Bipolar check-in #67

Well another night of tossing and turning. Gave up at 5:30 when the sun was coming up. Even Sir didn’t get up! Went back to bed at 8am and got some waking dreams that helped a lot. But man this is getting old. I’m sooooooooooo tempted to take one of the leftover 10mg pills and get a great night of sleep?

I went out of my house today to go shopping. On a sunday. I've been having a really hard time leaving my house in general because of my anxiety. But today I went to several stores and I checked out the place I want to work at. It didn't look very intimidating. I found some milk chocolate orange sticks at one of the stores. I've only ever seen dark chocolate orange flavored stuff. The prestiq seems to be working fine but I noticed my sense of taste is really distorted. At first I thought it was what I was drinking. I couldn't taste the flavors in my iced tea yesterday. But my mom could. Today I drank a Mountain Dew that expired in Febuarary and it tasted awful. It just was really bitter. I just thought it was because it was expired even though I've drank soda that was over a year old and it was fine. Then I drank a can of orange vanilla Coke that wasn't expired and I still got the bitter taste. I googled it and yeah you can have a messed up sense of taste with Pristiq. The only flavor I can really taste is chocolate. Strawberry is bitter. I haven't tried anything vanilla. But I mean I guess as long as my anxiety is this much better it doesn't matter.

My strawberry slim fast made my mouth taste like it just chewed an asprin.

Yeah I tried upping my calories by eating some refried beans for dinner and I couldn't do it. So my anxiety will be gone but I'll be a skleteon with no anxiety. Great. Its cool when a med causes loss of appetite and weight loss unless you are already getting harped on about your weight loss and eating habits.

why not taper and taking half of the 10mg, I think that the 10 can be cut into half dose 5mg?
I am sorry that your sleep is awful.
bizi

I have been tapering. I’m on 2.5 mg now. But haven’t really had a good nights sleep since I got down to 5 mg. One more week at 2.5, then it’s 1.75 for two weeks.

thanks I did not know that.
I take one mg of klonipin. have for years.
some docs won't prescribe benzos any more.
Have you tried melatonin? It helps a lot of folks get to sleep.how long have you been not sleeping? This could trigger mania for you due to the lack of sleep.
I am sorry you are not sleeping.
bizi

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Well another night of tossing and turning. Gave up at 5:30 when the sun was coming up. Even Sir didn’t get up! Went back to bed at 8am and got some waking dreams that helped a lot. But man this is getting old. I’m sooooooooooo tempted to take one of the leftover 10mg pills and get a great night of sleep?

Hun. You need some good, solid sleep. I mean, these days of tiredness are your life, you know...they are days you don't get back. I vote for taking the 10mg tonight and getting at least one night of sleep.

I wish I had a ton of money so I could take myself and my cats and move down south to Venice Beach. I'd skate there, it's kind-of the roller skate capital of the world. Plus, there's a huge mural of Jim Morrison on the side of a building. I visited his grave in Pere le Chaise, in Paris. That cemetery is literally the most fascinating place I've ever visited. It is magnificently beautiful, creative, I could live there.

Here's a pic of Sidney. She has a fabulous personality

Been a whirlwind week! A lot of good. A lot of crap also!

The immediate good news: I didn't sleep through any commitments today! My mother wasn't stranded. The two of us had a nice drive and convo and had a basic lunch. She's excited/nervous for her eye surgery in a few weeks. The doctor is confident she'll be able to see again at a relatively normal level. I'm excited for her too!

I've started on some way belated spring cleaning. Six months of unemployment and a month of hypomania doesn't help with maintaining. Luckily I was able to convince the family to splurge on some cleaning supplies to help catch up.

I have several updates on the employment front! The airline scheduled a second interview for Tuesday. I also have an interview scheduled with a cell phone company first week of August and put in applications for a travel agency and a local insurance agent. If any of those pan out, I'll be a happy camper!

Most of my negatives are financial. I lost my debit card. Annoying, but it happens, and I quickly got a new card on the way. It's arrival date: Tuesday afternoon. Bit of an issue as my interview is Tuesday morning in another city. I've got a checkbook, but beyond my hometown, not a lot of places will take one. Another issue: money. I need gas to get to the interview, but I don't have enough money to put any in the tank (even just there and back).

I'm supposed to have $30 coming in, but to make a long, convoluted story short, to get the money, I need to link two financial accounts (ones I own). One bank doesn't even recognize the other as even existing. I talked to customer service and they promised to look into it. Their deadline? Tuesday afternoon. So, I tried it the other way and had slightly better luck. Bank was recognized, information was entered annnnndddd Tuesday afternoon deadline. Soooooo, I know where I'm going to be in the morning.

