Bipolar check in #73

I ordered my cap and gown! And we reserved a hotel room
For the night before Graduation. (We live two hours away and my granny
Can’t do that drive twice in one day)

Quote:

Originally Posted by HALLIEBETH87 I ordered my cap and gown! And we reserved a hotel room For the night before Graduation. (We live two hours away and my granny Can’t do that drive twice in one day)

Congratulations

Congratulations! 🎉🍾🎈🎊

It's 6 p.m. and still too light to close the curtains! I have never in my life so longed for longer light. The time changes in less than a month.

I had my first pedicure for (early) spring today. Oh, how nice that was.

Anxiety attack feeling this afternoon, I don't know why, really. I'm glad I have a therapy session tomorrow.

Congratulations ❤️

Hope todays a lovely day for you beth

What an exciting event you have upcoming, @HALLIEBETH87! Congratulations on your graduation! Many of us here have read about the education journey you've shared. You had some rough days, many good ones...You made it!

I’m okay. Students I was supervising at work were okay which made the day more manageable.

Not sure if I mentioned this somewhere, but as of a couple days ago my husband and I finally became the owners of the property and house I've mentioned in the past. Of course I feel relief, but the desire for celebration probably won't arrive until we actually move there. The renovations are coming along, but it still looks like the place won't be ready to live in for a bit more than a month. Even then, there will be exterior work to do. That will make living there a little uncomfortable as workers will be outside our windows.

Today we're going to IKEA to try to pickup the missing things for our kitchen, plus exchange the sink for the right one. We also need to schedule to installers to return to finish the job.

Congratulations soupe! I’ve also bought property. I’m moving 24 March. So soon yet it feels so far!

Congratulations soup

Congratulation!

Hope your therapy session goes well!

Congrats!

I feel so sad this morning and I have problems with seeing hope.

I remember when I was young. The depression "crept into me" and I ordered a session with a psychiatrist. I sat down at his office and thought he would ask some questions. He threw me out because I hadn't explained the problem.

I tried another one and that led to feeling worse. I decided to be my own therapist and set apart half an hour each night after the news. I decided that activity was the opposite of depression and put activities into a schedule. That helped enough to make me into an University. At that time I decided to try a psychologist instead of a psychiatrist. That helped much together with my activity plans. Good job followed after University and a health that was OK enough (I mean I looked out for triggers and adapted my daily life trying to do the best for my total health).

After many good years a really dirty happening became far behind my ordinary coping mechanisms. I was more depressed then ever and I had to cope with one or two days at the time of "ups" as well.

My condition became chronic. It is something about that when you already are down in energy and small "things" happens there is no energy to fight with. When one has one "small event" after the other, life becomes a daily struggle.

Before Christmas last year, I had some sessions with a CBT therapist. That direction attracts me because it is the one that seem most similar to my homemade strategies from my younger days. CBT is not simple. It is hard work both in the here and now and to go from one's easy to get, "I am not good enough", to find the assumptions beneath that and then to find other assumptions (living-rules, layer by layer) until one finds the core belief from an earlier stage in life. When one has found the core belief one can decide to change it.

I was very optimistic after the CBT therapy, but low in energy, when somebody almost spit in my face and told me among others that CBT was a simplistic theory. Of course everybody don't have to feel well with the same sort of therapy, but we do not talk down the frame of therapy that another struggle to use. This lasted for a while (I have cut that person out of my life), but my energy is still low.

I need to pull all the pieces together and raise up in slow motion. An old body doesn't have the same capacity as a young, so one has to be more clever about the balance between rest and activity.

It was a little help in writing this. The feeling of hopelessness left me. I can see that I have done many "things" well in life.

We will always meet people that are very different from us, and sometimes they will "slap us in our face" probably without knowing that they are doing so. It is unfortunately when that happens when one is low in energy, but it should not make us feel miserable because we were not able to cope when already low in energy. It should be seen as a bad happening and nothing else. One cannot blame oneself for the mistakes of others, but be kind to oneself and take the time it takes to heal either one uses this or that strategy to come over the dump in the road.

I’m not sure I’ll be able to avoid self harm today. I’m going to work so at least I won’t have an opportunity to 7.5 hours. I am hoping beyond hope the ECT department calls me back today. I’m going to have to go IP, I know it, they won’t let me leave with these thoughts in my head.

I’m going to call the dept over and over again until someone picks up. I’m desperate. I can’t live like this, I’m in danger at this point. I don’t want to go to the psych er bc they could send me anywhere they damn well please and I don’t want to do ECT anywhere but my trusted hospital. One time last year they sent me to the worst ****ing hospital possible and then they just sent me over to my hospital anyway.

I just want to cry.

@Rosi700, CBT has been the most helpful therapeutic approach for me over the years, and I had had many types. I still lean towards CBT tools. I know that not everyone is served the same by different therapy approaches and some therapists who offer CBT are better at using it than others. I hope it will serve you well. I wouldn't be where I am today without CBT and it's a good place, not that I don't still need practice with the skills and valuable support.

Thanks for the congrats, MSF friends!

@Crazy Hitch, congrats on your new purchase, too. I think we'll be in our new homes at about the same time. New beginnings of a sort, right? We'll sure be mighty busy preparing for the moves and settling in. Part of me dreads the work, and part of me looks forward to making my own space again. I'm also somewhat excited and wary about moving so close to my sister-in-law. I really like her, but she and Hubby fight so often. One of her adult sons also basically lives with her and is a bit quick to anger. Hubby's no innocent one in such fights. That and stubbornness are family traits of theirs.

Congratulations 🎉🍾🎊

Congratulations 🎊🍾🎉

Congratulations, HallieBeth!

Congratulations, Soupe!

It's a student free day at work today ... staff professional practice day. I got this!

Yesterday I was incredibly exhausted. Like down to my bones tired. And I had a headache and the chills. I figured it was just from skipping caffeine. Yeah, now I have a full blown sneezing coughing fatigue cold. I can only get out of bed to use the bathroom. I can't even sit up in bed for more then a few minutes before I have to lie down. Covid test was negative. I am for sure seeing my primary on Tuesday. Being sick with something for almost a month straight doesnt seem right.

Some good news, the bill from my lawyer for my name change came today. My mom has connections with this laywer and he took a huge amount of money off the bill.