Bipolar check-in # 66

haunted weirdo

I don’t know anything about ACs so maybe, that would be cool if they did.

No haven’t heard anything and I’m going to call in the morning.

Thanks !!

I know when Gus was fixed I was such a nervous wreck all day long lol. She will go through with flying colors!

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I’m going to take a break from the forum for awhile to grieve. I send love, hugs, and best wishes to all.

Thank you for your kindness and support through this difficult time.

Haunted Weirdo welcome to the forum

Moose I got the shingles vaccine last year. Was 4 months apart. I felt off for a day or so

Bluebird. I’m sorry you didn’t sleep. I know you have struggled at times taking you Thorazine in the past. Do you think maybe when your doing well you can write yourself a letter to remind you that Thorazine is a helpful medication ? Just a thought.

Jennifer. Take the time you need to grieve you’re enormous loss

Beth .. yeah girl Rain ! We rained most of the day and might. Loud noisy storms but not “ a lot” of rain. I’m sorry you found a good T but he’s going to be leaving. That was so kind of you caring for Mary and leaving her things I am sure it means a lot to her. I think you should be very honest with her about what her being out so much is causing you harm. Probably won’t be able to solve anything but likely feel good to be Frank about it.

Soupe I so hope that your Husband perks up well before your trip.

Nammu … I’ve got all my body parts crossed that your car will be fixed soon and it not be crazy expensive. I insist that you start to sleep better and it’s mit so hot! Who can sleep when it’s so hot and muggy . Not I !!!!

~~~~~~

I’m still not feeling so great. Yesterday everything annoyed the hell out of me. Like I was mad the sun was out. Annoyed that there was a breeze, angry everytime Steve said anything. M I S E R A B L E !

Today I woke up in a pretty lousy mood but it’s time for me to ramp up self care and stop stewing in my lousy mood(s) I see Richard tomorrow and I’m hopeful that’s helpful. Steve has mentioned lately he thinks he’s getting worse cognitively. To be honest I have seen it. Anyway. Wishing everyone is doing well and finding enjoyment.

Much love.

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I took a nap and when I awoke called the clinic, no word from Mary. Then I felt the same miserable anger and depression. This is what bothers me most. Not that she's out, even, but that I don't know anything until the last minute. You know...they call me the day before or same day. I can't plan anything. I wish I could give up therapy altogether, but I tried doing that during the early spring and it all devastated into a breakdown. I'm just so angry, so angry.

Fu*k it. I'm going to put some music on, stretch, and put my skates on.

Thank you Christina yes I can do that, that's a good idea I actually finally took it tonight,so I'm hoping to get some sleep. 3 days of barely any sleep has been catching up with me today and I'm really tired

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@*Beth*
They believe my psych meds are causing low sodium, but the only one I know definitely does that is trileptal and tegretol. Problem is I can’t talk to the IOP dr about it bc I don’t trust her judgment. Her answer to any problem seems to be seroquel. So, I’ll just have to make sure to drink Gatorade on my walks and eat a bit more salt. That is, if my sodium is still low when I get it rechecked tomorrow.

I have an appt with an ortho next Thursday. As for my digestive issues, I’m just going to have to wait for my GI endoscopy. Can’t get in sooner. But at least the dr listened to me and seemed concerned about my hand pain.

Well my insurance company are idiots to think that a mask should last 12 months. Six months would work better if not three months. They mean that I got my last mask on October 7th so I can't get a new one until October 7th. What side effects did you have?

I think she may have said something about getting the next shot in October but she said something about the flu shot and when she sees me again in December so I don't know.

When I got mine recently they scheduled the second before I left. It’s in July.

Well, not a lot has changed in the past few days. The $175 debt (or we'll take your house) is still hanging over my head. I've been doing the legwork to get some help, but it doesn't help that willing parties are scattered around and gas prices are a bit high, you know? I can't make my plea in person, but I have been calling people. Dear old dad, he's moved on from my living room to outrage at the fact I have CDs in the backseat of my car which means it's "trashed" and I've personally disrespected him by not cleaning it when I was told. I'm 32. It truly is a sight to behold. He took my very serious problem with the house, dismissed it, found the "real problem," and made it all about him.

