Bipolar check-in #65

Thanks for the link. In my case, it’s helped my depression and given me energy and motivation which also helps the depression. I do trust my prescriber implicitly. It’s been a good addition.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I emailed my sister yesterday just to say hello. I was upbeat and hoped that things were calmer and better back in NJ. Unfortunately, she wrote back that my nephew is in the psych hospital a third time since Easter. He had severe vomiting and shaking throughout his body. We have no clue yet what's causing it, but they're examining his medications. He had been taken off of Adderal pretty much cold turkey after decades on it. Could that be a possible cause? Severe withdrawals? He apparently still has concerning mood issues, too. Sis also wrote that a bad thunderstorm passed through the area the other day, causing a huge old tree to fall on my dad's property, directly on my brother's chicken coup. All of the chickens are dead, save one rooster who is wandering in the field (the fence got damaged, too). If any were still alive, but injured, an animal finished them off (lucky fox?). I feel for him as they were like pets, and since he's a lonely fellow, I think that hurts a lot. I emailed him and received a rare quick response. When cutting the downed tree with a chain saw, he had to wear bee protective gear since the tree fell near his hives, though didn't damage them. He does have some baby chickens brooding in the basement since hatching a while ago. They're the lucky ones.

Geez, I'm sorry about all the bad news. Your poor brother, how sad.

I did get out to get my shingles vaccine yesterday. I got my COVID booster last week or the week before. The shingles vaccine made me so sleepy and tired! I did rally and went for my 2 mile walk in the park in the sunshine then sat and relaxed by the creek. I worked on the house a bit and talked with friends and sat with mom (my aunt died a few days ago and she is taking it hard - her SIL). I’m sad about it of course but I’m happy that she is now reunited with her beloved husband. She missed him so much. They were best friends and soul mates. A true love story.

I love the new tea I purchased - hibiscus, rose and passionfruit. Delicious. I’ve really been getting in to boiling water for several mugs of different teas throughout the day to enjoy out on the deck. Good stress relief and self care.

I’m working on remaining calm before vacation. I usually get stressed out before holidays, vacations and birthdays. I can feel the anxiety rising. I will tap and journal on it.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

@BeyondtheRainbow

My Ash has asthma as well. She goes on a course of steroids every once in awhile. Right now it’s not great and I don’t want to take her to the vet because both her hind legs need surgery that a) I can’t afford and b) she might not survive given the asthma. I’m really afraid that there is only one thing to be done and I don’t want to lose her. Unfortunately it’s becoming selfish on my part given how much pain she seems to be in. I do have pain medicine for her which I was not giving her but now I’ve decided to just so she is more comfortable. For now. Asthma is certainly manageable though. Hopefully it doesn’t get to the point that they recommend nebulizer treatments, can you imagine??? No way my Ashy would put up with that!

LOVE to all

with gratitude and appreciation especially to Beth, Sapien and Bizi

There were more people I wanted to reply to but unfortunately I’ve already forgotten what individuals have said what, I don’t have the mental energy to go back through, so I apologize! Hugs to all that need them!

I just finished speaking with my clinician from IOP. I am now dreading this whole thing with mom. Given the fact that my brother canceled our dinner, AGAIN, it is clear that I will have to spearhead this whole thing. The fact that they are not available and when they are they cancel shows me there is no commitment on their part. I even texted my brother after he called and got no response. And I asked him if we could just FaceTime instead and he said they’ll “try”. I’ve gotten no response about whether they will be attending my son’s band concert either, but I’m going to go ahead and guess no, they are busy.

My clinician suggested I do a cope ahead plan so I can come up with what skills I’m going to use ahead of time for various difficult situations. I am reticent to lean on RS completely, I don’t want him to become my therapist, that’s not his job. But I suppose I will have to accept emotional support from him while I am not in program on the weekends and the days I take off. So it’s a good plan to bring my “safety kit” and a list of grounding skills I can use in the moment when I feel overwhelmed. I have different objects for different emotions.

I personally have made a list of five things that need to be done and I will prioritize them myself. If and when I can get in touch with my brother I will present them and get his feedback.

See how detached I am in my writing? I feel like I’m writing a business letter here. I feel detached from the whole situation which I suppose I need to at times or I will never get through this ****.

I bought a necklace from Etsy, it is a sunflower locket. Inside is stamped “keep f’ing” going. I have sailor mouth and it is very encouraging. I also bought two rings stamped with “I am enough” and “I am worthy”. I like having affirmations at the ready whenever I need to look at them.

