Bipolar check-in #63

Y’all I got my peer support certification today

Yay!!!!! Congratulations!!!!

I'm doing weirdly today. Last night I took an extra 20mil geodon. Not totally sure why. But I was knocked out from 8PM until 5:30. The weather is unusual today and so are my moods. I'm guessing my moods are just weather related. I'm not anxious or depressed or moody. I'm just kind of here I suppose. I've been watching TV most of the day. My sister and her family arent coming over until later this afternoon. I'm normally winded down for the night by then. And then I'll just get talked to by my mom the next day for not being social. Who eats dinner at 8PM anyways? Plus they keep saying for 2 hours dinners almost ready when its not. And they plan these big elaborate meals when I'm not into all that stuff. Not everything has to be loaded with butter and italian dressing and other stuff. So its really best for me to just eat before they come over and hang out in my room. I've just been on this really strict schedule for awhile. Normally I eat dinner at 3:30. Then I close the door to my room at 5. Then I put my headphones in at 6:30 and try to go to sleep then and I am normally asleep by 7:30. Then I hopefully don't wake up before 4AM

I bought an angel food cake the other day and I cut it into 14 pieces and I froze half and ate one piece but now I just froze the other 6 pieces. My extreme self control over food often just turns into food waste. My mom has the opposite problem and binges a lot and I've heard it often flips in generations. A binge eating mother will have a restricting eating son. My great aunt was anorexic. So it makes sense genetic wise that I'd be restrictve as well.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 Checking in. My therapist called me out of the blue in response to a text that I sent her. She was worried. That call with my daughter was wretched and I was very upset. She validated my thoughts and feelings and gave me some recommendations for moving forward. I am to protect myself against the verbal abuse and quit trying so hard. To that end, I cancelled the visit scheduled for tomorrow. It would be neither fun nor productive. I honestly don’t know what the next best step is with my daughter. It’s gotten toxic and she is not wanting to take responsibility for her own recovery. It’s easier to point the blame at me, cut me down and treat me as the monster. I’m over it for now. I have a friend that I’m very fond of and attached to who is quite inconsistent. I’m told them of this and yet the behavior remains. It hurts, sometimes angers and confuses me. I’m not sure what the next best step is there either. Start slowly distancing myself? Build up my other friendships to counter it? I’ve promised myself no more tears over this person and enough self respect to walk away if needed. I’m just in a pickle all the way around. Life here at the house is hectic and falling apart. They both need to be in nursing homes. I’m barely hanging on. I know. I’ll have the self love and self respect to put my needs and my recovery first and these situations will fall out however they fall out. I’ll take appropriate action in line with my needs and let the chips fall where they may. I feel better now. Thanks for listening. Hugs to all.

I am so sorry about the immense burden you are carrying, Jennifer. The last thing you need is friction with your daughter. My situation with my daughter is so much like that...I am at blame for something(s), but I don't even know what those things are. It is very, very hurtful. And confusing! The "quit trying so hard" is life-saving.


I'm sending you loving friendship

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Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 Y’all I got my peer support certification today

CONGRATULATIONS

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Originally Posted by Sapien Not much to check in about today. The weather is really nice. I'm in shorts!!! Slept good, mood is fine. I'm having urges to use just because I'm bored but I'm finding other stuff to do. Hugs to all

Keep distracting yourself. Be very, very good to your wonderful self!

Jane, did you get your pup's blood work results?

Hello to everybody

I'm worrying about a potential world war. Who isn't, right.

But for now I am going to change my sheets, oh how I love sleeping in fresh sheets (shout out to Moose ). As soon as I have some money I'm going to buy another set of sheets. Microfiber, inexpensive and lightweight for the summer months.

Laundry day, too. I'm trying to get the energy to get it all done.

So there's my catch-up!

Do you think its the end of the world? My dumb pdoc is still getting to me. The news I've been hearing has not been terrible but that was at 7AM.

I got accepted into a TMS clinic for 6 weeks of treatment.

The problem is that it's everyday for 6 weeks. I'll try to manage it, I'll have to do something about work.

I'm really getting angry that every time I open Facebook or somewhere else the first thing I see is "we're all gonna die!" "Its the end of the world!" "Its world war 3!" Yet the news my mom and I are watching (The Today Show, CNN, World News with David Muir) is not saying we're all gonna die and I'm just ****ing tired of people scaring other people and causing such panic. I already deactivated my facebook for over a week because people were getting hysterical and I couldnt tell if they were joking or being serious but I don't find it funny if they are joking.

Ugh my day was pretty much as terrible as yesterday. I’m mixed again and


My clinician was thisclose to calling mobile crisis on me. I told her I would be ok as long as I didn’t go straight home and got home when RS did instead. She didn’t like my idea of going to the craft store though “because of the scissors” and I was like literally every store I can go to will have scissors. I ended up just driving around though, I was too exhausted to leave the car. Got home at 4:25, turns out RS was home anyway because he was so upset when she called he had to leave work. Lucky I didn’t go home then, he would have been like wtf are you doing here what were you planning.

