Bipolar check-in #64

I called to get off of Social Security because of the life insurance I was receiving. I got a hold of them I waited 46 minutes for them to pick up. When the guy came on he informed me that I had SSI not SSDI and I could have my inherentices and vehicles in my name. I honestly thought I was on SSDI because I receive Medicare not medicade but he says each state is different on the health insurance programs and can choose either. I am happy not to lose this cause I just started a new med manager that I kind of like and I am stable with my medications so far. The guy told me that if I had a job and earned more that I am supposed to the would stop the cash but I would still be covered by medical insurance for 93 months. I hope this guy knows what he is talking about. I think I will look at some local part time jobs just to get me out of the house. If I lose financiall it will suck but as long as I get to keep my health insurance I am ok with that.

I should be debt free by this Wed and I am so excited about that. I just need to watch my spending habits. I am thinking of paying my bills like my parents do. Most of their bills are paid on a cash back credit cards then they pay that off before the billing date and after doing it like this my parents have really good credit now. I need that if I decided to buy housing in the coming years. I am probably going to stay where I am at until my parents pass away then I can move to Florida where I want to go. My dad turns 84 this month and my mom will be 77. I don't want to move away from them they have been some of my numbers supporter and I go to their house pretty much everyday to hang out.
My bipolar self is thinking of going to Texas to buy a motorcycle and ride it home lol.

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Thanks I am very excited. I do wonder about the age differences. I just hope she doesn't favor the baby. She seemed to favor the 6 year old for a long time and was impatienct a lot with the 8 year old. My mom says it will be fine though. My mom was one of 8 kids though. I am the youngest of 3 and was favored very very noticeably. My dad even told me, not in front of my sister though, that I was his favorite. So I think thats where my sister gets it from.

I was also the baby but although we had the same parents, my sisters were older teens when I was born. They gave me a lot of attention.

I've definitely seen people do that to their kids, though. I always feel sorry for the older kid. Can you tell your sister about your concern?

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Originally Posted by otroo I called to get off of Social Security because of the life insurance I was receiving. I got a hold of them I waited 46 minutes for them to pick up. When the guy came on he informed me that I had SSI not SSDI and I could have my inherentices and vehicles in my name. I honestly thought I was on SSDI because I receive Medicare not medicade but he says each state is different on the health insurance programs and can choose either. I am happy not to lose this cause I just started a new med manager that I kind of like and I am stable with my medications so far. The guy told me that if I had a job and earned more that I am supposed to the would stop the cash but I would still be covered by medical insurance for 93 months. I hope this guy knows what he is talking about. I think I will look at some local part time jobs just to get me out of the house. If I lose financiall it will suck but as long as I get to keep my health insurance I am ok with that. I should be debt free by this Wed and I am so excited about that. I just need to watch my spending habits. I am thinking of paying my bills like my parents do. Most of their bills are paid on a cash back credit cards then they pay that off before the billing date and after doing it like this my parents have really good credit now. I need that if I decided to buy housing in the coming years. I am probably going to stay where I am at until my parents pass away then I can move to Florida where I want to go. My dad turns 84 this month and my mom will be 77. I don't want to move away from them they have been some of my numbers supporter and I go to their house pretty much everyday to hang out. My bipolar self is thinking of going to Texas to buy a motorcycle and ride it home lol. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

OMG, you're doing great! I mean, you are taking care of business and looking toward the future. And planning on making wise decisions.

Blah, I'm feeling discouraged. But then, Sunday evenings are not usually my ideal time of the week. I'm sad about and worried about my daughter.


My appt. with the new med provider is tomorrow and I'm feeling like it can't possibly go well. Many times when this feeling happens I have to just "put it on the shelf" and wait until morning, when I will likely have a more optimistic mind-set.

I hate having to be on meds and be dependent like this. Depend on some total stranger who may be a whack-job to have so much power over my life. I do really wish I could go to the teaching hospital again, because there are at least 2 people that handle 1 case. But it's in another city and they don't take my insurance.

