Bipolar check-in #70

Me too!

We'll, I ran out of thorazine and fluoxatine last night. H misplaced his meds so we have to call and order them tomorrow. We applied for 4 apartments today only one we can truly afford so we're hoping that comes back first. As much as I love my extended family I'm so ready for new adventures.

My great time killing, enjoy some part of this trip has been decided. I'm going to the zoo. It's going to be a lovely day outside and I'm going to take advantage while I have a chance.

I hope it is worth it. Years ago this wasn't the best zoo. But that was 20 years ago.

I've got wildly curly hair too and I hate haircuts. I've tried asking for the person who was best with curly hair and had them act insulted and tell me that they are all equally good. I don't buy that.

The worst I ever had was a woman who refused to wash and condition my hair before trying to run a comb through it. And this was a regular comb, not a curly hair comb (I'm blanking on the name). She was pretty much pulling my hair out and even other people were commenting. So she huffed and took me back to the sink for the conditioner I'd asked for.

In college I heard of someone cutting hair for $7 or something. I went to her and wound up with scallops across the back. I had to have a friend chop off another 2 inches.


I love my hair but really hate maintaining it.

I feel so proud of you @BeyondtheRainbow! YOU DID IT! That rough day is over and done
Enjoy the zoo tomorrow. What a good choice. I bet that zoo has improved a lot in 20 years. You'll have to let us know.

It's sad to know that others feel my pain about my hair type, but certainly knowing I'm not alone is comforting.

I haven't gotten to sleep before 2 or 3 am for several days now. It's very bad for me! I'm pushing too much. This morning I had a bit of a rage outburst. Not directed at anyone. It's rarely so. But directed at all of the challenges and frustrations I'm facing. And of course I feel guilty for even having such comparatively "little frustrations" when I think of what my brother is going through. And my sister who sees his pain every day. I'm delinquent about calling my dad and my siblings this week. I'm resistant, because it's so damn hard. Thinking that is also something I wrestle with, yet it doesn't motivate.

The other day, I finally got an appointment with a psychiatrist in the area. Unfortunately, it is not until February 1. This will be the longest I haven't seen a psychiatrist since before I accepted treatment over 18 years ago. A little scary, but at least I have a pdoc? And she is only 20/25 mins from our new property. My pdoc in the south will provide electronic refills. And I guess if there was an emergency he'd see me, but he's almost 2 1/2 hours drive away. Let's hope it doesn't come to the latter. It will soon the former, though. For some reason, he submitted an insufficient refill order for my Tegretol. I may run out of one or more others, too, before February.

@Soupe du jour I used to have really wavy long hair that looked unbrushed no matter how much I brushed it. It was crazy to deal with and I got a lot of crap for it from kids and adults. When I cut it in 2017 it became stick straight. It was super weird and even my hair stylist was baffled by it. She was sure it was going to poof up. So my hair is straight now but for years I dealt with wavy unmanagable hair. So I get it.

So I was just awakened by a call from the breast center. Something showed up on my MRI that they want "more imaging" on. Since I'm having a mammogram tomorrow they're going to call and ask the breast surgery people (doing the mammogram; sorry, I know this is confusing) to do an ultrasound too.


To be fair I was warned that first mri's often pick up things that aren't problems. So that's probably all this is. But I have trouble not seeing the routine of the last year play out...test, problem, more advanced test, problem, more advanced test, etc.

Oh well. It's all part of this and it is expected and keeps from getting cancer so it's good. Just frightening.

My dad finally talked to his doc who immediately told him to go to the ER, citing worries of sepsis. Because my dad has to oppose everyone and everything about anything, he immediately pooh-poohed the doc, saying it wasn't that bad, you lot are all after money, etc. He did accept the need for an actual office visit with the doc, so something must have clicked. I will say, the swelling has gone down somewhat on his leg, though it's still there. My mom had to force him to take NSAIDs to make that happen because "It's not so bad."

Even when he's seriously ill, he can't stop being a jackwagon. Consistency, I guess?

Finally back into the rhythm of things for work. My first full week started yesterday, I had some good sales, and apart from a logistical snafu, it was a generally good day! Hoping the rest of the week is the same.

Y’all!! I get to take my niece too see the nutcracker for Christmas present. It’s such a fun show! I can’t wait to take her.

