Bipolar check-in #69

Moose72 · Oct 04, 2022, 12:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by *Beth*

I called my N2 son yesterday for his 34th birthday. He's in NYC for work (and for a wedding). Fortunately, I caught him just after a meeting and before his birthday dinner. He and Kim had reservations at some famous Japanese restaurant that I cannot recall the name of.

Anyway, we had a wonderful talk. Noah is such an easy man to talk to. He's a terrific listener and a thinking responder. I wish I found every man throughout my life so easy to be with

Peace~

I feel similarly about my Noah. We get along like gang busters! We have lots of similar interests and we just get along well! Well except when he's being stubborn - then we clash and he absolutely digs his heels in and won't budge. He even once shut the door in my face! Mostly though we are best buds. I have always been very close to him.

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2022, 01:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

Thanks, I’m trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and do more things socially. I figured volunteering would be a good thing to do in general and also could help me get out of my shell. So I can eventually go back to college and also get a part time job. As nervous as it makes me sometimes it really helps me overall, I feel better mentally after I’ve volunteered.

That’s a good idea about the cat litter, because I don’t have a car and have to walk everywhere so when I get litter and cat food I usually have to carry it home in a back pack and bags and take several trips and it’s really heavy. I may do that next time, thanks for the tip

How are you doing today?

I’m glad you had a good talk on the phone with your son

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I had always volunteered in one way or another, up until covid hit. I miss volunteering; it's on my list, so to speak.

I volunteered at a social service agency for at-risk teens, was named as volunteer of the year, and landed a job I loved with the agency. I found that that many times a vol job can lead to a job position.

Oh, my gosh! It's all I can do to drag cat litter up the stairs to my apartment! How on earth are you carrying it around on your back or in a bag? Please do check Amazon - also some local pet stores will deliver litter, food, toys, etc. The pet store near me (it's a chain store that I can never remember the name of) dose same-day delivery. It's excellent.

Thank you. Yes, talking with Noah was such a treat.

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2022, 01:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72

I feel similarly about my Noah. We get along like gang busters! We have lots of similar interests and we just get along well! Well except when he's being stubborn - then we clash and he absolutely digs his heels in and won't budge. He even once shut the door in my face! Mostly though we are best buds. I have always been very close to him.

Noah is such an ancient, beautiful name. I think most Noah's must be special people.

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2022, 01:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed

My mom claims it looks fine. She gave me a big bandaid to put over it so my jeans wouldn't rub on it. I got my endocronlogist appointment moved up to the end of October. Its hard to tell if this is legit high hematrcrit type stuff I'm dealing with or just me freaking out about work and turning my anxiety subconsicously into physical issues. I swear yesterday some eerie voice told me to go to the doctor. But idk. Maybe I just made that up. I had a feeling this morning someone was going to die and then Loretta Lynn died and I was like "yeah, didn't see that coming."

She was 90 and died of old age. Still, another person I will miss sharing the planet with.

I think I've been doing the anxiety into health issues, lately. I hate it.

~Christina · Oct 04, 2022, 05:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123

My DBT therapist has definitively ruled out BPD. That’s two now. I like her a lot. We’re working on ruling in or out BD. There is a lot of laughter (which is important to me), a good flow to the sessions and much synergy. She always gives me homework and says I way overdeliver. She is an overachiever. She thinks I take it to a whole new level. Yep. Story of my life.

She used to be a social worker and knows about a bunch of cool clubs around my area. She’d like me to start building support systems and tribes in my own local area and not as much online. I turned down the birdwatchers group (not my thing) but I do like the ladies who do art while drinking wine. I told her I’ve got a coed book club, coed grief class, 2 ladies who lunch groups, a bible study with 240 women in it, a coed drum circle and the red tent already plus going to the movies once a week and the gym 5 times a week. I don’t know how I could comfortably fit in more but try I will.

She’s warned me that it will all have to be put on a back burner if I pursue my PhD. I’m weighing my options. I do like my various tribes. I figured out through these interactions that I’m not an introvert after all but rather an ambivert. I sit right on the line. Interesting progression as I used to be a very reclusive introvert with social anxiety. I’ve evolved.

I’m slightly ham strung with some of the things I can do because at this time I need to be locked in tight in the house before dark and stay there until it is light in the morning. It restricts your sense of freedom and is quite frustrating. It will become even more restrictive as the days grow short. ADT is in place as are the motion activated spot lights and the ring tone doorbell camera. S is living here now and that is of great comfort to both mom and I. He is a very kind soul to give up his man cave and various other accouterments for as long as it takes to help us out. Two independent Taurus women. My daughter makes a third independent Taurus woman. Poor guy. I’m surprised he doesn’t run out of the house screaming.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day ahead. Much love.

