Bipolar check-in #71

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Originally Posted by Nammu Oh it went great but only 4 people showed up. Class was limited to 8 and around noon they sent out a reminder and asked if you couldn’t come to call because there was a waiting list. The other three were new and I was the only one that bought things to put on the wreath. Last year everyone bought stuff to add. I just had four gold star ornaments and red berries. I like to keep it simple. But the others really filled out their wreaths they looked great with just the bows and pine cones. Everyone chose to do the big one. They have three sizes. Ohh they all looked good.

They all must have looked so pretty! Why did only 4 people show up? Do people not want to be out in the snow?

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Originally Posted by BeyondtheRainbow I'm home from my biopsy and settled into bed. I'm exhausted but still wired from the lidocaine. I'm not going to mess with insomnia tonight; if I can't sleep by midnight or so I'm taking klonopin. Sleep will be hard because the biopsy was done on my left breast on the outside and I usually sleep on my left side. I also have my Emsam! Results in 4-7 days, approximately.

You GO, girl! All done. I hope by the time you see this you have had a good night of sleep. And it's great that you have your Emsam, at last

I am so sorry you had to be the recipient of such a rude woman @Aurelius710. There are times when I really, really wonder what makes some people be such mean jerks. Throughout his many decades of employment my husband encountered some co-workers/supervisors (for some reason, usually bitter women) who bullied him. There was absolutely no reason for it; it was like they just zeroed in on him. Anyway, what happened to you reminded me of that type of supervisor. Yes, I certainly hope tomorrow is a better day!

I’m thinking that the snow and the dark had to be the reason, but we only got 3 inches. All the roads I drove on were plowed but the snow was drifting. But in the afternoon they sent out a reminder of class and asked that if you couldn’t make it that you cancel because there was a waiting list.

My pdoc said I'd be off work for 3-6 months. I've been off for a month so far.

This past month off has been helpful; my anxiety is not as bad and the gabapentin is working.

I'm going to the gym at least 3 times a week and I now have someone to train me on using the machines. I need the help since I don't know what to do on my own. The trainer is expensive but I think I'll benefit from the guidance.

I'm still feeling low, but that's not new; I've been depressed for a long time.

I hope you recover from your biopsy soon @BeyondtheRainbow

I hope you got to sleep beyondthe rainbow.
hugs to you as you wait for the results.
(((((HUGS)))))
bizi

Not much is going on. I woke up right after midnight and I tried my music and stuff. I then worked out at 2:30. I did 100 crunches with my ab roller. Then I did 20 squats with my kettlebell. I took a few minutes break and I did the ab roller again but could only do 25 more. I am seeing an improvement in how I look with and without clothes. I took my Prestiq at 3:30 and it knocked me out from 4 until 7:30. I'll have to figure out a better time to take it and how to switch over to that time. I had been taking the 50mil at 8AM and that was wearing me out all day so I thought I'd try going earlier with the new dose and getting some more sleep. Which has worked these last couple days, but I'm not sure how long I can keep it up. So I may have to switch it to at night if I can figure out how.

So far things have been good. I see the new therapist tommorow afternoon. Supposedly that will solve all my problems according to my pdoc. I think I just have to be on a very strict schedule with literally everything and I'll be ok. I guess maybe I just don't have high expectations for this therapist because I'm always let down by them.

That's an amazing workout, MD! I just started working out and can't do that many... maybe 30 crunches and 15 squats without a kettlebell.

I think I might be doing too much. But I don't know. I keep getting this pain in my abdomen after a workout and I feel sick all day. But maybe that just means its working. Idk.

If you ever want a kettelbell I got mine from 5 Below. They get a ton of workout equimpent this time of year but they go fast. I don't go to a gym I just made a cheap small at home one.

I wonder what is going on with Al Roker. If he'll make it or not. That one may sting a bit. I've been watching The Today Show for almost 12 years and Al was my favorite.