I was going to get my tattoo looked at so I can get it finished and a new piercing at the same time (tragus) but I may not be safe to drive what with the spacing out and everything. Best to drive to the convenience store first and see how it goes before I tackle the highway or the terribly trafficked road.

Sorry I'm not really contributing much here right now. It's not my intention. I just get very lost in this check in thread sometimes (it's completely my stuff, not about anyone else here at all)

Thanks for the Etsy tip. I bought the same jewelry as well as a bookmark with I am Worthy and a sticker that said some powerful stuff as well.

Sometimes I can’t or won’t do the stuff that will get me unstuck or move me ahead in life. These are things I need to do and want accomplished in my life. I get to feeling hopeless and defeated over it. It’s where almost 100% of my SI comes from. If I can’t have control over my mind and body, what do I have? Does anybody else have this issue? It’s tough today. I’m not sure what to do to combat it either.

Ugh, it's going to be so hot this weekend. Today was humid but not bad when the wind blows. I was trekking through swamp lands most of the day in search of the elusive moose (I didn't find any, but I did encounter a deer). I want to get a fancy GPS so I can do more trailless hikes. I went to group yesterday but it wasn't as helpful. I find the more often I go the less helpful each time is so I think I'll wait a couple months before going again. I'm still dealing with a little bit of depression/anxiety but it's nothing I can't handle. I see my NP next week. I'm going to ask to go further down on the zyprexa and switch to the invega injection because I'm having those "stop the meds" ideas floating around. I did really well on Risperdal Consta/Lithium (9 months without a severe episode!) so hopefully I'll have another good stretch on Invega Sustenna/Depakote.

Sending hugs, my friends.

Today was a bit rough physically. This morning was fine. I slept a long time. I drank a frappuchnio this morning which helped. This consultation has me a bit nervous though. Thyroid cancer I read is relativily rare. I am hoping at the consultation the doctor won't decide he can't treat me at my regular hospital and decide to have me travel to one of the bigger hospitals several hours away and out of state. Yeah I know they are some of the best in the country but I am comfortable with my own hospital and its friendly. Anyways I know I shouldn't be getting all worked up about it when I don't even know whats going on. Pain wise things have still been rough but I took an advil 45 minutes ago and it was like a night and day difference. I'm not supposed to take advil because of my kidney issues. I've been instructed by every doctor I've seen not to. But the pain feels soooo much better right now. Anyways today is my nephews 6th birthday and him and the other one are over for the weekend but my sister and brother in law missed their flight to philadelphia and can't get out until the morning. My mom and I are just super baffled at their lack of coordination because we were home all day and could have helped somehow so they could have made their flight. I don't understand them a lot of the time.

Hello my family

MM…I think your T just needs to listen more carefully to you. You depend on your H for alot of things so I can see where your T is thinking that. Unfortunately statistically women are at a higher risk of gaslighting. Maybe write down instances where you can do whatever on your own. Just a thought

Soupe … oh that terrible that your Dad and brothers home was hit with damage. Very sad your brother lost chickens in that downed tree. I think honestly your Nephew is dealing with detox of adderal. That’s terrible to get off of. I’ve see people while IP that are struggling. I hope he finds some stability soon. I’m glad he’s getting treatment.

GoGo .. lack of Ambition is such a down right yucky feeling. Have you tried the 15 minute timer trick ? It really helps me get things done .. just knowing it will go off and I can stop. Try not to feel bad we all have periods of time that we simple don’t need anything, it will pass

Jennifer. Condolences on your aunt passing. I hope your Mom will be okay. Losing a sibling is hard. Steve is struggling since his sister passed away. I am in awe that no matter what’s going on you continue to plan out boundaries and coping skills to manage what seems like a overwhelming amount of stress. How long til Florida ??!

Fuzzy much LOVE my friend

Wild ! That’s huge your Mom has agreed to see a T ! I’m not shocked that your brother and SIL are just blowing it off onto you. I think you mentioned that you Mom might move out before home sold ? I think you will need to make a strict plan to deal with all the STUFF. Do you think your Mom will be able to pick some stuff out and take only that ? Hoarding is such a tough mental illness to deal with.

Muddy ! Good for you getting out ! Oh the hell of humidity Ugh ! I just can’t be out much in that. Be good to yourself

~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh y’all this prednisone is killing me.. I’m just breaking down ugly crying over everything. I think it’s starting to help my PsA pain. But what’s worse crying over the pain or crying over the treatment. ?

