Bipolar check-in #69

Oh, God. @Soupe du jour, I am so, so sorry to learn of such awful news for you and for your family. How cruel for your brother. For all of you, for everyone in your brother's life.

My precious sister had breast cancer when she was 52. She'd been an addict for many years before. After having to have her breasts removed she felt her cherished career was affected. She was obsessed with that and began using even more. When she was 68 she was found to have metastasized cancer. Our family was...there are no words...only the awful despair, vicious fear, severe anxiety, anticipatory grief, the tiniest flicker of hope for - at least more time, only please, just more time...and the terror that one will completely break down in front of the so sick sibling, letting them know that you know that the probable end is clearly in sight. God, that. That.

My sister lived with it for a few months, opted not to have further treatment, then OD'ed herself at age 69. That was 5 years ago, this month.

I am relating my story to you to say that I have been in that place. My heart goes out to you - and you are not alone in this.

I am honored that you have trusted us enough to share your so-painful news and allow us to offer our support. I do believe that after a bit, you will feel the courage to look past the cruelty of the illness and see your brother as he truly is - the soul of a man you are profoundly connected to. When that time comes for you (it will!), will it be possible to visit your brother, and your family (especially your dad) in the States?

Soupe, I want you to know that I am sending you loving support, and along with that my strong belief that you will find peace, somewhere, in all of the pain you've been presented with.

I was having major depression and bad suicidal ideations this las weekend and I did something I have never done before and that was I texted two buddies on Sunday asking for help. I am 49 and this is the first time I can remember asking anyone rather than my doctor for help I usually wait until it was to late. Well those two buddies I texted actually both of them called me and we talked for the longest time. It is nice to know if I reach out for help that others will help me as best as they can.
I have a problem opening up to males it has to do with my views on masculinity and the theory for me was/is I am man I show no emotion cause if I do I will look weak and I am not weak. But right now I am the most broken I have ever been in my life. It has been almost a year since my wife passed away and that honestly destroyed me when she died. Honestly if it was not for my kids and animals I probably would of ate a bullet the day she died. I also seen my new pdoc yesterday for the second time and I really like him. He actually knew my wife on the job and he has really gone out of his way to help me he gave me like 4months Latuda samples cause I can not afford them.

Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

Thanks for the kind words and support during this tough time for my family!

Soupe, I'm so sorry about your brother's illness. We're always here to listen....

I took muddyboots advice and got some ginger candy. They are actually ginger chews with some kinda medicine in them. They are called Dramamine ginger chews, and they relieve nausea and heartburn. I took 2 last night and it was instant relief. I was up for a bit last night but I felt fine besides being a bit hungry from not eating much yesterday. I got back to sleep fine.

I got up this morning and drank a hibisicious ginger beer soda. Which also helped me contiune to feel better. I ate some gross pumpkin ramen and a Lunchable. I got coffee from Starbucks and my anxiety and physical issues all remained fine. I did take another ginger chew before going to therapy.

Therapy was very productive. I was focused the whole time because I wasn't nauseated or hungry. We talked about me returning to work. I talked about my fears but then I told her how I was fact checking at the same time. She asked me how my weight and eating was going. I told her I had been eating a lot of Lunchables. I told her I try to eat a lot of stuff for as little calories as possible. She didn't get mad but she did kinda straighten up in her chair and was just like "yeah that is for sure eating disorder behavior." I never knew it was? I've been doing that for years and never knew it was an issue. I told her I'd eat sugar free 50 calorie applesauces and she said "I bet you could list off the calories of any food I give you." She said knowing the calories of every food is also eating disorder behavior. I asked her if she thought I had one. She said based on what she knows she would put me in between the disordered eating and eating disorder categories.

Idk. I never really thought what I was doing was an issue.

At least I'm catching a break from my nausea which is then helping my anxiety. So thanks to everyone for your suggestions.

I'm thinking of you @Soupe du jour.

@Soupe du jour

Well I think I’m losing it. Last night I was so worried about. The car loan and the payment that I couldn’t sleep. I finally gave up and went in the family room to try again to set up auto pay for the loan. Couldn’t do it. Sent the bank an email and went back to bed. Still couldn’t sleep. Finally just as the alarm went off I was drifting off. Got up opened the drapes, feed Sir and canceled aqua fitness. Went back to bed. When I canceled aqua class I couldn’t see my glasses but didn’t think much of it and used my reading glasses. But when I woke up discombobulated and addled I couldn’t find my glasses anywhere! I looked everywhere in the bedroom on the bed, in bed, on the floor under the bed, in the chair where I sat, everywhere. They are gone. Fortunately because I had money when I got my glasses last year I also ordered a fun pair online to see if the lenses were as good as regular too expensive glasses. So I had a spare pair. But I couldn’t find those either! After about a half hour of looking I found them the first place I looked!