I had soooo much fun with my fiancé last night and this morning! Then I went to a nonprofit fundraiser! The food
Was amazing

Sigh ugh homework

Im. So. Behind. Here. Again.

Steve is going to Florida for Christmas. His boys are paying for a rental car so he can drive down. He’s really upset that once again I’ll be alone for Christmas.

I’m perfectly okay about staying home. I have 3 dogs that will keep me busy. I hope to down the road fly down to see Amanda.

Good grief this puppy is so much work

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Thanks for the idea! It’ll be December in 4 odd hours. It seems like a long time since we’ve watched it. Daughter is eating a candy cane and is actually singularly focused watching it.

A hard day. I wrote about some of it on my Keeping Track post. The rest of it...I'm just worn down. Too much. Too much. My stomach is in knots. My soul is in knots. I'm trying to pray, I really am. I admired how Queen Elizabeth II knelled by her bed every night, all of her life, to say her prayers.

Rain is supposed to start tonight and be strong by tomorrow, with wind. I'm happy for the redwood tree outside of my window, I'm focusing on him. Me, I feel like I'm going to fall apart entirely when that rain comes. The sound of it. I don't know how I keep doing this. The med increases will have to help, they can't not help.

I did get a long, long strand of colored lights to hang around my apartment. 200 lights. I realized that Amazon delivered a packaged that contained a box of Christmas lights and a box of Hanukkah (menorah) candles. That struck me as amusing. And nice.

Oh- and Christine McVie's (Fleetwood Mac) death...she was only 79. I'd always thought she'd live to be really old, she seemed so grounded. I was very sad.

I’m pretty sure I have a sinus infection. Woo for Ohio valley g
Fall time!

So I ran out of requip and my Dr still hasn’t filled it. Can’t take risperdal without it

So I can’t get requip which means I can’t take risperdal which keeps my mania in check. Why won’t my dr fill it it’s l I’me he doesn’t care dunce he’s leaving December 9

I finally have my med situation sorted, at least for now. For the past four days, I had no lithium to take and was inconsistently taking my other meds. Basic gist: I now have three work locations a week and my lithium scrip was at a location I wasn't heading to until today. So, I had to call the pharmacy and get it transferred. Normal, but annoying, logistics. The inconsistent med schedule happened because I slept through two evening rounds and rushed out the door, forgetting a morning dose.

Definitely feeling the effects of inconsistent meds this week. Biggest one is rumination and paranoia and impulsivity all rolled together. Did something impulsive that's not particularly horrible and got me a tut-tut from the Walmart liason. Because of the other lady threatening my job and my increasingly disorganized state, I'm now paranoid my liason is going to go to my boss and demand I be removed from rotation at that store, which may or may not cost me my job.

It's a little thing, but the little things are the things people disproportionately care about in my experience. (Sweaty feet. Use of a key.)

As far as my job is concerned, I managed to avoid the worst of the hour cuts by getting myself a third store to work in. That third store is still the same distance away as my other two stores and it still grants me a five day work week. Basic gist: Each store has it's own pool of hours for shifts, so giving me three stores lets me dip into three different pools for hours. No complaints there, since I'm getting near a full work week for December!

I feel helpless. I am going around using a walker, not able to put much if any weight on my left foot. I have trouble making meals, or doing anything. I cannot imagine the hospital bills coming my way, in the many thousands. I am getting allot of help from my neighbors. This just underlines with me how helpless I have been feeling. One neighbor appears to have taken over my care, or so it seems. She has boundary issues, but means well. She also questions much of what I say, even when it comes to the appointments that I make. I am sure it is not actually that bad, but this is how I have been feeling. I snapped at her when I told her the time of an appointment that I have today. She said the usual “Are you sure?”. Of course I am, I am the one who made the appointment! So I calmed down quickly enough, and apologized.

My daughter refuses to help me. The rehab facility met over this matter and scheduled a visit for me from every imaginable source of help. I will have five people visiting me every week. Amazing. The problem now is to schedule their visits with me. Also there are those that are dropping the ball. My case manager at a law firm tells me two weeks later that she does not have the police report yet. So I will have to get the friggin police report for them. Once again, I am worried about what I will owe in hospital bills. I am stressing over it.

