Bipolar check-in #65

Hugs, @Jennifer 1967. Please do call your NP, if you haven't already. You must keep yourself safe. I'm sorry you've been struggling for quite a while. You will get past this hard period with time. I hope any medication increase makes a difference, quickly.

Have you seen or talked with your daughter, lately? If not, I'm sure she'd love a chat. You know she loves you very much.

I had a telehealth appointment with my NP. She put me on Wellbutrin and said I should feel better within a week. I’m glad she could see me today. She asked me to do one task today as well. I can’t do the task she requested but I have completed a task. It was of some help.

I did text my daughter to talk soon. Great idea Soupe du jour!

Hopefully this passes quickly.

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Originally Posted by Blue_Bird Here’s Maybelle and Mustachio hanging out in my storage closet this morning

Yay! That's heart-warming. I bet they'll soon become best buds.

I DREAD the 4th of July. It's way out of control around here and the cats get terrified. My old guy, it's pitiful how frightened he becomes. 2 years ago I came perilously close to getting into a physical fight with a woman down the street because she and her crowd were setting off bottle rockets. I was afraid Solomon (old guy) was going to have a heart attack. Also, my husband is a Vietnam vet and the booms cause him all sorts of trouble. I hate that people aren't more aware.

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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I’ve been depressed but I did keep it at bay for most of the day. We got parsley, dill, oregano, rosemary, and thyme (already had basil) for the herb garden. We got lettuce for the vegetable garden but couldn’t find broccoli. But we did plant the green beans and then dug up some grass along the fence and planted sunflowers. We got a hanging strawberry that I think we’re going to have to Put something over to deter the chickadees who live near where we hung it. Or we have to move it to a strong shepherd’s hook in the front. We were going to buy the hook as well but it would t have fit in my small Corolla! I also got two pots of daises. Then we went on a walk on a new trail. It was a nice 1 mile loop but not very well-maintained. There was an extremely sketchy bridge over a creek that I was very reticent to cross because it was rotted out in places and all they’d done was put 2x4s across. It was a good 10 foot drop onto rocks if it had given way. We all made it across but I’m not going to go back. I had to take a nap, I was just so tired. I’m feeling a bit depressed still. But I guess we’ll just see what happens tomorrow. As mentioned I’m going to ask to be taken off vraylar. I’m also going to refuse to be put on anything else for depression unless she takes me off something first. I’m not messing around with 7+ meds. I’m over it.

I fully support you on the meds plan. Wish I would've been more proactive about meds. Now so much damage is done.

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Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I am deeply depressed today. These episodes are rare, thankfully, but they creep up and knock me on my *****. The first indication is wanting to sleep a lot. The second is overeating. I am just filled with dread. It goes from zero to suicidal in no time flat. I don’t know where this came from. I will call my NP today to see about adding a medication to help me out. This is a bad time for me to have this happen. Couldn’t be worse. I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all!

I'm so sorry, Jennifer. Have you connected with your NP yet? ///

Okay, I see you have. Fingers crossed for the Wellbutrin to work xx

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ... And anyone who says "Namoi Judd couldn't wait a few hours until she was inducted into the country music hall of fame with her daughter?" can absolutley go **** themselves because they have no idea what mental illness can do to someone.

Thank you.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oo I have great cramping stitches of pain when I move or try to walk. Sometimes doubling over when I move. Canceled aqua fitness this morning. Pretty sure this is the same thing I had before. There a great big Latin name for it. I have my annual appointment with my doctor on Thursday. If it’s still an issue then I’ll talk to him. Came up suddenly last night while I was cooking. Was able to sleep though. Seems better now.

Oh, yikes. How are you now? Can you take ibuprofen if the pain kicks up?

