Bipolar check-in #70

I just got the rest of my blood work back and my testosterone level is high. Which probably explains my mood swings and severe anxiety and my hunger issues and why my meds feel like they aren't working. I see my doctor on Wednesday so I'll talk to him about what my options are. He may want to lower the dose or have me go off it for a bit. It is always nice when a blood test shows that a medical issue is causing your mental health symptoms and you aren't just going bananas.

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Originally Posted by Mountaindewed ... It is always nice when a blood test shows that a medical issue is causing your mental health symptoms and you aren't just going bananas.

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I hope things improve by tomorrow. Have ing serious abdominal issues. Doctor google of course is useless on the other extreme Mayo clic site says to go to urgent care after a couple of days. But my experience with urgent care is that they will send me to ER, and ER I don’t want to go to. I’m hoping that by writing this here that it will now magically go away! Sorry being vague but the symptoms are gross.

Hope you sleep well and wake up feeling all better Nammu.

Checking in real quick. I had to completely stop cogentin because I couldn’t focus my eyes. Well the restlessness is out of control now. It’s causing intense anxiety. Propranolol calms it to tolerable but I’m reticent to take it. According to my Apple Watch my resting heart rate is around 65 every day now. Not sure why it’s so low. It’s not in a dangerous range, that’s below 60, but it’s so close I’m nervous to take a drug that can lower it further.

I just want off this terrible drug. RS can still feel the tremor and the PT asked me if I had one so she saw it. My tongue is jumping all over the place. I don’t know if my mouth is still moving but I bet it is. I don’t know what to do. I have an appt with another new pdoc tomorrow and she’s in the same practice as my old one so I really hope she actually listens to me unlike the other one.

Anyway other than that things are good. I’m still enjoying my job. I had to take an extra long break because of anxiety, I had to wait until the propranolol kicked in or else I couldn’t have gone back. I’m so glad that a) I’m not hourly so I don’t have to clock in and out and b) I have a really flexible and understanding teacher and coworker so if I need extra time I can take it. That will really help me.

There’s an illness rolling through the classroom again though. One kid was out for four days last week, one was absent today, and three more are snotty and sneezing/coughing. I swear the first kid had covid, he had a fever and a horrible cough as well as gastrointestinal symptoms which are common in kids. But it could have just been a cold combined with a stomach bug I guess. All I know is I’m washing my hands every time I touch a kid for any reason lol.

Is this non dualism? Sounds like my hubby. though I have asked he not talk about it to me. and he doesn't usually.
(((((HUGS)))))
I wish you had a nicer husband.
bizi

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Originally Posted by Nammu I hope things improve by tomorrow. Have ing serious abdominal issues. Doctor google of course is useless on the other extreme Mayo clic site says to go to urgent care after a couple of days. But my experience with urgent care is that they will send me to ER, and ER I don’t want to go to. I’m hoping that by writing this here that it will now magically go away! Sorry being vague but the symptoms are gross.

Oh, no! I went through the google hellishness when I was so horribly sick all of August. Seriously, it does get to be a bit much...the internet has a person dead and buried when no such thing is necessary, at all.

Anyway, there's no "tmi" in my book. I'm sure here if you think I might have any suggestions for you. Besides that, I'm sending love and comfort to you. Please check in tomorrow.

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Originally Posted by bizi Is this non dualism? Sounds like my hubby. though I have asked he not talk about it to me. and he doesn't usually. (((((HUGS))))) I wish you had a nicer husband. bizi

Yeah, it's along those lines.

Good for your husband for actually respecting your request without rubbing your nose in it.

I, too, wish I had a nicer husband.

I fixed my pill boxes for the week last night and as I sat there surrounded by all kinds medication…. I’m literally struggling with the vast amount of medications I take.

Diabetic, Asthma, high cholesterol, Tachycardia,psoriasis and Psoriatic Arthritis.CFS,Fibromyalgia Bipolar, PTSD, OCD, anorexia in remission, osteoporosis and spinal stenosis. Bone density loss requiring treatment.

I take 4 psych meds 2 twice a day. I take Metformin twice a day. I take a pill for my tachycardia twice a day. Cholesterol twice a day. Asthma inhalers 2 twice a day

I take Lyrica for my Fibromyalgia twice a day. I take a medication for my PsA twice a day

Between prescriptions meds and OTC meds I take 18-19 pills a day.

This is outrageous. My Doctor and I have sat down and reviewed them and we can’t find any to drop

I think I’m starting to have issuers with my kidneys.

I need to get an appt with a new GP this month. I just filled my last Lyrica

Just feeling very defeated.

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I am very, very concerned about the tremors and tongue movement @wildflowerchild25...that they're still going on. I sure hope that tomorrow's appointment is successful. Do check in quickly, if you can.

I've been doing IFS (Internal Family Systems) therapy for abut 2 months now. It is really working for me. It's become fun to come in with progress.

This time I told him I'd told my women's Bible study group about my breast cancer risk and that I'd asked for prayers, especially when they meet next and I will be in the city trying to fill time between appointments. He was so proud of me. I'm not sure he stopped smiling the entire rest of the sessions. And that's certainly not typical; we've had our disagreements. Partly we disagreed about whether therapy was benefiting me; we know now that is once again is.


I was a little surprised; I wasn't really expecting to have him respond so intensely.


I think I'm learning new coping skills and a new way to use them.

