Bipolar check-in #69

Nope. Nothing in the walls. Breathe 🧘*♀️

My mom asked me to dogsit her dog this afternoon for about 4 hours. She was in the closet the whole time with her blow up donut around her neck just staring into space. She had something on her leg removed this morning.

While she slept, I laid down under three relatively heavy blankets and napped myself. My mom keeps the ac so cold in her house. It was very cozy and comfy.

About an hour before I expected, my mom's husband came home. THEN the dog came out of the closet to greet him.

The last time I had people in my walls, my pdoc had to talk me down. I hope your people go away soon- perhaps with a prn?

I'm visiting Chicago this weekend with my family. First time there. Going to visit the bean and other places. I need the break!

Also getting renovations done. My bedroom and bathroom. It's expensive but it'll be nice once it's done.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Oh everyone I want to respond to everyone but today my pain is just awful. Oh a HUGE ! Happy note Steve found some kind of plug on the trucks AC unit that was upside down so it has AC !!!!! He drove it around the block ( which is almost 7 miles !) and it’s going to go through gas a lot quicker so I won’t use it unless I’m dying from heat. But what a blessing. We have a few days coming up high 80’s and lows in the 50’s !! COME ON IN FALL ! Hugs to each of you Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Ohhh, a/c in your car, what a blessing. Several of the cars I owned when I was younger didn't have a/c. I sure didn't like it, but I managed. Now, no way. I'd get heat exhaustion. I am SO glad you will be cool while driving...not that you weren't already cool

Whoa, FOUR? @MuddyBoots, that is just wrong. When my therapist has missed 4 consecutive appointments I was unglued. I feel for you, I really do.

@wildflowerchild25, how did your evaluation go?

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’m awake now! I came close to going back to bed this morning, but I preserved and went to aqua fitness. Boy was it a work out today! So I’m awake and refreshed now. Mum was up again when I came home! That was a surprise. But she went back to bed now. I’m worried about her. She talks often now about not being here for Christmas. I think her younger brother being in the hospital and the death of the queen has really done a number on her outlook. I remember from a class in college that it’s common for old people to talk of death, but this is different than usual and she’s so tired. She does have a diagnosis of major depression, but they didn’t treat it. No talk therapy or meds. At 94 meds might be dangerous but surely they could do talk therapy?

That's rough. Seems to me they could give her a small dose of an AD. It's cruel that she has to live with depression - definitely a common cause for elderly people to give up sooner.

When my grandmother was 100 years old she was in a lot of pain from arthritis. My cousin suggested that the doctor prescribe an opiate. He refused because "she could become addicted." My not-to-be-screwed-with cousin's reply to him was, "Oh, well, I'm sure she'll do all she can to score more painkillers...you know, like sell her body on street corners."

I guess that hit his reality button, because he prescribed the opiate. My grandmother lived another 6 months after that and never once (to our knowledge) did she turn to prostitution to get her drug fix.

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots They're hiding in the walls, trying to assimilate

Nope. Just no, and that's the reality, Boots.

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Originally Posted by otroo ...

Aw, your little pal is a cutie! You gave him a wonderful new life. You're a good man, otroo.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ...

I feel bad for you with regard to the urinary retention. I have it to a degree and it's very annoying and uncomfortable. It's a fact that lack of sleep can cause a more frequent urge to pee, btw.

So your sis has about a week then she's looking at October

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Originally Posted by Sunflower123 So yeah….was getting dressed to take mom to the doctor. Found out she randomly poured bleach on my best clothes and started the cycle again. ALL my favorite stuff. Hadn’t really budgeted for that but will order some new clothes online. Was miffed at first but I can see the amusement of it now. Still going to hide that bleach from now on though. Ha!

I definitely vote for hiding the bleach.

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Originally Posted by Scooter9 I'm visiting Chicago this weekend with my family. First time there. Going to visit the bean and other places. I need the break! Also getting renovations done. My bedroom and bathroom. It's expensive but it'll be nice once it's done.

Have a blast! I hear great things about Chicago.

Yeah that, line is used on terminal patients too. They might become addicted. They are dying! Let them be pain free! When I was at the U I worked as a CNA and had a lady so crippled with arthritis it was so painful for her yet they wouldn’t give her anything because she was mostly mute. We knew she was in pain, she cried when we had to move her. If the stupid doctor had ever done more than just look at her chart he could have seen her pain. Gah 😩 that was so frustrating. .

But they've been talking to me all day and night. Telling me what to do, what not to do, following me around, putting bad thoughts in my head, threatening to burn the house down....

I'm finally checking in. Seems like it's been a long time for some reason.

I'm totally off the Luvox. No more nausea, and body aches are not too bad, not at all what they were. Some "brain zaps" but they're also lessening a lot. The (I'll be frank) diarrhea stopped for a whole day with 1 dose of Imodium. It's (so far) not as bad as it was. I had blood labs done today and have to do a (I'll be frank) stool sample.