I got two or 3 proofs today and/or requested. Now I need a letter from my dentist- not sure what it should say besides what I had done. I see my pdoc's office case manager on Wednesday. I hope that's productive! Not much more going on besides this paperwork. I went to the social security office this morning. Set my alarm, got a shower and got there 20 minutes before they opened and waited only 10 minutes from walking in the door to walking out! I wasn't even sure that they'd be open but they now only allow 12 people in at a time. I feel I'm making progress but I still worry because I need a letter from the IRS that I somehow got last year but don't remember how. I'll pay attention this year. It's one of the things that I'm really hoping my case manager can help with ( Sorry if I'm repeating myself. I sometimes have a hard time remembering what I've said.)

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I'm still not thinking straight. Last night I sent an email to (I thought) my pdoc which referenced some discussions we've had during this breast mess and requesting a refill of a psych med. Too bad I sent it to my breast surgeon......They were nice but a little confused. I talk to her tomorrow so I guess I can explain then. So embarrassed. It could have been worse though. I do know that. I just need to double-check what I'm doing. Oh well....

Oh, dear. Nothing to be embarrassed about though...you've had major surgery and are under A LOT of serious stress.

I’m much better now, I had a bottle of Pepsi and I think the carbonation helped. Just a little twinge left. Gee I should have thought of that last night, but I don’t always drink soda. I really thought it was what I had before but nope, I think just bad gas. :embarrassed:

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Originally Posted by Moose72 I got two or 3 proofs today and/or requested. Now I need a letter from my dentist- not sure what it should say besides what I had done. I see my pdoc's office case manager on Wednesday. I hope that's productive! Not much more going on besides this paperwork. I went to the social security office this morning. Set my alarm, got a shower and got there 20 minutes before they opened and waited only 10 minutes from walking in the door to walking out! I wasn't even sure that they'd be open but they now only allow 12 people in at a time. I feel I'm making progress but I still worry because I need a letter from the IRS that I somehow got last year but don't remember how. I'll pay attention this year. It's one of the things that I'm really hoping my case manager can help with ( Sorry if I'm repeating myself. I sometimes have a hard time remembering what I've said.)

Good for you!! I love how you get stuff done!

You're not repeating yourself, but I understand the memory issue, that's for sure.

I finally made it back here!

I went to bed a bit earlier and allowed myself to sleep as much as possible. What a wonderful difference.

Extremely dissociative, sliding around in time. A lot of fear of the police. They came to our house repeatedly when I was a child...it was so embarrassing because the neighborhood was classic '70's suburbia and neighbors would "ask questions"..."I saw the police at your house last night, honey...is everything oookaaay?" So instead of the truth it would be, "Oh, my mom thought she saw someone in our back yard."

Anyway. So I went for a pedicure yesterday and it was a smart thing to do. I seriously needed that self-care and relaxation. But the place I usually go to was (oddly) closed, so I chose another one. The 2 women working were Vietnamese and spoke no English except to understand "pedicure." I love that experience, because it's like being in a whole different country. And we manage pretty well, even with the language thing.

So I was looking through a basket of around 80 colors of gel polish little tab things to choose a color. I'm so sensitive to color, so it always takes me a frustratingly long time to choose.

Finally - there it was - this color that looked exactly like the Pacific ocean when the sun hits the waves. A mossy-green with a blue undertone and gold and silver glints. I guess the polish is holographic.

So on and so forth. Lovely pedicure, then the tech applied the polish. I figured oil, lotion, massage, and I'm done. Remember to keep relaxing, breathing. About 70 minutes, total. I had to be sure to be home in time to pick up the cats' food dishes 2 hours prior to testing Sidney's pre-dinner glucose.

Then the tech looked at my right big toe, said some things, and rub, rub, rub - she removed the polish on that toenail. Redid the whole deal...base coat, 3 coats of polish, top coat, and all the black-light drying in between every coat.

All finished...but again she looked at my toenail, rub, rub, rub. A repeat of the entire process. She didn't speak or understand any English at all, so I couldn't ask her what was going on.

3rd time. Mumble, mumble, rub, rub, rub - again, 20 minutes of the entire polishing process.

By this time I was getting very tense because while the chair I was sitting in had given me a terrific back massage, it had gotten stuck in one spot on my back and the thumping was feeling uncomfortable. Kept pushing the button, but I couldn't get the freakin' machine to turn off. And, the time was ticking away.

