Bipolar check-in #64

FANTASTIC! I love when you get good sleep ! I’m so jealous of your dreams

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Spring is rushing in and my allergies are plain stupid. Congested nose literally makes me angry. I’m living on Sudafed.. are you able to take anything for your nasal congestion ??

Hope you’re Asthma check up goes well

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So I have to write down what I need to say or I sit there making small talk and presenting well. I don't know who for. I guess I don't feel safe yet. I have this next 2 week to mull over it. I'm going to write down why I think I'm doing better and what's going on now. This session was useless. Plus I had a different nurse give my shot. I have to wait for a redo. She's out next week. I don't understand why I do this. It's not like she doesn't know my dx.

I understand what you mean about having a blocked nose and the dentist.
I hope it stays unblocked!
I’ve been putting off going to the dentist! Eek!
I hope your appt goes well!
And I hope the asthma check goes well!

Excellent!! I’m so pleased for you! that sounds like a much needed sleep!

Well we found a cheap engine stand thing for when Steve takes the engine out of the truck on Market place. So I’m happy about that.

I swear Steve and I are separate pages of a book today. He’s been driving me nuts. He’s very “ chatty “ so maybe it’s that. I dunno.

Yesterday Steve went to get the tractor to work on our driveway. We park it on the horse stall side of the barn so its covered. Anyway the clutch got stuck he couldn’t stop it so it went through an opening where I use to store my tack and feed. Ugh ! Going to have to replace lots of 2x4’s and try and straighten out some metal ( it’s a huge metal barn) Oaf …

I wanted a pot roast but hell the price of beef is ridiculous. I got a pork roast instead and even that was too high in my opinion. Damn prices have really gone up on everything. Gallon of cooking oil that use to 3 something a few years ago is over 7 now !

Gotta run the dogs to the vets this week they are doing rabies clinic shots 10.00 each ! No need to see vet ! They do this yearly.

Hugs everybody

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I hope you are all doing as well as possible!! I’m sending lots of positive thoughts and hugs to everyone!!

@BethRags I’m so glad your new med provider is helpful!!!

And thanks so much @bizi for the much needed hugs

I’ve been managing back at work so far, I just get very tired in the evenings. This evening I went to bed at 6:30pm but I woke up to use the bathroom at 11:15pm and decided to try and read my book for a little while.

I think my mood is much better but I get very anxious still. I hope this settles.
I am enjoying work but it really isn’t a calm or nurturing environment. It’s so stressful.
I’m looking forward to my day off on Friday and for the weekend!
I have an appt with occupational health tomorrow. I’m quite nervous but I’m not sure why. I think it’s because I always feel like such a fraud
I’m putting off booking a dental appt which I really need! But I get hyper anxious when I go.

My leg is improving slowly but surely. I’ve got physio again on Friday. I won’t be able to play for my sports team next week or the week after and that’s the end of our season . I think I’ll go watch/cheer them on!

I think my depressive episode is over mostly and I’m back to my normal (slightly lower?) self. I have another pdoc appt next month so we’ll see how that goes!

Thanks so much for all of your support, I truly appreciate it!

Oh that’s excellent that they have a rabies clinic. $10 is a good price. Yeah inflation is appalling. Everything has gone up. I used to be vegetarian until menopause so I’m not well versed in what the prices used to be. But I always buy the smallest one. Fortunately soup is still a good bargain to make.

So sorry the clutch got stuck what a pain.

This is GREAT Beth! Congratulations!

Write it down! I know you know this but I gotta say it.

Thanks for checking in Pinny!

I'm sorry work is stressful!

I'm not sure exactly what it is ... I'm sure I couldn't do it though. It sucks that you feel a fraud re the appointment with ''occupational health'' I'm sure you are not a fraud.

I can relate re anxiety. It sucks! Hugs!

Hi Old Pals!

I've got to tell you--this social rhythm therapy seems like the real thing. It's getting better and better. Now when I get a down mood it's just a mood, gone in an hour or two. And I'm sleeping every night. Now that I've been at it a while it takes almost no time to fall asleep.

I have a schedule for all the important things: getting up, meaning getting out of bed and getting busy with something; meals and snacks; going outside; exercise; talking to people (a little hard to schedule sometimes, but I've told a few people and they are supportive). I did have a schedule for *everything* but I'm easing up on some of that and it's still good.

Here's a link to Jane Pauley talking to a doctor about it.
WebMD Video Interpersonal Social Rhythm Therapy

I don't think the doctor says anything about blue light blocker glasses. They're a part of my routine; I put them on 2 hours before bedtime.

If you're interested in this you can find more details on my separate thread about Social Rhythm Therapy.

Hi all! I've spent (too) many hours getting malware off of my computer...ugh...now I'm going to watch a movie. I'll be back later or tomorrow. Thank you to each of you who have been so encouraging about my finding a new med provider You're amazing!

