Bipolar check-in #64

How funny! The Bounty Bandit!

@Jennifer 1967, you have the right to be irritable. Sometimes we have to fight back somehow. In any case, I hope you find the place easily and get a better night's sleep tonight.

@*Beth*, I like your modified screen name. With the asterisks it looks like you have a flower on both sides of it.

I’m losing weight at the moment and I’m having success eating most of my calories at night….. I eat like 400 calories during the day and the rest at dinner. I’ve lost 30kgs of Seroquel weight doing it this way (don’t know what that is in lbs) but I’m bigger than you to start with. I just find it’s easier to get through the day being hungry knowing I can eat at night rather than filling up early and then being hungry for hours.

bounty bandit indeed!

@bric:

Welcome aboard! I've been writing on bipolar forums for 20 years and really enjoy it. It takes a while to get to know people so don't be discouraged if it's overwhelming at first. Eventually you'll get to know people. Enjoy!

Does DO mean "Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine"? If so, I am shocked! Since you are diagnosed as bipolar of course your need medication for Bipolar disease. I hope there will be a solution to this and that you can have medication that helps.

Best wishes!

So far the day has been good. It was wonderful to meet old friends and go hiking with them again. The weather was good. Am tired in a good way.

Deep inside I am still concerned about my feelings from what happened last Sunday. I think I will be OK with some hours of therapy, but I think, as well, that this is a problem so deeply rooted that it will cost me hard psychological work for a long time.

Tomorrow I will take it easy and at Thursday I have the therapy appointment.

Best wishes to all!

My np appointment this morning went okay. I asked to decrease the zyprexa/increase the invega and she reluctantly agreed. My therapist had already told her I was using again but other than asking me if it were true she didn't say anything about it. I got more questions about my insurance than my mental health. Still waiting to hear back.

Well things are getting dicey, folks. My brain is trying to protect me from remembering the trauma but in a bad way. I’m manic af. I can’t concentrate for s***. I’m talking like a madwoman. I’m hearing muffled music. I feel completely untethered from earth. I’m glad I wrote out the list of grounding skills for you Beth lol I need some myself.

I’m not safe to drive I can’t tell what’s a good move or not. I cut off two people I’m pretty sure. I better stay off the highway if I feel this way tomorrow. There’s an indirect way to get to program. I’m scared of Ubers and Lyfts already and I’m positive if a man showed up I wouldn’t be able to get in the car. I don’t know if anyone else who could drive me. RS goes to work at 6:30 and doesn’t return until 4:30.

Dammit.

Stay home, if you can. Where do you need to go in an Uber or Lyft?

Call your pdoc and tell them you're think you're manic. They can prescribe Seroquel or something similar to bring you down. I wouldn't drive anywhere yourself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoGo2 Does DO mean "Doctor of Osteopathic Medicine"? If so, I am shocked! Since you are diagnosed as bipolar of course your need medication for Bipolar disease. I hope there will be a solution to this and that you can have medication that helps. Best wishes!