You never cease to amaze me with such self aware and drive to improve your life on many levels. I’m in Awe !

I’m glad ADT is back up and running and S sounds like a lovely man. Yes he might be out numbered LOL

When are you Headed to the mountains?! Enjoy every minute with M

Much love

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~Christina · Oct 04, 2022, 05:18 PM

Beautiful picture Thank you sharing ! go take bounce and have some fun !! Hehehe

Rural are can be nice for the peace and quiet vs city life but I must say it was adjustment for us. Now I dread having to drive into Nashville which I haven’t gone other than when Ive needed IP that’s kind of a LOL

I hope the friend doesn’t push you to make decisions. Renovations are costly and you won’t want regrets of choices down the road.

Take good care

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~Christina · Oct 04, 2022, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Blue_Bird

I’m up early doing some laundry and listening to music.

My mood is pretty good today. I’m a little nervous because I’m volunteering tomorrow. Hoping it goes well again. It will be okay.

I’m doing well on the meds I’m on for the most part, my moods are a lot more stable and I haven’t had psychosis or mania in quite some time thankfully. Now I just have really bad anxiety and some occasional paranoia. I’m mostly able to use my coping skills to deal with it. Though sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Anyway my plans for today are to go to the store because I need to buy some cat food and cat litter and some food for myself. Then I’m getting on the treadmill and exercising. Then I’m cleaning my apartment.

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I love that your doing so well and pushing to do things ! Fantastic

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~Christina · Oct 04, 2022, 05:40 PM

I’m still struggling with losing My Sirius. I know it will take time but wow it hurts. Our furbabies should live so much longer. I’m forever grateful that he passed away in my arms and not in some scary vets office.

The radiator in the truck is broken beyond repair

Steve ordered one the other day so it should be here Friday ( fingers crossed) Once again its good I don’t have a job yet. But come on life give me a break already !

I hope everyone is just doing the best they can

This is from a camping trip 8 years ago. He LOVED the lake ! Was almost impossible to keep him out of it. Great memories Bipolar check-in #69

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Nammu · Oct 04, 2022, 06:17 PM

Great pic Christina! Yeah, you deserve a break. Man!

Sunflower123 · Oct 04, 2022, 06:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

You never cease to amaze me with such self aware and drive to improve your life on many levels. I’m in Awe !

I’m glad ADT is back up and running and S sounds like a lovely man. Yes he might be out numbered LOL

When are you Headed to the mountains?! Enjoy every minute with M

Much love

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you for your kind comments. I really appreciate you.

I’m meeting my daughter the weekend after this one for 5 days. I can’t wait. It will be nice to see her, nice to get away from everything, nice to ride horses, zip lines and do some hiking to waterfalls. It hasn’t failed me one time that of the 40 odd years I’ve been going, I see bears and so very many deer. It’s lovely.

It’s been a great day but long. I was up posting in the forum from midnight - 2:30. I never did get to sleep. We’re turning in. Hopefully there will be no nocturnal posting again tonight.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love.

Sunflower123 · Oct 04, 2022, 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m still struggling with losing My Sirius. I know it will take time but wow it hurts. Our furbabies should live so much longer. I’m forever grateful that he passed away in my arms and not in some scary vets office.

The radiator in the truck is broken beyond repair

Steve ordered one the other day so it should be here Friday ( fingers crossed) Once again its good I don’t have a job yet. But come on life give me a break already !

I hope everyone is just doing the best they can

This is from a camping trip 8 years ago. He LOVED the lake ! Was almost impossible to keep him out of it. Great memories Bipolar check-in #69

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I agree - great pic. I’m so sorry you are hurting. Sending gentle hugs and supportive vibes.

*Beth* · Oct 04, 2022, 06:34 PM

You have been in my loving thoughts frequently @~Christina. I so hurt for you. Yes, our fur babies should live so much longer than they do. I, too, am glad that Sirius passed in your arms. Truly a blessing for both of you.

Nammu · Oct 04, 2022, 06:44 PM

@Sunflower123 sleep good, pleasant dreams

wildflowerchild25 · Oct 04, 2022, 08:12 PM

That’s it, I’m done. RS said he feels the tremors while holding my hand and he said yesterday he saw my lips trembling slightly in the grocery store. It’s becoming noticeable to outsiders!!! It will be permanent if I don’t stop, I have no doubt. I also fell again at work. I started to kneel down to help change a student and somehow fell backwards and hit my head on the bathroom door. I fell last week trying to help a student off the floor. When I realized I was falling I had to dive to the right and barrel roll to avoid landing straight on the girl! I can’t be falling all the time, it’s unsafe and I know that that’s also the work of the haldol because I am not this unsteady on my feet usually.