Why do I tolerate this BS, you ask? Long story short, there's another family member involved who he has positioned himself as gatekeeper for. Anyone ever played Civilization? Fun game. Old game. Basically, history of the world where you play one of the old empires as they go through human existence and beyond. I feel like one group petitioning another group for access to a third. And then figuring out money (gifts, tribute). Land access. Land annexation. Whether or not to take part in one person's many, many feuds. And how not taking part might affect me going forward. Actual geopolitics. That how families interact, right?

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 @*Beth* They believe my psych meds are causing low sodium, but the only one I know definitely does that is trileptal and tegretol. Problem is I can’t talk to the IOP dr about it bc I don’t trust her judgment. Her answer to any problem seems to be seroquel. So, I’ll just have to make sure to drink Gatorade on my walks and eat a bit more salt. That is, if my sodium is still low when I get it rechecked tomorrow. I have an appt with an ortho next Thursday. As for my digestive issues, I’m just going to have to wait for my GI endoscopy. Can’t get in sooner. But at least the dr listened to me and seemed concerned about my hand pain.

Good. I'm really glad he listened.

I so understand! Seroquel seems to be the God of the psych med world these days. Makes me uncomfortable, because that's how it was with the benzos around 1990.

I've finished with Mary. So very sad that our relationship had to end as sh-it as it did. Since she couldn't bring herself to refer me out I should have walked away, myself. I knew it all along and what I get for not following my intuition is a day like today. But, it is over, I am so done with that clinic. I have to move on.

Skating was a pure blessing today.

Peace.

I'm fully packed for my upcoming trip, but of course Hubby isn't quite. Luckily he's been steadily improving after being sick. We are clearly anxious about the big decisions we'll need to make in the next month. I don't feel the anxiety in the obvious ways, but I've been overeating a lot. That's how it's showing itself. Perhaps when we're "on the road", so to speak, that will be curbed just from not being at home.

Hubby is getting his hair cut today. Right now I am wearing a bath turban with a hair mask on. My hair is extremely dry since it was super lightened a few months back. When I went to get my hair roots colored and a trim the other day, my usual hair stylist passed me on to the owner for the cut. I left very dissatisfied. The cut wasn't as good, he didn't style it as I hoped, and he charged me more. In the end, I didn't have enough money to give either a tip as you can only pay in cash, not by credit card. In CZ, it's not customary to tip the owners. I should have tipped my usual stylist for the root coloring, but don't feel guilty since I would have had enough if SHE had cut my hair. This does make going back a little awkward. It's likely I will need one more hair cut/color before the future move. Oh well! I have tipped her quite well in the past, though.

Anxiety has finally hit me. My stomach is a bit upset and I sort of dread doing anything more today. I'd rather not take an Ativan. I did two days ago, for the first time in months, and it knocked me out. It didn't used to.

The enormity of what we need to do has truly hit me. Somehow it was easier when preparing for the move to Czech Republic. Or was it? I thought I was prepared enough, but maybe I'm not completely.

Really bad constipation (but a lot of people have the opposite), nausea and vomiting. Plus my gag reflex was really really bad. I had trouble taking my pills because I’d put them in my mouth and my gag reflex would kick in and would make me gag / vomit. Plus whenever I coughed the gag reflex would kick in and make me vomit. Same if I cried. Weird but as soon as I stopped taking it the gag reflex went back to normal.

Sorry to hear. Why wouldn’t she refer you to someone else?

My sleep has really been awful lately so I took the extra 20mg latuda and one olanzapine 5 mg. Toss and turned most of the night then just before 7 am I slept. Deeply for 2 hours. Had a dream with sister Monica and my grandkids in it and something about recycling. It’s all vague. Yet I feel pretty good. My head is very quiet, that must be the olanzapine.

