Bipolar check-in #70

Quote:

Originally Posted by buddha1too There once was a man from Nantucket...

...And one day he said, "Aw, just **** it."
So he picked up his sword,
Prayed to the Lord,
Ran forward and proclaimed,
"Look! I stuck it!"


*groooan*

Yeah I had talked to someone about being sui and they called the police on me without me knowing about it too. So by time they came I was hiding in my bathroom. I was 14 at the time. I had overdosed/attempted suicide. And they were pounding on the door like maniacs. I already deal with paranoia and I didn't know who was at the door because it was 2am in the morning, I was crying and throwing up from all the meds I had taken. I had never been to a psych hospital prior to that, or dealt with cops ever. Anyway, the banging on the door nonstop at 2am loud as **** and not announcing who they were or why they were there made me think there were people out to get me. Then when I saw it was police I thought I was being arrested (I have paranoia about that). One of the police was laughing at me when I was in the ambulance getting my stomach pumped because I had been crying so hard that there was a lot of snot on my nose but they wouldn't let me wipe it off

Another situation, was when my therapist called the cops on me and had them do a mental inquest warrant on me when I was 18 or 19. The cop said if I tried anything he wouldn't hesitate to pull over on the side of the highway and handcuff me. I don't know why he said that or was being kind of aggressive. I wasn't being violent. Was just delusional about the fbi and suicidal. Then while I was riding in the back of the police car he said if I had God in my life I wouldn't have these problems. Which just was a weird thing to say.

So not super traumatic experiences, but those combined with my paranoia make me sometimes start to think they'll come after me and arrest me. Any time I hear a siren or an unexpected knock at my door I immediately panic.

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Those certainly are super traumatic experiences @Blue_Bird! At any age they would be, but you were so young both times. And that cop with the God thing sounds like a real creepster. Ugh. Sweetie, it's no wonder you have paranoia about the police.

Be kind to yourself.

Gotta Amit that my interaction with cops has been mostly positive,….I think 🤔 I was on way too much meds for years and I kept blacking out after taking my night meds. I’d leave my apartment and go walking in my night clothes sans shoes. Cops would get called and find me walking and take me to the nearest hospital. I have no idea how the interactions went but they never arrested me or put me in the drunk tank. I always woke up in a hospital. Strange though that the doctors didn’t catch on to my being over medicated instead they labeled it dissociation and DID. Thankfully I had excellent downstairs neighbors who would make sure my apartment was ok, they kept a spare key and looked out for me. Yet I do fear the police.

My doctor cleared me of my quarantine. She said you can test positive up to 90 days. So I plan on doing something out of the house while wearing a mask. Possibly getting my flu shot. I didn't excatly breeze through this but at least I can now get one of those "I survived covid shirts." My endocrongolist said it was ok to get my blood work done this week and to see him next week. I called my pdoc asking if he'd raise my Prestiq because I've had luck with it and I'm going through a lot with getting sick and switching therapists suddenly and trying to get back to work. He said no. He said what I'm going through is situational and not mental health so meds won't help. I kinda get the situational part. But I've never had to deal with this kind of abrasivness from him before. Its odd. Unless he is still thinking about the weight loss thing. The Prestiq isn't causing weight loss its just helping me maintain the weight I've already lost. Idk. I thought he could have been nicer about things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nammu Gotta Amit that my interaction with cops has been mostly positive,….I think 🤔 I was on way too much meds for years and I kept blacking out after taking my night meds. I’d leave my apartment and go walking in my night clothes sans shoes. Cops would get called and find me walking and take me to the nearest hospital. I have no idea how the interactions went but they never arrested me or put me in the drunk tank. I always woke up in a hospital. Strange though that the doctors didn’t catch on to my being over medicated instead they labeled it dissociation and DID. Thankfully I had excellent downstairs neighbors who would make sure my apartment was ok, they kept a spare key and looked out for me. Yet I do fear the police.

I wonder if there's even one person with mental illness who doesn't fear the police? A sad commentary.

I too have a fear of police. One time I was freaking out in my clinicians office at a different IOP. I told them I thought my brain was spilt and one half was trying to kill me by making me kill myself. Well they called crisis and crisis brought FIVE cops. Not necessary. I wasn’t violent or anything.

Now I’m afraid because of all the reports of police violence. They shoot first and ask questions later apparently, and if I’m not in the right state of mind I don’t think they could (or would) try to talk to me first.

