Bipolar check-in #65

I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't feel that I binge. I feel like I eat normal meals. Then again, I had an almond croissant from Starbucks today and half a Danish. I know what- I'm just very inactive. Most days I just watch tv. Probably why I couldn't stand to walk around Disney World. It's not that I was out of breath; it's that my feet hurt really bad. Yesterday, I had Mac n cheese yesterday for lunch. Terrible. It sounds like I eat normally but I guess I don't. I gotta start getting up earlier to walk. I used to start walking when the sun came up but that seems like such a chore. I'd rather sleep. *Sigh*

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu I thought the movie sounded familiar but no I’ve not seen it. I see it has Tom cruise in it and I don’t watch him, but the movie sound intriguing 🤔

Yeah, I'm not thrilled to watch him, either. I do like Julieanne Moore and some others in the film. I need something to watch tonight and I have Netflix and PBS...I could find something on either of those. I'm so curious about Magnolia, can't really get a feeling from the trailer, and I so don't want to spend $3 to watch a movie that I end up not liking. But there's that curiosity. Actually, if I rent it on Amazon and don't like the first bit of it, they'll refund my payment. Of course I'd have to go through the hassle of calling them.

Talk about a "first world problem"

Beth, have you watched Dumplin on Netflix? It's pretty good. I think it's Jennifer Anniston and I can't remember who else (or for sure if it is her, my mind isn't very clear yet). But I did like it when I saw it about a year ago.

Yeah it funny how I don’t want to spend 1.99 on a book I might not like but I’ll think nothing of spending $5 for for a cup of coffee. Of course I rarely buy coffe out but it’s the weird hesitation to spend any amount for something I might not like.

Brick walls (for me ) Meds, and med ''providers'' Ouch.

I'm going to try some other things, it won't cure anything but it won't make it worse (hopefully) (yoga being one thing)

My t almost fell out of her chair when I said everyone hates me. She tried to figure out why I felt that way. I see her again Tuesday. She is confused and give me ideas. I went out for ice cream with my husband. I'm getting better but not fast enough. I know I'm wrong but it feels like it. I forgot my letter today. She's not ready for what I'm going to drop on her. I feel bad about just unloading but she'll catch up I'm sure. I'm going to modify what I wrote to her. Not to make it sound better but to include what's going on now.

Since it's already 12:12 am, I must say that today is my last day in the US. We head out in less than 24 hours, back to Germany. When we arrive, we pick up our car from long-term parking then visit my husband's brother for a few hours before driving back to CZ. Not sure if we'll make it all the way home in one shot or if we'll stop somewhere en route, in CZ. I know we'll be beat!

Tonight we went to Carnegie Hall to see pianist Emmanuel Ax play Chopin. Before that we met up with Hubby's friend, who works in the city. Yesterday I actually rode a bike for the first time in at least 12 years. I was nervous and struggled a bit to get going on a much heavier bike (an ebike) than I was ever used to. No falls, but my left arm hurts as I was squeezing the handles with a death grip. We rode around Central Park for almost an hour, ending at the Guggenheim Museum, which had an amazing exhibition of Wassily Kandinsky. Hubby loved the bike ride. Me, not as much, but I did it for him.

I'm not sure what we'll do before the flight. We'll figure that out when we wake up. I won't be visiting my nephew, though. My sister said that due to covid, only one designated person can visit during his stay. That's her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fuzzybear Brick walls (for me ) Meds, and med ''providers'' Ouch. I'm going to try some other things, it won't cure anything but it won't make it worse (hopefully) (yoga being one thing)

I'm so sorry, Fuzzy dear. I truly feel for you...especially when it comes to med providers I'm so disgusted with them, in general.

I think yoga is a fabulous idea. I love to stretch and to do yoga. Here's a daisy for you:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Since it's already 12:12 am, I must say that today is my last day in the US. We head out in less than 24 hours, back to Germany. When we arrive, we pick up our car from long-term parking then visit my husband's brother for a few hours before driving back to CZ. Not sure if we'll make it all the way home in one shot or if we'll stop somewhere en route, in CZ. I know we'll be beat! Tonight we went to Carnegie Hall to see pianist Emmanuel Ax play Chopin. Before that we met up with Hubby's friend, who works in the city. Yesterday I actually rode a bike for the first time in at least 12 years. I was nervous and struggled a bit to get going on a much heavier bike (an ebike) than I was ever used to. No falls, but my left arm hurts as I was squeezing the handles with a death grip. We rode around Central Park for almost an hour, ending at the Guggenheim Museum, which had an amazing exhibition of Wassily Kandinsky. Hubby loved the bike ride. Me, not as much, but I did it for him. I'm not sure what we'll do before the flight. We'll figure that out when we wake up. I won't be visiting my nephew, though. My sister said that due to covid, only one designated person can visit during his stay. That's her.

Have a safe and smooth flight, Soupe! I hope you get some sleep on the plane, you'll need it!

I read what I wrote and then sealed it. I don't want to modify it because If I do it'll just be to exclude things. I wrote mater of fact and I'll right another one between today and Tuesday. I'm kinda mad it'll be two weeks after next week because next week is going to be heavy. I feel good about this therapist. We'll see.

Rainbow, thanks! Dumplin' looks like a movie worth watching. I put it in my Netflix list. I have in my mind that Dumplin' was a book...but I might have the story mixed up in my mind with an old teen novel by Judy Blume.