I'm starting to get pretty anxious about Friday. I had my one week post phelbotomy blood test today. I put it off for a few hours because of my anxiety over it. I went to Walmart and stocked up on frozen burritos and cereal. I then tried Arbys new wagyu burger. I split it with my mom and we agreed it wasn't good. She dropped me off at home and then went to Old Navy since we had some Old Navy cash. Finally I got up the courage to go get my blood test. And I had no issue. No psychopath lab lady. This was just a blood count so they only needed one viral. I had to wait about 10 minutes but the actual test took less then 5 minutes. So I was in the building probably less then 20 minutes. I made it into a much bigger deal then it actually was, but based on last time I was a bit freaked out. I have therapy in a couple hours and I don't really like this new summer afternoon time but I know today is a day I really need to go to therapy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I'm fully packed for my upcoming trip, but of course Hubby isn't quite. Luckily he's been steadily improving after being sick. We are clearly anxious about the big decisions we'll need to make in the next month. I don't feel the anxiety in the obvious ways, but I've been overeating a lot. That's how it's showing itself. Perhaps when we're "on the road", so to speak, that will be curbed just from not being at home. Hubby is getting his hair cut today. Right now I am wearing a bath turban with a hair mask on. My hair is extremely dry since it was super lightened a few months back. When I went to get my hair roots colored and a trim the other day, my usual hair stylist passed me on to the owner for the cut. I left very dissatisfied. The cut wasn't as good, he didn't style it as I hoped, and he charged me more. In the end, I didn't have enough money to give either a tip as you can only pay in cash, not by credit card. In CZ, it's not customary to tip the owners. I should have tipped my usual stylist for the root coloring, but don't feel guilty since I would have had enough if SHE had cut my hair. This does make going back a little awkward. It's likely I will need one more hair cut/color before the future move. Oh well! I have tipped her quite well in the past, though.

I strongly suggest Olaplex to rehydrate and "fix" your dried out hair. You can purchase it on Amazon. The shampoo is absolutely fabulous and lasts for a good, long time. It is the only shampoo I have ever used that truly repairs hair.

The No. 0/No. 3 treatment is excellent for bonding hair. You can buy a one-time bonding treatment (the No. 0/No. 3) for $16 to give it a try, see how it works for you.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu My sleep has really been awful lately so I took the extra 20mg latuda and one olanzapine 5 mg. Toss and turned most of the night then just before 7 am I slept. Deeply for 2 hours. Had a dream with sister Monica and my grandkids in it and something about recycling. It’s all vague. Yet I feel pretty good. My head is very quiet, that must be the olanzapine.

A dream about Sister Monica seems very special to me.

I hope you will find a therapist other than Mary soon. It is terrible to live in a "have to jump into it when it comes"-situation. You deserve better! Do a google search in your area (perhaps on-line therapist are cheaper).

You are really good at taking care of yourself!

I had a rough night and got some deep sleep this morning, but had a nightmare that I was in a violent car accident. Boy, every detail was there. Strangely, as I sat in the car I was driving with my car and many others completely smashed around me, I felt physically fine. I was not injured. Going through the crash, however, was terrifying. The nightmare awoke me and I'm trying to shake it off, but I want to go back and sleep some more.

Mary called me yesterday and left a message telling me all about the state of her health and that she's planning to be back on July 7th (which could easily stretch out). She never even said, "I hope your doing well" - nothing. Just went on about herself. She loves to talk about herself.

I knew then that I am done with her. I spent hours composing an email to her, explaining why I am ending therapy. What she's doing is so selfish I believe it is unethical. As I've said, if this was a one-time leave - entirely understandable. But this is a reliable pattern of repeated absences, many of them long-term.

I feel angry with myself for not leaving therapy with her 2 years ago, when I knew I wasn't having any improvement, but actually felt more traumatized. It was easy for me to closely bond with Mary, and I think that was because by the time I saw her I was desperate.

I am quite sure that she will request a closure session. Although my email was long and allowed me to release plenty of thoughts and feelings, I sure would like to tell Mary more...to further impress upon her that her behavior has had a strongly negative effect on me. That said, I am going to do my very best to reject any further time spent with her. I do not foresee a closure session being healthy for me, at all.

We're going to be baking at over 100 starting tomorrow. I actually don't mind, I can be inside my apartment with the a/c and fans on and keep the world out. I've been skating so much, so I may take a break today and work on stretching.

Gentle hugs