Bipolar check-in # 66

Now I'm starting to feel not having the 20mil. How does a dumb pharamacy take 2 days to fill a non stimulant drug. I asked my mom to just go over there and she's all like "I thought you didn't need it?" Yeah I'm not just going to go off it altogether.

The park gathering was so pleasant. It was hot, but a lovely breeze was blowing through the big, old trees.

The unfortunate part is that the park is 3 blocks from Mary's house. I felt aware of that the whole time, even though I was making a big effort not to focus on it.

I had a water bottle I was so comfortable with, I dropped it, and the thing broke into pieces. It had a rubber holder around it and should not have broken like that.

All in all, I came home feeling very depressed, unusually depressed for me. Maybe I'll call a crisis line tonight. I don't know what you're supposed to go into on a crisis line. I guess the worst that can happen is I just hang up - but I sure don't want them to send cops to my place! I'm not suicidal. There's a law that states no one has to allow cops to enter their home unless the cops have a warrant. But I have had some seriously traumatic encounters with cops and I want to keep my distance. They don't always follow the law.

I'm so sleepy, I'm going to lie down.

Have a good rest! I'm headed that way in about an hour.

Welcome to the forum!

(((((((((( Beth ))))))))))

Have a good rest. I'm headed that way very soon

I fell sound asleep and did have a good rest for an hour. I'm going to take a shower with nice soap and lovely lotion. Oh! And Amazon is replacing the water bottle. I'm so glad, I hope the one coming holds up better, as they should.

I'm still considering calling the crisis line. I wish I wasn't shy to do it.

If texting crisis would help (it would me) text 741741 and just type a word, any word, to start. I've never done it but I've heard positive reviews.

I'm glad Amazon is replacing your water bottle and that you got some rest. That kind of heat is tiring and meds make it worse.

Thinking of you dear Beth. Much love to you!

Beth I’m glad you got some rest. The heat really does take it out of a person. I just showered and very oddly my guy didn’t come in to check on me. He loves my scented body washes. That’s the only thing I can think of for the reason he always comes in when I shower but not mum. When I remember to spray my bed with lavender he’s right there to walk all over the pillows. So we know how great it is to do that. Do check out the text chat line rainbow mentioned. It might be just the thing. : hug:

Still awake. The birds are already singing.

Greetings from Bordeaux, France! I haven't felt ready to check in for myself because I've been waiting to get more of an impression of the place.

Bordeaux city center has beautiful and old architecture and certainly fits the bill as romantic in its base appearance. Also, the many shops are filled with especially beautiful things (clothing, knicknacks, etc.) with likely the most tempting pastry and bread shops in the world. Restaurants are everywhere in the city and of course the wines are excellent. However, traffic here seems like hell with jams, detours, and some aggressive drivers. Some historic areas have crowds of people with bicyclists and motor scooters in near collisions with pedestrians. Even in the suburbs.

It's way too hot outside here for my taste, with most businesses and houses not having airconditioning, unlike in the US. Czech businesses often don't either, but CZ is cooler, on the whole. The suburbs we've seen are kinda ugly. The countryside further afield we've seen has been attractive, but without any other major strongpoints to lure us...yet. Today we'll see more further afield places outside Bordeaux, but in another area.

I'll look forward to heading more north. In Bretagne, it should be cooler, with perhaps some rain. Rain is very common up there. That might bother Hubby more than me. The traffic should also be a bit less extreme. I want to also have more access to nature. Without bird sounds, I would not be happy.

After Hubby doing most all of the talking in Czech Republic for over a year, I find myself speaking more French here than him, even though our French is comparable. Traveling with him is always an exercise in tolerance, as he has some strange ways that can drive me nuts and being too close to them exacerbates the situation. However, he does all of the driving, so I must keep my mouth shut, for the most part.

I am sorry about all of this! Grief can be very complicated! I wish you a better day tomorrow!

A heavy sad feeling this morning! My life has gone downward since the moment I understood that I did not have many friends here at the new place. Will a week at the Mediterranean Sea Coast help? What when I come home again? I need to fight, but I have been fighting for years and years and years. Something inside me says that even if it is so, I have to continue this fight. As long as I there is breath in me, I'm obliged to fight. Who says so? God, I think. There is some sort of help in being a believer. I will fight! As this statement comes, the heaviness is not so heavy anymore. May be it's the "living one day at the time" from the 12 steps ...

@*Beth* I hope you are feeling better today. How are you? Texting 741741 is helpful for a crisis line. I’ve done it a few times. It may take a minute to get connected but it is helpful.

Thinking of you.

Greetings! I hope you have a lovely time!

I thought for sure I’d be at the pool at this time but I find myself exhausted after this whirlwind of a week. I’m enjoying time on our screened in porch with a mug of wild berry tea and making plans for a bright future. Oh well! Maybe tomorrow I can go float after I’ve rested today. So lovely listening to the birds.

Mom’s car wouldn’t turn over as I was taking the dog to board before the trip so I’ll need to get AAA over here and get on that. We can’t find the keys to brother’s truck and I have a nice car but the AC recently went out. Bother.

Sister and I are taking mom to see Downton Abby the movie (something she loves) tomorrow. We’ll give her a good balance of rest and activity. She has significantly declined since brother passed. I am somewhat concerned. We’re taking good care of her though.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Hugs to all.

