Bipolar check-in #70

Congratulations @MuddyBoots! And @HALLIEBETH87 as well! Two exciting life events!

Congratulations @MuddyBoots!

I don’t know if you had any / much pain with your pulmonary embolism initially? But I’ve got a medical condition that’s meant I’ve had a fair few of them at different times over the years and the first time I had an “episode” of them (I had a couple in my right lung at the one time) it was the most intense pain I’ve ever experienced…. I could barely move to do anything…. Couldn’t sit up or turn over etc and was on 2 different types of opioids and was still in severe pain. Just saying all that because pain is definitely possible with p.e and also maybe the p.e hasn’t gone away completely or something has come back in its place? My pain stayed for weeks after that first episode though - but if it’s new onset pain after the PE has gone I’d definitely be getting it looked at ASAP.

Good luck with the new gig! Congratulations!

Those feelings didn't abate yesterday. I had anxiety the likes of which I haven't had in a while. Thoughts running circles in my head and going so fast I couldn't get the words out. Agitation, not at anybody, but just a pervasive need to move. Struggling to breathe and not hyperventilate. Been a long time since I had a panic attack. Would have loved it to be longer.

On the plus side, I took the abilify I had been neglecting the day before. It helped with the worst of it. The Litany Against Fear definitely helps me. I find myself getting calmer the more I repeat it, like a mantra. In the end, I was still able to do my job, despite the anxiety and/or depressive symptoms.

The combination of it being my weekend as well as a good night's sleep has got me a lot less acutely anxious. The proverbial Sword of Damocles image is, however, still there. I want a contingency if and when something goes wrong, but no one from the government to my employer to my family are willing to help me figure out one. I have at least five semesters of university lost due to mental health issues. I know for a fact I lost one employer due to a manic outburst and possibly another due to depressive lethargy.

It's not unfounded anxiety, and I would feel a lot better knowing that I had measures put in place to deal with my mental illness that weren't a hope and a prayer.

Speaking of prayer (How's this for a segue? ), I will be meeting my mom for Sunday service in about 45 minutes. Should be good. I can show off my new phone, catch up, that sort of thing.

A lot on my mind for sure, but it should be an uneventful Sunday!

This morning I woke up at 1:40 after falling asleep last night at 5. I felt well enough physically. I decided to work out. I worked out with my kettlebell and my legs were so sore afterwards I felt like I was going to fall. I felt pretty good though. I know if I get into shape and build muscle I'll feel good about myself. I took a shower at 5:30 and saw that the dems had won the senate. Now my anxiety is kinda crappy but it may just be some general situational stuff mixed in with possible physical stuff. Idk. I took some Advil and I can take some other stuff in a bit.

I feel super fat like I weigh over 200 pounds even though my scale said 164 this morning which is normal for me. I just feel so uncomfortable. I've had a lot of water so maybe its water weight. Or the jeans I'm wearing. They are pretty heavy and a lenght longer then I normally wear. Idk.

I found out today Daniel Radcliffe is my height. 5'5. Its always nice when I find out a famous cis guy isn't very tall.

I got my meds filled for this coming month and my current pdoc gave me no refills. The office said he only accepts refill request from the pharmacy yet he’s leaving Dec 9. Luckily I have a new provider considered but geez don’t ya think he should give me at least a couple months of meds til I see a new dr?

Can you contact pdoc and ask him what to do about the situation? He should definitely be able to give you refills until you are settled with a new doc.

Ugh, I hate this feeling. My scale says x but I feel x+many pounds. It's not even like it's about looking good or anything (at one point I've been told I look way too skinny and I agreed but I still had this feeling that I should be smaller). I'm told in my case it's a trauma thing. I don't really understand the reasoning behind that. Also this morning when I was doing body checks I remembered my dad saying "if you can pinch an inch, you're too fat."

My ex bf was 5'6" and I thought that was perfect.

Thanks @unlived. The pain is better today but I'm also less active today than I was yesterday.

I had a great deal of pain with the p.e. which went away with the high dose of blood thinner and treatment at the e.d.

The pain I'm having now is in the same place as the p.e. so maybe it isn't completely gone yet. I'm still on the blood thinner but only once a day. I'll consult with a doctor at the clinic I was treated at if I can on Monday.

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I got my meds filled for this coming month and my current pdoc gave me no refills. The office said he only accepts refill request from the pharmacy yet he’s leaving Dec 9. Luckily I have a new provider considered but geez don’t ya think he should give me at least a couple months of meds til I see a new dr?

That is infuriating. The law here anyway is that if a pdoc is leaving you or if you are leaving them there must be 3 months of med refills. Can you speak with an advice nurse about it?