All well and good? I read the instructions from the bank about setting up payments and realized I needed to join the bank as a member to set up a payment plan. I needed my check book to create the plan. Couldn’t find my check book! Finally I found my new checks. And got my car payment set up. But only for a month. Gotta do this again nest month! Then I remembered that my check book was in my purse which I used once last month! So found that but the glasses still elude me. I feel like I’m loosing it.

Where oh where are my glasses?

@Nammu oh, what a time you’ve had today. How terribly frustrating. I hope things even out for you.

I’d be interested in your thoughts on whether the fun pair of frames is as good as the expensive. I go 50-50 between contacts and glasses and it’s time to up the prescription. I’ve seen several fun pairs I would really like but didn’t know how they would hold up.

They are just as good as the expensive pair from the physical building. My eye dr was skeptical about online glasses and gave me the extra numbers I’d need to order them. This year I’m only going to be ordering online. With the car payments I can’t afford the walk in kinds and I don’t trust Walmart. I got mine from eye direct I think was the name. It was a good price, easy to use website and my. Glasses came rather quickly. Mum doesn’t like them because they stand out being rainbow colored, but I think they’re artists glasses. They have hundreds of styles and a virtual try on feature. Do pay attention to sizes though. Some styles I really liked were large and would be to big. I’m a medium.

Oh! I did find my glasses! I looked again with my spare glasses on. They somehow fell onto the bottom shelf of the end table, in the middle! They were almost invisible

I have made it home in time to sit in the sun. There’s a slight hint of chill with the breeze. It’s time to pull out my fall candles and fall/winter wardrobe.

I think tomorrow or Friday will be a good time to take mom to the apple orchard for some hot apple cider and hot apple cobbler as the weekends are packed. She’s most excited about going to the pumpkin patch to choose her own pumpkin. Go figure. She thinks she’s strong enough to cut the vine and put it in the wagon. Could be but I will still assist her.

I caught somebody on our property in broad daylight as he was walking away. He had a gray hoodie on with the hood pulled up. He looked to be of medium build and stature. I ran outside and called to him hoping I could get a description but he continued casually out to and down the street. I wasn’t sure whether to pursue or stay. I stayed. It will get sorted out. At this point I don’t care about bringing charges. I only want him to stop.

I hope everybody has a peaceful evening. Much love

I’ve had wicked nausea the last few days. My cousin think it’s my
Blood sugar but who knows

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed I took muddyboots advice and got some ginger candy. They are actually ginger chews with some kinda medicine in them. They are called Dramamine ginger chews, and they relieve nausea and heartburn. I took 2 last night and it was instant relief. I was up for a bit last night but I felt fine besides being a bit hungry from not eating much yesterday. I got back to sleep fine. I got up this morning and drank a hibisicious ginger beer soda. Which also helped me contiune to feel better. I ate some gross pumpkin ramen and a Lunchable. I got coffee from Starbucks and my anxiety and physical issues all remained fine. I did take another ginger chew before going to therapy. Therapy was very productive. I was focused the whole time because I wasn't nauseated or hungry. We talked about me returning to work. I talked about my fears but then I told her how I was fact checking at the same time. She asked me how my weight and eating was going. I told her I had been eating a lot of Lunchables. I told her I try to eat a lot of stuff for as little calories as possible. She didn't get mad but she did kinda straighten up in her chair and was just like "yeah that is for sure eating disorder behavior." I never knew it was? I've been doing that for years and never knew it was an issue. I told her I'd eat sugar free 50 calorie applesauces and she said "I bet you could list off the calories of any food I give you." She said knowing the calories of every food is also eating disorder behavior. I asked her if she thought I had one. She said based on what she knows she would put me in between the disordered eating and eating disorder categories. Idk. I never really thought what I was doing was an issue. At least I'm catching a break from my nausea which is then helping my anxiety. So thanks to everyone for your suggestions.