15 minutes into Magnolia I gave up, called Amazon, and got a refund
Looked like a dopey movie - at least, not my style. Along the lines of Fight Club, but not nearly as clever or effortless. It seemed like everyone involved was trying too hard, including the writer. He also wrote Boogie Nights and Licorice Pizza. I absolutely love Boogie Nights - wow, did that movie ever nail southern California, emotional pain, and being in emotional pain in southern California! - so have tried to make myself watch Licorice Pizza, but deep inside I doubt I'll like it.

So, here I am, haha. I'm making myself not watch anything now so I'll maybe actually end up in bed at 11 p.m. or, with God's grace, earlier Surely I'll lie there for a good hour before being able to sleep, but at least it'll be dark, quiet, and comfortable. I can lie there and listen to the sound of the cats' fountain. Wow, I remember that for years I went to bed by 9:30 every night. That was too early, though.

Once I planted a single King Sunflower seed and that one sunflower grew up to be huge and ended up being taller than the house!

Beth, what do you do if you want to stop a movie from Amazon? Do you tell them you don't lik it or that it was an accident or what? I know I cancelled one once because I started it and realizd I didn't want in 2 minutes in and I couJld just clickkrious
Just curious.

I feel like I'm going to shatter into a million pieces emotionally. I want to I should be sleeping but H wont go to bed yet. I need him to go to bed with me to keep me safe and so I'm sure he's not "talking" to others while I sleep. I'm just here listening to music with my head making up things for me to stress about. He recently started a tick tock account so it has me concerned. H's spiking my anxiety by calling into the other media he uses.

Here’s a picture of Maybelle when she got here yesterday. Also a random picture of a mixed berry smoothie I made yesterday that was really good

I have to walk downtown to the pharmacy later to pick up my meds and buy some food.

I slept really good. I was considering staying up all night but I made myself go to sleep around 1am because severe lack of sleep triggers mania and psychosis for me. I woke up at 6am and feel well rested. Even though I sometimes enjoy feeling manic the psychosis is a very bad feeling/experience

Have some cleaning I need to do later.

Aww how cute, and that smoothie looks delicious.

I’m feeling out of sorts this morning and decided not to go to aqua fitness. I’m number 7 on the waiting list yet I’m often the only one in the small pool with no instructor. On Monday and Fridays the instructor gets in the water instead of leading from the side. I just don’t feel up to leading myself. But I will go to fitness class later on.

Greetings and salutations! I was quite crabby and pessimistic when I first got up but after catching up on reading posts here, I feel better. It gets me out of my head to read of other’s struggles, triumphs and the details of daily living. This forum rocks!

My pharmacy shorted me 90 pills of Geodon which I use to sleep and will not admit or correct it. They won’t even refill with a doctor’s script and let me pay cash. I’m having to go through another pharmacy. So annoying.

I was so stressed yesterday that I bought a 6 flavor, 12 slice cheesecake. That’s unusual for me. Sometimes self care is a walk in the park, a warm bath or a good book. Sometimes it’s a 6 flavor cheesecake.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

A repeat post.

I'm sorry you're dealing with the issue with getting your meds, I hope the other pharmacy helps you

That cheesecake sounds amazing, cheesecake is one of my favorite desserts

NH just shot down another cannabis legalization bill. Guess we're all going to continue to waste gas and give our money to VT, MA, ME and QC (and get unwanted fentanyl in our laced street weed).

I'm doing pretty crappy today.

So I've basically been up since 11:30 last night. I got an hour of sleep around 4 something. My dysphroia has been acting up today and I had to exchange some stuff that really needed to be done today. Then I had to get blood work done that also needed to be done today. We went to the lab I don't like where they deadname me. But the receptionist called me by my correct name and I felt relieved. Plus the place was empty. It started filling up but I wasn't worried. Then the lab lady shouted my very feminine dead name across the room. I was dressed in a hoodie and jeans and Vans and a baseball hat and oh yeah, I have a full beard. The whole room turned around and I had to hurry and keep my head down and walk past a row of people checking in and avoid eye contact with them. I was in and out as fast as possible. My mom claims I over exagerrated the situation but I just don't think she gets it sometimes. Not just the looks but being dead named as well.

Anyways I'm crabby from lack of sleep and I got my T shot early this morning because I was getting panicky anxiety and I thought the shot might help. Now I just seem to have faitigue and irritation. This blood test determines what my hematricrit level is now and if I need another phlebotomy procedure.

Yeah here too. The Republican half always shoots down those bills. But we got no states near us to get it. Until it’s legal I’m not buying it.

I deposited my auto insurance refund and took myself out to eat at a local diner. Then I went to my mom's and walked around her neighborhood for about an hour while talking with Caleb. Now I'm home and freshly showered. I just love that feeling! Plus, my hair is so much easier to wash now that I cut 6 inches off. I hope it warms up soon so that I can take an early morning walk while is 60ish. These upper-30's/lower-40's mornings are just not gonna cut it.

What should I do- I've got this paperwork looming over my head. Why don't I just start it?? I was waiting for Sunday which is the first and it's due June 1st so I guess that is my flawed logic there. I have bills to pay and this will be the first month that my phone bill is auto-deducted rather than my going into the shop to pay every time.

Hugs to all in need

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