I see a different pdoc for an eval tomorrow. I had set it up before I set up the first eval so I’m going to keep it and see how I like her as compared to the other. She’s not in network unfortunately but if she’s better I’ll just pay the fee, it’s not that much since I’m working. We’ll see.

I would even go back on invega at this point and just go back to the endocrinologist for medicine to counteract the high prolactin. When I was on invega I stayed out of the hospital for 2.5 years! A record.

I’m desperate.

Well tomorrow CR and I have off so at least I get a day to relax. I told him we’ll go out for breakfast or lunch to the diner.

bizi · Oct 04, 2022, 08:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m still struggling with losing My Sirius. I know it will take time but wow it hurts. Our furbabies should live so much longer. I’m forever grateful that he passed away in my arms and not in some scary vets office.

The radiator in the truck is broken beyond repair

Steve ordered one the other day so it should be here Friday ( fingers crossed) Once again its good I don’t have a job yet. But come on life give me a break already !

I hope everyone is just doing the best they can

This is from a camping trip 8 years ago. He LOVED the lake ! Was almost impossible to keep him out of it. Great memories Bipolar check-in #69

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am sorry you lost your sirius .
(((((HUGS))))))
bijzi

*Beth* · 02:07 AM

Oh, wow, @wildflowerchild25. You're getting strong signals that Haldol is not working out for you. I know the frustration, the med merry-go-round is a hell. But falls are dangerous. And TD is a horrible, cruel thing to have to live with.

I hope your time with CR tomorrow is wonderful. Enjoy!

*Beth* · Oct 05, 2022, 02:36 AM

David and I were sitting here talking about spiritual philosophy and checking out some stuff online early this evening. We heard a sound, I thought that someone was throwing a lot of metal objects into the dumpster outside. I thought it was odd that someone should be doing that, but I hear all sorts of noises and this and that, all day.

Next thing cop SUV's and emergency vehicles were swarming onto the streets outside. David walked out there, talked with some people who'd seen the accident. He came back in and said there's a large sedan flipped over on it's top in the middle of the street. The driver had been driving at top speed along the narrow, winding street, he hit parked cars, and flipped his car. What can I say...a large sedan driven by a young man means gangbanger likely means drugs & weapons in the car. I don't judge anybody for being in a gang, but driving at that speed and slamming into people's cars, uh-uh. That I cannot forgive.

If the kid lived through it I sure hope he makes a major change in the course of his life. I didn't go out there, I saw a Mercedes with its roof on the street once and a car on its roof is not something I ever want to see again. The flashing lights were here for a long time. If there were passengers in the car, I don't know what. Sad, sad. I feel sorry as hell for those people whose cars were hit. If any of them have just basic insurance, they are now without a car, maybe no money to get another car.

London needed his claws trimmed and while I was clipping them he freaked out. Some cats like a manicure, some come unglued. His claws have been catching on things, so I was determined to clip them and when he started yowling and squirming I was too harsh with him. I held him tightly when I should have let him go and continued the job later. He became very upset and I was frustrated, but I finally put him down. Then he had an asthma attack and I felt absolutely awful.

Why, why did I keep holding him and trying to force him to let me cut his claws? The stress has brought on asthma episodes tonight and I feel like rubbish. I will never, never do such a thing to him again. He's still young enough that I don't entirely know his reactions yet. Now I sure do know. I am so sorry, London baby.

Soupe du jour · Oct 05, 2022, 03:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

I’m still struggling with losing My Sirius. I know it will take time but wow it hurts. Our furbabies should live so much longer. I’m forever grateful that he passed away in my arms and not in some scary vets office.

The radiator in the truck is broken beyond repair

Steve ordered one the other day so it should be here Friday ( fingers crossed) Once again its good I don’t have a job yet. But come on life give me a break already !

I hope everyone is just doing the best they can

This is from a camping trip 8 years ago. He LOVED the lake ! Was almost impossible to keep him out of it. Great memories Bipolar check-in #69

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Sirius looked so extremely happy in your picture. What a lucky dog he was to have you!

I hope you get your car issue resolved soon and as economically as possible.

Soupe du jour · 07:04 AM

@wildflowerchild25, that does sound serious. I assume you've made an emergency call to your doc? We don't want you to get hurt from this. Hugs

Sunflower123 · Oct 05, 2022, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25

That’s it, I’m done. RS said he feels the tremors while holding my hand and he said yesterday he saw my lips trembling slightly in the grocery store. It’s becoming noticeable to outsiders!!! It will be permanent if I don’t stop, I have no doubt. I also fell again at work. I started to kneel down to help change a student and somehow fell backwards and hit my head on the bathroom door. I fell last week trying to help a student off the floor. When I realized I was falling I had to dive to the right and barrel roll to avoid landing straight on the girl! I can’t be falling all the time, it’s unsafe and I know that that’s also the work of the haldol because I am not this unsteady on my feet usually.