That pain sounds concerning @Scooter9. Please do get things checked out, just to be on the safe side.

I hope your Sunday did go nicely @Aurelius710. I know all too well the feeling of living beneath the Sword of Damocles. I'm sorry for almost anyone who has to have such a feeling.

A car hit me. I had surgery performed on me. I have weeks of physical therapy to look forward to. Not good.

Terrible depression. No one in this year of 2022 should be told s/he has to just live this way, that there's no help. Or that mindfulness is all the help there is. I would do anything, legal or illegal, if I knew what to do, and if it would truly help.

I have a friend since 3rd grade, I love her very much. Today was her mother's 80th birthday, but she died. Today. On her own birthday. When we were growing up her mom always made us laugh, she was so funny, she would tell us such stories. My friend had a mother for 17 years longer than I did. What does that mean. Is it good or bad? Harder or easier? Weird.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tucson A car hit me. I had surgery performed on me. I have weeks of physical therapy to look forward to. Not good.

Oh, my God. I am so sorry.

Holy **** man. Wishing you a speedy recovery

Oh man! Swift recovery ❤️*🩹 vibes sent your way. May recovery go smoothly.

Ever heard of Muggsy Bogues? He used to be a famous NBA player and only 5’3”.

I think your friend was blessed to have her mum 17 years longer than you got to have yours. I think it would be just as hard either way I’m sorry you didn’t get as long with your mum and I’m sorry your friends mum died.

Beth I'm sorry you're depressed. I hate it when Drs seem to give up to early. I hope your depression lighten ups soon.

MD you may want to get rid of the scale. I can't have a scale in my house. This is why when there's weight issues the weigh you backwards.

The new protein shakes taste like cold hot chocolate. I only have to drink 1 a day. I'm doing a little better not sui today night seems to be worse.making my Christmas list and boy I'm expensive ohuhu came out with a 320 set. I have to find out what the new tracks are on new master's academy. If I can learn to draw this year that would be great. I think I'm going to concentrate on that this year. I wanted to be self sufficient as fast as possible but I don't see that happening. I'm soupose to be doing things 9-5 at least look busy. Idk no one is getting back to us.

I went to both aqua fitness and reg fitness today despite lousy weather. It’s cold. Around 27F and on and off snowing 🌨. I’m proud of myself for that, usually I let lousy weather dissuade me form doing things. In Texas it was the heat and up here it’s the humidity and the cold and snow.

Found out there’s a book club on Wednesday! Yay! Not on fb and not online but a real in person book club!

This Wednesday though there’s a birthday party for the November birthdays of the pool club.

Today my anxiety is better. I woke up around 1:15 and then worked out with my ab roller, my kettlebell, and my regular weights. I then drank a protein shake and fell asleep at 4 for another 1.5 hours. Today I went to Walmart and then to Whole Foods. My mom is at Sams Club buying bottled water since I've been using a ton of Mio. She also found variety packs of Skinny Pop holiday flavors of popcorn. My brother in law is taking me to the barbers the day before Thanksgiving. He knows of an LGBTQ friendly place. He is really excited to take me and I'm excited to get my facial hair trimmed.

I just heard the Hershey Kisses bells Christmas commercial

I have to see my pulmonologist tommorow and I don't get why because my sleep study was normal. I don't want anymore tests done. And yeah my sleep can still be crappy but I can handle it on my own. I plan on having my mom with me this time since he was grumpy last time. Like dude, I was reffered to you by another doctor for legit issues.

That's great, Nammu

I had posted a week or two ago about my patient assistance Emsam being lost by the hospital's mail system. After a lot of stress and worrying I was running out of patches faster than I was comfortable with (and feeling that the hospital owes me the patches they lost but having trouble expressing that for some reason) my therapist emailed and called my pdoc today and expressed his own concerns that I'll run out of meds and that this med essentially keeps me out of the hospital and someone needs to be responsible for it etc. my pdoc got back to me. She called the drug company and they are replacing the lost meds. I can't believe this (aren't drug companies supposed to be evil?) but they didn't act like it was even a big deal. So she sent in what they needed and the meds should be shipped again in the next few days. Unfortunately they still have to be shipped to the same hospital system but I'm used to them being slow (and I have enough patches for them to be slow within reason), just not them losing the patches altogether. If things work out exactly right I'll be able to get them when I'm there for my breast biopsy in 2 weeks. Or I'll drive up and back. That's a pain but I'll happily do it if I need to in order to get the meds.

I'm so relieved although I'll be more relieved when I know the meds are there. I still feel somewhat wary at this point after this last time. Those meds arrived at the hospital 9/23 and still haven't been seen.

Yay!