Bipolar check-in #69

Yesterday I had my family over for a bbq my daughter who has been great support after my wife kind of let me down. She volunteered to come over yesterday to help me clean the house before our guest arrived. She did absolutely nothing but play on her phone and I was kind of disappointed in her. I had a simple plan of action and her not helping threw my game off. I love her but it hurt my feelings.

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Oh, @wildflowerchild25. I sense a lot of pain and even sadness in your post. And frustration. A heavy-hitter like Haldol is an intense burden to carry. In my mind Haldol is a med that is "SSDI" time. BUT it hardly sounds like it's giving you any benefit. Not only that - it sounds like it could cause TD that may be permanent. NO JOKE! The sexual side-effect is most definitely a deal-breaker. Again, very serious and nothing amusing about it.

I cannot imagine how on earth you're even walking into a second job when your first job is so exceedingly stressful. Being hit? Bitten? Slapped? Kicked? Abuse much???

I know what you mean about the clothes changing thing. It's annoying, for sure. For some reason, all the years I did ballet and modern dance changing clothes was...I don't know...grand, somehow. Elegant. But regular work-out clothes are, to me, a reminder of hard work ahead. That I don't necessarily want to push myself to do. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound discouraging. I'm just sharing my own feeling. Something excellent about skating is that in general, I don't have to change my clothes to skate. I do have to wear protective gear, though. Ah, well. Were it not for gaining weight from damned Seroquel I'd still be happily, peacefully, in the dance studio.

Yes. The time flies when children are growing up. I knew that when mine were I did cherish every moment with them. But it still flew by. My son will be 34 tomorrow. I live between the wonderful memories of "what was" and the "I hope I'll be here to see his 50th birthday...or more."

It sounds like CR had a terrific time on the shore! That's what counts - today. This moment. This breath.

I'm sending you love.

Has she always been like that?
I am sorry that she did that to you.
Any way you can confront her about it now that the event is over?
((((HUGS))))
bizi

I am so worried about you and your family. I hope you are able to finally get some sleep.
I am sorry for your struggles.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Thanks. Yeah, it'll just be me at the aquarium. I don't mind keeping my own company and to be honest, I'm looking forward to a little "me" time. No family obligations. No work. No phone, save for maybe snapping a picture or two. I'm ready!

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Originally Posted by otroo Yesterday I had my family over for a bbq my daughter who has been great support after my wife kind of let me down. She volunteered to come over yesterday to help me clean the house before our guest arrived. She did absolutely nothing but play on her phone and I was kind of disappointed in her. I had a simple plan of action and her not helping threw my game off. I love her but it hurt my feelings. Sent from my SM-S901U using Tapatalk

I'm so sorry. Our kids, no matter how awesome, can sometimes be sh*theads.

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Originally Posted by Aurelius710 Thanks. Yeah, it'll just be me at the aquarium. I don't mind keeping my own company and to be honest, I'm looking forward to a little "me" time. No family obligations. No work. No phone, save for maybe snapping a picture or two. I'm ready!

Yes, once my children grew up I found that most of the time I am my own best friend. I really enjoy being with...me. Have a load of fun!

Thanks, Beth. I might share more, but I sometimes have a slight paranoia that someone in my life may be lurking around. Eventually information does eventually become more widely known, though. When it's not entirely my own info to share, I feel a bit reluctant. The situation is quite horrible, though, though nothing entirely different than some here have experienced.

I used to be an avid blogger, writing about bipolar disorder and some other personal things. Eventually it became known that too many people I know knew too private of business. It was mostly my dad who shared my blog, a surprising thing for him to do, yet I know he actually meant well. Proud of it. Sadly, I rarely write in it anymore and when I do, it's more just culinary-related stuff. I share more here on MSF than anywhere else, to be honest.