I do not know what to do!

I know. I feel that life stinks

My sleep the last couple of weeks have been horrible we all know about that. I started having problems with my anxiety around then since then also. Well yesterday I took a med at 12 then next thing g I know it is like 6 in the afternoon when I woke up. Well I was mad but oh well. I laid down at about 8 or 9 last night and I woke up after 8 this morning. No problems with my anxiety so far. Now to figure out how to get more sleep it seams.

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I have therapy in a bit and I'm not too nervous. Thanks to the increase in prestiq I had to sort of fight to get. And I've taken my normal valiums. I've been eating fruit lately I don't know if that has something to do with low anxiety. I just hope I don't get immediatly chewed out about my weight, appeareance, and food habits at this first session. I skipped the workout today to give my muscles a break. And I woke up at 3 for once instead of 11 or midnight then I got another 40 minutes of sleep at 4:40. I went to the grocery store this morning for some fruit and vegetables and sweet potato pumpkin mac and cheese. Now I am just waiting around until I have to get into the shower. I'm pretty zoned out though right now so I'm not sure how to pull myself together.

Idk. Maybe I am a bit anxious about the appointment.

I got my biopsy results back and it was a BENIGN tumor. I've had a bunch of the same kind. So no further biopsy needed and I'll have my scheduled testing in May. I get to relax about it until then unless I find a lump myself which is unlikely.

This has been the hardest one to recover from. I've had more pain and am completely exhausted (that part has been consistent). I tried to get my clozapine labs done Monday before all this but the order was sent to the wrong place so I had to go today. I waited for 20 minutes and was told the order went to the wrong place yet again so I had to go to the hospital and wait 30 more minutes. And the reason I don't go to the hospital is they don't use safe practices and once again she didn't wear gloves. So I won't be going back to the hospital. But I do have a copy of the lab order so I can go where I want to go now. I started feeling pretty crummy by the time all that was done so I bought a soda and drank a bunch of it fast and that helped some. I wish I could sleep but it's too late in the evening to sleep. So I'm just resting. I also need to change my sheets so hopefully I'll get that much energy.


But I'll take feeling lousy for a few days for a BENIGN result! (Sorry for the complaining. It was a hard afternoon).

So glad your tumor's benign! Woot woot!!! Sucks about the clozapine labs, but that's what I've come to expect with the clozaril labs. But yay for benigninity!

You hear that saying take it one day at a time well some days I take it one minute at a time. I no longer schedule multiple things a day I also try to plan out my next day the night before but when I get up in the morning I now look at the next couple of hours not a day or days. It helps with some of the overwhelming days I had in the past. I am a little more relaxed now.
This all started cause of a motorcycle trip I had planned for this last summer. I had all these things planned and decided to put a bunch of stuff till the next day and it was very overwhelming for me I got up at 4 in the morning to start my work and instead I spent most the day crying and I had planned on canceling this trip then I called my mom and she told me to stop doing everything and just relax and I did. I went on this trip, but it turned out way different than I had planned. Instead of planning my trip, turn by turn, and stop by stop I did it completely different. I got on my bike at about 2 pm and hit the road. The original miles planned for this trip was like 1500 miles turned into over a 3000 miles trip. I had planned on going to some motorcycle races and never made it and never looked back. On this trip I would get to a area and pull up the map on my phone and see where I was then if something looked interesting I went there. This was literally a turn by turn trip. I coved more of N.W. Washington then I had ever planned lol.
Don't get me wrong I still suffer from my depression, grief and mania but taking it one hour by hour has helped me with feeling overwhelmed. I still have bad days and I still have my problems but doing this has helped me out some. I also still get overwhelmed but some days I am able to stop what I am doing and think it through and sometimes that helps me calm down.
Sorry for carrying on yes I am a little manic but so far today no anxiety problems with all that sleep I got yesterday.

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