Bipolar check-in #65

I’m glad I have my group (for now). I realized I’m not going to get the answer I want out of my brother because he’ll never admit that he straight up will not help and I’m never going to believe his excuses when he inevitably backs out so I’m not going to worry about it. I’m going to focus on what I personally can do and if it takes a year to get my mom’s move completed than that’s it. I have to care for myself as well.

I still want to get the garage done asap before it gets too hot. I mean if that can be sort of a “staging area” that would be great. We could move donations out there and schedule pickups as needed. I don’t even think one room at a time is gonna work here if me and RS are on our own. So I’m not going to put a time limit on it.

I’m glad I have an appt for my wrist, it’s so uncomfortable. I mean the pain isn’t extreme but it’s enough to just be there like a dull ache. I can’t hold books or my phone. I mean I’m pretty sure all that can be done is wear the brace for a few weeks but I need advice.

I’m going to ask my GI dr to refer me to a dietitian after my endoscopy. I’m supposed to eat low fat to lower my cholesterol and I know how to do that in theory but if I can have a clear plan/meal plan laid out for me I think it would help. Maybe I’ll lose weight, who knows. Now that I’m off vraylar I’m just struggling with binge eating. I got so used to it when I was so hungry that it’s a tough habit to break.

I did it, I got myself to fitness class despite no sleep. X, the lady there I talk to the most was there, we exchanged pleasantries. Now I can do nothing for the rest of the day. Vacuumed last week, doesn’t need to be done till next week. Washed up the dishes last night. It’s raining today so don’t need to water the flowers 💐

Really irritated tho, mum has the politicians from tx on. They are sitting there posing and saying a lot of empty words about the tragedy but will do nothing as is there nature. Burns me up, shut up and make laws to control guns instead of turning school into prisons and making kids terrified to go to school. Geez, New Zealand did it, Australia did it. Just stop with the grandstanding.

The Texas school shooting has me pissed. My sister is a teacher and my 2 nephews are around those kids ages. I am being instructed to not watch the news but I did watch it this morning. I had therapy and it went ok. She gets the medical conditions and is totally understanding. She said "its nice to know its not all in your head isnt it?" What she doesn't get is my eating habits. She doesnt get that I'm not eating poorly on purpose I'm eating poorly because of a lack of appetite due to the physical issues. She wants me to meet with her ED specialtity superviser as a one time thing. I told her I'd think about it. About 15 minutes before the end of our session my voice really started giving out and it was noticeable and she had to keep asking me to repeat myself and ask if I could hear her. She commented at the end of the session about me having trouble speaking because of the nodules. I don't talk nonstop for an hour to anyone so I never really noticed it before today. It didn't happen before today, with her either. I took an advil when I got done with her and I'm hoping Friday and Saturday come up soon.

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Originally Posted by otroo Yeah that's me at the Cadillac Ranch in Texas. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

It's fun to see you. You are really a biker!

Quote:

Originally Posted by unlived I don’t get it. I don’t want to upset anyone because I know some Americans have strong pro gun beliefs but I don’t get it at all. We had a mass shooting here in Australia in 1996 and that was our last one. We had others before it. We changed our gun laws after the one in 96 and had a gun amnesty. People handed them in. Farmers still have guns and you can still have a gun license for certain things but it’s been 26 years since we’ve had a mass shooting. I don’t get how people can think it’s ok to have so many shootings every year and make no changes to gun laws.

The situation is appalling. I don't get it, either. I strongly suspect corruption, especially having to do with the NRA (National Rifle Association) and their tremendously powerful lobby.

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Originally Posted by Nammu I did it, I got myself to fitness class despite no sleep. X, the lady there I talk to the most was there, we exchanged pleasantries. Now I can do nothing for the rest of the day. Vacuumed last week, doesn’t need to be done till next week. Washed up the dishes last night. It’s raining today so don’t need to water the flowers 💐 Really irritated tho, mum has the politicians from tx on. They are sitting there posing and saying a lot of empty words about the tragedy but will do nothing as is there nature. Burns me up, shut up and make laws to control guns instead of turning school into prisons and making kids terrified to go to school. Geez, New Zealand did it, Australia did it. Just stop with the grandstanding.

