Bipolar check-in #68

I took one of the two 10 mg tablets I had left. I slept after a fashion. It still took hours to fall asleep. I did dream but I’m not sure what, it’s retreated from my consciousness . I did wake up when my alarm went off, but with a head full of noise. I will be going to aqua fitness this morning, yeah. Yay 😁

I don't have many of my own words but this song describes it:

I’m not in good shape. I’m reticent to even communicate with my daughter which usually boosts my mood and I’ve retreated to the bed. That’s an old red flag from years ago when I was bedridden. Just trying to hang in there. Hope I come out of it soon.

Jennifer- you have our love and support. You'll get through the other side of this and get back to feeling yourself soon enough. Distress tolerance is a skill that's been helping me a lot lately. Much love to you

Bean's being cute and wants to cheer everybody up:
sleepybean.jpeg

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour Yesterday my husband's nephew responded to our lunch invitation with the equivalent of a "maybe". Sadly, that's how he often replies. We have so much stress right now that we have no room for such responses. I suggested to Hubby to respond and tell him that and that we'll try to meet up with him some other day. It seems to us that many people (particularly young), more and more, give such responses. It's a very bad trend, in our view. Hubby is so stressed today that he's just sleeping. The clock is ticking before we must make a decision on some things. It would be easier if we didn't have so much stuff to move with us. This "stuff" is like an albatross around our necks. I hope Hubby outlives me, because if he doesn't, I'll have a hell of a job getting rid of most of the stuff. His stuff. Or, maybe I'll just run away with a few suitcases and let people ransack what's left. My brother has had heart issues for a few years now. It's notably weakened him, psychologically. My sister said he's again dealing with Afib. I sent him a brief email wishing him well. The briefer the more likely he responds. I am worried about the dude because of many things. I also fear that someday when our father passes, the challenges of such events will be exacerbated by issues pertaining to our brother. I won't go into them, but why must everything be so challenging?

It does often seem that everything is so very challenging. I agree with you. I know it's ridiculous to blame "one man" - but it seems to me that DT ushered in, or was ushered in by, a massive wave of strangeness that has caused even personal events to be stickier. Call it collective unconscious or...whatever.


Absolutely - there is almost no doubt that young people tend to give the "maybe" response to invitations nowadays. I experience exactly that with my own kids and it's very confusing and hurtful. As their mom I definitely deserve better treatment. It certainly makes for resentment on my part.


I've mentioned before that I was in a home invasion 7 years ago. It was a horrifying experience and I thank the Universe that my cats, rat, and I made it out okay. Besides a box of family photos I lost almost every possession I owned. It's hard, really painful. That said, I have survived quite well without all the "stuff." A severe letting-go of stuff can be done and we do survive it.

I'm so sorry about your brother's health issue.

To end how I began...why must everything be so challenging.....

Aww, kisses to Bean, @MuddyBoots

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967 I’m not in good shape. I’m reticent to even communicate with my daughter which usually boosts my mood and I’ve retreated to the bed. That’s an old red flag from years ago when I was bedridden. Just trying to hang in there. Hope I come out of it soon.

It hurts to know you're in such a bad place right now, Jennifer. I continue to send you love, prayers, and hope.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ...

I wish I had some great suggestions for you. I'm having the same issue with Gabapentin. It has helped my anxiety miraculously, but it causes me to be horribly nauseated. Eating has become a nightmare, yet if I don't eat I feel unwell. La Croix was helping, but it's not really doing much anymore. But I do mix La Croix with orange juice and at least I don't get sick from it. Basically, a banana with yogurt is all I can eat now that doesn't make me nauseated. I ate a salad and I was lying on the bed moaning, I felt so sick.

Have you tried ginger tea, or peppermint and ginger tea together?

I drink peppermint tea along with fennel and licorice teas which are good for your stomach. I drank a sparkling water for lunch. Yeah I ate a salad as well, and I just felt so fatigued after I fell asleep and woke up 1.5 hours later drenched in sweat. Like my shirt was so soaked I had to change into another one and my bed was soaked too. Honestly its a bit scary because its like I'm just assuming its the prestiq but like what if something else is going on. I've been eating some little cheese wedges which have helped and then apple sauce too.

