Bipolar check-in #69

@*Beth*, you're right that it definitely is no joke.

I'm sorry you've been suffering through those continuing 100+ F days. I would freak out if I was there, as I feel extra sensitive to heat. At least most in the US have air conditioning. Most houses in European countries do not. They never really needed it in the past, but now not having it is hurting people. The thickness of the usually brick or stone walls in Europe always kept houses at a reasonable temperature, but not continuous 90 and 100+ F degree days!

Just like in parts of the US, there are horrible droughts in Europe. Pictures of dried up rivers in France's Loire Valley are particularly scary. Spain, Germany and other countries are similarly affected. The heat is also a factor. Czech Republic also has a drought, but we're luckier, in comparison, particularly because the heat hasn't been as bad as elsewhere, but is still hotter than in the past. And like on the US west coast, said countries have struggled with wildfires, something rarely ever experienced on the continent in the past. Last year southern Czech Rep had severe tornadoes. Again, never experienced before.

I hope the temps ease for you soon. You don't want to know the temps in Czech Rep.

Hopefully nothing will stop the progress in CA in terms of electric cars in the future. Other states will be the losers looking at that progress. The EU has set a goal to become a carbon-neutral continent by 2050. They want to ban sales of new gas and diesel powered vehicles by 2035. The countries standing in the way of this are currently Italy, Portugal, Romania, Bulgaria, and Slovakia. I worry that as leaders change throughout the continent, more obstructionism may crop up. In any case, the infrastructure for EVs still needs work throughout Europe. There are even some EV stations that charge almost as much as gas for charging. That needs to change, but of course the private station providers always want to make money, money, money. Hopefully in the near future the distance on the charge will increase so much that few charging stations will even be needed and the charging will take just a minute or two. Or some other energy method (even better) will be added, by those thinking further outside the box.

Hubby is sleeping the morning away again. I woke up for a bit at about 4 am, but after another hour of sleep I stayed up. Yesterday we did a bit more packing and organization. The attic still needs a lot of the latter. A friend will come a few more times to help before our move. It's always best when she and Hubby work together. I get too angry about the amount of stuff, plus Hubby is so picky about tasks and seems to reject most of my suggestions. That friend likely helps preserve our marriage throughout all of this. Even she google translated "You are a very patient person." and showed it to me privately.

As for my category of stuff (Hubby hates when I put it like that)? The largest amount are kitchenwares and other food-related items. Obviously glasses and dishes need careful packing. I'll try to pack some ahead, all but what we'll still need. However, the issue becomes too many boxes blocking the way. When it comes to my clothes, some will go in suitcases to take with us to the temporary residence. The rest (especially summer clothes) go with the other stuff. I'll be able to pack the clothes in an hour or less. Hubby? A lot longer. He will NOT let me pack his stuff. He's too particular about it all.

My meal planning is to get rid of a lot of stuff from our fridge, freezer, and pantry before the move and diet. Actually, it also gets my mind off of the stress. Most days I'm staying under 1,400 calories per day. I have all meals planned through this Friday, to date. After Sunday, it's unsure what will be happening. We may have to head north to look into things there.

I enjoyed reading the different perspectives on electric cars as I have so many topics here.

My daughter will be by early this morning to pick me up for the day. It’s drizzling and 72F. Supposed to be like this all day so the pool is out. It rained yesterday as well. Ah well. We’ll have a blast being together. Amazing how excited I am after 5 weeks of trying to see her that it’s finally going to happen.

Leaving for my Aunt’s house soon 4 hours north of here for a week long visit. Chomping at the bit to totally leave this town behind for a time. Wonderful change of scenery and a huge break for me. Not too long after that, the annual hiking trip to the Smokies, going up to the mountains two counties over to search for and cut our own pumpkins and hot homemade apple turnovers with vanilla ice cream from the on site apple orchard. Big smile.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. Much love

I found and took some olanzapine last night, actually slept four hours (straight through!). Woke up super hungry, but for the first time in a long while, I actually feel OK. "Meet" (via telehealth) my new pdoc tomorrow.

Bear hugs to all

edit: think I'm favoring vraylar over abilify (the two I'm considering asking for tomorrow) simply because it's not in injectable form. I have a feeling if I go with Abilify at some point I'm going to go on the injection and it seems like every time I get an injection after a while I have a horrible reaction that lasts a month in the case of haldol and invega and two weeks for risperdal.

I get so tired during the day yet I don't take naps but still don't sleep very well at night. Anyways my stomach hurts today but it could possibly be from my 2 sodas and 99 tic tac combo. I took my stomach meds and some tylenol so hopefully that helps. My celiacs disease test came back and I tested negative. I'm not really suprised since gluten in general doesn't bother me, it really does seem to be a nuts and egg thing. I finally got my weight to stay the same but I had to eat a lot of calories yesterday and if I had weighed myself a couple hours later I probably would have been less. So I just hid the scale and drank a 20oz soda and some water. This weird weight loss is freaky.