I won’t be replying or updated as much but I am still reading and sending love. Apparently I have severe carpal tunnel syndrome in my right hand and it is very painful to type. I hope to get some cortisone injections in a few weeks’ time.

Yes, cops are taught to fear mental illness. Even though statically those with mental illness committed less crime and are more often victims the cops are taught to fear us.

I hope those injections help. Thinking of you.

Hey- everyone! I spent quite a while changing passwords tonight and deleting some of the sites where my password is saved. Then I removed my credit card from the Starbucks app! That's major but I have totally gone overboard these last few months keeping SB in business! I also deleted it because I'm trying to get rid of sites and apps that have my credit card info stored. Luckily my phone told me which sites those are. While I was changing the user/password for one of my credit cards I did a free credit report check. Turns out my credit score has gone up about 50 points in the last two years! Now the little graph says "Good" next to my score! My credit report also showed my two credit cards as the only credit accounts that I have. I can't believe that, though!

N3's car broke down Saturday right after I'd gotten one of my wheels fixed! He literally drove across the street and it broke! That was the second time I had to call AAA that day. First was to get my car to the tire place. Then the tow truck took N3's car to a totally different place than we'd asked! I had to call AAA back and say hey your tow truck driver never showed up with my son's car! We knew this because we had driven to the shop to talk with the owner about what was wrong with it. But the owner did call me as I'd asked when the car finally arrived at the shop. N3 and gf both let their phones die . Well N3's really died so I took him to the phone store and it turns out he has insurance on the broken one! So he filled something out online and voila! New phone which he says he's going to get a case for. His screen cracked only a couple days after he got the old phone.

And to add more to the car drama, mine goes in the shop tomorrow morning! It was supposed to be today but N3 and gf had no way of getting to work so I let them borrow my car all weekend and today.

My experiences with the police and EMTs has been mostly positive. One police officer even put me in the back of his cruiser for a few minutes because it had air conditioning and it was hot. I guess I've just been lucky. That same officer was very kind in his demeanor.

I usually post around 4:00 in the morning and I much prefer that. It’s usually me and one other person. Peaceful. Tomorrow, though, I’ll need to make an early start to make up for the time I’ve been away from home and to get ready to leave on another trip.

The grief class was helpful and good tonight. It gives me clarity at least for a bit of time and helps me put things in perspective. It eases the grief as well.

I wish everyone a peaceful day tomorrow. Much love.

Hope things improve quickly

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I’m sorry things have been so rough on you

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5 hour shift is much easier to handle. No break when you work that .dumb.

One thing I will say it’s cold at work I’m really shocked the owner keeps it at 67 ! I literally need long sleeves and today I would have worn a jacket also.

It’s got sooooo cold suddenly ! Low of 25-26 !

We will warm back up a bit on Wednesday thankfully.

I got my Flu and pneumonia shot today so that’s done with thankfully.

Love and hugs to y’all

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Was busy today. I saw 5 clients instead of 4 like normal. I had not seen 5 in quite some time. I stsarted the day off going to see the new PT place laborde. She was good. and taped my knee up and gave me some exercises to do.
getting ready for bed first AF day for me in a while, weight is up because I had fallen off my diet and did not drink enough water today.
good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite!
bizi

Quote:

Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25 I too have a fear of police. One time I was freaking out in my clinicians office at a different IOP. I told them I thought my brain was spilt and one half was trying to kill me by making me kill myself. Well they called crisis and crisis brought FIVE cops. Not necessary. I wasn’t violent or anything. Now I’m afraid because of all the reports of police violence. They shoot first and ask questions later apparently, and if I’m not in the right state of mind I don’t think they could (or would) try to talk to me first.

Five cops. Wow. Just...wow. It must have been a slow day at the office for them to send 5 cops.

I don't know if it's a nationwide program, or if other states have similar programs, but we have a fairly new thing here, maybe about 6 years old. It's called CIT (Crisis Intervention Training). It involves mental health professionals and volunteers (usually NAMI) working with the police to teach the cops how to properly deal with people in mental health crisis.

Sounds good, sounds great, but so far I haven't heard anything about it actually doing anything special. Everyone I know IRL who has a MI is scared of cops for the same reason you've stated, wfc. I sure am. I just hope that over time programs like CIT will become regular things & will work.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moose72 My experiences with the police and EMTs has been mostly positive. One police officer even put me in the back of his cruiser for a few minutes because it had air conditioning and it was hot. I guess I've just been lucky. That same officer was very kind in his demeanor.