I had therapy today but it was difficult because my fatigue is tough today. Also my headphones werent working so I couldn't use them and so my mom and brother could hear everything. I don't know if they really could hear much but it made me self consicous. We ended a few minutes early. I left for my trip and now I am lying in bed under my weighted blanket. I'm hoping to get half my stuff done tommorow and the other stuff on Friday.

I got my MRI results today. There were several areas that showed up on the MRI that didn't show on prior imaging. So they requested that I have ultrasounds on those areas when I have my post-op appointment/mammogram tomorrow. I was assuming I'd have to have ultrasound because not everything shows up on mammogram or if it does they can't always tell what it is and ultrasound helps. If it doesn't show on the imaging tomorrow they'll do a biopsy with MRI assist.


They didn't mention the lump I can feel which concerns me. Of the things they found 2 were larger. They like things to be under 1 cm and one was just over that and one was 1.2 cm or something close to that.

So we'll see what tomorrow brings.

I did go to the zoo. It was a lovely sunny warm day; I was actually too warm in my hoodie. The first hour or so I didn't see many animals. Then I hiked up this mile long hill and found some animals (plus the tram that brings you up the huge hill for no cost. I got a ride down). On the way down I found the animals so I finally saw the things you expect to see at a zoo (for a while I was worried a squirrel gnawing on a pumpkin was going to be all I saw). But I got to see lots of animals after that. I even heard a lion roaring a bunch of times, something I've never experienced.


Tonight I'm tired and hope to get to sleep early. I got a late check-out for noon and then get the shuttle to the hospital one last time for my mammogram, ultrasounds and post-op. Medically this will be a very expensive week. I guess that's what it is going to take to get through this.

@BeyondtheRainbow that’s a lot to unpack.

The zoo visit sounds sooo nice @BeyondtheRainbow. Isn't hearing a lion roar the strangest thing? Really feels like being on a different continent.

I hope all goes very smoothly tomorrow. Keep us posted!

Gross nausea won’t go away and I’m exhausted from
School, work and practicum. I’m working Saturday too. Ugh. I ran out of zofran! I don’t have time for this

I just don't feel good. I'm very tired, which never helps me at all. I'm falling asleep okay, but lately awakening early and unable to get back to sleep. Honestly, I'd rather have difficulty falling asleep, then be able to sleep in the morning. The early awakening really wallops me.

I'm worried about out of my mind that another of my cats has diabetes. Sidney, my kitty who I treat for diabetes, is an intelligent, gentle, absolutely magnificent soul of a cat. Sadie, the one I'm afraid has it, is a dear little cat, so loyal and always by my side, even during the night in bed. Unfortunately, she had a horrible kittenhood; she was a rescue from a bad situation. As a result of being teased and mistreated during her first year of life, Sadie can get vicious with claws and teeth. My entire schedule, all of life, is planned around doing everything I can to keep Sidney as healthy as possible. If Sadie also has diabetes, I'm...scared. The treatment requires hands-on care at least 4 times/day (glucose testing, insulin injections).

I've been feeling sick (because I'm tired) since I awoke this morning and wish I could just go to bed. But I'm afraid I'll lie there ruminating myself into a depression.

And my internet just keeps going down. The TV does, too. The tech was out here a few days ago, things were working well, then yesterday the same crap.

I feel ashamed of myself for not handling everything better. I'm just feeling tired and defeated right now.

But today, although cold, was brightly sunny when suddenly there was a downpour of rain. So there must be a rainbow somewhere, although I looked around and didn't see one. But it's out there somewhere

Sorry you have to do more testing but I’m glad they are able to do it now instead of your having to make the trip again.

Praying for you

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You have a lot going on and you’re doing the best you can. Give yourself some grace that you would give others dealing with so much

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Me too.


Although I'm actually coming back Monday I think to see my pdoc. I'm not sure about that though; I sent a message asking and they didn't get back to me. They are probably hoping to have an Emsam answer before they get in touch. Last I knew there was a lot of ongoing work to figure that out. I'll call Friday if I haven't heard. I really want to see my pdoc in person; I have breast cancers questions and she's been through it.

However I want to stay at my house with my Abbycat and my own bed and all that good stuff. I'm glad this hotel with really low rates for patients is here but it's not home.

