogentin. She tried to tell me the jaw spasm wouldn’t become permanent. Has she never heard of TD? Please.

Edit: RS is, of course, not mad at me. My brain is mixed up today and I’m definitely mistaking him for my past relationships. In a sense.

Hey @BethRags I’m glad to hear you got some sleep!
I know what you mean about lonely walks! Is there anyone you can walk with? Or meet to walk with?
And I will defo listen to some of my favourite music, that is such a lovely thought!

I’m really demotivated just now. I think the hypersomnia is getting to me.
Plus my mum keeps making unsupportive comments whenever we talk.

I’ve taken an extra half of aripiprazole the past couple of days to see if it helps with the hypersomnia (it’s what my pdoc told me to do last time).
I think it’s helping because it’s 9:30pm and I’m still awake today!

Im very yawny though

But at least I’m awake! I’m going to try and stay awake all day tomorrow without any naps/sleeping in/going to bed early! Heres hoping!

So I’m away to listen to some of my favourite music like @BethRags suggested, read my book and go to sleep.
I hope you all have a lovely night!

I don't usually use this thread because it's hard to keep up, but i don't need a new thread for this news. I'm weaning off zoloft now and will depend solely on the vraylar. I hope it helps me get my weight in check and also keep the depression at bay.

I had a wretched day taking my dog to the vet on the bus. It was for her rabies shot and other routine work and i expected it to be about $600. But the vet wanted to do complete blood and urine tests since she had that diabetes scare recently. That turned out to be an extra $400 so in total it was $1000. So that was discouraging.

I felt down about it all day and from the stress of four bus rides with my dog in the mild but filthy March weather. It took a while to unwind. But just now i took a break in my bedroom and huggled and snuggled with my dog on my bed and enjoyed her luxurious fur which she will only have for a few more days as she is getting groomed on Monday. Another ordeal but i will have my one close neighbor with me so it won't be so bad and just $100 and we'll go in style in her car.

Everything's so much harder with this mild depression. It just casts a shadow over everything. Beware those of you considering pets: it's expensive and care is an ordeal if you're depressed.

But i got it done! I guess that's something!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Isnt there something called mini strokes where your not even aware they are happening? I told my mom yesterday she looked blurry when I looked at her sideways. I don't smell anything currently so maybe it was the tuna. Although earlier I smelled quesadillas. Go figure.

"Mini-strokes" are called "TIA's" which stands for "transient ischemic attack." You'd know for sure if you had one. Plus, you're really young to have any kind of stroke.