I'm thinking of all of you and sending love

I worked hard yesterday packing and doing house preparations for the trip. I managed to do some physical self-care stuff, too, which will make last minute self-care notably easier. Of course Hubby is behind.Today I want to fill both of our pill boxes for 2 weeks, plus. As for pills, when we go to France, I'll likely need more than that. Unsure how I'll handle. Bringing all pill bottles would seem ridiculous if we fly there. If we end up driving the whole way, I'll just bring the two sacks I regularly keep the bottles in.

From where we live in CZ to the center of France, it is about a 13 hour drive, if driven non-stop. My therapist asked why we weren't just driving to France straight from Munich (where we're keeping our car during our US trip). That would save several hours of driving, if we decide to drive it all. I told him that such a whirlwind trip would be too much for me at my age (with BP). He thought that strange saying I wasn't that old. It turns out, he's only four years younger than me. I believed him to be in his early to mid 30s. In any case, our indecision about where to visit in France is problematic. Fly or drive? If fly and rent a car? Where to?

Today Hubby has his regular eye appointment. Dread! The whole shabang is always at least 2 hours, sometimes up to 3.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I worked hard yesterday packing and doing house preparations for the trip. I managed to do some physical self-care stuff, too, which will make last minute self-care notably easier. Of course Hubby is behind.Today I want to fill both of our pill boxes for 2 weeks, plus. As for pills, when we go to France, I'll likely need more than that. Unsure how I'll handle. Bringing all pill bottles would seem ridiculous if we fly there. If we end up driving the whole way, I'll just bring the two sacks I regularly keep the bottles in. From where we live in CZ to the center of France, it is about a 13 hour drive, if driven non-stop. My therapist asked why we weren't just driving to France straight from Munich (where we're keeping our car during our US trip). That would save several hours of driving, if we decide to drive it all. I told him that such a whirlwind trip would be too much for me at my age (with BP). He thought that strange saying I wasn't that old. It turns out, he's only four years younger than me. I believed him to be in his early to mid 30s. In any case, our indecision about where to visit in France is problematic. Fly or drive? If fly and rent a car? Where to? Today Hubby has his regular eye appointment. Dread! The whole shabang is always at least 2 hours, sometimes up to 3.

Ooh, that's a tough one. I love to fly, but driving is so interesting. So the drive from Cz to France is only 3 hours longer than the drive from where I live in NorCal to Los Angeles. If you drive, the thing to do would be to do overnight at least one night. A straight 13 hour drive is not only tiring, but you'd miss a lot of good stuff to take notice of. But I guess you be driving pretty much through Germany only. Where in France is your target?

Well, well. Here it is almost 3 a.m. I was sleepy, so I didn't take anything to sleep. Laid down and felt wide awake. Decided to get up, hang out online for a while until cat stuff needs to be done, then take something to sleep and go to sleep in the morning. I watched Boogie Nights again. A brilliant movie. A realistic portrayal of what can happen when children raised with pain grow up. Childhood emotional pain doesn't go away on its own, it just doesn't.

I'm tired of being so scared all the time. Thats how to best describe how I've been feeling lately. I'm just scared and tired all the time. I'm scared to leave my house. I'm scared the worlds going to end. And I'm just so tired and not feeling good all the time. I don't know whats wrong with me. I'm actually really crying for the first time in a couple months because I'm just so terrified of everything these days. I rescheduled my therapy appointment for tommorow evening. I'm going to see if my pdoc can see me sooner.

If we decide to drive the whole way, which I'm leaning against, we would definitely stop for a night somewhere in between. I hate to say it, but I'm not that eager to see more of Germany than what quickly passes by, likely on a high-speed autobahn. We've been throughout Germany a number of times. It does have many lovely places, but I'm hyperfocused on France.

My original idea was to just explore parts of Normandy and Bretagne. Then Hubby wanted to also head down the western coast a bit as far as Bordeaux. Then he suddenly got both of us interested in maybe Alsace. We've been to Alsace and it's wonderful. We've never been to Normandy, Bretagne or Bordeaux areas. The problem is that the latter three regions are in very different parts of France. Alsace is on the eastern border, not even that far from Basel, Switzerland. So that's the conundrum.

Rather than do an extreme amount of driving, I want to explore flying to maybe Basel, Switzerland, round trip, and rent a car there. For both of us, with luggage fees, that would be about $250 total (combined), plus maybe some tax and other fees. That non-stop flight only takes 90 mins from Prague.