I just hope and pray this entire stomach thing is due to medication. I am so, so frightened to be truly sick because I have no one in the entire world to take care of my cats, no one to take care of me. But especially my cats. People get taken care of, somehow.

David will take out my garbage, bring in my mail, give me rides (usually), and do some grocery shopping. He'll bring heavier items up from my car. I honestly can't think of anything else. Oh - after I had achilles surgery he did my laundry, and he was actually kind about it. I so appreciated that. God forbid I have to be in the hospital, forget it.

Possible trigger:

I might as well kill myself and my precious little family living with me here, because there isn't anyone. It terrifies me.

When our children were born he managed to make it into the hospital to see the baby and I (I was in for a week each time) just before visiting hours ended. I kept telling myself that at least he was showing up every night. My family were "making comments" and I was sooo embarrassed, because...they were correct.

I get that he has mental health problems. I know that and I feel so bad for him. But...somehow he does manage to do what he really, really wants to do. I have worked very hard for 4 decades not to be bitter, but to have faith in the Universe and keep love alive in my life. It's a daily job.

I'm sorry, I'm really venting. I'm trying to calm down, but I'm so anxious. Scared.

I have a therapy session tomorrow, then med dude. I'm angry at the clinic where med dude is. When I kept calling them for an earlier appointment they should have listened to me and it was flat-out irresponsible that they didn't. It's the same receptionist and I'm going to complain about her. The other 2 are kinder. I'm going to tell him that before he rags on me for changing meds on my own.

Well, we had almost TWO days of rain storms! Like AC/DC: THUN-DAH

The humidity was up, though. That's another new climate thing here...humidity. But, the 70's. I knew the temperature would creep back up into the 80's, though. Nah. By next week it'll be in the 90's! We'll be going into another October with hot days. Autumn begins tomorrow, though!

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Originally Posted by MuddyBoots But they've been talking to me all day and night. Telling me what to do, what not to do, following me around, putting bad thoughts in my head, threatening to burn the house down....

How about Moose's suggestion, a prn?

No. As Beth said….not reality. Please take good care of yourself.

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Originally Posted by Nammu Yeah that, line is used on terminal patients too. They might become addicted. They are dying! Let them be pain free! When I was at the U I worked as a CNA and had a lady so crippled with arthritis it was so painful for her yet they wouldn’t give her anything because she was mostly mute. We knew she was in pain, she cried when we had to move her. If the stupid doctor had ever done more than just look at her chart he could have seen her pain. Gah 😩 that was so frustrating. .

It is disgusting. Inhumane.

Can't. Have thorazine (gave me TD recently) and Invega (allergic), so I'm AP-less. I guess it's possible it's not reality given that. It's also possible all this mental illness crap is BS and my body really has been chosen to become host of the devil.

8 days and I don't have the energy to finish packing. Still no idea if the transfer will go through we have only 2 apartments opened now. I'm so scared. I really don't want to go but we can't stay here. My parents want us to give it another year but I have to look at what's best for all of us. My dad said a lot of things about how Miguel wont be able to compete for jobs because he couldn't find one here. They're being really pessimistic to everyone. They don't want us living there but it has everything we need except the weather. They want to pickup Miguel because they don't believe our car will make it. And they don't trust the post office to deliver our stuff properly. I'm scared, stressed, looking at changing my complete life for better and worse. But we need to do this at least temporarily but honestly I'm not going to want to pack up again and move cross country. I need support from the closest family and everyone is against it. Shouldn't they be happy we're trying to get out of poverty? to make big moves I need to go where their is a large support network. Things we want to do here just wont work if we stay.

Super relieved to have no car for 4 days. What a relief! Simple living. Going to get some things accomplished around the house.

In other news, M is traveling alone in Chicago for business. She is particularly beautiful and I am a true crime aficionado. I know lots of stories and facts. Probably doesn’t help. I fool myself that my concern magically keeps her safe. She’ll be back Saturday.

Been really struggling today. One year ago I made a serious attempt. Why and how I survived I don’t know.

I have enormous guilt over putting my husband and friends through it all.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I wish I could wrap you in a gentle hug. I’m so glad you’re here with us now. You’re a gift and a blessing. I can understand your enormous guilt and I’m sorry you feel that. If I could take it away I would.

Its an induced or whatever they are called c section. So it will for sure be born on the 27th if not before. I really wanted it to come in October but with my sisters complications its just not safe for the baby.

I've been on the phone with someone from ACT all night/morning with her trying to help me get to sleep. Fell asleep and woke up maybe 10 or 15 minutes later She said she'll try to get someone from the actual team (she was just on-call) to call me and check in once they actually open up. Idk what they can do. Everything feels simultaneously intense and unreal.

Edit: So idk when I should be expecting a call. She made it seem like they would call around 8am when they start doing official business but it's 8:42AM.

Also it's 59dF, raining, and I'm loving it.