Gah, I have to stop thinking.

Thanks for being there, you guys.

Well it's bedtime and I don't have a migraine! Yippee!

I watched Season 2 of Upload today. Just as I was really getting into it, the season ended- of course that's how they want it but I have no idea when Season 3 will come out. Probably next year.

@otroo:

I put everything on a cash-back credit card too and find it really worthwhile. It pays you, rather than an unlimited transaction bank account where you have to pay it. I get $25 back every two or three months and that's just magic, money for doing nothing!

After your trauma with your last med provider, it's only natural that you would feel this way.

I hope you have stopped thinking and will get a restful night's sleep.

Thanks. I’m still hurting but it could be much worse.. I keep telling myself that !!

Sorry the fair wasn’t so great but a market with fruits , veggies and homemade things sounds lovely. That wreath is gorgeous!!!

Are you getting super excited about your trip??



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Sleep is what you need right now. You are under so much stress even with good news you still have surgery to get through.

Sleep and snuggle with Abby all you can

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Oh goodness that rash sounds horrible ! Hope it heals up quickly.

I’m sure M will love a basket. When I lived in Florida I made my daughter one. She busted out sobbing when I gave it to her. Memories of their childhoods and all that .

I hope your Sister decides to be a decent human being !

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Beth, I’m sorry about your daughters upcoming divorce. It’s never easy to have a marriage fail. I really hope you’re new provider will be a good fit. You’re due a break after dealing with that idiot !

Moose I’m so glad you didn’t need the Er. I am so grateful my hysterectomy ended my migraines.

Nammu how was that pot roast ? Now I’m craving one lol

Otroo glad your income won’t be effected nor your insurance. How’s your fur babies doing?

******
My pain is still high. Meh ! I’m so over this pain. Chronic pain sucks for sure. I’ve pretty much stayed in bed all day. Gus has been good company.

I finished the series ER earlier and I just restarted season 1 episode 1 … it never gets old ! It’s a pure comfort show for me.

So no news on Wild ? If your out there I’m giving you a hug hun

Hope everyone’s Monday starts out great !

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 Well it's bedtime and I don't have a migraine! Yippee! I watched Season 2 of Upload today. Just as I was really getting into it, the season ended- of course that's how they want it but I have no idea when Season 3 will come out. Probably next year.

I'm so glad your migraine is gone!

I miss the days when a show went on for years. This 2 or 3 season stuff is BS.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Hope everyone’s Monday starts out great !

I hope your Monday starts out great, too - with a whole lot less pain.

I am so tempted to watch a show and stay up. I love the quiet night. I found some Zyprexa from months ago and took 5mg. hoping it will make me sleepy. Sometimes I can't fall asleep because I lie there and just feel the darkness of night. But, I'm going to use discipline and get myself into bed. I don't think anyone here is in Hawaii, so I'm in the time zone that's the furthest behind the rest of you.

Sweet dreams U.S and Canada - happy Monday UK folks! Happy Monday Soupe!

The roast turned out delicious. Especially the potato and carrots 🥕 my favorite part. I even managed to make gravy! Me! Gravy!

I’m so sorry your pain has flared. So not fair. I’m glad you have ER to distract you.

Ohhh, grrrrrr I was half asleep and did not pay attention to my emails. I received a notice that my aqua class on on, I pressed it thinking I was confirmed but instead it was to opt out. I right away signed back in but was #10 on a wait list. So no aqua class for me today! Still have fitness at 11:30. Then I signed up for next week and was number 4, the class was full already!

We had hail yesterday and the day before! More hail than I've seen in years!

I got back in touch with my bf. We have plans Thursday. I told him I'm on meds for mental health problems and he's understanding.

I need to get myself on the neuropsych evaluation waiting list at the clinic. My last therapist was 100% certain I had ADHD and while I disagreed with her on many things that was one thing I believe she had right. I don't think I can do long-term sobriety without treating it, but I have a feeling the waitlist is even longer here than where I was previously (and that was over two years!)