This is how bad it is ..,, I haven’t cleaned anything other than dishes yesterday and today !!! Y’all know it must be bad if I’m not cleaning.

We are just on the porch and I have a box of tissues

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thanks, @*Beth* and @~Christina. Yea, my brother is sad. Even took a photo to share of the rooster, who was standing near the front door of the house. Not as cute as Gus, but he's a survivor! The rooster has total freedom now. Not sure what's going on its head. I hope he'll be ok tonight. Rooting for that rooster! My sister says there's a tornado warning there tonight. It's windy here in my area, too.

The Adderal is now my best guess, too.

Christina! You not cleaning! Wow that’s the first I’ve ever heard of you not cleaning. It does have to be bad. : hug:

Nothing going on here. Was a rainy humid day that turned sunny 😎 I got out to take mum to the hairdresser, she got her time wrong and was a half hour early. So I ran to the grocery and picked up the things she wanted and got back at just the right time. Oh I finally got a shirt I ordered it’s beautiful but they sent the wrong size so back it goes.

I’m feeling kinda down, nothing major just lacking vibe. Not able to really focus on anything. Bored as all get out.

I hope you feel better soon.

I hope you get to feeling better soon. Thanks for your kind words. Pool opens the 28th. Florida is the 29th. Counting the days.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I did get out to get my shingles vaccine yesterday. I got my COVID booster last week or the week before. The shingles vaccine made me so sleepy and tired! I did rally and went for my 2 mile walk in the park in the sunshine then sat and relaxed by the creek. I worked on the house a bit and talked with friends and sat with mom (my aunt died a few days ago and she is taking it hard - her SIL). I’m sad about it of course but I’m happy that she is now reunited with her beloved husband. She missed him so much. They were best friends and soul mates. A true love story. I love the new tea I purchased - hibiscus, rose and passionfruit. Delicious. I’ve really been getting in to boiling water for several mugs of different teas throughout the day to enjoy out on the deck. Good stress relief and self care. I’m working on remaining calm before vacation. I usually get stressed out before holidays, vacations and birthdays. I can feel the anxiety rising. I will tap and journal on it. I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

I'm sorry about the loss of your aunt. I can understand why your mom is taking it hard. It's so nice, though, when a marriage is a true love story. That's how my oldest sister and her husband are. They've been married for 56 years and are still in love.

I didn't have any reaction at all from the covid vax or the 2 boosters - but I sure did from the two Shingrix vaccines. I felt terribly sleepy and just yucky. It did pass after sleeping, though.

Oooh, your tea sounds lovely!

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 There were more people I wanted to reply to but unfortunately I’ve already forgotten what individuals have said what, I don’t have the mental energy to go back through, so I apologize! Hugs to all that need them! I just finished speaking with my clinician from IOP. I am now dreading this whole thing with mom. Given the fact that my brother canceled our dinner, AGAIN, it is clear that I will have to spearhead this whole thing. The fact that they are not available and when they are they cancel shows me there is no commitment on their part. I even texted my brother after he called and got no response. And I asked him if we could just FaceTime instead and he said they’ll “try”. I’ve gotten no response about whether they will be attending my son’s band concert either, but I’m going to go ahead and guess no, they are busy. My clinician suggested I do a cope ahead plan so I can come up with what skills I’m going to use ahead of time for various difficult situations. I am reticent to lean on RS completely, I don’t want him to become my therapist, that’s not his job. But I suppose I will have to accept emotional support from him while I am not in program on the weekends and the days I take off. So it’s a good plan to bring my “safety kit” and a list of grounding skills I can use in the moment when I feel overwhelmed. I have different objects for different emotions. I personally have made a list of five things that need to be done and I will prioritize them myself. If and when I can get in touch with my brother I will present them and get his feedback. See how detached I am in my writing? I feel like I’m writing a business letter here. I feel detached from the whole situation which I suppose I need to at times or I will never get through this ****. I bought a necklace from Etsy, it is a sunflower locket. Inside is stamped “keep f’ing” going. I have sailor mouth and it is very encouraging. I also bought two rings stamped with “I am enough” and “I am worthy”. I like having affirmations at the ready whenever I need to look at them. I was going to get my tattoo looked at so I can get it finished and a new piercing at the same time (tragus) but I may not be safe to drive what with the spacing out and everything. Best to drive to the convenience store first and see how it goes before I tackle the highway or the terribly trafficked road.

GREAT idea to use the affirmation jewelry!

Your brother cancelled? W-T-F????