I have been doing the wrong thing and google searching my GI symptoms. Very bad, don’t do it. I’ve gotten myself sufficiently freaked out, and now it’s hard to tell which symptoms are real and what I’m manifesting. I just have to wait for the results of whatever GI tests need to be done. I’ve always been an anxious person and think to myself what’s the worst outcome possible and what would I do if it came to fruition. It’s just one time I did that, it came true. So I still have no faith that the worst COULDN’T happen. But I know all I can do is stop worrying until I get results and worry then if need be.

I’ve been more active since I got my watch. And I must say, walking more often really has helped my back. I’m no longer in pain when I wake up. Just a bit of tightness that stretches out pretty quick. I must change my diet to as low fat as possible, I just get so much discomfort when I eat high fat, processed meals. I want to get healthier. For as many years, decades even, that I’ve been passively and aggressively suicidal I really don’t want to die. When it comes down to it, I want to be there for my son. He’s always been my reason for living and now that I’m getting to the root of my mental health issues I must clear up the physical issues as best I can.

Now that I’m off the vraylar and pretty much over the half-life of the long acting drug my mind is MUCH clearer. It’s so hard to believe how bad that med was for me, how a lot of the physical and mental symptoms I was having were related to it. I’m able to read whole books! I’ve always been a voracious reader but it fell away. I found a couple at a yard sale and they were unexpectedly excellent. The one I really thought would be corny but I related to the main character very much. I was thinking about how to get more, cheaply, and though I could go to the library I’m very bad at returning books on time. The librarians end up not liking me. BUT I remembered a secondhand bookstore that I used to go to with my mom as a child and it is indeed still open! I don’t know how cheap the books are these days but still much cheaper than new books I’m sure. And I probably will venture to the county library. If I read book reviews I can go in with a list. I have a hard time just browsing in libraries. But it sounds like a good way to fill my time this summer.

Here they’ve (the library) have made it easy to return books or re-new them. They send me an email three days before they’re due. So if I’m not done I can just go online and with a click re-new them. They also eliminated the fines. But if you don’t return them within two weeks they charge you the price of the books. I’ve never had. That happen though. I’ve never known librarians to be mean about not being on time.

I am just feeling the same today. I fell asleep before 7 last night and woke up at 1:50 and then I drank a 20oz Mountain Dew and a can of diet Pepsi at 5. I took a shower at 6:30 and then read 40 pages in a new book and I then strangely fell back asleep from 8 until 9:30. Its unlikely for me to go back to sleep when I'm already up like that, especially when I've had caffeine. I woke up with neck pain since I was sleeping on my pillow with the arms, but back of my neck pain not where I had the biopsy. I'm still really lethargic today and I don't know why. I ate today. My geodon is still not ready and its been 5 days now. I don't know whats up but my mom is finally going to the pharamacy to get it.

I have had a good time at the birthday party. I have also had time to think. Does to have few friends mean that one is not good enough? I came to the conclusion that the answer is no. When one has to struggle trough many rough years that does not mean that one is not good enough. But it can mean that one does not fit in every place and that one does not want to fit in with all people. The most important is that one fits in with the friends one has!

The feeling I had this morning about feeling sad and the suddenly the kind feelings from within, has helped me to see it in another light. There are persons around the world who has not enough to eat, who has lost all their family members in war, who lack a home and more ... Aren't these people of just as good value as me? A persons value is not determined by how many friends they have.

I have decided to try to appreciate the friends I do have much more. God has made me into this world in a part of the world where it is reasonable good to live. I want to try to be grateful for that.

For now I will make supper and make som green tea with ginger and honey. Then I will see the news on demand and after that take it easy until bed time.

Good wishes to all!

Quote:

Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow If texting crisis would help (it would me) text 741741 and just type a word, any word, to start. I've never done it but I've heard positive reviews. I'm glad Amazon is replacing your water bottle and that you got some rest. That kind of heat is tiring and meds make it worse.

It's true - the extreme heat is vicious. It makes me have stupid thoughts about disconnected nothings because my body and brain get overheated. And yes, with meds heat can be dangerous. Thank the Universe today is much cooler, light wind, and really quite lovely.

I am so happy about the water bottle! I really depend on them, because I drink a lot of water.

Thank you, Rainbow I have also heard positive reviews about the texting lines. Unfortunately, this is embarrassing, but I almost never text because I am a pathetic texter (I'm no great typist, either). But I did write down the number of a "warm line" that's based in San Francisco. It sounds like the type of center to call if you are not actively suicidal, but have a life situation that is causing crisis. I got so tired last night, so didn't call, went to bed instead...but I have the number right here on my desk.

I want to thank you for reading my enormous post in the psychotherapy board, the one about "I Drove Past My Therapist's House" (or something like that). It felt cathartic to just get that all out. I wish I knew the outcome of the OP's situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Beth I’m glad you got some rest. The heat really does take it out of a person. I just showered and very oddly my guy didn’t come in to check on me. He loves my scented body washes. That’s the only thing I can think of for the reason he always comes in when I shower but not mum. When I remember to spray my bed with lavender he’s right there to walk all over the pillows. So we know how great it is to do that. Do check out the text chat line rainbow mentioned. It might be just the thing. : hug:

Thank you, Nammu

Aw, how sweet that Sir likes your "scents." I don't think any of mine do. They sniff me, get disgusted expressions, and back away

Sir is an odd cat, hence his name! Sir Lawrence knight of the crescent 🌙 moon. He’s very laid back and always waits for permission to jump up on your lap. Very English that way. 😂 really it is odd how he likes scents.