I even got a "good job" on the way out. "Good job" is saved for really big accomplishments.

So happy. I love when therapy is so happy that I am happy all day.

Hey, there @~Christina That's a lot of illness to carry with you through life. I feel sad for you. It's so much. And then to work a job that's so hard. I mean...yeah. Sign up with a new GP. Maybe the person will have some good input.

Hit me up if you need to. You know where to find me

So glad your getting results with IFS

I think it’s going well for me also

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Sorry you lost your aunt like that. Losing someone to suicide is hard and trigger points - like you turning the age she was when it happened - are hard too. I’m glad you have your cats to keep you here. You may not have a person, but I truly believe that our pets mean just as much and probably love us even more than any human ever will. Having said that I know people want that human connection.

My mom met with her primary eye doc yesterday. He was just as pleased as the other one, telling my mom, after today, she doesn't have to do anything recovery-wise. No eye patches. No stabilization pillows. She's thrilled, I'm thrilled and my dad's even thrilled.

Her eyesight is tentatively getting to the point where it used to be. But where it used to be is correctable with glasses, so it's still a massive improvement!

Something broke, with my COVID or just general fatigue I don't know, and I was able to get some nice dream filled sleep. Don't remember the dreams, but I remember being pleased as punch to be having them. I also woke up well rested in a short amount of time, so that thrilled me.

Still have this congestion/drainage/coughing combo, but to a much lesser extent. I'm still going to talk to my Primary Doc about the whole COVID mess and see if he's got any recommendations.

Another person I've got to talk to is my boss and get a return to work day from her. It's probably not going to be today, since having a mucus induced coughing fit isn't going to inspire customers to come to me for help, or basic conversation. Still, it would be nice to hash out when they want me back.

If I can get these two issues addressed, I'll be well on my way! Or at least have some clarity.

I feel kinda crappy today. For one thing the flu shot is making me feel like I had one too many. Then I have the normal anxiety I've been getting. I've put on weight for no reason lately. Both issues are probably testereone related. I went and got my bloodwork done for my kidney doctor. That bloodwork is probably ****ed up as well. I have zero energy today and my heart is racing and my shoes are too tight despite being pretty loose the other day. Idk. I'm either about to have a heart attack or I'm in kidney failure. It seems also like some of my covid symptoms have returned. The coughing and runny nose and post nasal drip.

My mom and I got mcribs for lunch. I am not one to ever emotionally eat but I needed to rest today from my dieting that seems to be useless, and the mcrib did get rid of my anxiety. It did crap for my physical stuff though. I'm lying in bed with the shades and curtains closed and under 2 blankets hacking up a storm.

I'm glad you're getting good results with IFS!

It's especially good as you've had disagreements with this therapist (I can relate to that)

I've been thinking of looking into IFS for a while!

My opinion is that it is worth trying, for everyone, if the therapist is competent and caring (and not chained to some beurocrasy (sp) which limits sessions to the absolute minimum, or less)

Him saying ''good job'' is good! And that he responded so intensely

(((((((( Beth ))))))))

Trigger

Much love to you. I can relate to some of this (in particular the loss of a relative when I was very young who was a lovely person who I miss). I have papa bear to anchor me to this earth, he deserves the best. I wondered when I read your other post about going to the ocean on your 60th birthday (I have had thoughts of walking into the water and disappearing, I don't think so much linked to any particular age) I sometimes think of a couple of former boyfriends who I left (or was not ''allowed'' to contact, in that case I was under 17 - he was not ''allowed'' to contact me either) (I was very young though, in both cases, too young to commit to anyone especially given... something..) (not ''something'' about me, but the level of deceit in the family....)

((((((((( Christina )))))))))

((((( hugs )))))) Bizi

Beth, I too wish you had a nicer husband (does he like bears? )

Well writing it out does seem to have magical effect, my stomach issues are mostly resolved. I’m still tender and I haven’t tried eating yet though. I’ve not had my chai or daily Pepsi for three days now and really craving those but no, water is all. I ate something Saturday I think gave me food poisoning. It’s now Tuesday and I’m finally feeling better. But Sunday was scary, so much blood. Feeling much better today. Thank goodness 😅

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Originally Posted by unlived Sorry you lost your aunt like that. Losing someone to suicide is hard and trigger points - like you turning the age she was when it happened - are hard too. I’m glad you have your cats to keep you here. You may not have a person, but I truly believe that our pets mean just as much and probably love us even more than any human ever will. Having said that I know people want that human connection.

How kind of you, unlived. I suppose that for all these years I have feared turning 60 because of my aunt. You've helped me be aware of that, and I thank you.

I do have my son. He is a precious, beautiful human being. Absolutely the best of my husband and I. It's just that he's 34 and of course very much has his own life. He works so hard and travels very, very much. I just wish I could see him and my DIL more often. And my daughter, although we aren't seeing eye-to-eye at this time- there is no doubt in my mind that we love each other so deeply. It's just a matter of patience and time.

It's so hard, one moment they're children and we're all together as a family - the next moment they've left for college and everyone is everywhere, and those family days are fewer and further between. Anyway, my son and I do communicate almost daily, which is a huge light in my life.

Thank you, unlived

I'm so happy for you @BeyondtheRainbow! It sounds like you've found your "method" in therapy. That must be a great feeling.

Hmm...I wonder who this is for