I obviously never had children, but do have a very close relationship with my husband...as you likely guessed. However, though I'm not a shy person, I do fit the description of introvert. How that is is that I am very happy to entertain myself well, not relying on others for my personal enjoyment of life. I think it can be a good thing, as you wrote. I do need at least a little support in life, but to me a couple close people is fine. I don't need 10 or more friends, like others do. Never did.

Perhaps a negative about me is that I tend to be a bit guarded when meeting new people, and with many people. I am nice, but don't always open up that much to people. However, when I'm very close to a person, I've very close and dedicated. And again, just a few people in my life, and they tend to be people capable of unconditional love with reasonable expectations from me.

I’m so sorry you had such a troubling dream. I hope you are feeling better now.

I hope you enjoy the aquarium and your video games!

Thread has once again been re-opened for check-ins related to living with bipolar disorder.

If you have an issue with another member, please take it out of the public forums and into PM. Interpersonal differences should be resolved privately. Else use the Ignore list self-care that we make available for just such issues. Thank you.

I’m in such an irritated mood today. I forgot to set my alarm this morning so slept right though aqua fitness. The sleep was probably needed tho. But I needed aqua fitness too. It really perks me up.

Had an intense dream. Was with mum at a renaissance festival and then planed to meet her and my sister in Scranton. Why Scranton? Have no idea and why was a walking there? Was very anxious to get there. No idea what dreams mean but hoo boy they can be interesting 🤔.

As I said I’m quite irritated today. Mum’s been on my last nerve all day. Bugging me to go water dead plants. It’s October plants die here this time of year, so I finally said some choice words and went and watered them. Greatly relieved mum. Then we talked about how the trees are all changing colors and falling. She admitted the plants are dead. Oh well. I’ll throw the two worse one out Thursday when the garbage goes out. Not having to look at the vines might relieve mum’s anxiety.

Ah Nammu - I’m sorry you are irritated today but the thought of you grumbling as you watered dead plants gave me a deep belly laugh. Thank you for that my friend. I hope things get better for you.

Today is my N2's (Noah's) 34th birthday! He's in NYC, working, so I called him between a meeting and dinner. We had a wonderful chat. He's so easy to talk to.

N1 (my daughter) is not doing well, physically. She had her gall bladder removed this summer and has a stomach ulcer that is giving her a lot of pain. I'm very concerned about her, especially because she's on the opposite coast and without any family. Actually, I still do have family in New York, but they don't really know my daughter.

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Originally Posted by Nammu I’m in such an irritated mood today. I forgot to set my alarm this morning so slept right though aqua fitness. The sleep was probably needed tho. But I needed aqua fitness too. It really perks me up. Had an intense dream. Was with mum at a renaissance festival and then planed to meet her and my sister in Scranton. Why Scranton? Have no idea and why was a walking there? Was very anxious to get there. No idea what dreams mean but hoo boy they can be interesting 🤔. As I said I’m quite irritated today. Mum’s been on my last nerve all day. Bugging me to go water dead plants. It’s October plants die here this time of year, so I finally said some choice words and went and watered them. Greatly relieved mum. Then we talked about how the trees are all changing colors and falling. She admitted the plants are dead. Oh well. I’ll throw the two worse one out Thursday when the garbage goes out. Not having to look at the vines might relieve mum’s anxiety.

I'm sorry your day is being irritating, Nammu. Irritation seems to be in the air today. I agree with your idea of tossing the worst plants out. There's no point in her feeling anxious about dead plants...if she doesn't see them, well, they're not there.

How interesting about the Ren Festival dream. Does Scranton hold any meaning for you? I had dreams 2 nights in a row about weddings. At the weddings there was a very large wooden circle with the number "27" on it. Go figure. I have no idea.

Looks like I’m going to miss grief class tonight. I’m running behind on so many things today. I’d even forgotten that I had a telehealth therapy session until she called me in the midst of posting here. If it were a snake it would have jumped up and bit me.