I confess to have yelled at my husband today. His procrastination with so many important things is beyond what I could handle. I've been doing so much research on houses we should visit. I lumped a few in an area that look like possibilities. In a desirable area and one I'd actually want to live in, and not too far from his sister's house. I asked him three times to PLEASE pick up the phone and make appointments, preferably for tomorrow. But he just won't. If I didn't have trouble speaking with the realtors, I'd pick up the phone and call. The effort for him should not be difficult. Just pick up the phone, dial, wait for the realtor to answer, and make an appointment. As simple as that. I wish he'd just do it! God dang it, do it! No meditation or contemplation of the meaning of life there is needed. These houses fly off the market. You snooze, you lose.

@Soupe du jour oh, how frustrated you must be with him.

Well I did it. I took the 10 mg tablet and ohhhhhh what a good nights sleep I got! I fell asleep quickly and slept solid until 5 am, then was able to go back to sleep until 7am. Dreamed was in college again. Was good. Oh, so good.

Hooray!!! So pleased for you!!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour I confess to have yelled at my husband today. His procrastination with so many important things is beyond what I could handle. I've been doing so much research on houses we should visit. I lumped a few in an area that look like possibilities. In a desirable area and one I'd actually want to live in, and not too far from his sister's house. I asked him three times to PLEASE pick up the phone and make appointments, preferably for tomorrow. But he just won't. If I didn't have trouble speaking with the realtors, I'd pick up the phone and call. The effort for him should not be difficult. Just pick up the phone, dial, wait for the realtor to answer, and make an appointment. As simple as that. I wish he'd just do it! God dang it, do it! No meditation or contemplation of the meaning of life there is needed. These houses fly off the market. You snooze, you lose.

How tremendously frustrating for you, Soupe. I feel angry just imagining your predicament. Why is he procrastinating?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Well I did it. I took the 10 mg tablet and ohhhhhh what a good nights sleep I got! I fell asleep quickly and slept solid until 5 am, then was able to go back to sleep until 7am. Dreamed was in college again. Was good. Oh, so good.

That is the B E S T news, Nammu!

I sooo dislike how the sleep meds become physically addictive, on the other hand, the sleep is essential. I've been taking a low dose of Seroquel to sleep and I feel and look like I'm among the living.

I went to the pool for an hour. It’s overcast and I have much to do today. It relaxes my body, mind and soul. I finally took my therapist’s advice to walk around the pool but quickly decided to swim laps. How refreshing! It boosted my mood and got the blood pumping for sure. I made up my mind to do that daily until mid September. I feel good right now.

We had a lovely lunch yesterday with sister and bil. Sister only threw one tantrum which wasn’t directed at me so I ignored. The lasagna was delicious and they didn’t overstay their welcome.

Hugs to all who need them.

@Jennifer 1967 I went to aqua fitness today too. Amazing how much better I feel after a night of sleep!

I hadn't eaten much in several days. I knew the prestiq was working good but I just felt crappy physically from the loss of appetite side effect. I went out again today and had no issue. I went to the grocery store and got several types of herbal teas including pepermint and licorice flavored. Then I got a grilled cheese cheeseburger from Sonic and I inhaled it and man did it make me feel better. I guess the issue really was that I wasn't eating enough. Anyways now I feel fine and I'm drinking tea and I'm not too worried about much of anything.

I see psyd tomorrow and I scheduled for in person rather than zoom.

These obsessions and need to do things over and over is really bad right now :’(

My cousin is the "What About...?" of the day today. It is completely infuriating to see people listen to me loudly proclaim my dislike of him, comprehend that dislike, then promptly forget that ever happened and act dumbfounded I detest the man.

My cousin bought a chest freezer complete with meats in it. He has called my dad repeatedly, offering some to me. If this were offered in good faith, sure, but like with my dad, strings will be attached. Obligations to help the man around town. Listening to him rant for entire car rides and being scolded for my rudeness if I try to get a word in edgewise.

So, we're playing a game of telephone in the literal and figurative sense. Cousin calls dad. Dad calls me. I ignore it. Process start over and my dad gets angrier the more I don't deal with him. It's not enough that the offer is passed along. He wants me to take it, or else there will be consequences.



Figured out why part of my money didn't go through, and boy was it a doozy! I had reward points that I was redeeming for cash and the website wanted a $30 minimum to withdraw $15 dollars. I don't get why that matters, but there we are. I will say the minimum will go down after my current transaction, but does anyone get casino vibes out of this?