I slept pretty good last night. 10mil of melatonin won't do though. I need 20. My anxiety was like uncontrollable unable to sit still kinda anxious when I woke up. so I figured I needed to add caffeine back in. So I had a Pepsi around 5:30. I watched excatly one minute of the news before freaking out and turning it off. Then I got a matcha iced latte around 8 and then about half an hour ago I got a mountain dew from the gas station. Now the crawl out of my skin panicky anxiety is gone along with all the physical symptoms I was having. I just have a bit of too much caffeine related anxiety now that hopefully resolves itself as the day goes on. I went to the library and got 2 of the few older Stephen King books I haven't read and 2 other fiction books. I'm hoping reading takes my mind off everything. Although I'm not sure Stephen King was the best choice to help my anxiety.

But Stephen King is fiction. Now, if you'd taken out "Real Killers of [Your Town]" then I would for sure think it could keep you up. There are books out there like this- even about the town I live in.

Today it is 70 and sunny. It's supposed to rain later though. I walked from home to Starbucks- about a half hour walk. That means a half hour back and I'll have gotten in an hour of exercise today. I had been talking with Caleb on the couch at home with the fan blowing on me and thought to myself- I said "Self, you are just watching TV lately. Now get up and do something!". So here I am at Starbucks drinking ice water and reading a book.

Speaking of Starbucks, I ran into Peter yesterday while I was here. We talked for about an hour. He's okay to talk with at Starbucks but when we've tried to go other places it gets weird. I ghosted him because he was getting weird months ago and I have no doubt that given a chance he will again. He says he doesn't want to ever get married again and I'm glad because then he won't get any delusions about his and my "relationship". Like I said, I'd be happy just to run into him by chance like yesterday and catch up and that's it. He wants to take me out for dinner at this new fancy restaurant. Anyway, I haven't heard from him since I left Starbucks yesterday and that's fine with me.

To be honest I find true crime a lot less scarier then fiction for some reason. I know other people feel the same way and there are a lot of memes and stuff on facebook about it.

Talked to the fitness instructor. Tai chi starts second week of May. I’m going to join that too. Then I’ll have aqua fit and fitness class M-W-F and tai chi T-Th. It’s not so much to lose weight as it is to get fit and tone up. I’m really glad I started with aqua class though. I was tense and un flexible from sitting around so long during covid. My mood definitely got better with activity too. It’s a plus that they are so great with my deafness. Doesn’t bother them at all. They just make sure to face me, it’s not always possible in fitness class but they do a great job. I’m really looking forward to it.

Way to go- 5 times a week!

I think my meds have just plain crapped out on me today but the only things I've eaten was a serving of Goldfish crackers and 2 jelly munchkin donuts. The rest of my calories came from sodas, an iced latte, and a Slim Fast. I was going to have a couple eggs for dinner. I haven't been eating too well lately and its starting to affect me I think. I feel like I'm going to jump out of my skin again with this anxiety. I haven't seen my therapist in person in 2 weeks and I'm not sure how happy she'll be at my recent loss weight loss or my eating habits. I hope she can help me figure out whats going on. Because its like I want to lose weight but then theres also the freaking out over certain foods thing I have going on and not being able to feel hunger sometimes. I've turned down going out to eat with my family twice recently which is very unlike me. I just claimed I wasn't feeling good when in reality I didn't feel like eating in front of people and eating a lot of calories. I weigh myself about 6 times a day. I know this is turning into a problem which is why I am hoping my therapist is legit meeting in person this week so she fully evaulate the issue.

My therapist talks a lot about Body Activation techniques. Essentially, doing something (taking a shower, going for a walk etc.) that forces you up and to move in some way and that is supposed to really help with mood. It doesnt have to be a fitness routine or workout, but I think doing the fitness classes takes that a step up and definitely adds to the boost you'd probably get from it! Just wanted to share that there is some science behind movement and emotional well-being. You're inspiring me to try to be a bit more active and tone up too!