Thankfully, the other tech came over, yelled something at the first tech, nudged her away, and she did the right big toe process again. FOURTH time! Finally - Hurray! Done. She gave my legs and feet a nice lotion massage and I was out of there...2 hours and 10 minutes I made it home exactly in time to pick up the kitties' food dishes.

I felt sorry for the first lady. I wonder if she had OCD?

Anyway, I think I'll stick with my regular shop when possible. But now I have toenails just the color of the ocean

I've had some "interesting" pedicure experiences, but I think that one won the prize!

Okay, I'm off to sweep, mop, and take a shower. Had an encouraging email from my T this morning and I'll see her tomorrow.

Hugs and love all around

I've been extra-dissociated too lately.

I'm getting stuff done, but I have this nagging feeling that I will fail at part of it!

@*Beth*
I actually don’t get mani/pedi because I always feel so uncomfortable. Especially if there’s a language barrier. And I have this weird thing that I don’t feel like I deserve doing nice things for myself.

But I’m glad you (eventually) enjoyed yourself! I’m sorry about the dissociation. I feel you on that. You too, @Sapien . It sucks!

I had a rough day today. I was awoken in the early hours by violent thunderstorms. Thunderstorms scare the crap out of me. I had a nightmare based on the thunderstorm. The storms went on for an hour or so so I had a very fitful early morning until about 5:45am. I had another nightmare when I went back to sleep. This was a emotion flashback. I hate those.

Very depressed most of the day. I checked in as non-compliant on my meds so obviously my clinician found out. All she said was I should wait for the dr. I don’t care and I’m not going to. I’m seeing the dr sometime this week anyway.

I thought I’d be ok to drive on the highway but I’m still not. I spaced out and missed my exit. I went to what used to be the dollar store but is now the $1.25 store lol but it was wrecked. Like people had been tearing the shelves up all day and no one had been bothering to fix them up. Which is true, I’m sure.

I’m thinking of getting a part time job at the other (nicer) dollar store though. When I move down to IOP. It will be good to have somewhere simple to go and have some income, however little it may be. I don’t care about jerk customers, can’t be worse than jerk kids right? It’ll ease me back into working next year. I just have to tell them I can’t lift heavy boxes. I can get a dr note if needed but I doubt they’ll want one. It’s tough to work full time with this emotional upheaval but I think a few hours a week would help me feel like I’m at least contributing to the household and not just draining our savings. Plus I won’t have to apply for short term disability. It’s such a pain in the ***.

All 3 biopsies are benign! I don't think I've ever been so relieved in all my life. I feel like I can sleep for a week.

Congratulations 🎈🎉🎊🍾

Oh Jennifer

I hope this passes quickly and you find your footing again

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Oooooh Nammu feel better pronto !

Just saw that soda helped . Fantastic! Please do tell your Doctor about this

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Originally Posted by Sapien I've been extra-dissociated too lately.

I'm sorry. It is so exhausting.

Glad you got it all sent in ! That’s nonsense it’s such a chore. A fax person?? Good grief !

Yes levels of medications do seem to factor into things. Hope you’re appt goes well

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Originally Posted by Moose72 I'm getting stuff done, but I have this nagging feeling that I will fail at part of it!

You always feel like that with the bureaucratic stuff and you don't fail at it.

Yeah Ooops but I’m sure it’s ok and not a big deal for them.

I’m over the moon happy you finally got FANTASTIC news !!! Finally you can put this in the past

Just keep taking good care of yourself !!

Much love

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow All 3 biopsies are benign! I don't think I've ever been so relieved in all my life. I feel like I can sleep for a week.

Oh, my gosh, I am actually teared up I am SO HAPPY for you, Rainbow!! Thank God, thank the Universe, thank everybody - what GREAT GREAT news! Now I hope you really can get some good, hard, restorative sleep. Congratulations - YOU MADE IT THROUGH