Tell me about it. A bunch of good ole' boys blabbing BS. Bravo to Beto O'Rourke!

Scorching hot today. 103 degrees and overnight cooled to only 71. Ridiculous for May. Thankfully, tomorrow is predicted to be cooler. I have an appt. with my med provider in a little while. Dude has to give me something to help me fall asleep.

Go Beto Go! 🏃*♂️

Good lord your low is oodles higher than our high, 54F today.

I just got out of bed. Had a protein shake because food today is to hard.

My back injury has been flaring today. I hurt it helping mom recover from falling head first down an escalator. It was an injury I sustained helping her and she has the gall to yell at me today when I couldn’t do everything she wanted. Another family member laughed at my tears over my back pain. I love my family but I’ve never described them as kind to me. There are occasions but those are rare. It makes me more determined to take better care of myself and not always stay on the back burner.

I turned to a very loving, kind, caring friend. I’m glad to have those in my life including the folks on this board. It helps just to type it out. I will get a good night sleep and start fresh tomorrow getting ready for Florida. I really need this vacation.

I hope everybody has a peaceful night.

I have been there!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed The Texas school shooting has me pissed. My sister is a teacher and my 2 nephews are around those kids ages. I am being instructed to not watch the news but I did watch it this morning. I had therapy and it went ok. She gets the medical conditions and is totally understanding. She said "its nice to know its not all in your head isnt it?" What she doesn't get is my eating habits. She doesnt get that I'm not eating poorly on purpose I'm eating poorly because of a lack of appetite due to the physical issues. She wants me to meet with her ED specialtity superviser as a one time thing. I told her I'd think about it. About 15 minutes before the end of our session my voice really started giving out and it was noticeable and she had to keep asking me to repeat myself and ask if I could hear her. She commented at the end of the session about me having trouble speaking because of the nodules. I don't talk nonstop for an hour to anyone so I never really noticed it before today. It didn't happen before today, with her either. I took an advil when I got done with her and I'm hoping Friday and Saturday come up soon.

((((HUGS)))) When is your next medical appointment?

I'm thinking of each of you and sending love. I so want to answer individually, but I'm exhausted so making myself hold off.

I'm having a rough time with the shooting. The children. I really broke down. I finally remembered to slow my breathing and do the 5 senses grounding exercise. That did help keep me from flying off into fractured pieces. Still, the horror and pain. All I can do is focus really hard on sending some kind of peace to the souls of the children and adults who were killed, and to those who remain. If I could go there and hold those parents, I would. Just hold them in my arms.

I saw my med dude. I'm so lucky, he's a really decent human being. He agreed to prescribe Haldol, 2mg., to take at bedtime. The hope is that it will quiet my mind some and also make me sleepy. I went to the pharmacy to pick it up & was told it has to be cleared through my insurance first. I mean, really? Old been around forever Haldol? Okay. *sigh* So hopefully it will be ready tomorrow and they'll deliver it at no cost.

I'm allowing myself to take 25mg Seroquel tonight, I so desperately need to sleep.

Okay sweetpeas, have a restful night.

My mom and I drove half an hour to turn in my section 8 paperwork that took me over 3 weeks to complete. When I turned it in, as I have every other year, the lady behind the glass who took it said annoyed, "We're trying to get everybody to mail them in"! How annoying! I always drop it off so that I don't have to worry about the post office losing it or delivering it late. Ugh. People and their stupid rules! On the way home we stopped at a tiny Coney dog place that brings your food to your car and your order and pay from your car, too.

I wouldn’t trust the mail either, moose. That’s too important.

Ugh can’t sleep. Seems like all my posts start with ugh now lol. I talked to my brother and SIL and supposedly they’ll be there Monday to assess the situation. I told them they HAVE to go in the house to see what I’m talking about.

I also said if anything changes let me know as soon as possible. Im not holding my breath that they’ll be there, surely.

We’re going to take a trip down to Baltimore to visit the national aquarium the last weekend in June. We’ll possibly stay overnight, but I’m not sure. It’s about a 2.5 hour drive from where we are. We went to the crystal cave in PA in one day so it’s not unusual for us to travel that far for a day trip. It might be easier (and certainly will be cheaper) to do it that way. My little Corolla is great on gas so we’ll definitely be able to afford the extra gas. Who knows how high it will be by then! But it’ll be fun.

