Bipolar check-in #65

I forced myself out with mom today to run errands. It was a sunny, beautiful day and I had cut some beautiful roses from our bush and made a nice bouquet in my room. It helped me to get out of the house. My best friend also had me in stitches all day. I believe I’m starting to get back on my feet. I plan to work my schedule in a mindful way tomorrow while putting self care first. Things seem to be looking up.

The pool opens May 28. Yay! I’m headed to Florida May 29 with my daughter for a week. Looking forward to that.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day tomorrow. Hugs to all!

Ok, by Beth's request, my sort-of-funny surgery story.

I had to have a device placed before my surgery that marked the area that needed to come out; they remove it and it makes a noise when a machine touches it so they know it's gone. I'd had one done before and it was not much; just a shot of novicaine, a little tiny incision, a few minutes of pulling and no pain and that was it. Just a bandaid to go.

Well, this was already going to be worse in my head because I knew I'd be doing it on the medieval torture device (my pdoc called it that and it's accurate) which you like face down with your breast through a hole while they work from underneath you. So I'd had a biopsy with that machine and knew what to expect except that I knew climbing around on the table to get into place would be extra-fun with an IV bag. But I wasn't really worried.

Well, she poked and poked and just couldn't get it right. I was numb so I don't know how many times she tried but I have a lot of bumps and sore areas that I think are from multiple trials. Finally they took me into another room for another mammogram to be sure it was placed right. It wasn't. I have another benign tumor we weren't removing and she had repeatedly gotten that mass instead of what we were removing.


So they decided to use another machine and put in guide wires instead of the reflector. "The old fashioned way". So we went to yet another room (with my needing bathroom breaks whenever I was allowed because of the IV fluidis). This time the set-up was like my first hospital, where you sit in a chair for the procedure while it is still guided by mammogram. So they got me in the chair and positioned with my breast clamped down and started an inital scan and the thing that moves on the mammogram machine came down on my IV pole, knocking that over and doing something to the mammogram machine. They reset it but eventually decided it was faster to move yet again. So we moved to a 4th room where they finally got the wires in place, I think without too much prodding and poking.


Then I went to room 5 for a quick mammogram to be sure the wires were right. They were and I was taken to surgery 2 hours late.


So that is my longest surgery prep ever story. It was a day you had to laugh as everything went wrong, one after the other. I thought the tech might cry when the IV pole went over.


Crazy huh?

With milder weather, I've been sweating a lot, and surely perimenopause contributing. I've also been quite physically active.

We're slowly planning our France trip. There's no way we could leave tomorrow, like originally thought. Now the beginning of June seems better. There are several things on our calendar in May we planned to skip. It's best we not, plus we need more time to plan the trip.

I just received an email from an estranged friend. It was friendly with several questions about my current life. Plus she asked that we have a "virtual lunch" to catch up. I'm reluctant to answer and would dread the latter. I asked Hubby his thoughts and he said to respond, but ignore the "virtual lunch". He always disliked her. She and I were close work friends for years, and continued after she was fired. She often talks behind people's backs and acts superior, which I dislike. I can't say we just visited the US. She lives nearby where we stayed. In her email she wrote that she misses me. Truthfully, I don't miss HER, but do the kind of friendship I perceived having, at one time. I'm generally not a grudge holder, but it ended painfully, during a terrible period of my life. Holding on just to have another friendship, is not healthy. Not having me in her life surely doesn't hurt her enough to warrant rekindling. I just want to start a new life.

@~Christina
Thank you for asking about my kitty! It’s so weird, Cheeto is perfectly fine these days except he sneezes and his eye gets gooky sometimes, but that’s always been. I thought he wasn’t doing well the one day but he’s fine. It was odd, he got so thin and sick and then just turned around. Thank goodness though. Unfortunately Ash is doing terribly with her leg and asthma and I just don’t have the money to help her. I’m avoiding bringing her to the vet because I feel like they’re going to say the only kind thing to do would be to let her go and I’m just not ready for that. But I need to start thinking of her instead of myself. that’s unfair on my part. Ugh. My poor baby.

I went on a little hike this morning and I got approved for medicaid so I can start ACT soon. My T said she would try and get the lady who runs the program to pop in next week.

Honestly I’d not want that person in my life if things didn’t end well previously. I think some people are just nosey.

June sounds like a great time to make a trip

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And he made it through graduation.

And he made it through graduation.

When I was younger I worked on a crab processor ship. I worked in the blast freezer it was -90f we were only allowed to be in there for like 5 minutes then we had to come out and warm up. That's like -67c. It was cold

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My mom and I are trying to decide if I should go to the ER. I am super short of breath and I have chest pains. I literally just got winded eating an ice cream sundae. I've had 2 of my 3 valiums and my topamax and 20mil geodon. I can take the rest of my meds in a bit to determine if its just anxiety. I really hate the emergency room. Plus since even though its not covid some of my symptoms sound like they may be covid so my mom will probably not be allowed in with me. My goal is to take the rest of my meds and see how I feel and then try to sleep it off. My mom suggested immediate care but theres no way immediate care will take someone if they are having chest pains. They will send them to the ER.

You really need to go to hospital!