I see a different pdoc for an eval tomorrow. I had set it up before I set up the first eval so I’m going to keep it and see how I like her as compared to the other. She’s not in network unfortunately but if she’s better I’ll just pay the fee, it’s not that much since I’m working. We’ll see.

I would even go back on invega at this point and just go back to the endocrinologist for medicine to counteract the high prolactin. When I was on invega I stayed out of the hospital for 2.5 years! A record.

I’m desperate.

Well tomorrow CR and I have off so at least I get a day to relax. I told him we’ll go out for breakfast or lunch to the diner.

Thinking of you and hoping you get this worked out. It sure does sound like the Haldol needs to go though.

Sunflower123 · Oct 05, 2022, 07:22 AM

There are many great things occurring in my life and I’m generally and genuinely very happy and content. There have been some troubling events as well. My loved ones see that I’m troubled at times and have advised different courses of action as a remedy. I’ve taken them under advisement. Something is impacting my mental facilities and I feel very foggy headed and with lack of clarity. I was helping a friend in crisis from the early morning hours today and it was clear to me that mentally I am off my game. Fortunately, what I did have left was enough to help him through. I hope it resolves soon.

It’s going to be another glorious day and I’m happy to be alive. My day is packed to the gills again today. I’ve not been able to SIT in the sun but have been able to enjoy it through the sun roof of the car and as I’ve come and gone from various places.

My med provider was pleased with my condition at this time. I was eating at the Olive Garden with S and mom when I realized it was time for my appointment (forgetting things). I simply went outside to a bench and had the appointment. It was very pleasant sitting outside in the sun and the breeze, chatting with my med provider as people came and went. She’s happy for me. Things are good.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love.

Aurelius710 · Oct 05, 2022, 08:52 AM

Things have been on a pretty even keel the past few days. No work hiccups. No personal life hiccups. One medical hiccup, but I'll elaborate in a second.

I start my first day working in the second store. I'll alternate days between the "big city" store and my original, more rural one. Even with a new set of people to get to know I'm anticipating good things!

I don't know what I did during the night, but I woke up with my pinched nerve pain and numbness dialed way, way up. I could barely move it without pain. It still manifested the same way and in the same positions, but it was much more acute.

I've been taking cyclobenzaprine with naproxen for the pain, and while they both work, they work too well. I'm normally up around 6am, but today I woke up at 7:45am and I went to bed before 10pm. Sent a message to my primary doc to see if he had any recommendations for a happy medium. Here's hoping!

Soupe du jour · Oct 05, 2022, 09:43 AM

Possible trigger:

I talked to my brother, sister, and father a bit ago. My brother said that he has now finally informed the extended family that he is very ill with cancer. The immediate family, including me, has known about it for a few weeks now, but my brother asked that I keep it mum until he further shared the news. It's likely pancreatic cancer. Tomorrow he goes to an oncologist who will soon let him know where it may or may not have spread and what any action plan may be to fight it. He's extremely ill and pessimistic that he will survive it. He's lost an extreme amount of weight and is very weak, and looks so unwell. Not the strong healthy brother I've always known. I'm trying to be encouraging, though he continues to state that he's accepted the worst. The whole family is devastated. We've all had difficulty functioning after this news. I encouraged him to try to spend time outside and listen to the birds and observe the environment. Mindfulness and staying in the present. I'm not sure he is able, but I don't know what else to say. I don't want to cry during our WhatsApp meetings. That's not helpful, I don't think. We've all shared our love for each other many times.

It's excruciatingly painful to lose those we love. My brother is not even 60. My father is alive and must see this kind of pain. Dad's a sensitive soul as it is. I'm very worried for him, too. My mother died young (61) of a cancer that's not so unlike what my brother now has. My sister and I have discussed getting screened, ourselves, though we don't know of a history of it before our mom.

The above is the extreme stress I mentioned a week back. I want to give thanks to all here who wrote notes of support. I certainly want to keep strong to support my brother and the rest of my family during this time. There's no place for me to get sick with bipolar disorder. Plus, during all of this my husband and I have just made a major move and purchase of a new home that needs extensive renovations. If there were ever major stressors in life, this qualifies among the worst only perhaps equaled by the sudden death of my mother from cancer and the loss of my nephew to bipolar depression.

Sunflower123 · Oct 05, 2022, 10:09 AM

@Soupe du jour I’m thinking of you at this very difficult time. I’m here to support you through this in any way I can. Sending you gentle hugs and supportive vibes.

Mountaindewed · Oct 05, 2022, 10:31 AM

@Soupe du jour I'm thinking about you.

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Bipolar check-in #69

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