RS was very angry today, not at me but at life in general. He said he almost yelled at me over a sandwich! Simply because I said he could have asked me to see if I wanted anything before he bought it for dinner. We’re both lucky he didn’t because I would have taken Chris and left. Not permanently but I am NOT putting up with that **** again. I told him I knew something was wrong and if he refused to talk about it I couldn’t understand and try to help. So after I called my brother we both went outside and he talked to me. Yay for healthy relationships! And then we took a nice walk because it was BEAUTIFUL out today! It was very refreshing and made both of us feel better.

I’m just waiting for the seroquel to kick in now. Listening to a babbling brook to calm me. I was listening to my new podcast of choice but it’s too funny I couldn’t sleep for laughing!

I'm been doing fine, mood-wise, but oddly sleeping a lot. I get tired earlier than in the past. Not sure why since spring usually elevates my mood. It's not a problem, though.

I am a passionate cook, yet both the oven and stove in this rental house we live in are crap. The oven makes a loud screeching noise (akin to scratching a chalkboard) the whole time it's on and cooling off. The stove top often "decides" to go off of its own accord and sometimes doesn't allow me to put it on for a while. I literally smacked it in protest and it miraculously worked again, but I fear it's a fire hazard. We've told the landlady, and her suggestion is for us to feel free to replace them on our own dime. That's sort of common in Czech Republic, but as an American, I refuse to spend loads of money on someone else's house when I need the money for a future one of my own. But it's gotten to the point where I use my gas grill and toaster (that we own) for more things than I would ever otherwise. We would have purchased a toaster oven, but there's too little space on the counters.

I just got one big dark age spot-looking mole removed by laser and it's still looking like a wound. At the same time, I developed a flat pink conspicuous mole-like blemish on the bridge of my nose. Hubby is now catastrophising about the new mole. I wish he'd stop. I don't need to be panic visiting doctors left and right. I'm more pissed that it is cosmetically unpleasant. I already have a pink mole on the side of my nose that developed years ago.

Sorry to hear about your brother! It is good that you will have your wrist examined soon. I think it is smart to think about a meal plan.

May your day be so well as possible!

I feel with you! I am so sorry because (it seems to me that) Americans are split in half. One half will fight for the right to own weapon, while the other half want a regulation.

I'm glad you got prescribed Haldol as you wished. And I hope Serequel helped you to sleep.

I wish you a good day!

I feel down today. Yesterday someone gave a characteristic about me (in a discussion) that did not fit. I have to be misunderstood as one of my triggers. I felt down. As if that was not enough some drunk teenagers or perhaps young adults stood at the street singing and yelling. It was past 2:30 in the night the last time I watched my clock.

I feel horrible today. I have had problems using my calming techniques, but feel a tiny bit better after I came in here!

May you all have a wonderful day!

I see my endocronogolgist tommorow and he's the one who deals with the trans stuff and testosterone. Which is causing the high blood levels. I also plan on asking him if the testosterone is what caused the thryoid stuff.

You know how I had that colposcopy last Friday? Well my doctor called. She said the biopsies came out ok but that the lab did some extra testing and now I have to have part of my cervix removed during a "LEEP" procedure because they saw "higher grade" spots with the biopsy. (This is really starting to annoy/slightly scare me! I mean do I have cancer or don't they know??) I can have it done without anything or I can be put to sleep for it. The first is at the Drs office and the second at the hospital - hospital I will be put to sleep, I believe. I need to send the Dr a portal message saying which one I want to do. The hospital would be preferable if I could find my way around. But I know exactly how to get to the clinic but it's gonna hurt more. 🤕 This is terrible. Nobody has said the C word yet but they've said "higher grade" which sounds good but I don't think it is. I haven't told anybody about any of this except fwb and Caleb- and you guys.

I had something similar to that done back in the eighties. It was done in the doctors office. I had precancerous spots. Oddly they zeroed in on that because my blood work showed precancerous elevation. So they then looked there. I felt no pain. They used like a cauterizing tool.

I am sorry on your behalf. Hope everything goes well!

It's time for a new thread. Here's the link:

Bipolar check-in # 66