Yes, that is what DO means. She flatly refused to prescribe an antipsychotic, except for 12.5mg of Seroquel - 14 tablets for one month. That's not a therapeutic dose for anything.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Miss Mustachio caught in the act, this is the second time she stole the paper towel roll because I forgot to put it in a place she couldn't reach, she came running into my room carrying it again but this time I caught it in photos

~~~~~ ~~~~~ OMG, the expression on her face!

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 Well things are getting dicey, folks. My brain is trying to protect me from remembering the trauma but in a bad way. I’m manic af. I can’t concentrate for s***. I’m talking like a madwoman. I’m hearing muffled music. I feel completely untethered from earth. I’m glad I wrote out the list of grounding skills for you Beth lol I need some myself. I’m not safe to drive I can’t tell what’s a good move or not. I cut off two people I’m pretty sure. I better stay off the highway if I feel this way tomorrow. There’s an indirect way to get to program. I’m scared of Ubers and Lyfts already and I’m positive if a man showed up I wouldn’t be able to get in the car. I don’t know if anyone else who could drive me. RS goes to work at 6:30 and doesn’t return until 4:30. Dammit.

Oh, hun. I'm right there with you; I understand. I was so checked out after my therapy appt. yesterday that I turned in front of another car. Boy, it was a close call. I'm a very cautious driver, but my perception was off. Please don't drive on the highway, I'm afraid the speed of it will further disorganize your thoughts. Take the indirect way - and take it slowly.

I have nothing good to say about today

I wish their was a skip button on my life. not doing anything or have nothing on?

skip to a time when you do!

perhaps by having that button (and skipping to only the important parts), my life wouldn't be so ****

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu bounty bandit indeed!

Hahahahaha!!!!

I didn't sleep too well last night. Then I left around 9 for my trip. I got my shoes from Vans and 2 shirts from Hollister. You sure do get taken more seriously when you are a slimmer young looking guy. Both the employees at Vans and Hollister were super nice and asking if they could help me. I used to get ignored at Hollister when I was presenting as female. Anyways we checked into the hotel and then did some more shopping and I am just super worn out but we still have our dinner plans which I'm not looking forward to. Tommorow we are just doing more shopping and then having other dinner plans with other family members. Today I haven't been very hungry. In fact I've barely eaten. I feel ok although I didn't wear my mask all day and I did a lot of rubbing my face by accident due to being tired so who knows what I'll end up picking up from this trip. I didn't seem to get what my mom had though.

I try not to eat so many calories in the morning but I don't sleep well if I eat a lot at night. I don't sleep well if I don't eat too little either. So I'm working on eating the majorirty of my calories around 3-4PM. Today was good.

My new med provider cancelled, so I won't see him until next Wednesday. A long time, it feels like.

Soupe, thank you. Yes, I'm more comfortable with just my name. How lovely that you see the asterisks as flowers. That makes me happy.

Here's something funny: my real first name is Laura, but I use my middle name online just for security, since I do use my real location. I would love to tell my last (married) name because it's the name of a plant and is very pretty, but I think that's against the rules of the forum.

I have to go to my PHP. The dr is there. Honestly I don’t think this is a med issue, I’m on like 6. I think it’s an explosion of the reality of a past trauma in my mind and my brain is reacting accordingly. Trying to trip me up. Trying to tell me I’m not real so I can feel like nothing bad happened cause I’m not even a real person.

I know that sounds a little iffy but I think it’s true.

Anyway I refuse to go IP unless they take me kicking and screaming because it will ruin my relationship with RS and also my son. And I’m pretty sure I’d be forced into ECT or long term hospital. Or residential. All bad options.

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I have to go to my PHP. The dr is there. Honestly I don’t think this is a med issue, I’m on like 6. I think it’s an explosion of the reality of a past trauma in my mind and my brain is reacting accordingly. Trying to trip me up. Trying to tell me I’m not real so I can feel like nothing bad happened cause I’m not even a real person. I know that sounds a little iffy but I think it’s true. Anyway I refuse to go IP unless they take me kicking and screaming because it will ruin my relationship with RS and also my son. And I’m pretty sure I’d be forced into ECT or long term hospital. Or residential. All bad options.

Definitely does not sound iffy to me, I'm right there with you. Trauma feels like there's no floor to stand on, no walls, yet I feel trapped.


I'm thinking I'm going to wash my hair and turn cold water on my head to try to help (literally) pull myselve(s) together.

I probably have no right to say this, but....don't go IP. Where you're at IP will only further confuse.

This trip I am on is kind of weird cause while I am riding I don't think negative thoughts and I'm not as depressed while I am riding. The thing is as soon as I get done and I am sitting in my hotel room I am really depressed thinking about my wife wishing she was here. This trip is like a nail in the coffin that she really is gone forever and I won't see her until I pass. I know she is with me though and I am glad with that. I just hate this depression it does fade away while I am riding my bike though kind of makes me not want to go home right now. I am probably a week away before I head home but I'm not sure. I am think about going further East or South.
I am going to Kentucky this week to see a friend that I have not seen in like 25 years.

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