So I mentioned I want to be evaluated for ADHD and my therapist told me there is one person doing all the neuropsych evaluations and she's averaging ONE PATIENT A MONTH! There's like 50 people on the waiting list too. My therapy session today was basically her asking a bunch of questions for me to get into ACT and everything's done I just am waiting to be approved for Medicaid to start it, and I haven't been denied yet so that's a good sign. This CMHC is on top of dx's more than my old one too. Last one I was just dx'd with schizophrenia but here I've got everything in my signature which I think is good because hopefully they'll be more apt to help me out with the PTSD and substance use than my old team.

I'm due for an appointment with my NP soon and I'm not sure if they're going to call me or if they're waiting for me to call them. I know at my old place they would tell you a "call back day" where you could set up an appointment but I wasn't given a day to call back.

Ahh. I only had 3 hours of sleep so was awake long before my alarm. And for some reason thought I needed to get to the Y at 8. Aqua fitness doesn’t start until 9! So I sat in the hot tub waiting. I was in the small pool today as I was number 6 on the waiting list. I actually like the small pool better. The two pools are separated by glass walls and a door. The class was always overbooked so they opened the second pool for the extras. There was about 7 of us. Plus the small pool is warmer. You can see the instructor just fine though the glass. I leave about ten minutes before class is over so I can nab one of the individual dressing rooms. I’m out just as the class is over and the next person can use it. Works out great.

I keep telling myself that my next class isn’t until 11:30, I don’t want to be an hour early again! 😂

I made an emergency pdoc appointment for the 26th. I want to see him in person which means traveling out of state and getting a hotel room. My mom is fine with it since we get to see family and she can talk about the new baby. I chugged a bit of pepto bismol which seems to have helped a lot. I wish I knew what was wrong though. But I see my primary doctor and my blood doctor next week and my therapist is at 6PM on zoom tommorow evening. I can't believe I cride twice over that asteroid thing. News sites shouldnt be scaring people like that though with so much going on already. The news had reported this morning the biggest asteroid ever was hurdling past earth but at the end of the article it said it was still billions of miles away and still wasn't set to pass until 2032. But it just like really got to me because other similar news stories have been bothering me and then theres the stuff in Ukriaine. So I broke down twice today when I never cry anymore. I turned off my news notifications but I still get trending news stuff when I turn on google.

Now my nausea came back and its like ER type bad. I guess I just have to hang on until next week. At this exact moment it feels more physical then mental health but it switches back and forth so quickly.

I had no idea gilbert godffrid did the aflack ducks voice. I shoulda known though. I wonder if they will retire the duck. They often do that with the commercials celeberitys have been in who have died. I remember watching Gilbert on Celebrity Wife Swap and thinking he was a nut. He switched wifes with Alan Thicke who also died.

Have to go back to work,
will write to you tonight.
((((HUGS)))))
bizi

My asthma appointment went well. I got there more than an hour before I was supposed to even counting that I was supposed to be 15 minutes early anyway. The appointment itself was ok. I had to breathe in and out either quickly or for an extended amount of time into this machine with a clip on my nose to keep it uninvolved! I talked with Caleb the whole time - from the time I got to the office until I had to go in. Then I retraced my steps to my car and went home. Only thing was, I saw the exit right to my left and turned that way only to catch a sign that said no left turn! So much for logic! Seemed logical to me to head straight for the booths where you pay!

Now I've been cleaning my apartment- dusting and vacuuming and mopping the kitchen and bathroom, took out the trash. I guess I'll have to throw out garbage that isn't very full on Friday- the rule is, no garbage! And I'll have to get up early to do these last-minute things because she could show up at 10 a.m.!

I did take a nap today. That was nice.

Tomorrow is the dentist! It's only a 10 minute drive with traffic 🚦 - 5 if I don't have to wait at that long light but I know I will.

I think I will take a shower sometime before bed. I'm sticky from cleaning

I find what helps me is to be active doing work. Housework, dog-care, shopping, etc. Today i felt particularly bad. All the garbages were overflowing. I made a deal with myself that i would just change the worst one and if i felt like stopping after, okay. But i ended up doing them all plus three other tasks!

I also knew it would make me feel better to go outside with my dog even tho it's overcast and damp. So i just put on all our gear and got out there and it was nice. I would have stayed longer but it started raining. I came in and kept our gear on and went out on the balcony. I really like my balcony, i have a great view of a main road to watch the cars on. I enjoyed it also and would have stayed longer but my dog doesn't care for the balcony and fussed to come in.

I've been telling myself that my depression is just a chemical imbalance in my brain. Not enough serotonin and dopamine and too much cortisol. I've been telling myself that everything is fine, i have enough money and a stable home, stable meds, stable doctor. This unpleasant sense of everything being out-of-control and on the brink-of-disaster is just my brain lying to me.

Everything is fine.

Thanks all for the reassurance. Chatted with my pdoc today, no hospital talk, just adjusted my meds. Gonna give Wellbutrin a try as an addon for a couple months see if things improve. First time taking an AD other than previous use of trazadone to sleep...