I’m concerned about mom. She keeps choking badly when she eats or drinks. Not good. I took her to the doctor last week and they are treating her for acid reflux. They said at the age of 87 - an upper GI really isn’t a good or feasible idea. She’s been struggling all day as she eats and drinks. I pray that this issue resolves itself.

I hope everyone has a peaceful evening. Much love.

I wish I was a dream interpreter. I think that would be a fascinating career. I had a course in Jung when I was a junior and they used to say when you have an ah ha! Moment you have figured out the dream. Sadly I rarely have AH HA! Moments. The whole section of the dream I was walking a grassy path on my way to Scranton, I’ve never been to Scranton and I have no idea why that figured so promptly. The emotion was anxious I had a lot of anxiety about getting there. I came to a place where three roads converged and there was three gas stations with food, from different time periods and a glass buss stop. One was like the little mom and pop stations of the 50’s, a bit of a general store, one was a 70’s throw back and one was the modern sleek station. I choose the wooden mom and pop station to use and met a deaf man sitting outside. He told me to chill wait a day and a bus would come going to Scranton and get me there. But I was in a hurry but couldn’t walk any more. He asked why I would choose to continue to walk when I was tired and have to walk all night and arrive late and tired when I could rest take a bus and arrive refreshed, then I woke up. It does say that I often choose the hard way and punishing way.

Oh no, that is distressing. I do hope too the issue resolves with some stomach meds.

Hey everyone.

Thank you for the kind words about my furbaby Sirius.

I am so incredibly sad.

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Originally Posted by ~Christina Hey everyone. Thank you for the kind words about my furbaby Sirius. I am so incredibly sad.

My heart and prayers are with you, sweetpea.

Today was kind of frustrating. I don't normally get so irritated and ornery anymore. But it seemed like everything was annoying me today and causing me to rant. Some things I had a legit reason to be annoyed about though. I complained to a company through their Facebook team. It was really silly though. It was about McDonalds adult happy meals. But they really screwed me over and I'm just so angry in general I sent an assertive message to them telling them what happened. I never complain to any company or employee. I did mention the employee I worked with was really nice.

I was out looking for a winter coat and I didn't have any luck. I'm also trying to find some Christmas mugs but they didn't have anything that caught my eye. I went to the grocery store and got 19 Lunchables. My state ID came. Which was pretty much the only good part of the day. My picture looks pretty good. I do look a bit scruffy. I loved seeing the M part where the gender is. Physically I still have the cough and the fatigue and the itchiness and the headaches. I keep scratching at an ingrown hair on my stomach and its not making it any better. I think I'll go for my blood test on Friday instead of next Tuesday. I sent an email to my therapist asking if we could discuss how to figure out whats real and whats anxiety. I think I still have a lot of anxiety about work

@*Beth* I tried to reply to your pm but I got a message that said you've turned off PMs.

Beth

Thanks @*Beth* for your concern. I am upset about the haldol but I fear there is nowhere to turn honestly. Vraylar did the exact opposite to me as it’s supposed to do. I can’t remember any other second generation APs that I haven’t already tried. I can’t remember if I tried abilify but I think I did and I think it was bad for me. But that may have been latuda. It’s a shame Zyprexa made me gain so much weight because I did well on that. Geodon also gives me memory issues. The pdoc I met with for my evaluation mentioned the new drug caplyta. I don’t know if it’s worth a shot.

I would just hate to have to go on SSDI. First of all I know it could take years to be approved. What am I supposed to do for money in those years? I would just feel like a failure, even though none of us who are on SSDI are failures in any way. I might try to get through this school year and then work part time in an office setting instead. Working directly with students anymore is just…so stressful! I really would love my class if the BD kid wasn’t in it. I left my school to get away from that. I wasn’t expecting to have to deal with screaming, destructive tantrums.

I know I’ll have to go on SSDI. I know that. I’m just trying to keep it away for as long as possible. I need to get off the haldol too, I really don’t want TD.

Thanks for everyone’s understanding, I appreciate it.