I remember one man, one cop, who picked me up from the ER to take me to the psych hospital. He was by himself, a middle-aged guy. I was around 30. He was kind and friendly. He didn't act weird about me. He told me about his kids, and I remember thinking that he was probably a good dad. I hope he retired and is living a good life as a grandpa or something.

All the years I worked in the cafe, because I worked the night/closing shift, I had my regular officers throughout the years come in to get their coffee for the night. I always gave them a discount. A couple of guys would tip me, most didn't (which was just plain not cool in that cafe). I actually got friendly with one lady cop...geez! I even remember that her name was Cindy. She ended up marrying her girlfriend, then over the next few years they adopted two boys and those little dudes were so cute! She'd bring them in sometimes on her evenings off.

Ooooh, I just remembered a story! A ghost story about a police officer. It happened in the cafe, to me, and it was freeeaky... It will be my Halloween story here

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina I’m sorry things have been so rough on you

Thank you, Sweetpea. Being married to a Vietnam vet is notoriously challenging. Most of their marriages fall apart.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bizi Was busy today. I saw 5 clients instead of 4 like normal. I had not seen 5 in quite some time. I stsarted the day off going to see the new PT place laborde. She was good. and taped my knee up and gave me some exercises to do. getting ready for bed first AF day for me in a while, weight is up because I had fallen off my diet and did not drink enough water today. good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite! bizi

Oh, good about getting your knee taped up. Will you do the exercises?

Someone in the UK on this forum said that when she was a little girl the kids would say, "Good night, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite, and if they do - bite their bums!"

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountaindewed My doctor cleared me of my quarantine. She said you can test positive up to 90 days. So I plan on doing something out of the house while wearing a mask. Possibly getting my flu shot. I didn't excatly breeze through this but at least I can now get one of those "I survived covid shirts." My endocrongolist said it was ok to get my blood work done this week and to see him next week. I called my pdoc asking if he'd raise my Prestiq because I've had luck with it and I'm going through a lot with getting sick and switching therapists suddenly and trying to get back to work. He said no. He said what I'm going through is situational and not mental health so meds won't help. I kinda get the situational part. But I've never had to deal with this kind of abrasivness from him before. Its odd. Unless he is still thinking about the weight loss thing. The Prestiq isn't causing weight loss its just helping me maintain the weight I've already lost. Idk. I thought he could have been nicer about things.

You know...I hate when pdocs go weird on a patient and start with the "that isn't a mental health thing." When another time they'd say just the opposite. And plenty of times they're wrong - and plenty of times (in my experience) they deny that a physical problem is due to medication. I'm experiencing that one, more and more.

Here I am…in the 4:00-5:00 hour as usual. My nephew is in town from the Navy this week and we’re trying to all find a common time to meet up. M will come down so it’s taking some finagling. He’s the captain now of the amphibious vehicle he’s assigned to. We saw a picture of the vehicle with his name on it. We’re so proud. Of all the kids really. My BIL and I were musing how easy and peaceful it was raising the 3 - good kids (young adults now) and good people at heart - all raised with good values. We are very blessed.

I finally put a grocery order in and had more of my favorite apple cinnamon spice tea that I love delivered. Mom put her hands on the other box and it disappeared. I also got honey vanilla camomile which is delicious. I love making a mug of tea, lighting my favorite candles - balsam or sand and sun and opening the door for some cold, fresh air. I’d have it open now if things hadn’t changed. What has happened took away my innocence and sense of safety about this neighborhood. It’s a bad feeling to have. I walk to the mailbox as if I own the street all the while looking around and wondering who it is. The security system is of great comfort. It helps to know we’re on the police department’s watch list. Thank you former spouse.

I’m not sure what my plans are today aside from catch up and preparation for the next trip. My body, mind and soul just needs a quiet day to hang about and catch up. I’ve canceled my commitments. The most I’ll do as far as going out is to go get a daily warrior smoothie at the Smoothie King as I’ve become quite attached to them. I think I’ll stop off by the park on the way back and sit and watch the stream and do some walking and thinking.

I hope everybody has a peaceful day. Much love

Glad you had a shorter shift, sorry it was cold though, it’s frustrating trying to focus on work when your uncomfortable/cold

I’m glad you were able to get your shots. I got my flu shot and bivalent Covid shot a week or so ago, was really tired after them but didn’t have any other side effects

Hope you have a good week

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Hope the injections help!

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