Steve’s medication from Canadian pharmacy came yesterday and what a relief knowing he has it again. His breathing should improve.

I’ve been very “lazy” since I quit my job. I haven’t really deep cleaned anything which is very unlike me. I think if it continues I might be a bit worried.

Our Mennonite neighbor Ruth came over today to invite us to there churchs Thanksgiving meal tomorrow. They invite loads of people. I’m not a fan because it’s a huge crowd in a small church so I’m not sure if we are going. I mean we really should. Having such a grand meal would be lovely. Ugh social anxiety is hard to manage.

I need to contact Tina who clips our dogs nails and get Gus in his nails have really grown out. I don’t think we can get Dexter in the truck, it’s a single cab and he’s not as flexible at his age now. I’m desperately missing my Sirius

On a good note our weather has been Gorgeous! In 70’s for the highs and 50’s for the lows. Perfect. I’m spending lots of time on our porch.

Since hair is a topic I also have curly wavy hair and it’s to my waist. It’s so much to manage sometimes ! I’m half debating cutting quite a bit ..,well mid back maybe. I’ll never cut it shorter I simple don’t like my hair short I feel very ugly when it has been. I did find a great stylist. I dunno I’ll need to save up for a cut as she’s a bit pricey but I trust her.

So when does everyone start holiday decorations??

Hugs friends

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Well, at the zoo today they were busily taking down Halloween decorations following immediately with a Christmas decoration. It was actually kind of confusing. Fore me, not until Thanksgiving.

Me too, not until after thanksgiving. I put away Halloween stuff and just have pumpkins and fall themed stuff now.

Very windy today but warm. I don’t think we hit record temps but it was in the 70’s. The average around this time of year is 50’s, so we’ll above average.

Mum wanted to walk around the house and we stopped to chat with the neighbors. That was my big day. Tomorrow I ferry mum to a couple of appointments. Meanwhile I took my hearing aids out so I don’t have to listen to yet another hallmark Christmas movie. Ugh they start before Halloween now, but mum likes them. I’m reading and on here.

After running out of meds they tell me that they no long ship out of FL. And the meds are more than half my income. I can't talk to the pdoc because I'm out of county and they basically tell me there's nothing that can be done, I'm sol, h is sol, and Miguel is sol. So next month we can get meds. No one can help this month. I'm hoping we can get an apartment soon.

Hi BeyondtheRainbow. I think it's important that you and your doctors are taking an abundance of care in assuring you're OK. However, I think you're also right about many tests showing suspicious stuff that's of no major concern. I remember when my local radiology office first got a 3-D mammogram machine it seemed that most women had suspicious stuff, including me. There were four of us in the changing rooms, and time and again I overheard the techs saying each of us needed an ultrasound follow-up. I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt that they were just unsure and cautious. The pessimist in me thought it was an excuse for them to just get more money to help pay for the 3-D bugger.

I didn't know so many people had the curly hair "problem". Well, yesterday I did manage to get someone to fix my hair at a nice Prague salon. At least it's more precision cut. It's flat ironed straight, but once I wash it it will be curly again, and likely stay curly until the next cut.

Hub and I never decorate for Christmas until very near Christmas Eve. That's the way it always was in both of our families. However, we leave the decorations up well into January. Last year and this year very little was decorated. Just as last year, we'll just buy a mini tree that is already decorated. No more. Maybe when we finally live in our own house, we'll find the decorations box and do much more. Maybe even buy a few new decorations.

We also went to a new GP yesterday. She's very nice, and looks so young. I confess to thinking she was the nurse, initially. She's Slovak rather than Czech. Sadly for Czechs, we both agree that Slovaks tend to be nicer people, in general. My therapist at our last location was Slovak and he was the nicest I'd ever had, and an amazing conversationalist. This new GP referred to me to several specialists. It is good that I now have an appointment with a gynecologist (in Prague) and will have a mammogram in the near future. I was long overdue. She says I have to go to an endocrinologist in order to get my Synthroid. In the US and down south in CZ, the GPs handled that. What a hassle going to a specialist for such a piddly issue! I have no issues, I'm sure, and my thyroid test results have been normal for years.

I was SO so tired and getting stressed after too many days in a row of us running around. I need at least a few days of being home, doing very little, to recoup. I need to finally mop the floors, though.