Edit: I just woke up from an almost 3 hour nap. I just passed out on the family room couch under the couch throw blanket the kids and the cats use. I had some weird dream about me and Whoppi Goldberg. Anyways I feel a lot better now although I still don't want to eat anything. I've taken a shower and brushed my teeth and gotten dressed though before the nap. I wonder if all my pain meds helped me get to sleep. Also I sleep bettter anywhere thats not my room so something may be up with my room. Some enviromental thing.

Morning!
I'm doing OK these days, Happy Labor Day! Nothing planned for today. Last night I watched a movie that was really thought provoking and visually it kept you on edge looking for "changes". Some of the themes in the movie are a bit sensitive so I don't think I'll share much more about it other than I thought it was a very good movie. The reviews are very split -- you love it or hate it. It's labeled a "surrealist psychological thriller" -- but I have to mention it's not a "scary movie" -- there's no jump scares, there's no monsters, blood, or gore -- but it's very much an interesting film. You can find it on Netflix

. If anyone watches it, I'd love to have a a discussion with you about your thoughts!

So nothing planned for today. I'll pass the time maybe watching some more movies by this director. Tomorrow I'll pick up my medicine and that's gonna be all the things I have planned for the week. haha, We'll see how things unfold!

Tomorrow late morning I see my therapist for what may be the last time before our move up north. He's always been very nice. In fact, I think I've appreciated our conversations with each other more than any therapy itself. Excellent conversationalist! I'll miss that. I'm not sure what I'll say if he suggests one more appointment. The problem is that we may be so busy these next few weeks, and not know if we have to travel north or not, and when.

Today I sorted out all of my clothes into the ones I will take to the temporary place and the ones to the storage, and packed the latter. Earlier, I said I could do it in an hour. Turned out to be a lot longer. My back is killing me and I'm so extremely tired! I also discarded a few articles of clothing that had seen better days. So so much to do. We have to really get cracking! I don't really know what Hubby did upstairs much of the day.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Soupe du jour @*Beth*, you're right that it definitely is no joke. ...

Your excellent post could be an editorial for the public eye. I'm frightened by what I see on the news about the weather in Europe - and look at the UK! Absolutely alarming.

Do you know, I grew up in a large house with no a/c. True, there were a number of great, big trees that shaded the house and helped keep it breezy. But although summers were hot, the difference was that the summer days were rather lovely - never my favorite season, but definitely had a romance to it. And nights were between cool and chilly. There was no drought; winters brought rain and plenty of it - oftentimes three solid days and nights of non-stop rainstorms. Real storms. And we always looked forward to one full day of rain in late July. There would be that one magical day of summer rain.

Now, you've seen my posts and seen the news. 114 degrees from today and through the rest of this week. The nights are warm. Talk about "endless summer."

I'm sorry I keep complaining, but behind my complaint is fear.

I’m having a marvelous day with my child. We are down enjoying the pool as the weather has cleared up. Later, I will cook dinner and then she’ll be on her way until the next time.

She and her fiancée have a new pet that I have heard loudly on the phone. It sounds like a lynx or a bobcat and I have pictured some large creature ruling the roost! I finally saw a picture of the pet…a beautiful but small house cat. We had quite a laugh over that.