I’m hoping the meds will help soon and the weekend won’t be so bleak. I’m not sure I can stand it.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Do you think its the end of the world? My dumb pdoc is still getting to me. The news I've been hearing has not been terrible but that was at 7AM.

No, I don't think it's the end of the world. I just believe that Putin wants a world war. After doing some research I no longer believe NATO should get involved in the Ukraine war.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Ugh my day was pretty much as terrible as yesterday. I’m mixed again and Possible trigger: I’m feeling SO suicidal I just want to sleep forever or at least until this **** is over. I’m so tempted to do something I shouldn’t, the bottle is just sitting there staring at me. But RS is going to lock up all the meds to help me be safe. He already locked up the sharps in the house. Except I have to give him the fabric scissors he doesn’t know about. I forgot they were there. I don’t want to but I must. My clinician was thisclose to calling mobile crisis on me. I told her I would be ok as long as I didn’t go straight home and got home when RS did instead. She didn’t like my idea of going to the craft store though “because of the scissors” and I was like literally every store I can go to will have scissors. I ended up just driving around though, I was too exhausted to leave the car. Got home at 4:25, turns out RS was home anyway because he was so upset when she called he had to leave work. Lucky I didn’t go home then, he would have been like wtf are you doing here what were you planning. I’m hoping the meds will help soon and the weekend won’t be so bleak. I’m not sure I can stand it.

Hi wfc, Are you considering going IP again? What you're going through must be completely exhausting. I've always looked at IP as a place to rest and recoup.

I went in my IRL support group's ZOOM social hour and was quite animated. I was delighted to tell a pun i made up in reference to what one of the guys was saying. It went over well. It won't work in print or i'd tell it here and also you need a French accent so that doesn't work either. Then while i was saying goodbye the guy said, "You're a doll!" So cute! I'm really pleased. He's a nice guy.

My dog's tests came back good overall. Thanks for your interest Beth, you're very thoughtful. She doesn't have diabetes thankfully. Nor heartworm or parasites. But the vet is concerned about her urine being dilute and wants to repeat the test with her morning urine. Luckily that's only $15. I guess it could indicate kidney trouble. Eee!

Yesterday she aced her physical exam with a soft belly and good range-of-motion on all legs and clear ears and normal heart-rate. So she's doing so well in general i'm going to try not to worry about it.

Wfc I can so relate to this. I hope your meds kick in and you feel better. Please call 911 if you need to!

So cool of that guy to say that. It sounds like your dog is in good health. I'm sure the vet is just being cautious.

Been a up and down kind of week. I finally got my wife's death certificate yesterday and that was like a kick in the head. My wife passed away 4 months ago today. I went to my church program tonight but I left early cause they had someone give a testament and they started talking about their son who died and I lost it. I tried to just sit in the lobby to calm down but I could not stop crying. The good things that have happened this week is I have kept my house clean and I actually took two showers this week. I am proud of myself cause a victory is a victory.

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I wrote a grief letter this week. I did borrow some of it but I edited it to fit me. I posted it on Facebook

I stole this but it describes what I am going through and I want to share this with you all. I did edit it a little bit. I don't appologize for anything have posted if you had your feelings hurt I don't know what to say UT the things I post are for me it is not my intent to offend anyone. I have written a couple of private messages that might of come across as harsh and I do apologize to those people. I still feel the same way that I had when I wrote you but I could maybe of not been as harsh and as of right now in am over those subjects. I love everyone I am not actually mad at anyone just a little hurt from some.

Recently I have suffered a devastating loss of my wife. I am grieving and it will take a long time to recover from my loss if ever. I will not apologize for my tears. For they are a gift from God to express the extent of my loss.

At times you may see me angry for no apparent reason. Sometimes I'm not sure why. All I know is that my emotions are intense because of my grief. If I don't always make sense to you, please be forgiving and patient with me. If I repeat myself over and over please accept this as normal.

More than anything else I need your understanding and your presence. You don't always to know what to say or even say anything I am okay with that. Your presence and touch or hug let's me know you care.

Pray for me that I would come to see meaning in my loss someday and that I would know God's comfort and love.

This loss is so painful and right now it feels like the worst thing that could ever happen to me and it is. I will survive and eventually recover.

Thank you for caring about me. Thank you for listening to me. Your concern comforts me.

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She wanted to sue ??! Oh my gosh what a joke!

You have such love and dedication to helping Sidney control diabetes. Not everyone would do so !

Many hugs

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Oh yes your husband and mine have many of the same ways. I wanted Pam a few years ago I use it every blue moon so a can lasts forever. He came home with 8 or 9

I will check out that video

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I wish I had loads of advice but you’re doing everything you can for your life in positives. Keep up the boundaries.

Much love and hugs my friend

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I’m sure when you arrive you will be super excited. Steve’s middle son and his wife go at least once a month. Unfortunately the lines are terrible

Enjoy

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I’m so damn happy and proud of everything you are doing !

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Great news !!

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Oh hun I’m so sorry your doing so bad. I’m glad RS is locking things up. Just try and breath and take things one minute at a time. Much love to you

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