Theres this restaurant I've been wanting to go to for 2 years for fish and chips so I'm hoping to be able to just force myself to go.

I finally had to go to the store, so I ventured out into the outdoor oven. People look dazed. I did find a darling little park that will be perfect to skate in when the weather cools down.

I have another fraudulent charge on my bank account. *sigh* I had one last month, got a new debit card, now I have to destroy the new card and get yet another card.

I don't know yet how the lithium is affecting me.

Oh! We've had a HUGE blessing! David has been granted 100% disability from effects he has due to his time as a grunt in Vietnam. He certainly deserves the disability - and so do I, for various reasons. This eases up so much stress I have. For example, if David dies, now I'll have enough money to pay rent. And now I'm eligible for VA healthcare, which I'm pretty sure includes dental and optometry, 2 types of coverage I so need, but haven't had. And lots of other stuff. Amazing, amazing!

Love all around~**~**~***~~*~

Great to hear it Beth! I’m glad he was finally able to get it. Insurance is fantastic (and should be available to everyone but I digress) and I’m glad you know have dental and vision. I went to America’s Best and I still had to pay $250 because my prescription is so high! Plus I have a very small head (I could fit in CR’s toddler snow hat easily when he was small) so I’m limited in the frames I can get

I had a good day. I went to the gym, I put my clothes away as well as put the laundry I spilled nail polish remover in the wash AND dryer. I miss my blanket! The A/C in the house makes me cold sometimes and I just like to cuddle with a soft blanket at times.

I’ve almost closed all my rings on my Apple Watch which I haven’t done in weeks. It feels good to be active. Unfortunately the heat and humidity will hit again tomorrow for the next foreseeable future. I just hope it doesn’t get up to 100 degrees again! Beth, I feel you! I live in a more northern state so it’s not as constant as it is for you. It’s cooler at night now, cool enough to let fresh air in.

I have to take Cheeto, my long haired cat into the groomers. He’s a big guy and he can’t really get to his hindquarters to groom. I’m supposed to brush him of course but haven’t been and now he’s matted back there. Thing is he also laid in molasses that was spilled in the basement because he likes causing chaos. So that’s right in the middle…and I’m thinking he’s gonna end up completely shaved haha! He’s going to look silly with random patches shaved but he will still look silly completely shaved! I think he’s going to be pretty mad at me lol. I wish I knew how to post pictures here!

Wildflower thanks for that image! a random shaved long haired cat 🐈

Well, i went in to my drop-in today and the guy i am interested in wasn't there. But i had a great time anyways talking to another guy who is very educational. I feel i will get the equivalent of a Masters Degree talking to this guy! He's married so it's not romantic but that's okay. It was nice to see others as well and i got many compliments on the ultra-feminine outfit i wore. The bus there and back was bearable, i put my noise-cancelling earpods on and close my eyes. The route is familiar after all these years so i can tell where we are from the movements of the bus. I cooked another pot of rice and beans and put veggies in this time too and it's excellent. So nice to have plentiful, affordable food in the house. Hugs and kisses all around!

So, my first day seemed to go pretty well and went by pretty quick! Not much has changed in the prepaid phone sphere since I last worked it, so most of my knowledge was still current. My supervisor was actually trying to get me (and herself) out of the next training day as there wasn't anything she could really teach me. That, and we're actually stepping on each other's toes a bit. Trying to figure out who takes lead on a sale and all that. There's sales quotas, but if the days shape up to be like the one I had, that won't be an issue at all!

After tomorrow, I have the reigns. It's all on my own initiative. No one to watch over me, which I'm okay with. Micromanagers have been a dime a dozen in my life recently. It'll be nice to be left to it!

My rumbling stomach tells me I have not had dinner! Gotta figure out what to eat!

PS: I did notice my thought processes being a bit ping-pong-y today. Probably first day jitters, but something for me to keep an eye on.

Such good news! I’m so pleased for you!