A lovely day so far.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sunflower123 ... She and her fiancée have a new pet that I have heard loudly on the phone. It sounds like a lynx or a bobcat and I have pictured some large creature ruling the roost! I finally saw a picture of the pet…a beautiful but small house cat. We had quite a laugh over that. ...

~~~~~~~~~~

I just woke up after another nap. This time was in my room and I slept for just under an hour. I don't understand what is going on. I rarely take naps at all and the only time I've taken 2 naps in one day is after surgeries when I've been on pain meds. All I did today was basically nap or post on here. I'm heating up some soup for dinner right now.

I'm tempted to just apply for work now and hopefully snap myself out of this although I know that won't work plus everything isn't settled yet with my name.

I couldn't eat much of the soup. My therapist will just have to be understanding. She is really easy going about everything but weight and food. In that area she is super strict. My mom talked me out of applying to work right now. I wasn't really serious anyways. I know theres more to do regarding my name, and my nephews will be here for several days in a few weeks while my sister has the baby.

My mom says she has noticed a huge difference in my anxiety and my sister has too. I have not been this antsy to get back to work since the pandemic began. My therapist eased my fears about something and my mom reassured me about something yesterday. The health issues are a big concern for me but I'm not in a complete panic over them. The Prestiq really is helping.

I wish it would be hoodie weather already. I have a ton of new ones including this red North Face one I got during Prime days back in June I really want to wear.

It is your t's job to be understanding about everything @Mountaindewed!

What ever happened with your friend who kept cancelling @moose?

How are you this week-end @MuddyBoots?

Its just a thing that cheeses off pdocs and therapists. When you lose weight for any reason they freak out and think you have an ED. When you gain weight, even a large amount, they don't give an eff and turn the other way. Its some stupid double standard or something along those lines.

Got myself into kind of a mess. It may sound trite, but believe me it isn't. My laundry was so backed up that I said No more. I took it down to the laundry room and put it in the washing machine. By the time I got back upstairs to my apartment it was difficult to breathe, the heat feels like having a very heated, very dry blanket stuffed against my face and trying to breathe through it.

I have felt such heat only once before. I stepped out of a nicely air conditioned bus into the Negev (desert in Israel where John, Jesus, and others walked all over) and the heat hit me so hard that my mind felt disoriented. The Negev is big, flat, white. The only people who live there are Bedouins, and they live in colorful tents. I don't know how they survive, I really don't. I don't know how the Biblical people made it, either.

There have been times when I was in the Mohave Desert and in Arizona in the summer, but even those was not quite this hot.

Anyway, now I'm stuck with having to go down and put my laundry in the dryer. Then one more trip to pick it up. I'm spraying cold peppermint/lavender mist on myself, drinking tons of cold water. Turned the a/c way up (we're not supposed to because of potential black-outs, but my apartment is too warm). And, oh, God - I have to get to my car to get water out of it to bring up.

Every inch of my body aches. I need a swimming pool to just fall into. I feel like I'm witnessing the earth suffering, and badly so.

Okay, made it to the dryer. Suddenly I remembered a trick we used in Israel - a cold, wet shirt around neck, a cold, wet cloth tied around nose and mouth, cold, wet cloth tied around head. Very, very helpful. So just one more trip down in 45 minutes. I haven't figured out about the water in the car yet.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed Its just a thing that cheeses off pdocs and therapists. When you lose weight for any reason they freak out and think you have an ED. When you gain weight, even a large amount, they don't give an eff and turn the other way. Its some stupid double standard or something along those lines.

Yep. When I was very thin, because I was just that way, and actually trying to gain weight they'd ask me if I had "problems with food." Uh, no.


Now I tell them that my health is suffering from medication weight gain and they just look at me.

Hate my brain.... this isn't my fault!

nope it is not your fault.
hold on to reality

try focusing your attention to miguel.
I would bring that story of your paranoia and ocd
to your therapist appointment.print it out and hand it to her.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

We got into an argument over his cancelling all the time. He said he needs "me time" but I think that's a load of bull. Cancelling and then rescheduling for the next day ad infinitum is a jerky selfish thing to do.

I agree with you.
sorry he is hurting you with his games.
bizi (((((HUGS)))))

@bizi Thank-you, I needed to hear that from someone else. It feels like I can't breathe. I don't know if I'll be able to handle everything

day at a time...
Write out a list of things to do.
Things that may challenge you.

I think you are stronger then you think you are.
Do you take an antipsychotic?
If you are then you are taking the wrong one because you are still having symptoms, it is not working.
Did you try the new way to take capsules? did it make that any easier for you to take?
bizi

Bizi I take abilify injection, visteral , prozac and thorazine. I'm suppose to take the Vistaril 3x a day (I take it 1x a day at night). I take all my meds at night. I haven't changed how I take it yet my pdoc doesn't have an appointment before I move so I'm SOL when it comes to medications when I leave. I'm on his cancelation list. I'll have enough through mid-october then I'll have nothing. So I'm going to start spacing my medication out. I don't need this move to send me to the hospital. I know it's just stress so I'm holding that tight trying to convince myself I'll be okay. This combination is the best I've had so far. I'm not saying I'm on the right meds but at least with the injection I understand I need meds.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 We got into an argument over his cancelling all the time. He said he needs "me time" but I think that's a load of bull. Cancelling and then rescheduling for the next day ad infinitum is a jerky selfish thing to do.

I'm sorry that happened. I agree, I don't think he's being honest with you.

I think all of bizi's ideas are excellent. I don't have any great suggestions, but I am sending you love and a strong wish for peace @Miguel'smom.

David came over to take a shower and brought up the water from my car. That was a good break.

Looks like this will be the first night of the year that I leave the a/c on all night. I'll open the windows wide for a few hours at dawn and let the poor bored cats get some air, hear & watch the birds. Maybe I'll rent a movie tomorrow afternoon.