Bipolar check-in #69

So, I called the SSI/Disability lawyers yesterday morning for an update. They had none when I called, but I received an email from Social Security about a change in status last night and I'm nervous to open it and see. I'm used to bad results. I'm so used to having to fight any agency tooth and nail for any kind of help or (Let's be fair.) dignity, my mind can't picture any kind of change. I'll call the lawyers again later this morning. I'd rather have a friendly face (or someone in my corner, at least) deliver the news and advise me on next steps.

My mom is asking me to play chauffeur this morning, which an unusual development for recent days. A lot of it is normal errands and tasks for her, but there is something involving her personal finances and my dad that is not sitting right with me. Remember my dad deciding I needed to pay him back for money freely given to help cover vehicle costs because he felt spited? I hope I'm wrong, but I'm sensing that same dynamic with the two of them involving a much larger sum of money. Money he definitely has, but she can't really afford to lose. We'll see in a couple of hours.

On a personal note, I've got my MRI scheduled for this time next week. My hope is that the scan will either find no problems or problems that can be easily addressed. Either/or I'll take.

We’re taking mom’s car - a VW Passat - in to the VW dealership Thursday. The check engine light keeps coming on. Uh oh! It’s been fixed with new parts 4 times now by 2 different mechanics. It’s the car I drive mom around in and the car I drive as my car’s heat/air is out and I haven’t had it looked at yet. My thought is that will cost a lot of money to fix. Money I’ll need to save up for. Head in the sand. Lots of car trouble going around here on the forum lately.

I bought a vacation package from Hilton dirt cheap almost a year ago when I stayed there a couple of nights. Why? I don’t know. Senseless really. They caught me at the right time. Anyway, it’s 4 days and 3 nights at your choice of 12 different places that includes New Orleans, Las Vegas, the Berkshires, Orlando, Scottsdale, Lake Tahoe, etc. With everything that’s gone on the past year, it’s almost expired and I haven’t used it. The only possible destination I could possibly fit in at this time is….the Smokies (my second home). That would make 3 trips to the Smokies this Fall/Winter. Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful. I’d just much prefer the other places I’ve listed. Places I’ve never been. I’m reminding myself that this past year was tough and there was no way to use the package before now. I sincerely hope it works out that we can go. Fingers crossed.

I feel like the me that existed before my brother got so sick and I became heavily involved in keeping him alive. Actually, I feel better than the me that was. I’ve become stronger, wiser and bolder. It’s an incredible feeling and so very welcome. Long time coming.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day.

@*Beth* Thank you for your thorough response in post #467 regarding the Queen’s service. Yes, I agree, a gift but also can be a curse. The richness and depth of the life experience is wonderful…the pain not so much. It’s of great comfort that someone else has that issue and understands. I appreciate you.

Thank you for your kind comments about my drawing Beth and Sunflower

I drew again today, this time I drew myself and my cats

Your drawing makes me smile @Blue_Bird Your cats and your shoes are adorable.

Aww blue bird 🐦 that’s adorable 🥰

Somehow I missed your post yesterday @BeyondtheRainbow. I well remember what you went through. It was harrowing - to say the least. And now you've been hit with another scary bit of information. When odds for breast cancer are high it just plain sucks. The stress. I have no where near the situation you do, but I can understand somewhat because Ashkenazi Jewish women have a higher rate of breast cancer than other populations of women do, my sister had breast cancer when she was only 52, and I have "dense" breasts, which they make a big deal of that gives me the creeps.

It gives me relief for you that you are being followed so closely. On one hand, all the tests must be nerve-wracking, but logically the tests and other measures are (as you know) a smart way to deal with your higher-then-normal risk.

As always, I'm sending hope for love and peace of mind

Boy, mum’s not doing well today. She had a blood draw today and got up at 8( 10am is normal for her) and was barely ready at 11:30 when we had to go. I hope she’s better for her appointment Thursday.

As for me I’m doing pretty good. Had 2.5 mg ambien and slept maybe 5 hours which is pretty good for me. Was able to get up and go to aqua fitness.

My mom kinda said I could get a dog when I turned 30. I was being very stubborn for a long time and I said I wanted a large dog and I wanted a purebred of some sorts. Yeah I was acting super snobbish. Then the other day I realized I just wanted a small rescue dog from the shelter that would love me. So I told my mom my expectations were way lower then they had been and she is starting to warm up to the idea. I'm thinking around Jack Russel terrier size. My mom says that size isn't bad. I showed her a picture of a terrier similar to Toto from Wizard Of Oz and she said she doesn't want anything that needs brushing or needs to go to the groomers.

My sister had her ultrasound today and I guess everything is still good. I'm getting antsy though. I was also kinda hoping I'd get to do my therapy session virtual since I've done some dieting and weight related things she may not be super happy about. Basically I over did it while working out yesterday yet still lost weight when I weighed myself this morning. I thought you gained weight in muscle when you worked out. Idk. I know my eating hasn't been the best these last 3 days. Its been confusing. I can for sure feel yesterdays work out though.

I opened the door to the front porch to grab a food delivery and gently placed against the door step was my opened Amazon package that went missing from my mailbox. Of course it included eye drops and specific vitamins so I’d be afraid to use them but somebody had a conscience. Good to know. That just beats all!

Glad you’re doing well. I hope your mom does better. Thinking of you both.

I wish I had a helpful crisis line to call. One that will actually help. I desperately need help, but everything I've come across in my life has led up to THERE IS NO ****ING HELP!

@*Beth* How did the appointment go? How are you feeling?

I’m so sorry. I don’t know how to help but I support you and I care.

I find that warm lines can sometimes be more helpful than crisis lines if you just want someone to talk to. Problem is they don't operate 24/7.

Here is a list: Warmline Directory

If I wanted to talk I'd talk to someone. I just want someone to....I don't know...tell me how to make it all stop.

The warmline in my area only operates 5 hours a day (the five hours I can't ****ing talk), not now.

Like I said, no help.

I also wish my ACT person didn't stand me up for four "appointments" straight.

If there was a GuruJohn.com, I'd certainly refer you! But being stood up four appointments is certainly malpractice. I hope you find the peace you're looking for.

Hope Mum is bright eyed and bushy tailed tomorrow. Glad you got at least some sleep!

I’m really wishing there was someplace her to do aqua fitness I think it would really help me . But ahhh the joy of small town living I guess

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Oh everyone I want to respond to everyone but today my pain is just awful.

Oh a HUGE ! Happy note Steve found some kind of plug on the trucks AC unit that was upside down so it has AC !!!!! He drove it around the block ( which is almost 7 miles !) and it’s going to go through gas a lot quicker so I won’t use it unless I’m dying from heat. But what a blessing.

We have a few days coming up high 80’s and lows in the 50’s !!

COME ON IN FALL !

Hugs to each of you

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Hugs to you as well.

I’m sorry about your pain. I so hope it improves.

Amen and PTL for Steve fixing that AC. Fabulous!

Please take good care of you.

Well I drove my new to me car to downtown city today. It did great! I was nervous the whole time!

My sister supported me through the process but this crv is in MY NAME!!!’

Congratulations 🎈🎉🎊!!!

Congrats on the car!

Oh, isn’t that a wonderful feeling! Congratulations 🎉

Ooohhhh darn! I answered inside the quote!