It's great to know about the ginger Dramamine stuff. Ginger can be amazing for helping with nausea. Ginger tea is also very helpful usually. Nausea is the worst.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123 I have made it home in time to sit in the sun. There’s a slight hint of chill with the breeze. It’s time to pull out my fall candles and fall/winter wardrobe. I think tomorrow or Friday will be a good time to take mom to the apple orchard for some hot apple cider and hot apple cobbler as the weekends are packed. She’s most excited about going to the pumpkin patch to choose her own pumpkin. Go figure. She thinks she’s strong enough to cut the vine and put it in the wagon. Could be but I will still assist her. I caught somebody on our property in broad daylight as he was walking away. He had a gray hoodie on with the hood pulled up. He looked to be of medium build and stature. I ran outside and called to him hoping I could get a description but he continued casually out to and down the street. I wasn’t sure whether to pursue or stay. I stayed. It will get sorted out. At this point I don’t care about bringing charges. I only want him to stop. I hope everybody has a peaceful evening. Much love

The apple orchard sounds so nice. I agree that you did the smart thing by not pursuing that person. Doing so could end up with a dangerous situation, you never know whether the person may have a weapon or whatever.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I’ve had wicked nausea the last few days. My cousin think it’s my Blood sugar but who knows

Check out Mountaindewed ideas for nausea.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Oh! I did find my glasses! I looked again with my spare glasses on. They somehow fell onto the bottom shelf of the end table, in the middle! They were almost invisible

Whew, what a relief!

Quote:

Originally Posted by otroo I was having major depression and bad suicidal ideations this las weekend and I did something I have never done before and that was I texted two buddies on Sunday asking for help. I am 49 and this is the first time I can remember asking anyone rather than my doctor for help I usually wait until it was to late. Well those two buddies I texted actually both of them called me and we talked for the longest time. It is nice to know if I reach out for help that others will help me as best as they can. I have a problem opening up to males it has to do with my views on masculinity and the theory for me was/is I am man I show no emotion cause if I do I will look weak and I am not weak. But right now I am the most broken I have ever been in my life. It has been almost a year since my wife passed away and that honestly destroyed me when she died. Honestly if it was not for my kids and animals I probably would of ate a bullet the day she died. I also seen my new pdoc yesterday for the second time and I really like him. He actually knew my wife on the job and he has really gone out of his way to help me he gave me like 4months Latuda samples cause I can not afford them. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

It sounds like you have some good friends, there. Reaching out was so courageous of you. I understand about the masculinity belief, but honestly, I am a woman and reaching out to an IRL friend...I haven't done that since my high school years. I should take a lesson from you.

I’m trying peppermint tea . It usually helps.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I’m trying peppermint tea . It usually helps.

For sure. Sometimes I use a peppermint tea bag and a ginger tea bag together. That can also be very helpful.

Soupe, I am so sorry to learn of this terrible time for your family. Take care of your family but also remember to take care of yourself

Well it didn’t help. All I’ve had is water today and I feel so sick

I'm doing good today. My anxiety is low. I slept well last night but struggled waking up at 6AM which is not normal for me. Waking up at that time, or having a hard time waking up. At 6:30 I went and grabbed a 20oz Mountain Dew from the fridge and chugged it. Then I felt better. I've been doing my weekly shopping today. I got out of the house with no anxiety. No weird looks from anyone or anything. I had my mom take a few pictures of me without my hoodie on this morning and she said I kinda look too skinny. I have no idea what to do when half the time its my meds that are making me not hungry. We got Red Robin for dinner last night and I ate half my burger, my fries, and a couple of my onion rings. But its like I'm not very hungry even when I want to be. But my mom says its good I'm working with a therapist who knows this stuff and doesn't get mad at me for it the way my transference T did.

My moods are stable today although I'm still not sure what the hematrcrit will look like when I get my lab work done. I know the tiredness is unsuaul and I have the itchness too. I didn't cut off a tag to a hoodie and my mom said she was suprised it wasn't itching me. It probably was but since I'm just so itchy in general I just didn't notice it.

I have changed a lot this last year after my wife passed away. I am more open and honest then I have ever been. When I went to my pdoc the other day I told him to hold on, and off I went I sounded like I was manic but I told him if I did not say it fast I might forget something lol.
I went to a buddies last night and he was one of my friends that called me the other day when I was depressed. Him and I sat out in the backyard talking for about 4 hours and we both got out a lot of crap for both of us. It is really nice that I am now able to open up to others but it is still hard to do.

Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

I appreciate all of the kind support here. It does help. Thank you so much! My brother is supposed to know more today (Eastern US time). I may hear from him later or tomorrow. I confess I'm tired. Hubby and I were out most of the day running errands.

@HALLIEBETH87, I hope you feel better soon. I used to like to keep saltine crackers on hand for stomach issues. They helped or at least were the only thing I could eat sometimes.

@Mountaindewed, I've been glad to read that your overall mental health has steadily improved since your surgery. I've noticed a positive difference in your posts, in terms of more upbeat and less stressed sound.