Well sheeeeet. We didn't get any rain. It poured a mile from here but nothing here! So sticky out it's gross and the only shower option is really cold water atm. I don't mind cold showers but I don't feel like they clean as well as hot water.
I got another rough night of sleep. I don't feel safe driving at this point so I had someone drive me to get my meds. I wanted to go to group tomorrow but I don't think I'll be able to get a ride at that point in the day.
I'm not happy with the way ACT is going. I don't have a real therapist, I haven't seen my ffs worker (or anyone else for that matter) in person for 3 weeks (and she's on vacation this week) other than a quick med drop off last week because I really was in no condition to drive and she knew it so at least she did that (but she stole a Tuesday's worth of meds so I had to pick my week's up today instead of tomorrow), and their special on-call line doesn't really help and I decided to stop calling them because I know I'll go ballistic if I hear (paraphrasing) "you need to learn to deal with feeling like crap instead of trying to change it" again.

Bizi ! I’m so sorry that your dealing with long term pain. I have trouble with both my knees . One I do have a slightly torn meniscus m. I have no desire for surgery. My other knee is fine on MRI but it is always painful. I’m unable to kneel down because the pain is brutal. I hate that your dealing with the pain Great job on AF

Nammu ! Well that sucks they don’t have a PT position I’m so glad you went ahead and took the 10mg . You desperately needed so solid sleep.

Otroo .. Awwww that’s so great that you adopted a baby from a shelter ! Adorable !

Soupe. Oh hun glad you are feeling a bit better. I really wish your husband who get himself together and be proactive about making calls and getting things in order for making this move. I think I would have yelled also. How’s your nephew doing ? Any better ?! Take good care of you.

Fuzzy I bet the dresses are pretty ! Enjoy !

Jennifer. Ahhh floating yes you need it now more than ever. This weeks weather looks brutal. I’m glad your Sister brought lunch. Sorry she had to be a jerk but good for you being able to ignore. Stay cool

Beth. Yes moving to Venice beach sounds wonderful. I can just imagine you out skating 7 days a week !! Hang in there

Aurelius. Isn’t daily life bumps in the road annoying. Hope things settle down soon.

Muddy I’m so sorry things aren’t going as easy as you’d like. Try and keep plugging away.

Hallie. I think you doing in person with M makes the most sense.

Rainbow ! Have you settled back into your normal routine away from the great kitty hunter??

Has anyone seen Wild lately ?! I’m missing her.

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I’m just not feeling so hot the last 2 day. Lousy headache that just doesn’t want to ease up. Not a migraine just sinus and this weather isn’t helping.

I didn’t get out to call Voc Rehab today nor get my meds at the pharmacy.

Tomorrow I just need to go whether I feel like it or

I’m not really sure what type of job I want. I think I’ll probably take about anything that’s not fast food or Hellmart and something physically I can do. Looking online so the Typical’s CVS, Walgreens, Dollar General are hiring. Our Goodwill is hiring but I really don’t like that company at all. I’d prefer to get a office job so that’s going to be positions that Voc Rehab would likely have info on.

Steve isn’t thrilled about my working and certainly not my wanting full time. We have to get his truck back on the road. Payoff medical bills, etc etc and I want to get as much as possible into savings. I only have 9 months that I can work as much as I want then I’ll need to drop to PT. I’d love to be able to get off SSDI but I know I can’t continue to work full time and more so I can’t lose my Medicare. I have far to many serious health problems.

Steve and I both felt bad we couldn’t get each other a gift for our anniversary. Even something tiny…. so I bake him a cake ( yes we can only have tiny pieces ) I was busy with laundry and asked him to frost it and he did this…
That cake means more to me than any gift he could have gotten me

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@christinaAwwww 🥰 what a lovely thing for Steve to do!

Today I think I drank a liquid luck potion. Boy, I tell you one nights good sleep is a strong potion. Went to aqua fitness then to fitness. Everyone was like, where were you? In a good way. They liked my new swimsuit too although I don’t like it as much as the old one, I really needed a new one. Driving was a breeze today. Met no cars on the corner where they are doing construction, which is good. It’s kind of a tricky spot to tear out half the road. Then when I gave blood it went smoothly. They changed up their ezee pass so now there’s an option to email it to yourself instead of printing it. The woman who set me up had mad skill with the needle. Never felt a thing. I wonder what Lady Luck will bring me next?

Rainbow ! Have you settled back into your normal routine away from the great kitty hunter??

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I'm in my routine now but yesterday I was at my sister's for my nieces' birthday party. The cat had killed a bird....She's something else. I'm just glad I didn't have to clean it up!