I am at the pharmacy waiting. Apparently they said ACT team has to see what meds I’m on before I can pick them up (they can’t ask my doctor??). the sadistic assholes are definitely switching my meds with placebos to keep themselves in business.

Off to my dads to get my shyt He shouldn’t be home. I think I’m just gonna spend the day at the library and sleep in my car and meet my peer support specialist at Dunkins or the park or something tomorrow (it’s usually at my dads).

Going to start going to NA Meetings again. More so to meet people in recovery than going through the steps. Honestly just wanna find someone to crash with when I have to comedown here for appointments and picking up meds.

Do you live in a single storey place or in a block of units up high? Just wondering coz I’d be too scared to leave my windows open at night and I live in a country town where it’s meant to be safe. I always turn my aircon on for a while before bed to cool it down and then sleep with the fan on. Wish electricity was cheap enough so we could all sleep with the aircon on! I hope it cools down for you soon!

I got the trash out this morning and I’m about to head to the pool. It’s a start. I feel somewhat better. If I try to stay active today, I might be alright. I had a good session with my therapist last night. She really opened my eyes to a few things. I do struggle with depression/bipolar disorder and I have since I was very young. No matter how much I build up my mind, I may have to accept that I’ll have bouts of depression for as long as I live. I can learn to manage it better but I need to accept facts. I may not completely fix it. It’s not realistic that I’ll never be depressed again - particularly after something like my recent loss. Oddly, that helped me feel better and stop beating up on myself for being down.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Thank you for the support.

If you can’t eat much on pristiiq maybe you could try and make sure you’re eating higher calorie foods with more nutrition. That way you can still eat small amounts but get the energy and nutrition your body needs. Or just eat the calories and get the nutrition from supplements if you really have to. Not ideal but better than going without. Your body needs the fuel!

I’ve been really sick from meds and haven’t been able to keep things down including my tablets (the meds making me sick are injections and liquid medicine) and the one thing that helped was Vegemite and butter / margarine on cruskits (a type of biscuit / cracker). I know Vegemite is an Australian thing but apparently Amazon sells it in the us. It’s an acquired taste though and you only use a little bit of it. But yeah just a suggestion if anyone is ever really stuck. Someone else suggested it to me so it’s worked for a few people.

Edit: I mean it helps as in to give you something to eat that you can stomach.

Mountaindewed have you tried ginger ale or NA ginger beer (even more ginger than ale)? I know you’re a soda man. Anything with ginger should help if your nauseous and the bubbles typically help even more. Then there’s ginger candy too (my go-to bc the flavor is so intense). And I second the idea of eating high calorie foods too. Ditch the slim fasts those won’t help.

I had some breaded walleye. No clue on the calories but there was plenty of nutrients.

I did actually buy some black cherry ginger soda early this morning. I've been drinking the premier protein shakes as well which have 30 grams of protein. Those are my go to instead of the Slim Fasts when I need legit protein but can't eat. Today I had breaded walleye and some fries. I ate the walleye. I ate some of the fries. I'm not sure what else I'll eat. I managed to not take the Prestiq yet so I'm still functioning.

My uncles girlfriend deadnamed me this morning. It was just me and her in the kitchen and I was so taken aback by it I stumbled on answering her and she asked me to repeat myself. I haven't been dead named in a long time. She doesn't mean anything she just slipped up. It was an accident. She's accepting and stuff she is just a cancer survivor and she seems very tired and worn out and not happy on this trip. My uncle isn't very happy with her since she is preventing him from having fun.

But I seem to have forgotten what the severe anxiety and agoraphobia I had before felt like. As I said before its just the fatigue and loss of appetite mainly now. I am getting a lot of sun and heat and my stomach med my gastro doctor prescribes says to really avoid the heat. I've been walking a ton but today I feel ok but I haven't taken the Prestiq yet and its getting late. When I take it though I just get this type of fatigue that like radiates through my entire body and I feel it deep in my bones but after a 12 hour sleep I am ok until I take it again. I've never felt anything quite like this. I am curious what I weigh now after all the walking and stuff.