@~Christina
I’m so sorry about the prednisone! I’ve never known you to not clean, even in severe pain! Hopefully you can get through the course and it does help with your pain at least.

RS and I have a couple of ideas in regards to her things. We think maybe getting something like a shoe rack and saying “this is how many shoes you can bring, so please decide on which pairs”. She’s got at least 50 pairs. Same for purses, some sort of storage container that can fit a finite amount. A bookshelf so she can choose books, though that will be nigh impossible. It’s all going to be very difficult which is why I’m truly hoping against hope that she clicks with the therapist and can have them on hand to speak to.

I am also not surprised by my brother’s behavior. I guess I had hoped he would be better but I guess not. My clinician says it sounds like avoidance. Um yeah. Obviously. He doesn’t want to go there to see how bad it is and he doesn’t want to deal with all the memories. Well, neither do I, but here we are. I can’t keep coddling him though, if he’s not going to help I need to stand up for myself and at least get a straight answer. He cannot cancel if he says he will be there. If you won’t be there, just say so. Just tell me. I’ll be pretty pissed but I don’t deserve to be cancelled on left and right. Grow up and tell the truth.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Thanks, @*Beth* and @~Christina. Yea, my brother is sad. Even took a photo to share of the rooster, who was standing near the front door of the house. Not as cute as Gus, but he's a survivor! The rooster has total freedom now. Not sure what's going on its head. I hope he'll be ok tonight. Rooting for that rooster! My sister says there's a tornado warning there tonight. It's windy here in my area, too. The Adderal is now my best guess, too.

Poor rooster. Roosters don't do well when they don't have chickens to "keep in line." They get confused.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Nothing going on here. Was a rainy humid day that turned sunny 😎 I got out to take mum to the hairdresser, she got her time wrong and was a half hour early. So I ran to the grocery and picked up the things she wanted and got back at just the right time. Oh I finally got a shirt I ordered it’s beautiful but they sent the wrong size so back it goes. I’m feeling kinda down, nothing major just lacking vibe. Not able to really focus on anything. Bored as all get out.

I hate the lacking vibe feeling. The good thing is, something comes along to stoke the fire.

I'm watching the second-to-last episode of season 11 Call the Midwife tonight. There will be a season 12, but not for quite a while. I may go back and watch season 1. I'm so forgetful, I probably won't even recognize season 1.

I can sort of remember season one, it’s 2 &3 that are harder to remember. I loved chummy, she was one of my favorites. I can guarantee though Ill cry all over again watching those seasons. The midwife story lines are so good.

All night and all day the wind has been absolutely wild! I don't mind it when I'm lying in bed at night, but being out in it during the day is not fun. My absurdly hyper-sensitive skin is actually burning from having been in the wind.

I saw Mary's (T) colleague today, just for a de-stress session until Mary returns from (another) leave. That was a rotten waste of 6$ a gallon gas The chick was very sweet, but obviously new to the job (not bad questions, just textbook ones). She was certainly not as old as my daughter, maybe my son's age. She reminded me a bit of my DIL, sincere and kind, but...young. And not even as worldly. The moment I sat down the words in my mind were What am I doing here? and I have to talk about something, so...think of something....

I didn't feel any spark with her, just...nothing. Not as a therapist, anyway. When the session blessedly ended she said, "I would love to see you again...I mean, if you...next week, if Mary isn't back..." I just smiled and, I mean, what could I say except, "It was nice to meet you." And I was thinking, next week if Mary isn't back I think I'll be in some serious trouble. I felt so crappy, because I didn't say I'd like to see you again some time or anything. When I was leaving she told me she has a photograph she wants to show me of her husband's roller skating themed birthday party (I had told her I used to roller skate). I thought, "Oh, God, please" - but I said, "That must have been fun!"

Ugh. Let me outta here. Where's the freakin' door. Walk through the blasting wind, get in the car, turn on the radio, and pray for some good rock to be playing.

And now I feel deflated, tired. And David sure enough bit*hed at me about having an appointment to get my hair cut. Said, "Can't you hold off on that?" (Typical) He's always just oh, so loving and supportive . I told him that NO, I won't. Then I cancelled the appointment. Thought, eh, forget it. My hair is healthy now, let it grow some more. But you know...it's the principle of the thing.

Gah, forgive me. I'm in a rotten mood. In about 5 minutes I'll work on picking myself up.

Love~

Beth sorry about the rotten mood and day, here’s some purple sparkle ✨ rays to chime your healing bells 🔔