Bipolar check-in #63

Aww the tribute book sounds lovely @otroo
And I’m glad you’re seeing some positives, keeping the place clean is a huge task, so well done!!

I’m very tired. Today has been a tough day and I’m still struggling with the hypersomnia. It’s better than it was at the start but honestly 12-14 hours of sleep is still not ideal.
Plus I’m so tired in between
It’s really getting to me that I can’t function like everyone else.

I hope everyone else is having restful nights sleep!!!

Congrats!

That kind of exhaustion isn't normal. You sure you haven't come down with anything?

@otroo
I did a “Daddy Book” for my son right after my first husband died and boy, was it hard. I applaud you for being able to do a ice tribute album

what does SWK stand for.? Is it social work?

well done on getting the interview!!!
keep us posted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed The toilet clogged while I was doing a urine sample at my gynecoglist. I was fumbling with the bag and the sample and trying to wash my hands all while the water was starting to overfill. I swear its just never a good time for me at that place.

I hate when that happens at a doctor's office. A few weeks ago I had to give a urine sample. I misjudged everything and ended up with pee on my clothes and on the floor. I cleaned up the floor, but I was stuck with pissy clothes

Duuuuude I did a whole coloring page and I’m still
F——ING WIRED. Hopefully the seroquel takes me down. I only took 100mg but I will take more in an hour if I’m not tired yet. Not trying to be up at 2:30am prowling the house again.

The good news is that it looks like Winter is finally on the run. The bad news is that i couldn't tolerate any of my hobbies today.

Today is a purely gorgeous day. I wish summer would be like this instead of scorching hot. Oh, well.


I finished going through all those clothes and storing the cold-weather ones in the new storage thing, under my bed. Problem is, I hardly have any summer clothes so my drawers are pretty bare. Another oh, well. It felt wonderful to store all that stuff, though.

Sidney's glucose number was great this afternoon, then elevated this evening. I felt pretty deflated, after the joy of the good number. Patience, patience.

I'm listening to the most glorious music, baroque, composed for King Louis XIV by Jean-Baptiste Lully. Music fit for a king.

David will be over soon. We'll rant and rave about the war.

Beautiful thoughts, love

Soupe?

Whatever?

10ts?

Anyone else who hasn't checked in today? Blue_Bird?

Thinking of you, Christina.

I’m so happy for you! It’s amazing to see how far you’ve come. I hope you’re very proud of yourself, you deserve all the good things you have made happen for yourself!

thanks guys! yes SWK mean social work

I have been nonstop today. Im trying to wear myself out !

Hugs my friends

I feel like Gus


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I'm here I just have been reading a lot today (books) and have been immersed in/enjoying a videogame for awhile too

My apartment building gave everyone corned beef and cabbage takeout meals today, it was really good.

I'm going to the dentist tomorrow to hopefully get a cleaning/exam, they do them on a walk in basis so hopefully I can get seen, I'm gonna go early like I did last time so I'm the first person in line again

My kitty is getting into everything,, she just knocked my bedroom curtains down lol (they're on tension rods)

I hope you're doing well

My life is like a roller coaster up down up down and I don't know if it will ever stop. Years ago for about 6 or so months I was diagnosed as extreme rapid cycling. I was cycle like multiple times a day. This is kind of like that but the depression is worse than anything I have ever felt. I was manic last week now I have kind of leveled off. But I am either ok or really depressed. I went to dinner with some friends of mine today and it was nice to get away but as soon as I got in my truck I started to cry and I cried all the way home. I took a seriquil after I got home hopefully it helps.
Earlier today I spent hours going through pictures of my wife and I put together a tribute book for my wife from shutterfly. I did cry while looking but it was not to horrible. My sister in law made a video for my wife's celebration of life and I still have not been able to watch it. I don't plan on watching it any time soon.

Trigger possibility next paragraph.





While I was looking at the pictures I came across one that was taken last summer in black and white. After looking at it it looks like she was sick then maybe I could of prevented her death if I would of noticed it. The other thing is the day she passed I let her sleep in a couple of extra hours because she was a little sick the night before. If I would of woke her when she was supposed to be up I might have saved her.

I am full of grief, anger and guilt. I know I should not be doing the what if game but I am stuck in a hole.

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Such a cute puppy.

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I'm doing okay today. My IL's doesn't understand that my paranoia gets triggered easily. The like to watch shows that heighten my paranoia and say things that don't help me. Like when we get walmart delivery IL said now they (the driver) know where you live. YEAH that helps. That's still rattling in my head. My T called to make sure I was going tomorrow. Which was nice of her but secretly I worry she will read my mind. I'm so scared to go tomorrow but I have to.

@otroo
Survivor’s guilt is a terrible thing. It’s most likely nothing you could have or would have done would have saved her. But I think almost everyone who goes through a sudden loss has those thoughts.

Be kind to yourself and let those thoughts flow right through you.

Well the cat woke me up at 1am with an asthma attack so naturally I’ve been up since then. My first thought was “oh hell no” so I took another 50mg seroquel, bringing my total up to 200mg and maxing myself out. But no, my body and brain flipped it off so here I am awake at 3:38am. I’m coloring again. Listening to Friends. Not sleeping.

It’s fun. Except it isn’t.

I told RS about my habit of driving my knuckles into my head now and told him to tap me if he sees me doing it. I did not tell him about the head hitting though. I have knuckle shaped lumps on the side of my head right now. I wasn’t honest in group yesterday and didn’t bring it up. I wanted to tell RS first bc my therapist in php tells him everything so I figured I better get there first. I’ll be honest today. I should probably be honest about not being completely med compliant either. But I’m not sure that I’ll do that. I should really take the correct amount of vraylar today even though I don’t think it’s working. It does curb the paranoia.

Hello all! Checking in. I’ve been awake since 2:30. Mom’s new dog is convinced brother is an intruder and barks loudly and aggressively chases him whenever he comes out of his room. Since brother smokes all night, it’s an issue impacting my sleep. Really frustrating. Much more so for brother.

I’ve been down and crying a lot the past few days. I know why. Some situations in my life. One situation resolved really well yesterday. This situation with my daughter thinking I have BPD is tearing me up and I feel defeated. We talked on the phone yesterday and that made things worse. It’s got me thinking though and I am planning on being re-evaluated. I’ve questioned my diagnosis for a long time.

I’m still losing significant amounts of weight. I’ve been losing weight since my relationship started and it has continued even though we’re now friends only. I’m tickled.

Hugs to all.

I'm not trying to be funny but I keep smelling burnt toast and I heard on a TV show thats a sign of a stroke. Should I be concerned? This TV show was a reality TV show and they were not being serious so I don't know how true the burnt toast thing is.

Sitting in the waiting room for the dentist to get a cleaning and exam

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Haven’t heard that before but I’m no expert. Did you Google it? I’ve heard sometimes people have smelt burning things and it’s been powerpoints or something like that… other time a lead up to a seizure… or olfactory hallucinations or other times no reason… maybe there really is burnt toast somewhere nearby?

I did google it and the whole actual toast thing seems to be more of a joke. But smelling burning things can actually be a sign of something. I do wonder if what I'm smelling is some tuna I've been eating. Although its never smelled burnt to me before. Hopefully my doctor eases my anxiety on Monday so I don't get so freaked out about this stuff when it happens